Luna Bleeding Heart

Chapter Eighteen

So, in the span of two weeks, I ate a person alive, got amnesia, and now I’m about to permanently scar my best friend. Great. Just great. At least the Luna let me postpone the Branding until tomorrow night. “Rest and celebrate tonight; tomorrow, you may brand them,” she said as I left.

I can scarcely wrap my head around everything. I want to talk to Donnacha, I want to help Finna, I want to catch up with Tadhg…and I need to visit Cillian. I need to reclaim some shred of my humanity that’s now tainted with the memory of gore and screams of the Sanguine River’s former alpha.

Where do I start with everything?

“Kiana!” a voice calls out, and I spin around—

Tadhg’s warm arms encompass me, and I cling desperately to him. I breathe in deeply, relishing his warmth as I press my ear to his still-beating heart. “I’m so glad you’re okay, Tadhg. I’m so glad you made it out,” I sigh, digging my nails into his shirt. I don’t know what I’d do without him.

He chuckles warmly and plops his head on top of mine. “Says the rabid wolf. I thought you were never going to recover.” The snark is gone from his words; he’s as fragile as I am. Clearly, these last two weeks have been harrowing for him.

And then the meeting from the Luna crashes down on me. Tomorrow, I’m supposed to scar his face. It’s a mercy, I know, but… Aoibh above, I don’t know how I’ll do it. Sorcha’s furious face, her claws bearing down on me – the memory steals my breath, and I press my head a little deeper into Tadhg’s chest.

“Yeah, yeah, I missed you too,” he snorts. I can’t help but laugh softly. There’s that snark; there’s the Tadhg I know and adore.

We stay in silence for a long while, neither of us summoning the strength to break our hug. However, neither of us ask how the other is doing. We both know the answer, and we both know we’ll recover. So there’s no point in asking.

“…I’m going to see Finna.” I barely realize that I’ve said those words aloud until Tadhg responds.

“I expect nothing less. Let’s go.”

I can barely look at the monster I’ve created. The twisted, mutilated husk of Finna’s wolf, Fearg, prowls. It snarls with every breath, its fangs are ever bared as foaming drool spills all over the ground. Its eyes are wholly lifeless, its body broken beyond repair. Old, still-weeping gashes litter its chest and back; its arms are both broken, and I soon see why. As soon as it spots Tadhg and me staring through the small window, it launches itself at the door. I swear I hear more bones break between the groaning metal and the shrieks of rage.

Tadhg looks away. I wish I could do the same. But I’m responsible for this. Finna is trapped in this nightmare because of me.

How can I possibly fix this?

Tadhg’s clammy hand steadies my shoulder in a silent attempt to comfort me. He’s shaking; so am I.

I’ll never forgive myself for this. Never.

And I’m not leaving this dungeon until I rescue Finna from her tortured mind. I steel myself as much as I can and yell against the thick metal and glass.

“Finna! Finna, can you hear me?!”

Fearg twists its head toward my voice, lips pulling back to reveal its bleeding gums. It’s now that I notice the frantic teeth marks all over the cell walls. It sniffs the air, dropping to all fours as it investigates the metal door that separates us.

“Finna, it’s me, Kiana! You’re safe now! It’s going to be okay!”

A feral scream rips from its throat, and it hurls its broken body against the door. More cracks and pops from its bones.

“No one will hurt y--!”

I can’t finish, screeching metal deafening my ears as the monster thrashes its claws and fangs against the door, howling and roaring unconsolably.

I can’t help it. Hot tears streak down my cheeks. “Finna! I’m so sorry! I’m so, so sorry!”

My voice is again drowned out by the monster’s ear-splitting shriek. It clutches its head, tearing at its own flesh as it resumes its agonized prowling.

“Finna! I know you’re still in there! I won’t let anyone hurt you!”

The monster glares at me as though saying, “You’ve already hurt me more than anyone ever could.” Perhaps I’m imagining its accusation, but I can’t stand under the glare of that wretched beast. My knees tremble. I clap my hand over my mouth as bile forces its way up my throat.

“…I-I promise, I’ll never hurt you again!”

My words fall on its deaf ears as it again roars before slamming again into the hard metal door. I turn away and swiftly begin climbing the stairs out of the dungeon; I can’t do this!

A calloused hand binds my wrist in a vice grip. “Let go of me, Tadhg,” I command hollowly, my trembling voice ricocheting off the stone walls. He glares at me and shakes his head. “If you leave now, will you ever forgive yourself?” he challenges.

“I – no, it’s not that, it’s – my presence is making things worse, clearly,” I insist, but I’m lying to myself. I hate being here. I hate looking at the monster I created. My desire to leave is entirely selfish.

“Bullshit,” Tadhg retorts. Despite the harshness in his words, his tone is laced with uncharacteristic tenderness. “I know you, Kiana. You’ll find someone to pay for this monstrosity, and it’ll be yourself – unless you fix it.” He pulls me down a step. “So fix it. I’ll be here the entire time.”

…Damn it. I hate when he’s right. I take in a shuddering breath and force a nod. I pause, then open my eyes and steel myself again. “…Don’t let me leave. Bring me food and drink when I need them.”

“Deal.”

The hours are eternal down here. It’s suffocating as visions of the Sanguine River’s dungeons encroach on the edges of my mind. It felt like I waited for years in that rotting cell; somehow, this is more intolerable. My voice is hoarse from trying to reason with the rabid Fearg. Nothing I say works. I’m starting to believe my statement from earlier – my presence is only aggravating the monster.

Tadhg brought me dinner. Judging from the vegetarian spread of potatoes and cream, he brought it directly from his farm. If Donnacha or the Luna knew I was down here, they would have sent meat with this meal. I’m not sure why, but I feel relieved to know that Tadhg has told no-one of my whereabouts. I think Donnacha would sap my strength from me, though I can’t figure out why. That’s a problem for another day.

Even the pack doctors that have come to check on Finna seem to understand my desire for secrecy. Out of respect, they lingered only long enough to run some tests before leaving me and Tadhg. I think I saw them flood the room with wolfsbane-infused mist. It explains why Fearg hasn’t been able to tear down the door.

Dear Aoibh, it’s getting hard to keep my eyes open. I’ve never felt so weak. The Mac Tíre Confach must have crippled me more than I anticipated. Just how much havoc has it wreaked against my body?

Fearg paces anxiously around its cell. I better heal them soon.

I don’t even notice my head nodding until it smacks on the cell door with a metallic “thunk!” Fearg’s soulless eyes snap to me, though it doesn’t snarl. Its head tilts slightly, its breathing stills… Is that recognition?

Wait, what am I missing? Why did it react to—

Yes! I’ve got it! I jump to my feet and place my hands against the metal cell door.

“What’s up, Kiana?” Tadhg asks. I just hold up a finger to shush him – please work…

I tap against the door. Twenty-one…eighteen…nineteen… I keep tapping over and over, praying that the message is received: “U…R…S.T.R.O.N.G…U…R…B.R.A.V.E…”

Fearg stalks closer, its breath puffing in white clouds against the reinforced glass window. It stares at me with its ice-blue eyes for a breathless eternity…then it puts its shaggy, twisted hand on the glass, right where I’m tapping. Its endless snarls dissolve into a pained whine, and tears start welling in the monster’s eyes.

“Great Mother…” Tadhg gasps in awe.

I seal my jaw shut, afraid that if I speak, the moment will be lost. “U…R…S.T.R.O.N.G…”

Fearg presses its head against the glass, another low whine rumbling in its cavernous lungs. All it wanted was to be heard. I hear you, Fearg. I hear your rage, Finna. I will never hold you back.

Bones snap and shrink, clumps of fur slough off in sopping heaps, the claws recede to broken fingernails until finally, a sweating human hand slides down the glass. I barely hear Finna collapse on the floor before I unlock the cell door and fling it open. Tadhg rushes in, shrugging off his jacket and covering Finna’s naked body as she shivers under her drenching cold sweat. I drop to the floor and prop her head onto my lap, brushing her blond hair out of her face as she quakes and trembles.

Tadhg looks up at me, beaming. He says nothing, but he places one of his large hands on her delicate shoulder and rubs his thumb up and down. I can’t stop myself from crying, the joy swelling my lungs until I can’t breathe.

“We’re here! W-We’ve got you!” I croak, sobbing with uncontrollable relief and delight. “It’s okay, you’re okay…” Tadhg mumbles something about “damn dust allergies” as he wipes a muscled arm across his eyes.

I can’t believe it. Finna’s okay…she’s really okay!