The Light to My Darkness

33

I looked back up at him. He wanted to capture my laughter on film. So that when I died, he could listen to it? I swallowed hard. I wasn't going to die. I was going to live long enough to see my daughter lie again. And to keep seeing him laugh. I looked down at the camera. "I don't think that's true, James," I said as I slowly got up off the couch. "Get 'em kids!"

The three kids launched themselves on James and started tickling him. His laughter rippled through the awkward silence his words had left. I looked down at the camera and smiled. That sound made me happy too. But so did Scarlett's laughter. And Soph's. And Axel's. Before I gave birth to my son, I'd need James to promise me what he currently refused to promise. I refused to go into labor before he promised me that he would keep living if I stopped. That he would keep laughing. That he would keep our children smiling.

I switched off the camera and joined in on the tickle fight.

***

My chest hurt again. The pain was keeping me up. Or maybe it was something else. I just had this eerie feeling ever since Scarlett had mentioned that a snake was going to take me away. I had read that book probably a dozen times and seen the movie half as many. The snake talked to Harry. Was Scar hearing voices?

James turned away from me in his sleep. I propped myself up on my elbow and stared at him. He was always so happy around Scar. Why did she fear that he wouldn't be a good father if I was gone? It didn't make any sense. I reached out and traced James' tattoo with my finger. The pulse. The reminder that his heart beat for me. But our family was three now, instead of two. And it was about to grow to four. He should have Scarlett's birth date under the date he met me. His heart beat for all of us. I let my fingers fall from his skin.

"Penny," he breathed out, like he felt the absence of my touch.

"Promise me." The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them. But I had spoken them in a whisper. At first, I thought he may not have even heard me. Or maybe he just didn't remember what I was asking of him.

He rolled over so that he was facing me. "No." He looked completely alert, like he hadn't been sleeping at all. His mind must have been tossing and turning as much as mine.

"But Scarlett..."

"She looks just like you," he said, cutting me off. As if that was a reasonable response.

"She has your eyes." I reached out and gently touched the side of his face. "I don't understand your point."

He smiled and turned his head to kiss my palm. "I'm worried that if something happens to you, I won't be able to look at her."

"Don't say that." I turned his face back to mine.

He pressed his lips together. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

Didn't we need to? "Today Scarlett said she thought a snake was going to take me away. It was like she could feel our fear. We're scaring her, and I don't think it's just the movie choices she's making."

"She's just a kid. Kid's say weird things. She doesn't understand what's going on."

"She has your eyes. And she also has your intelligence, James. I'm almost positive I wasn't as smart as she is when I was three and a half. She gets that from you. And she can tell something is off."

He lowered his eyebrows slightly but didn't say a word.

I was tempted to tell him what Scarlett had said about him. But I stayed silent too. It just reinforced the fact that he might not be the best father if something happened to me. I didn't want fear in Scarlett's heart and I didn't want it in James' either. "Do you think maybe there's a snake in her bedroom?"

James' smile returned. "The way Ellen cleans, she would have found it by now."

"That's true." My eyes drifted down to his smile. "I need you to stop doing things like recording my laughter on camera. You're putting bad vibes out into the world, and I don't want any part in it."

He laughed. "Bad vibes?"

"Remember, I'm a believer in fate. I'm a believer in vibes too. You knew what you were getting into when you married me." I lightly tapped on his chest.

"Yes. I certainly did." He leaned forward and placed a kiss against my lips. His hand slowly wandered down my back. "Why did you stop sleeping in my old t-shirts?" He kissed the side of my jaw.

I was wearing one of my silk nightgowns that matched my robe. "We stopped having s*x in the middle of the night. I was worried it was because you thought I wasn't trying anymore."

He kissed the top of my shoulder. "We stopped having s*x in the middle of the night because that little monster you created downstairs wears us out."

"That I created?" I laughed. "She's all you."

"I beg to differ. And, baby, I've always thought you looked better in my clothes than I did." He kissed between my breasts.

"Yeah, when I wasn't the size of a whale."

"I've said it before and I'll say it again. I think you're beautiful when you're pregnant." He kissed my stomach. "If it was up to me, you'd be pregnant all the time."

"You want me to have a huge stomach all the time?"

"It's just more of you to kiss."

I couldn't repress my smile. God, he was the sweetest man I had ever met. The feeling of his hands pushing the silk up my thighs made my smile grow.

"Being pregnant also makes you so f*****g horny."

He was the sweetest, but he was also the sexiest and had the dirtiest mouth.

Oh God. And his mouth was currently devouring me. The feeling of his tongue inside of me made my back arch. His fingers against my c**t made me stifle a moan. I closed my eyes as I let the sensation of his love start to overtake me. But suddenly his lips were gone.

"See," he whispered, his hot breath still close enough to make me even wetter. "So f*****g horny," he said.

"Yes, okay? I'm horny." Damn it, why was he torturing me? "So how about you stop teasing me and give me your cock."

He raised his left eyebrow. "I do like when you tell me what you want. However, the answer is...no." He climbed off the bed.