Witch Waves

Daughter Tales

Janessa folded the paper and dropped her pen on it. She was folded up on the couch by the window in her parents' living room and she was watching the rain droplets roll down the window.

Her parents came down the stairs and found her. Her father came and shared the couch on which she sat. Her mother took the loveseat adjacent to her.

"What are you thinking about, Janessa?" Her father, Vincent asked gently when he saw that Janessa did not notice them when they came. When she turned to him, he saw a blend of sadness and hope in her green eyes. Vincent reached out his hand to cover hers. "You're thinking of Kelila?"

Janessa looked away. "You remember her name?"

"Of course, my dear." Vincent smiled. He was treading this ground softly, he wanted to get through to his daughter whom he had finally found after so many years. Not to mention the fact that parts of her memory were still jumbled. He was willing to give as much patience to her to help her get her life back together.

His wife, Sibyl chuckled lightly. "We did not raise the matter of your precious child because we wanted to give you space to process things. That does not mean we forgot. She's a part of us though we haven't met her." Sibyl smiled at her younger child reassuringly.

Janessa managed to smile back. She was wondering how Kelila was doing in Dalphia. It was a week already. Was Kelila mixing well with the other kids? Was the schedule at Dalphia already choking her? Does she need someone to bear her heart to? Does she even miss her mother?

"Janessa," her mother called, "tell us about Kelila. What is she like?"

Janessa saw the curiosity in her mother's eyes. She knew her father was interested too but he would not push like her mother. She, herself wanted to speak of her daughter, even though she had only a few tales to tell. The short periods in which she had been sane, her daughter had been nothing short of wonderful. As she opened her mouth to speak, streaks of hope and happiness started to find their way to the top of her emotions.

"My Kelila is a special one." Janessa smiled.

Her parents gave her their full attention and she shared with them. "I love to call her Wild Bush because of her hair. She has this pretty head full of blonde curls pouring everywhere. Kelila is very beautiful. She has my green eyes too." Janessa thought for a bit. "I still wonder how she survived on her own. Sometime before my delivery, my mind seemed to return. I got to hear her first cry and see her first smile. She was a delightful baby." A tear escaped her right eye, but she quickly wiped it and smiled. "I was her first words - Mama. I experienced her first steps. But then I lost it again." Her father squeezed her hand to encourage her.

"I did not regain some stability until she was four. By then my daughter already had a job." Janessa chuckled sadly.

"A job?" Her mother did not like that. "A minor working? That's against the laws of Paxisia!! The governor of Diesel Town..."

"Calm down, my love. We are listening to Janessa now." Vincent calmed Sibyl.

Janessa smiled her thanks to him and continued. "She worked for the Thrash House. She would fill her little bag with thrash from the streets and submit it. They would give her three copper pieces for that and she would buy two bowls of porridge for myself and her. She would slip mine under an opening in the door of the room I was locked up in." Janessa paused for a bit. "Now I think about it, I am more certain she had help, and that's unsettling because I don't remember the presence of another apart from my daughter."

"And what if this person who helped Kelila is dangerous?" Sibyl was giving voice to her fears and those of Janessa. "What if they'd abused her while..."

"Oh, Vivres!" Janessa exclaimed and held her head in her hands.

"Hey, hey, women. Calm down, will you?" Vincent laughed at how worried his women could get. "How about we just focus on the things you're sure of and leave your worries to be attended to by time? Okay? Let's not be scaring ourselves."

"Yeah." Sibyl nodded and beamed a smile. "Positive minded! Yes sir!" She saluted like she was still in the army.

After the tension in the air calmed some, Janessa continued. "I regained stability again when she was eight. That morning I woke up and looked out the window to see my daughter dancing. She was so graceful." Janessa's expression showed that she loved to see her child dance. "But I was paranoid. I knew my health hung in an unsteady balance and I was constantly leaving my daughter unprotected. What if harm came to her when I lost my senses again? So I began training her in martial arts. I drilled her every day until she was worn and sore. But that was when I had my mind."

"Kelila grew well and did well on her own. Her skill sharpened as she was a very committed learner. She continued to train even when became ill again. But there was one time, she was twelve then. I had been drilling her for many days. We only stopped to eat and sleep. I let her catch only three hours of sleep before I called her up again. I never listened to her cries of fatigue, I was just focused on what I was doing, and how strong I needed her to become. But on this particular day, she broke." Janessa smiled as tears escaped her eyes.

JANESSA'S FLASHBACK

I sat on a log of wood in the woods that evening as I watched my daughter, Kelila practice swordsmanship. She could hold her own already when it came to unarmed combat and knife combat, so I was upgrading her. I had cut logs and set them in the ground for her as a sparring mate. I also had cut out a stick to resemble a sword at its hilt so that she could learn the grip first. The past few days she had been doing so well but today she was just not getting it right, and she seemed to be doing it intentionally.

"I did not tell you to pat the dummy. You are sparring, for the sake of Vivres, Kelila!" I barked at her.

"I told you I didn't want to do this today." She snapped back angrily and continued hitting the wooden dummy like she was dusting a book.

"Don't give me that attitude, Wild Bush. Now put strength in those arms." I was on my feet now.

"No." Kelila turned and faced me. "I won't do this anymore." Though she was worn out, she looked so furious.

"Wild Bush..." I started but she caught me off.

"I am tired of you saying that I've got to be strong. That it's a wicked world we live in. I've got to be able to protect myself. I've heard these for so long. All this time I've trained, Mom. I can hold my own against any rascal." Kelila dropped the stick. "Can't you see that, Mother? I've tried hard."

"Yes, I know that but..." I took a few steps in her direction.

"But why won't you tell me that? I have never got so much as a well-done from you." Kelila spat. "Are you not my mother?"

I wondered where she was headed with this, but I should hear her out. I let her continue.

"I have no one else. The one person I have is you, Mother but you wouldn't love me. Why?"

Kelila was crying now.

"Okay, back up, Wild Bush. You are misunderstanding the whole thing. I love you. That's why I am doing this." I moved back a little. "You know my health is not stable. You know I am not always there for you. You know that I can't. I want you to be able to protect yourself from this wicked world."

"Stop it!" Kelila snapped.

"Young lady, watch your..." But she cut me off again. Where was all this rudeness coming from?

"No, Mother! On and on you go about THIS WICKED WORLD! But there is just you and me here now." Her tone was softer. "The wicked world you fear is far from us, so why wouldn't you be a mother to me? Why wouldn't you hold me and sing to me like other kids I see in the town with their mothers? Why wouldn't you tell me the things you like about me? Why are you more of a drill master to me than a mother?" Kelila started sobbing hard.

Tears welled in my own eyes, and my heart broke for my child, but my head was taking the upper hand as usual. "Target always over emotions" was one of my life philosophies. My daughter was just in her feelings and she would get over it soon and see the truth. I should not waste this time with her because of fleeting emotions. I blinked back my tears. "Pick up your stick now." I picked up mine and waited for her.

Kelila shook her head at me and remained where she was, crying.

I did not want to be angry at her but she was more mature than this drama she was pulling off. "Wild Bush, pick up the stick and stand ready!"

Finally, she moved sluggishly and picked up her stick. She stood ready, but she was still crying. My heart broke to see my daughter in such pain. But what could I do? I could lose my sanity in the next minute and even be the one to harm her, I needed her ready for the worst. "Now, attack," I ordered.

Kelila suddenly relaxed from her stance and dropped her stick. Then she started running towards me. Was she switching to unarmed combat? I was confused. But when she reached me, she wrapped her arms around my waist tightly. She was sobbing hard and leaning into me. Of course, I loved her. How could she think otherwise? I just stood where I was.

Even though I didn't hug her back, she stayed hugging me. "Mother?" She called me.

"Hmm.." I looked down at her. I wonder what she'll say this time.

"Do you hate that I am holding you?" She looked up to me, her tears were still streaming down her pale cheeks.

"No, Wild Bush."

"So why won't you hug me back?" Her eyes held the deepest sadness I had ever seen. Without taking much thought this time, I bent and embraced her as my heart truly wanted. "Oh, my child." My tears were escaping my eyes now. My child was sad and I was the cause. "I love you so much. I've loved you since the day I was sure that you were inside me. I love you even now. I'm sorry I hurt you. But I'm just scared, baby." It felt freeing to tell my daughter the truth. "I am so scared, Wild Bush. You are the only ray of hope in my life. If anything bad ever happened to you, I don't know what I'll do. I love you so much."

Kelila pulled away gently and smiled through her tears. "Can we make a pact?" She held up her pinkie.

"Yes, Wild Bush." I wondered what the terms of the agreement would be.

"Can we put a pause to all this training and live like a normal mother and daughter for a time? You know what I mean, right?" Kelila's tears were drying now. Her green eyes glistened with hope.

I nodded. I knew what she meant.

"It would be like a holiday for us. We would do nice things together and chat and laugh. I want us to do this until your next relapse." She said. I saw she was trying to choose her words carefully, but it hurt that my daughter had accepted my relapses.

"Then what?" I asked, going down on one knee before her but still holding on to her.

"Then I will focus squarely on my training. I will do everything you ask me. I will not ask for my way ever again. I promise. Just give me this once and I will never ask again."

My heart ached as I processed what my child just said. I pulled away and straightened up. Then I looked down at her with a smile. "I agree." And I linked my pinkie with hers.

Her pretty face lit up. "Mom?"

"Yes, Wild Bush." I bent and kissed her cheeks. "We start now."

END OF FLASHBACK

"Is that not the desire of every child? To be shown love?" Sibyl said as she used her finger to kick away the tears finding their way out of her eyes. "I am glad you agreed to that."

Janessa managed to smile at her parents. They had been listening so attentively.

Vincent stroked his dark beard which had streaks of silver. He did not agree with that. He wished Janessa had found a balance between two sides, instead of separating them. But he kept his thoughts to himself, it was not time to be lecturing his daughter on parenting. He could not also overlook the fact that she had been raising the child all by herself while in serious instability.

"Those were my best days. But soon I relapsed. The next time I came to myself my daughter treated me differently as she had promised. That still hurts though." Janessa smiled sadly.

Her father pulled her into a hug and patted her back gently. "Everything will get better. You're here with us now. Things will work just fine."

Sibyl stood up and joined in the embrace. After some moments of silence, they pulled apart.

Janessa stretched forth her folded paper to her mother, "Mother, please can you help me send this letter?" and she turned to her father, "And can the payment be tagged to your tab, Papi? I don't have any money."

"Nonsense!" Vincent exclaimed. "Daughter, all I have is yours."

Sibyl chuckled, "Where do you want to send it?"

"Dalphia." Janessa turned back to the window. The rain had stopped by now. The sky was darkening. The lights in the compound were beautiful too.

"Consider it done by tomorrow morning." Her mother collected the letter from her cheerfully.

There was the sound of doors closing and opening. "Oh, that should be Gwen. She promised to come over before dinner time." Sibyl explained.

Then there was the sound of footsteps coming towards the living room.

Janessa stood and turned to greet her friend, but she froze abruptly. Standing in the doorway was her big brother, Sebastian.

He too stopped when he saw. His face also held the same expression of surprise. "Janessa?"