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1296 Words
The taste of blood filled my mouth. I had bit the inside of my lip so hard that I had pierced the skin. Bored housewife. That's what people saw when they looked at me. It was basically what Jen had said to me just a few hours earlier today. What else was I going to do with my time if I didn't hang out with them? Well, I had things to do. I surely had new rejection letters to open. And agents turning me down via email. f**k Dr. Nelson. And f**k everyone else too. Bored housewife my ass. I wasn't some young trophy wife like the tabloids claimed. Clearly. People who got rejected as much as me weren't trophies.
I pushed the door open and almost ran right into James. I could almost feel the heat radiating off of him from the way he was fuming.
Dr. Nelson plastered a smile on his face and turned to me. "Just keep taking the vitamins, Mrs. Hunter, and the rest of your pregnancy will go smoothly." He glanced at his watch. "Now, I have a tee time I need to get to. Good day to you both." He nodded curtly and walked away.
"Great. Everything is fine." I cringed at my use of the word fine.
"I'm going to make another appointment with the cardiologist," James said and reached for his cell phone in his pocket.
I grabbed his arm to stop him. "Really, James. It was just a false alarm. I'm sorry about ruining your afternoon."
"Ruining my afternoon?" He ran his hand through his hair. "You're not ruining anything. Your chest hurts. We're going to go see someone who will listen."
I felt the pain. I truly did. But that didn't mean that my mind wasn't somehow causing it to happen. If I thought about it enough, of course it would hurt. In the back of my head I knew that Dr. Nelson was right.
"Does it hurt right now?"
Yes. Maybe if I ignored it, the pain would go away. "James, the baby is okay. That's all that matters."
He lowered his eyebrows. "I didn't ask if the baby was okay. I'm asking about how you feel."
"I think Dr. Nelson is right. I'm thinking about it too much."
"God, don't listen to that prick." James lifted his cell to his ear and turned from me. "Yes I need to make an appointment for my wife."
"James." I put my hand on his bicep. "I don't think that's necessary." He shrugged away from my grip.
"She's been having chest pains," he said into the phone.
"James." He was being exasperating.
He put his hand over the receiver and turned toward me. "Penny, does your chest still hurt or not?"
I wasn't going to lie to him. "Yes, it hurts."
He gave me that stern look that always seemed to silence me and continued his conversation on the phone.
I tuned out his harsh words and leaned against the wall. I felt bad for the person on the other end of the line. The tone he was using could make someone feel like ice. I put my hands on my stomach and took a long, slow breath. We're okay.
When James was done on the phone, he turned back to me. "They couldn't fit you in for an appointment until Wednesday. I'll make a few calls and find someone a little more accommodating."
"Dr. Wells is the best cardiologist in the city. It's why we saw him in the first place. If he thinks this issue can wait until Wednesday, I'm sure it can."
"He told us that we should go to the ER in the meantime."
"And we did." I gestured to our surroundings. "Now we can wait until Wednesday."
"I don't..."
"Please, James. I'm tired. I just want to go home." I hated this hospital. Being here reminded me of when James was hurt. It reminded me of the feeling of almost losing him. The sterile smell in the air put a picture of Isabella in my mind. Her cold stare. Her taunting words. The gun in her hand. I swallowed down the lump in my throat.
James pressed his lips together, like he had something to say but was holding himself back.
I looked up into his brown eyes. "Please."
Something in his eyes seemed to soften. He nodded and wrapped his arm behind my back. We slowly walked out of the hospital and into the sunshine.
For the first time this summer, I was happy for the heat. It was the only thing that could take the cold feeling of the hospital out of my bones.
Tuesday
Sleep evaded me. My eyes traveled along the sharp line of James' jaw. I pressed my lips together as my gaze wandered over his parted lips. He was snoring lightly. He only did that when he was truly exhausted. Was he losing sleep over me? The past few days he had felt distant. Did he lay awake staring at me too? I wanted to reach out and run my fingers through his hair, but something held me back.
Five years ago, if I hadn't been able to sleep, I would have climbed on top of him and made him lose sleep too. There was something so pure about feeling his need for me with him barely being awake. His eyes opening, heavy with lust. I loved that. I loved him.
I swallowed hard. I wanted to climb on top of him right now. But I had a feeling he'd push me aside. He'd tell me I needed rest. He'd roll over so I couldn't even study his face while I was unable to sleep. When had we stopped making love in the middle of the night? When had we stopped letting passion overcome us?
I thought things might change once Scarlett was born. In a lot of ways they had. But James had still looked at me like he preferred me naked. Now he just looked at me like he preferred me in a wheelchair. He was worried about me. I understood that. It didn't mean I didn't miss that look, though. The one that made my knees weak. The one that could take my mind off all my worries. I needed that look right now. Couldn't he see how much I needed him?
But instead of reaching for him, I slowly climbed out of bed. His distance worried me. I looked down at the worn, stretched out t-shirt I was sleeping in. Maybe I needed to try a little harder. I pulled off the shirt and grabbed my silk robe from a hook on the door. I slid my arms into the sleeves and tied the sash tight. James stayed perfectly still in the bed. He used to swear he couldn't sleep without me by his side. Now he looked a little more comfortable with the extra room to spread out.
I turned away from our bed and headed into the hall. My feet stopped outside of Scarlett's bedroom. I leaned against the doorjamb as I watched her sleeping peacefully, her favorite stuffed animal held tight in her arms. No worries. No concerns. So peaceful. Whenever I saw her sleeping, I was always so tempted to lift her into my arms. I used to sing her to sleep every night. But now she preferred bedtime stories from James. My little girl was growing up. Hell, it already seemed like she was falling in love. Would time keep speeding up like this? Would I be looking at my son sleeping in a few years and wonder what happened to the time? I ran my hand across my stomach. I hoped I'd be so lucky.
- Writer
