Its Always You (Book Two)

Part 1

Anna tried not to squirm under her best friends gaze. Violet has been eyeing her ever since they sat down to eat, almost too watchful. It should be

concern Anna if she didn’t know the actual reason. Her friend was worried about her recent shift in eating habits. Even though Anna tried to force herself to eat, it felt impossible to swallow the food without feeling a lump in her throat. It shouldn’t be this difficult after a year, but it was.

“Do you want another sandwich, Ann?” Violet asked with a mouthful, pointing at the plate on their dining table.

Cheese grilled sandwiches with jalapeños stared back at Anna. She was having a hard time finishing the second slice on her plate. There was no way she would be able to eat another one.

Anna shook her head, trying to put on a cheery smile, “I’m full Vi! Thanks”

“Okay...there’s some tiramisu in the fridge from lunch today. We can eat that” Violet shrugged, closing the lid over the sandwiches.

Anna tried not to sigh at her friend's lame attempt at feeding her. It must be her mother’s training. Violet and her mother were quite close, after all. She wouldn’t be surprised.

During the summer break, Anna made the mistake of going back to her hometown. She thought her mother would be happy well she was happy but also concerned about Anna. The entirety stay consisted of her mother trying to force her into talking about her feelings. Like Anna was ever going to tell her everything.

Violet’s parents took Violet and her twin, Victor, to some posh holiday. They spent the entire holidays in their summer house. In the last week or so, Violet returned to Jacksonville and stayed with Anna. After all, both of them had to leave back to their apartment at the same time.

Yes, Violet and Anna were sharing an apartment just like they dreamed since forever. It was a cute little two-room flat a few miles away from the university. Violets parents managed to snag it because for once they cared about Violet's comfort.

“Sure” Anna looked away, staring at the television. They were currently watching the latest episode of Black Mirror.

“You think something like this may be possible in future?” Violet questioned, staring at the Ashley doll in the episode. Then their debate began for quite some time.

***

After they had their dinner, Anna cleaned up the dining room while Violet washed their dishes. They worked perfectly together. It was shocking since both of them weren’t strictly ‘active’.

“See you tomorrow Vi” Anna whispered, heading towards her bed.

After stripping out of her leggings, she crawls into the bed. A sigh left her lips as soon as her body hit the mattress.

As Anna stared at her glowing stars stickers on the ceiling, she heard footsteps approaching her room. Violet peeked her head into the room, a weak smile on her face.

“Good night. Don’t forget to set your alarm for tomorrow.”

“I won’t” Anna stifled a smile. Both of them have a terrible habit of sleeping late. They cannot do that anymore. College students and all.

“Cool. See you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight” Anna whispered as Violet softly closed the door behind her. She patiently waited for the light to be switched off.

As soon as the darkness enveloped her room, Anna was all alone with her thoughts and worries and feelings and defenceless from the ghosts that come to haunt her dreams. That’s when the tears slid down her eyes. She made it a habit to wait until Violet was not in the room to cry. The last thing she wanted was to worry about her best friend, mostly when Violet has done so much for her.

Anna was aware that she’s a liability and that the longer her moping around goes on the more Violet would grow to resent her even though it helped impossible because they have been friends forever. She didn’t want to risk losing the most important person in her life next to her family.

She needed to get better or at least pretend to be so that Violet would not feel obliged to look after her every single minute. Anna wanted the guilt to disappear so that she could return to their normal friendship without carrying emotional baggage.

That’s why Anna cried in her bed. Alone in the night so that no one can hear her. She didn’t feel bad. It had only a year to recover from a loss as significant as the one she suffered.

Taking a shaky breath, she shut her eyes.

As she laid in the dark, her face wet with tears and breaths shaky, she realised how difficult each day felt. At times like these, Anna was more aware than ever that she had no one to hold her. She was nowhere stable to look for someone actively. Just the thought of trying to date again- trying to flirt and fall in love with someone new, made her nauseous. She hadn't dated anyone in a year or so, and sometimes it felt like she'd never date anyone again.

The thought made her curl up in a ball. Why was it difficult for her to date again? It’s not like she wasn’t trying to get better each day. But the reality was she felt alone due to the massive chunk missing from her heart. No one and nothing would fill that void.

Violet was trying, though. Anna still remembered how she was the one who talked to her after that horrid prom night.

A loud knock interrupted the quiet peace of Annas room. She was fully prepared to yell at the person on the other side of the door but instead ignored it. Her parents should know better than to disturb her. She scrunched her eyebrows and burrowed her head deeper into the duvet, squeezing her eyes shut.

Another knock.

She let out a sigh.

“Ann, I know you can hear me,” Violets voice made her ears ring.

“You cannot avoid me forever.”

“I’m not avoiding you” Anna huffed, obviously lying while trying not to feel guilty about it.

“Then open the door!”

“It’s not locked” Anna yelled back.

The door immediately swung open, revealing a tired but annoyed Violet. She had a giant ice cream tub in her hand and laptop in another.

“What do you want?”

“Nothing. I just want to hang out with my best friend” Violet shrugged already jumping into the bed. Anna made a face even though she was grateful for the distraction.

Anna smiled at the memory. Violet stuck through her, and for that, Anna will be forever grateful. With that, she slowly dozed off.

***

The next morning Anna realised that break was officially over. She’s a second-year student now. Anna couldn’t believe how fast the time flew by. Violet was driving her to the uni as they went together always. Her friend's campus was a building away from her uni, so it worked out in their favour. Also, Anna had no energy to drive and always moaned about it.

“Anna, are you ready?!” Violet squeaked, rushing out of her room while shoving the camera in her bag. She was trying to zip it.

Anna let out a sigh. Trust her friend to do everything in the very last minute. She did not change at all.

“I’m ready, but I don’t know about you.”

Violet tilted her head, “Haha very funny. It’s just this bloody zipper giving me trouble.”

“I told you to get a new bag” Anna scoffed, shaking her head. Her friend has been using that same bag since the first year of her uni. It was ripped at edges, but Violet still treasured it.

“But this one’s my favourite!” Violet argued, finally managing to close the zip.

“Finally! Let’s go. I can't be late on my very first day.”

“Who even cares? This is not high school.”

“I do” Anna weakly defended. She hated being late to her classes. Especially now that her Psychology lectures were getting interesting, even though she moped in bed during her break, she managed to peek at the syllabus, and all the theories and research seemed exciting.

Anna followed her true passion. Writing. She enrolled in for English Literature and minor in Psychology at the same time. It made it easy for her to find interesting topics to explore and write on her blog. Ah yes, the same blog which is inactive since a year now. Her writings are rough works in her diary because the blog reminded her too much of that person. It’s stupid to discontinue something she’s so passionate about, but it doesn’t excite her anymore. Not like it used to do before.

With the break behind her, Anna was hoping to start fresh. Forget all about the past and the guy she left behind. After all, it’s been a year and three months (not that she’s counting) already.

“Obviously” Violet rolled her eyes. She let that comment slide and followed her friend out of their building.

They easily spotted the car and quickly slid in, strapping their seat belts. Violet clutched the steering wheel harshly, her nails turning white as she turned around to look at Anna. There was an easy smile on her face.

“Ready to face the day?”

Anna nodded her head, trying not to let the nervous feeling in her stomach take her. It could be nothing. She wasn’t going to let anything affect her. Not anymore.

***

So any thoughts? I have so many things planned for this one!

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