Cuffed

THIRTEEN

The asphalt bites into my shoulders as I lie down on the tarmac in the chilly, early morning air. I needed to escape the loft and the fear that hung in the air from my first nightmare, and then from the confusion I felt after the memory resurfaces of Grant and me as kids in his backyard.

"You don't need to be scared, Emmy. I'm taking karate now. I could protect you."

Guess I should have known he'd end up like his dad, protecting and serving - being the hero.

It suits him. The question is, does he suit me?

It's a tricky question, and one I'm not sure that I'm ready to know the answer to. I've lived my life escaping my past, hiding it from anyone and everyone so that no one can ever look at me and blame me for my lack of success on it. Or just plain look at me differently.

But he knows.

He knows more than I might even know, and that's scary as hell to me.

So yes, I've blamed him unfairly, but it's so much easier to believe that truth - that he is more at fault than my own flesh and blood.

I've always thought of myself as a fair person.

There's no reason not to believe he isn't a good man.

And yet, as I sit here on the closed runway with the sun slowly rising in the east, I know I need to step outside the box I've carefully constructed and fortified around myself. I need to listen to Desi and her whacked logic and remember what Grant said to me when we were nothing but kids.

I need to do the one thing I do every day in my professional life, but can't seem to ever do it personally: leap before looking.

I need to follow my motto: Head up, Wings out.