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"Are you going to tell us or are you going to make us guess?" Tyler asked. "I've found that ripping the Band-Aid off is a lot easier than slowly pulling it off."
I bit the inside of my lip.
"Really, Penny. You have to tell us now," Hailey said. She shifted slightly forward on the couch.
God, I really don't want to have this conversation. "It's not a big deal whatsoever. At my last checkup the doctor found out that I had a heart murmur. Which is pretty common. It's moderate so it's not mild but it's not severe either. So, I mean, it's okay. Everything's okay."
"Damn it, Penny," Rob said from behind me.
"Wait, you knew?" Daphne said to him. "You knew and you didn't tell me?"
"James asked me not to tell anyone."
"Who else knew?" she asked.
Matt, Mason, and Bee all awkwardly raised their hands.
"Robert Hunter," Daphne said. "She's basically my sister. How could you not tell me? And here I was going on and on about nurseries and names." She had a horrified look on her face. "Penny, I'm so sorry. Why didn't anyone tell me to shut up?"
"How serious is it?" Hailey asked. "Is the baby okay?"
"The baby's fine," I said. "He's perfectly healthy."
"Are you okay?" Tyler asked.
I don't know anymore. Talking about this made my chest hurt. It's just in my head. It's just in my head. "Yeah. I'm fine." I smiled and waved my hand through the air.
Tyler didn't say anything this time, but he gave me that look like he knew I was lying again.
Everyone was awkwardly quiet.
"Dinner just arrived," James said as he came in from the kitchen. The smile on his face disappeared as he looked around. His eyes landed on me and he gave me a sympathetic smile. "So, you told them?"
The idea of a relaxing night with my friends had just been thrown out the window. "Yes, and can you all please stop staring at me like I'm dying? I just want to have a normal night." I cringed and looked at Bee.
"Normal?" she mouthed silently at me and shook her head.
And I knew she was right. Just like she had been right when she said the same thing to me yesterday. Whenever I said normal, nothing was at all normal.
Saturday
The dinner conversation was filled with everyone talking about my health. And what it meant for the baby. If I saw one more sympathetic look I was going to scream. I opened up the door to the freezer and let the cold air hit my face. I had wandered out of the dining room with the excuse of going to the bathroom. Now I didn't want to go back.
"Craving ice cream and comfy sweatpants?" Tyler asked.
I laughed and closed the fridge door. "I do miss our Friday nights."
"Me too." He smiled and leaned against the refrigerator next to me. "Tell it to me straight, Penny."
I shrugged my shoulders. "The doctor said if I take it easy everything should be fine."
"But?"
"I'm terrified that I'm going to lose him."
"You know, I remember you feeling like Scarlett was a boy too."
I smiled. "But she was my first kid. I had nothing to go off of." I put my hand on my stomach. "It already feels like he's a part of me. If I lost him..." my voice trailed off. "I don't know what I would do."
"You're stronger than you realize, Penny. I mean, look around you. You set your mind on a goal and go for it. If you let any old obstacle get in your way, you wouldn't be here right now."
I had certainly pursued James despite all the opposition. Giving up on us had never really seemed like an option. But that wasn't exactly the same as my heart not being strong enough. I had never had that issue before. I loved too hard if anything. I gave too many second chances. My heart always seemed capable of anything.
"And I don't think it's an issue of losing your son," Tyler said. "You said yourself that the doctor deemed him healthy. I know the conversation tonight has been focused on your baby, but everyone in there isn't talking about the real issue. You."
I laughed. "I'm not an issue."
"But what if something happens to you?"
"Nothing is going to happen to me." My chest was hurting again.
"You shouldn't even be standing here right now. You should be in bed resting. I know you're strong enough to handle all of this. But your body isn't on the same page as your mind on this one. We don't want anything to happen to the baby. But we don't want anything to happen to you either."
I knew he was right. And if I wasn't careful he was going to make me start crying. He was still one of my best friends, but we didn't spend nearly as much time together anymore. I probably ended up hanging out with his wife more than I did with him now. Time changed things. Fortunately for us, time healed things too.
"Just don't let your stubbornness get in the way of your health." Tyler stuffed his hands into his pockets. "You should probably go sit back down." He nodded toward the dining room.
He had talked so much about being strong. I needed to muster a little bit of that strength in order to tell him about my books. Or rather, ask him if it was okay. "Tyler?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm writing a book."
He smiled. "I know. You've told me numerous times."
Right. I had told him. I just hadn't gone into any details. "It's about James and my story. How we met. All of that. I mean, I changed the names and it's fiction. But I pulled a lot of truth out of my time at the University of New Castle."
"Does that mean I'm in it?"
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I wrote about meeting you and everything. Hanging out. Kind of dating. That sort of thing."
"You made me look like a complete d**k, didn't you?"
I laughed. "No. You're sweet and charming."
He shook his head. "Just promise me that one day you'll tell my real story? Redeem me in some way. If that's possible."
"A Tyler Stevens redemption story? I think I can handle that."
"I'm going to look like such an i***t in your books. Chasing after a girl who was so obviously in love with someone else." He shook his head.
"You don't look like an i***t, I promise." I hesitated as I stared at him. "So, it's really okay? For me to write about everything?"
"All the ups and downs brought me here. I can't be upset about what did and didn't happen back then. The past is in the past, and I'm pretty damn happy about how everything turned out."
I slowly exhaled a breath that I didn't know I had been holding. "Me too."
"Then write it. Just don't forget that redemption story."
"I wouldn't dream of it."
"And please come sit down." He linked his arm through mine. "I'll try to steer the conversation away from your health as best I can."
"Thanks, Tyler."
- Writer
