Crown by Reality

Candrila: A Child's Memory Gone

Candrila could not, she cannot cry now. The first time her Father went on for a journey years ago, when she was more than a measly young girl, she was little with her head only reaching to the hem of her Mother’s skirt. Her memories vividly reminded of her tears falling like waterfalls until dawn. She was the only child between her parents, their favorite was clear among the household that sooner she became of age, she would either be married to another noble, inheriting everything the family estate from years of past generations.

Now, she had nothing left. Her Father joined her loving Mother in the afterlife.

Candrila forced herself to watch over her grieving household servants, to look at them face to face and eye to eye yet at the sameCandrila could not, she cannot cry now. The first time her Father went on for a journey years ago, when she was more than a measly young girl, she was little with her head only reaching to the hem of her Mother’s skirt. Her memories vividly reminded of her tears falling like waterfalls until dawn. She was the only child between her parents, their favorite was clear among the household that sooner she became of age, she would either be married to another noble, inheriting everything the family estate from years of past generations.

Now, she had nothing left. Her Father joined her loving Mother in the afterlife.

Candrila forced herself to watch over her grieving household servants, to look at them face to face and eye to eye yet at the same time, she also did not want to, perhaps it comes as a rude gesture or even disrespectful or maybe it wasn’t the right time to boldly look at each of their grief stricken features contorting to a wrinkling teary eyed shedding of tears. In this pitiful state, since at their peak of tearing apart upon the findings of their Master’s passing and along with came the bittersweet foreknowledge that he has rejoined his childhood sweetheart, the best of the two closed-hearted friends and lastly reuniting two lovers once again, ultimately their love endured the last. Candrila may have been the only one to thought of this, while she knows in her heart that her Father remarried to a woman filled with greed, along with came her vile spawns. She has no right to think of such things, much less to think about the matters out loud.

“Father, you no longer carry the burdens of this cruel world,” Candrila spoke in hush whispers while her eyes read over the tombstones of her two parents, the wind brushed in to carry her words spoken as if they will send it back to the heavens, for her loving parents to hear. “such a short life, dear Papa. I rest upon the knowledge that you are now in the arms of dearest Mama.” 

Silence is all that they have in the sleepless young night, tonight sleep will not visit her, the dreams of sunshine and crystalline rainbows will not be given to her by the faeries of the night, the sleeping creatures will not lay beside her bed. All of her childhood ends, abruptly that they will not come around anymore. The vast estate covering the entire property she was supposed to have as a promised of inheritance snatched away from her. What would be next? Reduced to a lowly slave, most likely it will. She will, her intelligence and wit proved to be a curse to this very hour she came upon a solid answer that strangely, for quite a peculiar resolve was nothing sort of new.

“Do not worry about myself, Papa. Mama. I will surely, cross my heart, never do the mistakes of the past.”

Strange, she perked up in question. Why did she said that, as if she once knew the past before she even came to existence. 

The sun lowered itself under the veil of the incoming blanket of the night, the life draining away to be given away to the velvety, most darkened night she encountered over the years. For once, the crying weepers overshadowed the chirping crickets. The amber, golden and orange glow subdued, taken away by the mysteries of the moon and stars. The cold air breeze stoop down, grazing her arms and face sending gentle chills around her exposed body. Evening came sooner than she expected, more than what they have expected.  

The swings she used to sit in the nearby mansion made a light creaking sound ever so slightly  accompanied with the flickering of the light concentrated energy bulb above them. Candrila felt no need to worry if she came off late when she will arrive in the footstep of her home, why ask, her parents would not be worried, how can the dead worry over the living? They say the afterlife of the Good could not experience the sorrows of this world, how can they remember their only worry when it revolves around their one, true daughter?

It’s simply… impossible.

She turned her back, away from the two tombstones. The dead will stay dead, what a life she lived in. Not that too vastly different from the other world. Tonight, she will have to speak to her servants. It made her feel a bit better yet she knows within her heart nothing can mask a facade of sadness, ironically it also made her the same way. To her, there was a heavy weight on her shoulders-- her diminishing courage, fading light of hope.

What kind of twist of fate of bearing this pain and it's as if life has been toying with her, some play thing to be used and cast aside once her worth rusted to no use.

Candrila stopped in her tracks, a soft gasp broke the silence with a sharp piercing cry  that slowly aroused to a ripples of a gut-wrenching tears flowing down endlessly without hesitations. Her eyes blurred, unable to do anything other than to freely release the heavy yoke she stores her sorrows

"I am only good, when you are here Papa and pains me, how indescribable this heart I have in my chest." to her knees she dropped, she refused to do anything else, seeing herself in such a pitiful state would only cause a ripple of pain on her chest, even more, seeing herself to a reflection of her own, her eyes squinting in hopes to ignore, to push away unwanted memories.

"It hurts..." responded her, shakily as her lips quivered, "Papa..Mama make it stop.." she took a breath, the cold breeze filling her nostrils, tightening her jaw as not to try to cry, trying to restrain the lump on her throat, to break free.

"You lied.." she grits her teeth, what is she saying? Why does she have to tell him when it's a lie?

"Everything is not going to be..fine."

Tears finally gave in the end, Candrila gives up to restrain herself, sobs and cries fills the chilly air, filling the space between them with sorrows to the brim. For the hundredth time, one silent tear and a plea she pleads to no one in hopes it will fall on some God's ear, praying that it will not fall on deaf ears, she clings to herself for there is no  as if there's no tomorrow while burrowing her head on the ground.

Something within her may know that it was both a lie and the truth, still, the question of being devoid of hope nor in the loss of her confusion.