Original Love

Episode Seven

I feel like I’ve drowned in a deep sea of guilt. I feel absolutely worse. Recalling what I said to Austin the last time we talked, I couldn’t even forgive myself. Who is in her right mind to say all of that to someone?

Austin must be so hurt now, he probably would never talk to me again.

What should I do? Should I text him an apology? But doesn’t that feel too informal and effortless? Maybe I should go see him and apologize in person.

Right, I should do that one. I deserve to be humiliated for once and plead for his forgiveness after everything I just said.

I was so mean! Damn, even I myself couldn’t look at my face in the mirror. I was so cruel.

“Friends are genuine people.”

And now, even that bastard’s voice gets to invade my thoughts too. Seriously, what is it with him that he leaves this kind of effect on the people around him?

I hate how he makes me feel even when he’s not around. He’s like a thorn stuck on my heel. I couldn’t get away to remove his presence.

“I’m gonna pick up the pieces and build a lego hous—“

“Hello?”

“Samantha!?” A high-pitched voice greeted me in a screech as I wince and reflexively pull the phone away from my ear before it creates more damage. “Oh my gosh! Sammie, I’ve been trying to keep in touch with you!! I went to Yale to look for you but the administrator told me—“

Uh-oh, the rest of her words drowned away the moment I heard Yale. Veronica went to Yale?! Oh my god, did she already tell the rest of them?

“Does mom know now? Did you tell her?!” I ask in a sudden force over the phone, trying to clutch it so hard in my hand, as if that would have given me enough support.

“No,” Veronica replies back a little loud for my liking. “Why would you even think that? You know I’m on your side.”

“Sorry, I was just…”

“Sammie, do you really think this is the best thing to do? What if they also figured it out? All I did was talk to the administrator and they told me that you didn’t apply to them.”

“I know,” I tell her, realizing fully well what the consequence might be for the trouble I’m causing now, “They don’t really care that much now as long as I get good grades. By the end of the semester, mom would just accept it and move on.”

“I don’t know, Sammie,” Veronica’s voice dropped down with sympathy for me, “This is a little risky. Did you even get what you want there?”

“I’m still working on it,” I say to her, sounding so sure and confident. I was about to start the plan this coming school week. “Just bear with me, V. Just this time, please?”

“Fine,” Veronica sighs back, “You’re lucky I love you too much. Just be safe there and don’t stop sending me the emails. Even if I don’t send anything back, never cease updating me, okay?”

“Okay,” I agree back and smile to myself. This is the reason why I couldn’t hate Veronica for leaving Dallas. Even after moving out to Boston, she still never forgets her family.

“And also, give Austin a thank-you kiss for me for looking out on you there,” Veronica adds in a rush, “You’re lucky you had that boy with you. He’s an angel. Anyway, I won’t be talking long now since I’m driving. Bye!”

The call ended with a single beep and I stared across my room with Veronica’s words haunting my ears.

“You’re lucky you had that boy with you.”

She was right. I was lucky. But now… I don’t know anymore.

Seems like I got to do more than just pleading for forgiveness. Austin is the kind of guy who is very hard to please. Crap, I’m in so much hell.

****

What am I doing here again?

I stood in front of Austin’s apartment door with nothing but bold courage supporting me. Yet I still couldn’t quite bring myself to knock. How should I do it?

Damn it, this wasn’t easy as I thought it would be. I bore a hole through the wooden door in front of me, still having second thoughts if I should knock now or leave.

What will I do? What will I even say?

Sam… What the hell are you thinking of running straight here without even a well-laid plan in mind? You’re getting dumber and dumber since you started college.

“Sam?”

Now, you’re hearing voices again. Isn’t it getting worse now? Even in the daytime, you still hear him calling your name.

“Sam, it’s you!”

A slight tap on my shoulder made me jump from my feet as I turn to my side to see none other than Bradley Evans again, looking at me with a cheeky smile and a bag of groceries in his arms.

“What are you doing here?!” I ask him, instantly bothered and annoyed that even in this place, he still appears out of nowhere.

“I stay here,” he tells me. “What are you doing here?”

“Austin stays here,” I answer back, slightly confused to discover he was staying at an apartment too. Doesn’t he live in some sort of luxurious condominium downtown? He looked so rich that hearing him say he stays at a place like this sounds unbelievable.

“You’re visiting him? I think I already saw him leave a while ago,” he says, involuntarily picking something inside of the grocery bag in front of him. I watch his hand reappears to my sight with an apple in it and he watches me back in silence as he takes a bite off from the apple.

“Are you sure?” I ask after a moment of trance, mentally shaking my head from being distracted by that apple.

“Yeah, his car still hasn’t returned. Wanna bite?” he offers me the apple he had just bitten off and I shook my head at him.

“I’ll be leaving then,” I hastily tell him as I dash my way to the elevator ignoring the questioning look he’s giving me.

“You can stay at my place while you wait for him,” I hear him say to my back as I walk away but I just silently rejected him with a slight indication of my hand.

Luckily, the elevator dings open just in time before he even say another word and I quickly got in. I took a deep breath once I got settled inside and felt somehow, unsatisfied.

I didn’t even manage to apologize to Austin. My efforts have been wasted. And what’s even worse? Seems like Austin’s apartment would be another more thing added to my list of “Places I Should Never Visit Alone”.

That bastard, Bradley… What is he really trying to make out from my life? Why did he have to stay at that same place where I feel the safest? Where will I hide now?