you've reached sam

you've reached sam [ Chapter-1 last 2 pg ]

Sam is buried somewhere up there. I have to see him at least once, pay my respects, and tell him I’m sorry for not coming sooner and what a terrible person I’ve been. I have to let Sam know that I haven’t forgotten him.

An image plays in my head like a film reel. I see him sitting on top of his headstone, in his denim jacket, waiting for me for the past week. A dozen conversations play through my mind as I think of what to say to him, how to explain why I’ve kept away for so long. But two feet before I reach the main gate, I stop short.

The lamppost hanging above the gate creaks, unlit in the rain.

What am I doing here? The hill is more than four hundred acres of folded land. I look up and see a thousand grave markers lined up for miles. I don’t know how long it would take to find him or where to begin. My feet stay frozen on the wet concrete. I can’t go in there. I can’t make myself do this. Sam isn’t here. There’s nothing to see but a newly laid plot where he’s supposed to be. But I don’t want that to be the last image I have of him. I don’t want this memory. I don’t want to think of him having to spend the rest of eternity buried somewhere up on that hill.

I take a few steps away from the gate, wondering why I came here. This was a terrible mistake. Sam isn’t there. I don’t want him to be.

Before I even realize it, I’ve turned away from the gate and nearly slip as I break into another run.

The evening mist has turned into a shower as the brick walls that run along the cemetery fade behind me. I don’t even know where I’m going this time. I want to get as far away as I possibly can. The sky is pouring as I enter the woods. I keep on running until the view of houses and roads is long gone.

Rainfall has softened the ground and filled it with puddles. As I’m running, I start imagining myself emerging into an alternate world where everything’s still okay, and wishing I could leap through time so I can go back and change everything. But no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to will time and space and undo the fabric that is twisting and pulling me apart.

Suddenly my foot catches on something and I slam to the ground. My body stings in a million places before it goes numb, and I feel nothing at all. I try to get up but I can’t seem to move a muscle. So, I don’t bother. I just stay there on the floor of stones and leaves as the sky continues to pour.

I miss Sam. I miss the sound of his voice. I miss knowing he would always answer me if I called. I don’t even know where I am or who I can talk to. This isn’t one of my finest moments. And tomorrow, I will regret ever letting it get to this point. But right now, I’m so desperate and alone, I pull out my phone and turn it on. The light blinds me for a few seconds. I forgot I deleted everything this morning—all of my photos, messages, and applications, so nothing’s there. I go through my contact list, trying to think of someone else to call, but there aren’t many options. When I notice Sam’s

name isn’t even there, I remember I deleted it, too. I’m not sure if I even remember the number anymore. I don’t even know what I’m doing when I dial it anyway, hoping to hear him again through his voice mail one more time. Maybe I can leave him a message, let him know I’m sorry.

The ringing startles me. It’s a strange sound to hear in the emptiness of the woods. I shut my eyes and shiver from the cold. The phone rings for a long time, slowly drowning out my thoughts, and I feel as though it will go on and on forever, until suddenly the ringing stops.

Someone picks up the phone.

There is a long silence before a voice comes through the line.

“Julie…”

Raindrops patter against my ear. I become aware of the sound of my own heart beating against the earth. I turn my face up slightly toward the sky and keep listening.

“… Are you there?”

That voice. Faint and raspy like the murmur of the ocean in a seashell. I know it. I’ve listened to it a thousand times before to where it’s become as familiar as my own. That voice. But it couldn’t be.

Sam …

CHAPTER ONE ENDS HERE ***