In My Second Life, I Became Someone Worth Loving

Chapter 11 — The Feeling I Cannot Name

The morning after the book exhibition, Josephine found herself staring at a letter for far longer than necessary. She knew who it was from. She did not even need to see the seal.

The familiar royal crest rested against the cream-colored paper, and somehow, merely looking at it made warmth spread through her chest.

Josephine slowly opened it.

Dear Josie,

I hope you slept well after yesterday.

I was wondering if you would like to accompany me to the palace gardens this afternoon. The roses should be blooming by now, and I remember you once mentioning that you wanted to see them.

If you are busy, please don't worry. We can always meet another day.

I simply thought you might enjoy it.

—Lucien

Josephine read the letter once. Then twice. Then a third time. Her lips curved into a small smile. "He remembered." She touched the edge of the paper with her fingertips.

Of course he remembered. Lucien always remembered. The books she liked. The tea she preferred. The pastries she disliked. The stories she had told him years ago. Even something as small as wanting to see the roses in the palace gardens.

Josephine lowered the letter. Her smile remained. And that was when Estelle walked into the room. She stopped.

Looked at Josephine. Looked at the letter. Then looked back at Josephine. "Oh."

Josephine immediately knew that tone. "What?"

Estelle slowly approached her. "Nothing."

"You said that suspiciously."

"I said nothing."

"Estelle."

Her younger twin sister grinned. "You are smiling."

Josephine's hand instinctively moved toward her lips. "I am not."

"You are."

"I'm simply..." She glanced at the letter. "...happy."

Estelle's teasing expression softened. "Because of him?"

Josephine hesitated. The old answer would have been immediate.

He's my childhood friend.

It's nothing.

You're imagining things.

But yesterday, when Lucien had offered his hand, Josephine had reached for it herself.

She had wanted to hold his hand.

She had wanted to stay beside him.

And, perhaps most frighteningly of all...

She had wanted to see him again.

"Yes," Josephine finally admitted.

Estelle blinked. For once, she had no immediate joke. "You admitted it."

Josephine looked down. "I think..." She carefully folded the letter. "I think I like him."

Estelle's eyes widened. Then her entire face lit up. "Finally!"

Josephine stared at her. "Please don't shout."

"I'm not shouting."

"You practically screamed."

"I'm just happy!" Estelle rushed forward and grabbed both of Josephine's hands. Her expression was unusually earnest now. "Big sis."

Josephine looked at her.

Estelle squeezed her hands gently. "Your happiness is the only thing that matters."

Josephine's eyes softened.

"Seeing you slowly walk out of your shell, taking these big steps forward..." Estelle smiled. "It makes me the proudest little twin sister in the world."

Josephine's eyes immediately misted with tears. "Este..."

Estelle's smile turned softer. "You spent so long hiding inside yourself. Not because there was anything wrong with you, but because you were afraid."

Josephine swallowed.

"And now you're finally letting yourself be happy."

A tear slipped down Josephine's cheek. She laughed softly through it. "You really know how to make your sister cry."

"Good." Estelle grinned. "You deserve to cry happy tears sometimes."

Josephine laughed again before pulling her sister into a hug. "Thank you, Este." She held her tightly. "You have no idea how much your words give me courage... and how much they become a source of my strength."

Estelle hugged her back. "Then I'll keep saying them until you believe them."

Josephine closed her eyes.

For a moment, she simply remained there.

Warm.

Safe.

Loved.

She had spent so much of her life believing that she had to become someone else to deserve love.

But perhaps she had been wrong.

Perhaps she had simply never met someone who could appreciate the person she already was.

And perhaps...

Lucien was beginning to make her believe that.

That afternoon, Josephine arrived at the palace gardens. The moment she stepped through the archway, the familiar fragrance of roses greeted her.

Lucien was already waiting. He stood beneath the shade of a large tree, dressed more casually than he usually was at official gatherings. When he saw her, his expression immediately softened. "Josie."

Josephine smiled. "Lucien."

He approached her. "I'm glad you came."

"You invited me."

"I know." He smiled. "But I was still hoping you would."

Something fluttered inside Josephine's chest. She looked away before he could notice.

They began walking together through the gardens. Unlike their previous outings, there was no particular destination. No exhibition to attend. No crowded streets. No reason to hurry. Just the two of them.

For a while, they spoke about ordinary things. The roses. A book Josephine had recently finished. A ridiculous report Elias had apparently submitted to the royal council.

“You read it?" Josephine asked.

"I did."

"And?"

Lucien sighed. "Elias somehow managed to turn a three-page magical theory into a twenty-page complaint about my reading habits."

Josephine laughed. "I suppose that sounds like him."

"You know, he still insists that you are responsible for my increased interest in books."

"How could I possibly be responsible?"

"You kept recommending them to me."

"That doesn't mean you had to read them."

"I wanted to."

Josephine glanced at him. "Why?"

Lucien smiled. "Because you liked them."

Her steps slowed slightly.

Lucien noticed. "What?"

"Nothing."

"You made that face."

"What face?"

"The one where you're thinking too much."

Josephine frowned. "I don't have a thinking-too-much face."

"You do."

"How would you know?"

"I've known you since we were children." He said it so naturally. So simply.

But something about the words felt different now.

Josephine looked at him.

Lucien's gaze remained on her. "Besides," he continued, "you used to make that exact face whenever you were trying to decide which book to buy."

Josephine smiled. "You remember that?"

"I remember a lot."

They continued walking.

After a quiet moment, Josephine asked, "Did you really enjoy all those years abroad?"

Lucien looked ahead. "I did." Then he smiled faintly. "But it wasn't always easy."

Josephine listened.

"There were days when everything felt unfamiliar. New people. New places. Different customs." He paused. "And yet..."

His eyes lowered slightly. "Whenever I saw something interesting, I found myself thinking about you."

Josephine stopped walking.

Lucien stopped too. "I would see a bookstore and think, Josie would like this place."

Josephine's heart gave a small thump.

"I would find a tea shop and wonder if their tea was as good as the one you liked." He laughed softly. "And whenever I saw something ridiculous, I would think about how Estelle would probably make fun of me for it."

Josephine smiled. "That sounds like her."

"It does." His smile faded into something gentler. "But mostly, I thought about you."

Josephine's fingers curled slightly.

Lucien looked at her. "I suppose I didn't realize how much I missed you until I returned."

There was no dramatic confession. No grand declaration. Only honesty. And somehow, that made it more difficult for Josephine to breathe.

She looked toward the roses. "Lucien..."

"Hm?"

"Why are you always so..." She struggled to find the word. "Patient?"

He smiled. "Because you're worth waiting for."

Josephine's breath caught. She immediately looked away.

Lucien laughed softly. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize."

"I thought I was being too direct."

"You were."

"Ah."

"But..." Josephine gathered enough courage to look at him again. "I don't dislike it."

For a moment, Lucien said nothing. Then his smile slowly grew. "I'll remember that."

Josephine shook her head. "You remember everything."

"Only the things that matter."

The warmth in her chest became almost unbearable. She had heard similar words from him before.

But now...

They meant something different. Because she was beginning to understand.

Lucien had not suddenly appeared in her life. He had always been there. The difference was that she was finally looking at him differently.

Not simply as the boy who had grown up beside her. Not simply as her childhood friend.

But as a man. A man who had waited. A man who remembered. A man who made her feel safe. And perhaps that was what frightened her most.

Because now that she had begun to care...

She had something to lose.

Josephine's steps slowed.

Lucien noticed immediately. "Josie?"

"I'm fine."

He studied her expression.

She knew he could tell she wasn't. But instead of pressing her, he simply said, "You don't have to tell me."

Josephine looked at him.

"If something is troubling you, you can tell me whenever you're ready."

He smiled gently. "And if you're not ready, that's all right too."

Her eyes softened. "You won't ask?"

"I might."

Josephine blinked.

Lucien chuckled. "But I won't force you."

A quiet laugh escaped her. "You're impossible."

"I've been told."

They resumed walking. After a moment, Lucien extended his hand. He didn't say anything. He simply offered it.

Josephine stared at his hand. Then at him. A small smile appeared on her lips. She placed her hand in his.

Lucien's fingers gently closed around hers.

This time, neither of them needed to ask whether he should let go.

Josephine had already made her choice.

That evening, after returning home, Josephine sat by the window in her room.

The palace gardens still lingered in her thoughts.

The roses.

His voice.

His smile.

His hand around hers.

His words.

Whenever I saw something interesting, I found myself thinking about you.

Josephine pressed a hand against her chest. Her heart was still beating strangely. She looked toward the letter sitting on her desk.

Then she smiled. "I don't think I see him as only my childhood friend anymore."

The admission frightened her. But it also felt strangely freeing. She didn't know what would happen next. She didn't know whether she was ready to love again.

Perhaps she wasn't. Perhaps she needed more time. But for the first time...

She wanted to find out. She wanted to know what it would feel like to love Lucien. Not because she needed someone to complete her. Not because she feared being alone.

But because being beside him made her want to take another step outside the shell she had built around herself. And maybe...

That was enough for now.

Josephine smiled softly. "I think I'm ready to try."

Outside her room, Estelle passed by. She stopped when she heard her sister's quiet voice. A knowing smile appeared on her face. She didn't interrupt. She simply continued walking.

Because her big sister was finally learning something Estelle had always known.

Josephine had never been difficult to love. She had only been waiting for someone who could see her.