Stardust & Scars

CHAPTER 9: Four Different Dreams

AIRA'S POV

The music was too loud.

Or maybe I was simply too tired.

My legs were already shaking, but I forced myself to keep moving.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Turn.

Step.

Drop.

Recover.

I looked at the mirror.

Twelve trainees.

Twelve reflections.

But somehow, I could only see my own mistakes.

"Stop!"

The music suddenly cut.

I froze.

The choreographer stared at us through the mirror.

"Valdez."

I swallowed.

"Opo."

"Late ka."

My face burned.

"Sorry po."

"Sorry?"

She walked toward me.

"Dalawang araw na lang ang final evaluation."

"Opo."

"At ngayon ka pa magpapahuli?"

I lowered my head.

"Opo."

"Ulit mula simula."

I nodded.

The other trainees returned to their positions.

I could feel someone looking at me.

I didn't need to turn.

I knew who it was.

One of the older trainees.

The same girl who had questioned our selection.

The music started.

I moved.

This time, I refused to look at anyone.

I focused on the count.

I focused on my breathing.

I focused on the dream.

I want to be an idol.

That was all I needed to remember.

But wanting something and being good enough for it were two different things.

And every day, the agency reminded me of that.

---

During the break, I went to the bathroom.

I splashed cold water on my face.

My reflection looked tired.

My eyes were red.

My hair was messy.

There were small bruises on my knees.

I touched them.

"Ang pangit."

I whispered.

Then I laughed at myself.

"Idol."

I looked at the mirror again.

"Idol daw."

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

My phone vibrated.

It was a message from Mama.

Kumain ka na?

I smiled.

I typed:

Opo. Okay lang ako.

I didn't tell her that I had barely eaten.

I didn't tell her that my legs hurt.

I didn't tell her that I had been shouted at three times that morning.

I didn't tell her that there were days when I wondered if I was actually good enough.

Because I knew what she would say.

Umuwi ka na kung nahihirapan ka.

And I didn't want to hear that.

Not yet.

I wanted to prove that I could do it.

Even without connections.

Even without someone opening a door for me.

I wanted to open it myself.

---

MIKA'S POV

I hated being compared.

Especially when I knew I was working just as hard.

Maybe harder.

The trainer called us one by one.

"Mika."

I stepped forward.

"Opo."

"Your dance ability is good."

I smiled.

"Salamat po."

"But your attitude needs work."

My smile disappeared.

"Po?"

"You get frustrated easily."

I looked down.

"Opo."

"When someone makes a mistake, you react."

I knew exactly what she meant.

"You glare."

I stayed silent.

"You sigh."

"Opo."

"You show irritation."

I swallowed.

"Sorry po."

The trainer crossed her arms.

"Do you know why that's dangerous?"

I shook my head.

"Because idols don't perform alone."

I nodded.

"If you become part of a group, you need to learn how to control yourself."

"Opo."

She looked at me.

"Especially when you're tired."

I nodded.

"Again."

I returned to position.

The music played.

I danced.

But this time, I wasn't thinking about the choreography.

I was thinking about what she said.

Maybe I really did have a problem.

Maybe I was too competitive.

Maybe I was afraid someone would take my place.

Because the truth was—

I wanted this badly.

I wanted the stage.

I wanted the lights.

I wanted people to know my name.

And I was terrified that someone better would appear and take the dream away from me.

---

During lunch, I sat alone for a few minutes.

I wasn't hungry.

But I knew I had to eat.

I stared at the chicken breast on my plate.

"Ang lungkot."

Aira sat beside me.

"Anong malungkot?"

"Pagkain."

She laughed.

"Arte."

"Ikaw kumain niyan araw-araw."

"Masarap naman."

"Sinungaling."

Aira laughed.

Then she became quiet.

"Okay ka lang?"

"Oo."

"Sigurado?"

I nodded.

"Oo."

She looked at me.

"Parang hindi."

I sighed.

"Napagalitan ako."

"Kanina?"

"Oo."

"Yung attitude?"

I looked at her.

"Narinig mo?"

"Oo."

I groaned.

"Grabe."

Aira smiled.

"May punto naman."

I stared at her.

"Ikaw rin."

"Alam ko."

I laughed.

For a few minutes, everything felt normal.

Then one of the older trainees walked past us.

She glanced at my plate.

"Konti lang kinakain mo."

I looked up.

"May problema?"

She smiled.

"Wala."

She walked away.

I rolled my eyes.

"Ang weird."

Aira nodded.

"Hayaan mo."

But I knew she wasn't simply being weird.

She was watching us.

All of us.

---

SIENNA'S POV

I had always believed that words were easier than people.

Words didn't judge you.

They didn't laugh when you made mistakes.

They didn't look at you differently because you came from somewhere ordinary.

That's why I wrote.

But that afternoon, even writing became difficult.

I sat alone in the songwriting room.

My notebook was open.

Nothing came out.

I wrote one line.

Crossed it out.

Another.

Crossed it out.

Then I wrote:

Gusto kong lumipad.

I stared at it.

Too simple.

I crossed it out.

Then someone knocked.

"Pasok."

It was one of the trainees.

She entered and sat across from me.

"Ikaw yung nagsusulat, di ba?"

"Opo."

"May kanta ka?"

"Meron."

"Pwede makita?"

I hesitated.

"Personal."

She smiled.

"Ah."

Silence.

Then she asked:

"May backer ka ba?"

I looked up.

"Wala."

"Sigurado?"

"Oo."

"Magaling ka kasi."

I frowned.

"Salamat."

She smiled.

"Pero alam mo naman, mahirap umangat dito kung wala kang kakilala."

I didn't answer.

She stood.

"Good luck."

She left.

I stared at the door.

Then looked at my notebook.

For the first time, I wondered if she was right.

Maybe talent wasn't enough.

Maybe all of us were pretending that this was a fair fight.

I closed my notebook.

Then opened it again.

I wrote another line.

This time, I didn't erase it.

Kung walang pintong bukas para sa akin, gagawa ako ng sarili ko.

I smiled.

"Pwede na."

---

That evening, the songwriting coach read my work.

She didn't say anything for several seconds.

Then she looked at me.

"May sakit."

I blinked.

"Po?"

"May sakit yung kanta mo."

I didn't know if that was good.

"Maganda ba?"

She smiled.

"Oo."

I smiled.

"Salamat po."

"Pero kailangan mong matutong kumanta ng sarili mong sakit."

I stared at her.

"Anong ibig sabihin?"

"Kapag sumulat ka, huwag kang matakot maging totoo."

I nodded.

"Opo."

She returned the notebook.

"Magpatuloy ka."

I looked at the page.

For some reason, I thought about the four of us.

Aira.

Mika.

Luna.

Me.

Four girls.

Four different stories.

Maybe one day, those stories would become one song.

---

LUNA'S POV

I hated lying.

But I had become good at it.

"Okay ka lang?"

"Oo."

"May problema?"

"Wala."

"May pinatawag sa'yo?"

"Normal lang."

Every answer was a lie.

Or at least, half a lie.

I was sitting inside the seventh-floor practice room.

The room was cold.

The management office had called me again.

This time, there were three people.

The same man.

Another executive.

And someone I had never seen before.

She looked at me for a long time.

Then asked:

"Masaya ka ba?"

I didn't understand.

"Po?"

"Sa training."

I hesitated.

"Opo."

"Sa mga kasama mo?"

I nodded.

"Opo."

She smiled.

"Malapit ka sa tatlo?"

"Magkakaibigan po kami."

She looked at the man.

Then back at me.

"Delikado."

My chest tightened.

"Bakit po?"

"Kapag masyado kang naging komportable, makakalimutan mo kung bakit ka nandito."

I looked down.

"Alam ko po."

The man opened a folder.

"May possibility na mapasama kayong apat sa isang future project."

I looked up.

"Talaga po?"

"Posible."

For the first time, genuine happiness appeared on my face.

"Masaya po ako."

The woman stared at me.

"Yan ang problema."

My smile disappeared.

"Po?"

"You care about them."

I didn't answer.

She continued.

"Kapag dumating ang oras na kailangan mong pumili..."

She paused.

"Dream mo o sila."

I stared at her.

"Hindi mo maaaring piliin pareho."

My throat tightened.

"Pero..."

"Pwede ka nang umalis."

I stood.

"Opo."

Before leaving, I looked back.

The man was still staring at me.

He didn't say anything.

But I understood.

They were warning me.

---

When I returned to the practice room, the others were already there.

Mika waved.

"Uy."

I smiled.

"Hi."

"Nasaan ka?"

"Pinatawag lang."

Aira looked at me.

"Okay ka?"

I smiled.

"Oo."

She stared at me.

Then nodded.

"Okay."

She didn't believe me.

I knew it.

---

The final rehearsal began.

We practiced the entire performance.

First with music.

Then without music.

Then with microphones.

Then with cameras.

The camera rehearsal was the worst.

"Smile."

We smiled.

"Look forward."

We looked forward.

"Turn."

We turned.

"Again."

Again.

Again.

Again.

At one point, I completely forgot the next movement.

The camera was directly in front of me.

I froze.

The music continued.

Mika noticed.

She shifted slightly.

Aira followed.

Sienna adjusted.

They covered for me.

The routine continued.

When it ended, the choreographer looked at us.

"Who made the mistake?"

Silence.

I stepped forward.

"Ako po."

The choreographer looked at me.

"Why?"

"Nalimutan ko po."

"At sino ang nag-adjust?"

I looked at the three.

"Ako po."

The choreographer shook her head.

"Group."

She looked at everyone.

"Kapag may nagkamali, huwag ninyo agad isipin kung sino ang may kasalanan."

She pointed toward the mirror.

"Ang dapat ninyong isipin ay kung paano ninyo ililigtas ang performance."

We nodded.

"Ulit."

We returned to our positions.

This time, I promised myself.

I wouldn't make the same mistake.

---

AIRA'S POV

By the second-to-last rehearsal, something changed.

The twelve of us had started becoming a real team.

Not friends.

Not yet.

But we understood each other's movements.

We knew who would recover from a mistake.

Who would take the center.

Who needed more space.

Who needed encouragement.

The choreography finally looked clean.

The choreographer smiled.

"Mas maganda."

Everyone smiled.

Then she added:

"Pero bukas, executives na ang manonood."

The room became silent.

"Bukas, hindi na kayo trainee lang."

She looked at us.

"Bukas, kayo ang produkto."

The word hurt.

Produkto.

But it was true.

They weren't just dreams anymore.

They were being evaluated as potential performers.

Potential investments.

Potential idols.

The choreographer continued.

"Matulog kayo."

Nobody moved.

"At kumain kayo nang maayos."

Mika whispered.

"Pwede bang marami?"

The choreographer heard her.

"Depende."

Mika smiled.

"Salamat po."

Everyone laughed.

Even the choreographer.

For the first time in weeks, the tension broke.

---

That night, the four of us stayed in the dorm.

Nobody practiced.

Nobody wrote.

Nobody talked about tomorrow.

We simply sat together.

Mika was eating a small piece of chocolate.

Sienna stared at her.

"Akala ko bawal."

"Isa lang."

Aira laughed.

"Pag nakita ka ng trainer..."

"Patay."

Luna smiled.

"Masarap?"

Mika nodded.

"Oo."

She broke it into four pieces.

"Isa bawat isa."

Aira accepted hers.

"Salamat."

Sienna smiled.

Luna took hers.

For a few seconds, we sat quietly.

Then Mika said:

"Kapag hindi tayo napili..."

Nobody answered.

She looked at us.

"Anong gagawin natin?"

Aira thought.

"Magpapatuloy."

Sienna nodded.

"Oo."

Luna looked down at the chocolate in her hand.

"Magpapatuloy."

Mika smiled.

"Good."

She raised her piece.

"Para sa atin."

We all raised ours.

"Para sa atin."

We ate the chocolate.

It was only one small piece.

But that night, it felt like the sweetest thing we had tasted in weeks.

---

LUNA'S POV

I couldn't sleep.

Everyone else was asleep.

I stood by the window.

Tomorrow could change everything.

Maybe we would be chosen.

Maybe we wouldn't.

Maybe we'd stay trainees for another year.

Maybe longer.

I looked at the city lights.

Then my phone vibrated.

Unknown number.

One message.

Tumingin ka sa likod.

My blood ran cold.

I slowly turned.

Nothing.

Just the dark room.

Another message.

Hindi mo kailangang matakot.

My fingers trembled.

Then another.

Pero kailangan mong tandaan kung sino ka talaga.

I stopped breathing.

I deleted the messages.

Then another notification appeared.

This one wasn't from an unknown number.

It was from the agency.

FINAL PERFORMANCE — 8:00 AM.

I put the phone down.

I looked at the sleeping girls.

Aira.

Mika.

Sienna.

They trusted me.

And I was beginning to realize something terrifying.

The closer we became...

the harder it would be to protect them.

---

THE NEXT MORNING

The four girls stood together outside the performance hall.

Their names were printed on their trainee IDs.

Their hair was styled.

Their outfits were prepared.

Their faces were made for the camera.

But beneath the makeup were four exhausted girls who had spent weeks training until their bodies hurt.

Mika took a deep breath.

"Handa?"

Aira nodded.

"Oo."

Sienna smiled.

"Oo."

Luna looked at them.

For a second, she wanted to tell them everything.

Everything.

The management meetings.

The warnings.

The messages.

The file.

The secret.

But she couldn't.

Not yet.

Instead, she smiled.

"Magkakasama."

Mika held out her hand.

"Magkakasama."

Aira placed hers on top.

"Magkakasama."

Sienna followed.

"Magkakasama."

Luna placed hers last.

"Magkakasama."

The door opened.

"Labindalawang trainees, pumunta na sa backstage."

They separated.

The lights backstage were blinding.

The audience beyond the curtain was silent.

Executives were seated in the front.

Trainers stood behind them.

The music began.

Aira stepped forward.

Mika followed.

Sienna took her position.

Luna stood in the center.

And somewhere in the audience—

a man watched Luna.

Not like an executive evaluating a trainee.

Like someone who already knew exactly who she was.

The curtain began to rise.

And Luna realized—

the performance wasn't the thing she was afraid of.

It was what would happen after everyone finally saw her.