The Light to My Darkness

1

Friday

I wrestled with the fabric until I was able to pull it down over my large pregnant belly. Even after the alterations, the dress pinched me uncomfortably on the sides. I blew a strand of hair out of my face and placed my hands on my stomach. In two months, my little baby boy would be born. But Bee and Mason's wedding was next week. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. And I was going to look like an elephant in their pictures. I sighed and stepped out of the changing room.

"Oh, it's perfect," Bee said.

I laughed. "You have a strange definition of perfection."

"The gray doesn't take away from your beautiful pregnancy glow at all."

It just makes me look like a huge zoo animal. "Why does everyone else get to wear blue again?" Not that it mattered. The blue would make me look like a whale instead.

"Because you're my matron of honor and I love you." She smiled at me. "Are you alright, Penny? You look a little pale."

I waved my hand through the air. "I'm fine. You'll see soon enough. Being pregnant is the freaking worst." I collapsed in the chair beside her.

Bee laughed. "Just a few weeks ago you wouldn't stop talking about how it was the best thing ever. The miracle of birth. All that jazz."

"Well, a few weeks ago it wasn't 90 degrees outside. What possessed you to get married in the middle of summer anyway?"

"If I recall, you had a wedding in June. It was hot that day too. And I love summers in the city. It always seems less crowded."

"That's because everyone leaves since it's literally hell here."

"Oh come on." She lightly tapped my arm. "Stop letting your pregnancy hormones win."

I pressed my lips together. I hated that she was right. It was like I had no control over my emotions at all recently. "It has nothing to do with hormones," I lied. "It's just so hot, Bee. How am I going to last two more months?"

"How about you go change and I'll take you out for ice cream?"

I glared at her. "Are you practicing weird parenting techniques on me or something?"

"Maybe?" She raised both eyebrows.

"Fine. You win. But water ice, not ice cream. Or else I won't be able to fit into this dress next week." I slowly stood up.

Bee laughed. "You're being too hard on yourself, Penny. You really do have that whole pregnancy glow thing going on."

Pregnancy glow my ass, I thought as I closed the dressing room door behind me. I wrestled the dress back off over my head and hung it on the hanger. I pulled on the comfortable dress I had worn in. It was stretchy and cotton, and the only thing I ever wanted to wear anymore. I glanced back in the mirror. The pregnancy glow thing really was just a myth. If anything, I looked pale like Bee had mentioned earlier. It was probably just because my makeup had melted off in the sweltering heat. After getting water ice I would need to spend the rest of the day sitting down in the air-conditioning.

"Mason is swinging by tonight to grab all of them," Bee said and took the hanger out of my hand as I exited the dressing room.

"I'm pretty sure that's the matron of honor's job," I said. "I can handle carrying a dress." Bee had slowly been taking responsibilities away from me for the past few weeks. I was starting to feel like the most useless matron of honor in the history of the title.

"No, actually the matron of honor doesn't have to do anything like that. Usually maids of honor handle it because they're never pregnant. You know...because they're maids. But you're technically my matron of honor. And matrons of honor have less tasks, especially if they're pregnant.”

I laughed. "Fair enough." I watched her hand the dress back to the sales associate.

"Now, come on, big momma. Water ice time!" She linked her arm in mine.

"Please don't start calling me that."

"That's actually how we had the programs printed. They say Matron of Honor - Big Momma, all in bold."

"That's exactly what I feared," I said with a laugh. The wave of heat seemed to hit me like a brick wall when we stepped outside. "Is it possibly even hotter?" I could already feel beads of sweat on the back of my neck.

"How about we just get you home. We can stop somewhere on the way and get water ice to-go. Then we can eat it at your place." She dropped my arm and walked over to the town car parked alongside the curb.

I glanced down the sidewalk at the water ice place. "Bee, it's just a block away." I pointed at the sign. "I can manage." I walked past her before I heard her response. First the pale comment. And now she didn't think I could walk a few feet? I bit the inside of my lip.

Ow, don't kick me. I placed my hand on my stomach and tried to steady my breathing. I wasn't an i***t. Obviously James told her. He promised he wouldn't tell anyone. The baby kicked again. Don't go agreeing with your father. You're supposed to be on my side.

"Whoa, wait up," Bee said. "Now you're a pregnant sprinter? It's not a race. Seriously, slow down, Penny."

"He told you, didn't he?" I asked as I grabbed the door handle of the water ice place.

"Who told me what?"

I shook my head. She didn't get to play innocent. I didn't want anyone else to know. My medical history wasn't anyone else's business. I stormed into the shop.

"Really, I have no idea what you're talking about," Bee said from behind me.

I ignored her and ordered a small lemon water ice. I continued giving her the silent treatment until she sat down across from me with that sad look on her face.

"I'm sorry," we both said at the exact same time.

Bee smiled. "Just for the record, James didn't tell me. He told Mason because he was worried about you. Then Mason told me. You know how these things go."

"I know. It's fine. But there really isn't anything to worry about."

"James said it makes the pregnancy more dangerous."

"It's just a heart murmur. Two percent of the population has one or something like that." Repeating facts that the doctor told me made me feel better about it. It wasn't like mitral valve regurgitation was some uncommon thing. Tons of people had it.

"Still. James is all worried. And now he's got me worried too."

"I'm fine. Really." I ate a huge spoonful of my water ice. God is that good. "See." I gestured to my water ice. "I'm doing normal pregnancy things. Everything is normal."

"You said normal too many times for me to believe you."

"Miss Cowan, soon to be Mrs. Caldwell, you should be focusing on your wedding. Not me." I gave her what I hoped was an encouraging smile.

"Well, that's the thing. I know you're supposed to be on bed rest, Penny. Technically you shouldn't even be coming to my wedding."