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1148 Words
"Scared?" I stared into his eyes. James always had trouble admitting his weaknesses. I knew how hard that was. How vulnerable he felt.
He nodded. "I'm utterly terrified."
"I'm scared too. And I'm sorry I freaked out. I just can't believe you said you wished we never got pregnant."
"I never said that." He shook his head. "I said if we had known, we probably would have done things differently. But we didn't know. And now this baby is a part of our lives. I don't regret that. I'm sorry if I made you feel any differently. I was upset, but I do love this baby. I love every piece of you." He put his hand on my stomach. "And now I feel like I need to ask our baby for forgiveness too."
He pushed the sheets off of me and put both his hands on my stomach. "Hey, beautiful girl," he whispered.
"Boy."
James looked up at me. "I'm trying to have a private conversation."
I smiled. "By all means, please continue."
"Hey, beautiful girl," he said again.
I shook my head and stared down at the side of his face.
"I love you," he whispered. "With all my heart. I know you already know that." He kissed my belly. "But I need to ask you a favor. Please calm down with the kicking. You're hurting your mother."
I laughed.
James kissed my stomach again. "I can't wait to meet you," he said and ran his hand across my stomach. He looked up at me again. "Do you forgive me?"
"I'd already forgiven you." I reached down and ran my fingers along the scruff on his jaw line. "Do you forgive me?"
"I was never upset with you. Maybe I'll be a little upset if you really do force me to sleep on the couch though. May I come to bed now?"
I patted the bed beside me. He climbed up and wrapped his arm around me.
"She's the best thing we ever did." He reached behind me and pushed a strand of Scarlett's hair off her face.
"Yes. She is. And just think." My eyes wandered back up to his face. "If I had been a second earlier to that door in the coffee shop, you never would have run into me. We never would have started dating. We never would have had that beautiful little girl. Everything happens for a reason, James. And we're going to get through whatever happens next together. I promise."
Something flashed across his eyes. Pain maybe. It was too fast for me to be able to read him.
"I told you I didn't want to change a thing," he said. He put his hand on the side of my face and took a deep breath, like he was breathing me in. "But if you think me hitting you with that door was our only chance at starting this, you're crazy." A playful smile formed on his face. "I thought you were a believer in fate?"
"That doesn't mean I don't realize how lucky we are."
"Hmm." He shifted even closer to me. "Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd be this lucky."
Sunday
"Mommy."
A little finger repeatedly jabbing me in the side made me open my eyes.
"Mommy," Scarlett said and continued to poke me.
"Good morning, Scar." She was standing up on the bed looking down at me.
"I want in." She pointed between me and James.
"Did you have a bad dream?" Usually Scarlett insisted on sleeping directly between me and James whenever she was scared.
She nodded her head.
"Come here, baby girl." I scooted over and tapped the bed beside me.
Scarlett ungracefully jumped over me so she could nestle between us.
James made a noise like he’d just gotten punched in the gut. Sure enough, Scarlett had kneed him right in the stomach.
"Good morning, pumpkin," he said and kissed her forehead. "Good morning." He reached over and put his hand on the side of my face.
I turned my face and kissed his palm.
"Daddy, I had a bad dream." She nestled her face into his chest. "The snake monster talked to me."
Snake monster? "What movie did you two watch the other night?"
"She wanted to watch Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets again. I think I may have fallen asleep before her."
I shook my head. We'd pretty much allow Scarlett to watch anything she wanted. But we usually turned it off at a certain point if we didn't think it was appropriate. Apparently seeing a gigantic snake was one of those things.
"Scar, there are no snake monsters. It was just a movie."
"Yes there are, Mommy." She turned to look at me. "I saw him. And he talked to me." She frowned, like she was waiting for me to question her. "Can storks eat snakes?"
James laughed. "Time to get up, Scarlett. Grandpa is coming over today to hang out with you. He should be here any minute."
"Grandpa!" Scarlett immediately dropped her question about storks.
"He is?" I asked.
"Yes, I figured while they're playing you and I could go get breakfast?" James climbed out of bed and looked down at me. There was a question in his gaze that I didn't quite understand.
Did he think I was going to say no? "That sounds wonderful," I said.
"Great. Let's go make you breakfast okay, pumpkin?" He squeezed Scarlett's shoulder.
She jumped off the bed and fell on her knees. For a second it looked like she was going to cry.
"You're okay." James picked her up and draped her over one shoulder.
"Daddy!" she squealed with delight. There was no longer any trace of her impending tears.
I sat there for a moment as I watched them disappear out the door. Sometimes Scarlett would get upset if she felt excluded. Maybe that was why James had looked worried after he asked me to go to breakfast. Or maybe he wanted to talk about something important. I certainly hadn't been acting like myself recently. I shook my head and climbed out of bed. Why was I analyzing how James had asked me? He was just being sweet. He wanted to spend more time with me. I didn't need to read between any lines.
I quickly washed up and walked into the closet. There was a new dress hanging in front of the others. It was just like my favorite stretchy cotton dress, except it was a brilliant shade of blue instead of gray. James knew it was the only article of clothing that I felt comfortable in anymore. I smiled as I pulled it off the hanger. There was no reason to analyze his expressions or his words. Everything he did was out of love. I was ready to have a romantic day with him.
- Writer
