Of Dream; Lucid

03 - When dream and reality collide

Merrill steps into a dream that bare – nothing there but just empty white layout from everywhere he sees – and it makes him looked around in search for the dreamer. “Whose dream is this?” he asked himself looking at every angle he can but there nothing can be seen but white.

“What is this?” he asked and looked around before suddenly stopped. The white layout he sees before suddenly changed as he looked right behind him. Now what he sees is the familiar building he saw when he is 8 years old; an orphanage.

“Mer…” he heard and he knows that voice. It is the voice of his mother and also no one called him Mer except her. He looked back to see his mother standing there and the thought that comes to him is “She not aged at all… No. She stayed the same” and he looked down. Notice the small hand of him and his sports shoes that she bought him just that morning.

“I’m sorry; Mer. Mother cannot keep you anymore” she says and there is sadness on her face. Tears accumulated in her eyes that some of it falls on her cheek.

“Mother…” called Merrill who at that time doesn’t know anything about what going to happen.

“They don’t know I have you. And if they did, they will terminate the contract. I cannot afford to lose it, Mer. It is my dream” she says and he listens to it. “Stay here and mother will come to get you when the times comes”

He feels someone hand on his shoulder and looked up to see someone holding him. When he looked back to his mother, she is walking with her back on him. His eyes widen and he began shouting “Mother! Mother!” and want to catch her but the hand on his shoulder is so strong that he cannot move.

He cried as he watches his mother gone from his eyes. “Mother…”

The whole scene changed and it stopped his tears as he looked around. When things start to piece together he remembers and “Funeral” comes to his lips.

He is wearing the black suit that drenched by the heavy rain as he stands far from the crowd. It is a funeral for his mother; the mother that left him and never comes back. After she leaves him, he learns that she become a supermodel and then married with someone rich.

He remembers looking at her mother throwing the banquet of flowers after her wedding as he is looking at her from far. She looks beautiful and happy that he doesn’t want to destroy it. He always thinks that she will come to takes him back. But that never happens.

15 years he learns about her from magazine, newspaper, television, and internet and watches her from afar. But she never comes to at least search for him. He sees her getting pregnant and has a daughter and then today he sees her funeral. Her mother died because of cancer that she didn’t know and when she did; when her other family did, it on stage 4 already.

“Mother…” he says as he cried that masked with the rain. They never know he exists but he knows them; his mother family. He wants to get closer but he cannot since he is no one to them.

A tap comes to his shoulder and he looked toward his right to see Kain stand there. “Merrill…” called Kain and Merrill cried on Kain's shoulder. Kain tries to calm him down as the funeral goes on.

Times pass when Merrill notices something and looked at Kain. “You’re not part of this memory, how come you’re here?” asked Merrill but then he somehow realizes. “This is a dream…”

“Yeah. It is. You should wake up. You’ve been gone for quite a while. Everyone is worried about you”

“I got carried on…” says Merrill as his eyes looked back at the funeral in which people start to leave.

“Since you realize, you should wake up” mention Kain but Merrill shake his head. “I will after I put these,” says him and he brings up white lilies; his mother favorite.

“Okay. Go on” says Kain that respect Merrill’s memory and the flow of it. Merrill walks toward the tombstone and put the flower along others. “Mother…” he says with a smile and then continues “I’m growing up great. I will come to visit you in real life. Wait for me…” By that, he slowly went and the whole scene changed.

The blue sky, the green land as the winds blowing; it is the familiar scene that Kain remembers very well. He looked back and see her there sitting on a chair with eyes on Kain. He takes a step toward her, and she stayed; waiting.

“Nice ward you got there,” he says standing in front of her. She looked up at him and says “I should make you stuck in it too; since you like it”

“I’m not like Merrill who shut down it. I’m like yours, treasure it” says Kain as his eyes travel around the place. “This setup is your guilty pleasure. Things that you want to forget and at the same times you want to cherish it”

“Yeah,” she says and at that time a family of four walked toward both of them. They headed toward the sole big tree on the mountain. “This is where we always come to have a little picnic, especially during the weekend. Mother will always make her special sandwich”

There figure disappear and she looked toward another side in which smokes comes out. “This is also where I see my house burned to the ground. I’m in the middle of picking a flower when I heard a loud sound coming from the town. I looked and the fire is engulfing. And it kills everyone except me. By I’m 15; I’m alone and leave with all money and wealth of Winchester”

“This is the place in which you feel the happiness and also the sadness” he mentioned and she nodded saying “As for you, it is your old English mansion”

“The place I spend my childhood and also the place that my younger sister kidnapped in front of my eyes. She never comes back to us after that” he says and there a sadness in his eyes. “From the window of our library, I see two guys take him. There nothing I can do at that time. They demand ransom but even though we give it, we never get my sister back. One month police found her floating in the river”

There a silence in both of them as they looked at each other and memory taking over. Both think about their past that hurting them.

The machine calmed down and all eyes on Merrill when he wakes up and pries away all wires on him. His moves make the machine makes another sound. Qir and Joseph run toward him and quickly asked “Are you okay?” while Qir stops the machine.

“I am… Thanks to Kain” he answered as his breath is unstable. Differ than his dream in which he just engulfed in memory and nothing happen that makes his breath hard, his real body is sweating and his heart beating crazily.

“That’s good,” says Qir that hand busily takes the IV to put it on Merrill's hand. He takes Merrill hand and wants to inject it but Merrill takes his hand back asking “What are you doing?”

“Kain order. You need to replenish your fluid and I will give you some vitamin” explain Qir and Merrill stay still hearing it is Kain order. Due to that, it is easy for Qir to inject Merrill with the IV drip.

“How about Luna?” asked Seth suddenly and Merrill looked at her. “Luna?” asked him as his eyes now notice the hall is empty with just a few of them. Later he looked toward the bed on his right that he remembers she is sleeping there and sees her still sleeping.

“I’m in her dream?” asked Merrill that makes Joseph ask “You don’t know?”

“I don’t. What I face is my memory…” he says remembering and then rage comes into him. It is his memory. A memory that he buries as he doesn’t want to remember as it gives him pain.

“That girl!” Merrill sound angry as he gets up from his bed and wants to run to punch Luna. But Qir is faster to stop him. “What do you want to do?”

“That memory is sealed! How come she knows it?” asked Merrill and Qir shout “I don’t know. Ask her when she wakes up. Or ask Kain when he is awake”

“Kain…Yeah, Kain” says Merrill and he searching for Kain to find him sleeping in one of the bed. “I thought it just mere subconscious that my mind creates to pulls me out. But it is really Kain who come and save me”

“Yeah. Your reading is crazy. The machine won’t stop making a sound. So he decides to enter and pulls you out” explained Joseph.

“He did. So why he is still sleeping?” asked Merrill and Joseph says “Maybe he needs to talk to her. I bet she really her”

“I see…” says Merrill as he nods. There a silence after that before he asks “Where all student?”

“You’re real aren’t you?” asked she and he nodded before he asked “You too” that makes she nodded. They stayed silent for a while after that simple conversation.

“I always thought that you’re just a creation of mine. Even your story that I thought maybe to counter my story” says him that eyes looking at the horizon. She at that time looked at him and waited for him to continue. “I never expect that you will be real; a normal person who walks the earth”

“Me too,” says her and he looked at her. “I always thought that I created you. In this empty place of memory, I think I create someone to accompany me. With a story that won’t makes me sad to live with this pain”

“Are you somehow disappointed that I’m real?” asked him as he tries to read her. She at that time want to answer him but stopped by him continue to say “I’m not. Somehow I’m glad”

“Even though you’re not created by me, you’re my ideal. Having you exist in the real world is just makes everything better. Rather than we stayed together unfulfilled in the dream world, I prefer that I have you in the real world” he says while somehow his heart saying “So I can share everything with you”

He pours something deep and she cannot help to nod. “Me too. You’re my ideal. Even though there a part that makes me scared if you’re real, there also the part that makes me feel glad”

“Why scared?” he asked as he catches that word from her full sentences.

“That you might be different than the dream you”

“Is that possible? The dream is way real than our real self. In a dream, there nothing that we need to hide since everything is what we want. In real life, we used to cover ourself” he says and she agrees on it. In the dream, they don’t need to fake anything at all and can be themselves. “That’s right”

“So, shall we wake up? Everyone has been waiting for us already and we stall too much time that I’m sure makes everyone worried”

“Okay. Let’s go” she says and suddenly he says “Ah” that makes her stopped and looked at him.

“Did your original intention to keep people from learning that you’re a lucid dreamer?” he asked that throw her into thinking mode.

“Ermm… Something like that. Why?”

He chuckles hearing that. “You should know protection ward give you away. You should at least faked dreaming and create some plausible dream that makes Merrill think you’re just a normal person having a normal dream. Maybe dream about winning a contest or become a princess”

His words make her jaw opened wide in shock. “I didn’t think about that,” she says and he laughs at it.

“Didn’t think about what? That you give yourself away or normal dream that people dream?” he asked to tease her and she gives him a glare.

He laughs and says “I don’t think you will make it as a princess” and it makes her shout “Kain!”

Another string of laugh comes from him. “You’re cute,” he says before he gone from her dream space and soon after that she follows along as she curses him under her breath.

Kain wakes up and after a brief second, it is followed by Luna. All eyes on both of them as Qir and Joseph approach Kain and Seth approach Luna leaving Zane still on his seat as he just spectator and Merrill that cannot move because of the IV drip.

“What takes you so long? We’re so worried” says Joseph when he arrives right next to Kain that now sitting on the bed.

“We talked,” he says as his eyes searching for Merrill and found him. “Good that you woke up,” he says that directed to Merrill. Merrill nodded before his eyes fall to Luna that talking with Seth.

“Luna, what are you doing?” asked Seth that replied by Luna saying “Nothing much”

Her answer somehow enrages Merrill who overheard it and he gets up from the bed, pulling the line off and walk quickly toward Luna. “Nothing much?! Did you say nothing much? That’s my memory you’re playing with!” shout Merrill and the three of his colleague fast toward him to stop him from doing anything rash. Luna at that time shut her ears with both of her hand as Merrill's voice is overpowering.

“Merrill, stop it,” says Qir holding him with Joseph.

“How can I stop? You didn’t experience it, didn’t see what I see” he shouts to Qir and then eyes giving dagger to Luna. “How dare you manipulate me? Controlling my deepest memory that I bury deep within my conscious”

“Heart mirror card,” says Luna without much strain. “It shows what you want to see the most; your deep emotion lies within”

“That’s doesn’t mean you can pull my memory out!”

“I don’t. It is you doing it by yourself” Luna argues more but later before Merrill can speak much more Kain stop the whole fight. “You two stop it. Luna, just says that you’re sorry. Merrill, you should know that maybe this is the time…” and he stopped by Merrill.

“I don’t care it is time or not. My memory that I decided to bury is leaked”

“You should learn to embrace it!” shout Luna who somehow becomes annoyed. “To become a greater lucid dreamer, you embrace your memory and dream. You didn’t embrace yours and bury it. That’s why you stuck and can’t get out of my ward. I thought all of you are a powerful lucid dreamer”

“You---!” Merrill wants to curse before Kain really stops him and bring him away from the hall with him saying “Kain. I haven’t finished yet. There a lot I need to says”

“No. You’re finished and we need to talk. Alone. Just the two of us” says him as he brings Merrill outside to another room. The one who stayed just looked at them disappearing.

Qir and Joseph start packing their stuff while Luna, Seth, and Zane helping them. Luna is in middle of folding the blanket when Seth comes to her and says “I never know you’re a lucid dreamer. You should tell me this huge information. And also about that Kain guy too. I’m upset, you know.”

Luna looked at Seth with questionable face and Seth continues to talk. “Since I heard about it last time I really want to have a lucid dream and do everything that Professor Kain said. You should help me. That way I can achieve lucid dream faster”

“Lucid dream is not something that great,” says Luna and Seth comeback with loud “What?!” that makes all eyes in the room on both of them. “Lucid dream is cool. Imagine you can shape everything? I read that some popular artist uses a lucid dream to create their artwork. I want to. And that movie Inception based on a lucid dream. How great it is to create a town in your mind and live in it”

Luna stops her work and looked at Seth. “You want to know how most of the people who gain lucid dreamer, gain the ability?” asked her and Seth nodded.

A sigh comes from Luna and she starts to talk while the others also listen to it while working. “Imagine you’re being r***d in real life. It really happens and you’re traumatized by it” says Luna and Seth nodded listening to it.

“It will appear in your dream over and over again no matter how hard you try to forget it or get over with it. Every single night you will dream the same dream about the guy and you being r***d”

“Luna, what is the point of this? You’re scaring me”

“Just listen,” says Luna strict and Seth nods with her lips sealed.

“When every time you dream you keep dreaming that bloody time, your mind began trying to counter-attack and you began to control it. You began to dream you’re being r***d and then you kill the one who r***s you. That your subconscious takes over and you began gaining the power of control”

Hearing that at how lucid dreamers come to be, Seth doesn’t know what to say “That… That…” as her mind knows she doesn’t have any experience being in any traumatize scene.

“Listen till the end,” says Luna before she continues with her whole explanation. “It doesn’t end that way. For the course of time, you will imagine the same things, you’re being r***d and you kill the guy who r***s you. However, it is in many different ways. The first time it may be with a pistol, later with a knife and with many varieties until you gain full control to shut that memory down from yourself. That’s how lucid dreamer comes to be”

“That’s so...” says Seth stopped just like that. It makes Luna says “I know”

“Did you experience something like that?” asked Seth. Luna nodded “But not being r***d. It just an example”

Seth looked at the other three and asked “Did you guys too? Did the two guys who walk out before too?”

“Majority of people, yes. Kain and Merrill did go through that process but for me and Qir, we don’t” says Joseph that somehow makes Seth eyes glowing. “But it takes times and our powers are not that great yet”

“What do you mean by that?”

“For me and Qir, we can create or make a little place in our mind but we can just enter the 3/4 count of people in this hall; before. Merrill can enter thrice the number of people in this room; before while Kain…” Joseph looks at Qir and Qir says “I bet he can even enter all human who walks on earth”

“That’s too flattering” they heard comes across the room and see Kain and Merrill comes in. “At the most, I might cover the entire continent. My power is not that great to be able to synchronize all dreams on earth” he says as he approaching and then asked, “What are you guys talked about?”

“The girl right there, she wants to learn how to lucid dreaming 101,” says Qir and Kain laugh slightly with a nod. “I will help you. Despite the harsh reality of how to gain it, if you don’t have that one, you can learn it normal way”

“If… like… the motive of your research…” says Seth as she doesn’t know how to form the right sentences to ask them.

“Yeah. The main part of our research is to bring reality to those who dream the bad dream and throw it away. Thru dream we will pull them and teach them how to control it. In another we teach them how to control their dream; lucid dream”

Kain sits on the bed while Merrill helped them to pack. “Think about someone who is facing the harsh reality of losing family in a car crash and keep dreaming about it. That person will have a suicidal thought because he got no one left. He will blame himself for being the only one living. And even before their mind can process and kick that reality away, in another mean, that person starts lucid dreaming, that person commits suicide. We lost someone there”

“Yes…” comes from Seth's mouth as Kain stop to take a simple rest. “Put us in middle of that process. Before that person thinks further to really commit suicide, we come in and help them in their dream. Teach them to kick that memory and brace the reality, live by themselves. That person will survive. That a life we save”

“But if you guys helping them, and they gain the power to lucid dream, why you guys need to search for a lucid dreamer? Isn’t this whole purpose of your slot with us is to search for that?” asked Seth that really bring forward a questionable question.

“The true purpose of our research is to help anyone who has a mental illness. That’s why we let you guys sleep so we can check your dream. But at the same time, we try to recruit someone into our group. As you see, we only four people and there a lot of patients to take care of”

“How about your patients, they can do the same thing as you guys. Why aren’t you guys recruiting them?”

Qir pitch in and says “That’s the catch. If all of them want to embrace it or at least open to help others, we don’t need to do this” Her eyes on Merrill and says “Most of them decide to lock the memory away and forget it to live. And also due to that, they don’t want to help others as they will remember the memory and falls again to their dark side”

“The only one who stays is me,” says Merrill and all eyes on him. “I’m once Kain’s patients. I lock my memory away and stayed to help others. But you bring it out” he says and it can show his rage not yet subsided. Qir and Joseph become alert.

“Kain, he doesn’t seem to relax, what did you guys talk about?” asked Joseph while Luna comments under her breath “You should bring him out again” that no one but Seth heard.

A few minutes ago Kain pulls Merrill into one of the room and told Merrill to sit down. “This is not the time to sit down and talk about something,” says Merrill as he walks toward the door to open it. It is when his hand inch away to open it that Kain says “Sit!” in a strong voice that Merrill cannot run away from. He listens to him and sits on the chair.

In that room, only the sound of silence can be heard. Both of them didn’t say even a word at all. Kain is it because he wants Merrill to calm down before he starts to spoke while Merrill is waiting for Kain to open his mouth.

Things stayed like that for a while before Merrill who cannot stand it says “Bury it for me once again” Referring to his memory; the dream from before.

“No” comes from Kain’s lip; flat.

“Why not? You did it before and you can do it again. You’re powerful”

“I can do it again but I don’t want to”

“Why Kain… Why?” Merrill says and Kain can notice the change of his voice as his eyes collecting the tears.

A deep breath is taken by Kain before he says “This is the time for you to learn to accept it. Allow that memory blend in with you rather than seclude it; hidden”

“It is easy to say! I cannot coexist with it! Looking at my mother leave me all night when I’m asleep? I don’t want that!” shout Merrill that now standing from his seat. Kain looked sharp to Merrill's eyes and says “How many years I have lived with my own pain? If you didn’t accept it, you won’t be able to move and that you won’t be able to be stronger”

“I don’t want to. I’m stronger when that memory is buried”

‘”That’s what you thought. That, now, what happen? Look today, you cannot stand Luna ward” says Kain that leave Merrill speechless. “When we first met, I teach you everything and when you join me I show you my deep dark guilty pleasure. I’m embracing it and thru times you should be”

“I know. I’ve seen your dream. And why you’re stronger… but I’m different…” says Merrill before Kain cut him and says “Luna is the same!” that makes Merrill silence.

“Behind the protection ward she put, the place you didn’t step in, she lives in a place that she watches all her family; her only relative died in a fire. All strong lucid dreamers embrace their pain and live with it”

“I still can’t… Give me more time… Bury it…”

“I won’t. Live with it. And grow” says Kain before he walks toward the door. “I will teach you and help you in any way possible”

“You should really embrace it” Luna commenting that throws gasoline into the fire in Merrill's heart.

“You don’t know…!” shout Merrill before Luna shout to cut him with “I see everything that you experience! What if it takes a day, a week, a month, a year or a freaking forever to you to get by, you should embrace it. Who said I ever get over it? When the day I don’t, it will come to my dream. When I did there nothing happens”

“I will never get over of my pain; a guilty pleasure to be said. It is something that we have to stay alive. Something that shapes us” says Luna that makes Merrill looked down. All eyes are on Merrill to see his reaction.

“If you cannot do it alone, takes someone with you,” says Luna with her voice become softer. “I didn’t survive alone. Kain helped me. Even though I think he is created by me. Either you create someone in your dream; dream guide or get someone to help you. In your case, you got tons of people who can help you. You live among people who help people in their dream. How lucky you are”

Merrill's head rises and he looked at Kain toward Qir and then stopped at Joseph. He knows that the three of them will always stay by his side to help him. They smiled and Merrill awkwardly smiled back.

“Ermmm…” heard them and all eyes looked at on side of the stage that Zane stands at. “I can help too” and with that comes out from Zane's mouth all of them laugh. Merrill who cracking says “You’re the one need some help”