The Prospector's Daughter

What Now?

It took a while for me to get up and about. I had to have spent days in bed, mourning the loss of Father. Nicholas told me it had been weeks, but how was I to know? The days seemed to melt together, time meant nothing to me when all I could think about was never being able to see Father again, never being able to speak to him. The worst part was that morning, before Father left to go out to the mines, I had given him a hell of an attitude, complaining relentlessly about having to stay home. I didn't even get a chance to tell him goodbye or that I loved him. I was lost, still. I had no hope that I would ever fully recover. My future looked dull and lifeless, and just as I'd predicted, I spent months going through life on autopilot. I had to fully shut off my feelings to be able to even attempt to function in my day to day life. What the hell was I supposed to do now?

I finally snapped out of it some months later, I was 20 by now, but birthdays no longer held any significance. It somehow hurt more than anything to realize that another year had already passed by. Nicholas had spent his time clearly walking on eggshells around me. He tried so hard not to further upset me, but to no avail. I felt bad for the poor man, I could tell he was hurting for me, and I could do nothing to stop it. Even trying to pretend that I was in good spirits every once in a while was rather pointless. He could see right through my act. 

I eventually decided to give up on pretending I was okay and just ride through the sadness. After some time I was able to let in some of the positive energy That Nicholas was trying ever so hard to radiate in hopes that it would eventually help me some. I found that some days started to seem easier than others. I was able to crawl out of bed, rather than the quandary I had been in for so long. I was able to eat, and actually keep food down, even occasionally initiate some training exercises with Nicholas. I was finally beginning to realize that there was truly no point in dwelling on something I could not change. It wasn't the easiest, but the pain became manageable, until I awoke one morning with a clear mind.

"How are you doing today, Sylvia? Should I bring you some breakfast, or will you be joining me in the kitchen today?" Nicholas warmly wrapped his arms around me, ensuring that I wasn't alone and that he still cared. I felt so much gratitude for his patience. I know he had to love me if he was able to sit around and wait while I recovered for this long. 

"Good morning Nicholas!" My voice was cheerier than I'd heard in what seemed like years. He raised an eyebrow at me. "I think I will actually join you in the kitchen today! I'm feeling much better today!" I jumped out of bed and wrapped the blanket around me. It was winter now, and the weather was quite chilly. "What am I having this morning? Eggs? Some bacon?" 

Nicholas smiled at me in the most affectionate way, and replied, "How about you tell me what you want, and I'll make it for you!" I smiled and told him I just wanted food, anything would do. As he started cracking eggs for an omelet, he spoke up again. "May I ask, my dear, what cause is there for this lighthearted mood that you're in today? I have not heard you speak with such liveliness in quite some time." 

"I'm not sure, Nicholas. I believe I may finally be getting back to my good old self. I'm still very sad, don't get me wrong, but I think that there needs to be more to life than mourning day after day. Father never would have wanted this for me. He would have wanted me to push on and get past my misery with haste. He never showed his pain after Mother passed away. He kept pushing on for me, so now I think I need to push on for myself." 

"I'm proud of you, Pup. That's a very mature conclusion to come to. If you would like, we could go back to our lessons! It will surely give you a decent distraction, Young One." I smiled as Nicholas sat a plate full of steaming hot eggs in front of me, and nodded my head before taking a bite.

"I think that would be a great idea. I also had some other things in mind too that I would like to do, but we can discuss that later. Breakfast, bath, and lessons first! I feel like I haven't bathed in days. Grieving over Father has done quite a number on my health, and I need to get back to the old me fully before I try to pursue bigger things. One step at a time!" 

I don't believe Nicholas could have hid his excitement even if he tried at that point. I finished my breakfast as he ran me a bath, and I took such pleasure in bathing as he prepared lessons for the day. I was finally feeling better and I had to keep it up, no matter what.