When We Return

Chapter 10

Day 1

“f**k!!” (Korean)

“Someone help us please!!” (Korean)

“Umji-yah! Where are you?!” (Korean)

“Get us out of here!!” (Korean)

A sharp pain ring at the back of my skull as I recovered consciousness. My body is sore from the pain I can’t identify when did I get from.

I groaned as soon as my head hits pain again.

“Jay..” I whispered, still eyes closed. “Jay?” I called again but all I hear was screams and cries.

I opened my eyes slowly, the place is dark, and all I here is tons of bullshit from these bunch of noisy Koreans. My head hurts more.

“Jay!!” I called out screaming when I didn’t see him around. I tried to get up from the ground I lie in and saw that I’m still inside the train. But I didn’t remember that I rode this train, it is far from being that train.

It is wrecked.

My heart raced as I recalled the events.

The train. The earthquake. The disaster.

“What the fuck..” my body boils up with panic as I watched in horror the corners of these train.

“N-no.. No!! this can’t be happening!!” I screamed as I turned around harshly that made my head dizzy. All the other passengers are screaming and asking for help. All of them was pounding to the door of the train. I guess we were trap inside.

“Jay!!” I called, continuously looking for him at the midst of chaos. But he didn’t appear.

“Jayyy!!!” I felt my tears coming out from my eyes. I tug on my hair, don’t know what to do.

I might go crazy as of the moment.

The beating of my heart is painful in my chest, I might die. My body is shaking and I can’t seem to comprehend with the situation right now.

“f**k, you stupid ass! Where the f**k are you?!”

“AHHH!”

I literally jumped in hysteria the moment someone hugged me from behind. I turned to see who it is.

Without a word, I hugged him tightly and cried in his chest. “I’m sorry I was finding a way out.” He gently whispered and caress my hair.

“What is happening? I don’t want to die, Jay. No not now!!”

“We’re not going to die.” He tried his best to comfort me but I can feel it in his voice and the way his heart beat pump faster that he too is doubting his own words.

“I still need to go back to my parents!! I can’t die!” he locked my face on his palms and leaned in closer, staring into my eyes.

“Listen to me, Sowon. We’re not going to die. We’ll find a way to get out of here so gather your shits together.” he said firmly. “Okay?”

I didn’t say anything nor respond. He just wrapped his arms around me while I cry and made his way to sit on the seats.

“Open the f*****g door!!” (Korean) someone said. I forgot we’re not alone in this train, there are tons of us here.

The air inside the car is suffocating. Though I tried to calm down myself, I can’t, seeing the panic faces of the passengers, how they scream and cry because of fear.

“W-where are we? Why is it so dark here?”

“We got stuck on the tunnel.” That’s where I lose it. I cried harder and he tried his best to comfort me.

I flinched when he suddenly grabbed my nape and he alerted. “What, are you okay?” he asked. It wasn’t painful before.

“M-my nape, it’s painful. Jay, it hurts!!” I cried and he let me turn against him. Now my back is facing him. He parted my hair in half and he cussed.

“You’re bleeding!!” he said in a panic when he touched the back of my neck and stood, trying to find something but doesn’t know where to look to.

“s**t, where is our bags?!” (Korean) he muttered and ran his palms on his face harshly. He sat beside me again. “Let’s go to the bathroom.” He said and drag me out the seats.

We made our way to the comfort though inside the train was madness. Everyone is going back and forth and we’re pushed to the side from time to time. He drapes his arm on my shoulder to protect me and the back of my neck is growing more painfully.

When we arrive at the comfort room, he smashes the door open revealing a crying girl inside, she shrieks the moment Jay destroyed the door.

“f**k! Go out!!” (Korean) she screamed too high that her voice broke due to tears.

“Shut up, my friend is hurt!” (Korean) he replied with a scream too that made her furious. But when she saw the blood draping down my neck, she watched in horror and let out a cry.

Jay waste no time and took out a lot of toilet paper from its dispenser and turned me around, parting my hair and pressed down the paper on my wound.

It stings, but I endured it.

“Oh, fuck.” He muttered under his breath and pulled another set of tissues and wet it a little, and then pressed it again.

“It hurts!!” I wailed, tears still streaming down my cheeks. 

“I’m sorry.” He said and wiped it gently now, though I could feel his hands shaking badly.

A loud bang made us jump on our feet. I immediately clung to him at the thought of another event might happen but when we peak outside the bathroom, the door of the train is wide open now and the passengers are crowded, trying to go out first.

The girl earlier pushed us out of the way and ran towards the exit.

“Let’s clean your wound first.” He muttered breathless and let the water run. Damping the tissue paper with water and pressing it on my head.

I could definitely feel the shaking of his hand so I held it with my back facing him. He stopped caring my wound and hold my hand back, firmly locking our fingers.

My mind is in chaotic state right now, unable to think clearly and unable to do straight decisions. I could only hear the loud pounding of my heart, of how nervous I am stuck in this train with other people as well.

I can’t believe of what is happening to me, of what is going to happen to me the next hour, day, month. I closed my eyes tightly shut and strengthened my hold of his hand. As long as he’s here, I’ll be fine.

The trembling of my legs won’t stop as we step out of the train finding the others running frantically back and forth, looking for an escape.

“Eomma!!! Eommaaaa!” I turned to look at a petite girl clutching her bag on her chest and crying so hard it hurts my heart.

All of them screaming, running, trembling in fear. My mind is clouded with a lot of scenarios I don’t want to pay attention to. This is absolute disaster.

“You can’t walk properly, stay here and I’ll walk around.” He said and shoved me to the side. Afraid he might not come back, I clutch on his arm tightly and refused to let go. I begged him with my pleas until he pushed me down on the ground with his strong arms.

“You are not okay, neither I am but I’m trying to. So, please don’t make it hard for me. I want to be strong for you, but please.” His voice is now ragged but he forces himself not to choke.

He must be thinking about SinB right now.

He’s afraid too.

I hold his hand tightly. “Come back, please.” I plead with hoarse voice. I can’t really make out his face because of the dark but it was etched with worry and I can say he’s a bit alert.

After that, I let go of his hands and he quickly scampered away, frantically running to nowhere, looking for a path to go out.

Draping my knees and tucking it near my body, and trying to calm myself by counting one to ten. But all I think about is how I’m never going to survive this situation. That I’ll be dying here and rot.

I think about my mother.

And also, my father.

They might not know about what happened yet. They must think that somewhere in Korea, I’m happily skipping on the street and enjoying the time of my life.

That I’m well and healthy.

But I’m stuck here, with all other people whom I don’t know.

The more I think about it, the more my body is shaking. My eyes already sting from the tears that kept on falling. My ears are numb from the faint line noise and also the noise coming from different persons.

“Mother, please let me out of here..” my voice broke with each word. How can something like this happen to me?

I still have a lot to achieve, a lot to prove especially to my father?

Is this the consequence of what I’ve done? Is sending me here alone not enough to make me repent of that single mistake?

“Miss, are you okay?” (Korean) someone tap my back so I look up to see him, due to the tears, his face is not that clear to know what he looks like. It’s a guy, half kneeling in front of me. His face visible with concern and his voice in a hurry.

“My name is Namjoon, I’m requesting you to move there.” (Korean) he pointed a bunch of people sitting on the center of the place.

“I-I can’t—” I tried to shake my hand to tell him I can’t understand Korean but my due to my weak body and voice, I couldn’t.

“What?” (Korean)

I shake my head frantically and just want him to disappear. I want Jay, I need Jay.

He touched my shoulders firmly making me snap at him, “Don’t touch me!!”

“It’s alright, I’m not gonna hurt you.” He cooed in English and tried to touch me again but I shake my head so badly he raised his arms in surrender.

“Look, miss, I’m trying to help. You should stay there together with others as well.” he explained but I continued to refuse by shaking my head furiously.

Jay said I shouldn’t move from here. So, there is where I’ll be until he returns.

“It will be safe for us in case there will be an aftershock.”

I covered my ears with my hands and look away from him. I’m shaking so badly and my vision starts to blurry.

“Leave me be..” I struggled to say those words just to shove him away but he’s so persistent he kept on convincing me to go with him.

“Hey man, it’s okay.” (Korean) An urgent voice entered my ears and then suddenly I’m wrapped around his arms while he’s huffing so hard from running I guess.

“I just want her to transfer there along with others. For safety precautions. An aftershock might occur.” (Korean) The man said in a hurry.

Jay nodded in agreement and dragged me to where the man pointed earlier.

He made me sit on the ground together with everyone else and he sat beside me.

“Okay, everyone!!” (Korean) the same tall man clapped his hands once to get our attention and the cries quiet down for a moment.

“I know you’re afraid, I am too. But please, crying won’t help us right now. We need to stay calm.” (Korean) he muttered and I didn’t care what he meant by what he said. My head is aching so badly and my chest from crying too.

“Stay calm? Are you nuts?! How can we stay calm if we’re going to die?!” (Korean) the blonde guy sitting across from us shot back, screaming.

For some reason, what he said made the people cry so hard and also interjected with the guy speaking.

“Sir, please calm down.” (Korean)

“Just stop with your calm down shits! It’s not helping!” (Korean) the blonde guy said again.

The tall guy touched his hardened jaw and run his hands on it, as if holding back his temper. Everyone stand back as the two of them continued to argue in front of us and also to avoid getting involved in their heated conversation.

“You, shouting there is not helping either!!” (Korean) this time, he shouts at the blonde one and pushed him with his finger.

“Whatever! Do what you want!” (Korean) he said before walking away and the man let him be.

He frustratingly tugs on his hair to calm himself first.

“We don’t want to die, please do something!!” (Korean) a young girl said with her arms draped together on her body to shield herself from the growing cold.

“I’m trying to find a way but it seems both exits are dead ends. It was blocked with fallen rocks.” (Korean) Everyone gasped with the news.

“I hate to say this but I guess we’re completely trapped inside this tunnel.” (Korean)

“Jay, I-I can’t understand them…” I whispered to him but he just shushed me and told me to better not know what they’re talking about.

That made my knees rattle once again. Is it bad news? Are we all going to rot here?

What?!

“But I’m sure help is on the way!!” (Korean) he quickly said right after what he said previously since everyone started to panic once again.

Some guy bumped us as he walks fast to avoid hearing the conversation I guess.

“Hey! Watch out!” (Korean) Jay whispered shout at him and the guy just briefly looked back and continued to walk away. Jay tried to stop him when I held his shirt. The poor boy is scared too, I saw how his eyes glisten with tears.

We all are scared here; the feeling is everywhere it is suffocating.

I tried to even my breathing but to no use. I clutched my chest because it hurts, and my heavy breathing is not helping too.

“Are you okay?” he asked with sense of alertness in his voice. He must have heard how I grasp for air.

“M-my chest hurts. I-I can’t b-breath.” My body feel so numb and I can feel my fingers and toes become so stiff I can’t move them.

“Oh s**t!!” he said as he detached me away from his arms. “Calm down, Sowon. Breathe in, breathe out.” I followed him but I stopped as I breathed in because the pain in my chest continued to constrict.

“I-it hurts!” I cried.

“Damn it!” he cursed before gathering my hair and hold it in place.

“Help her!” (Korean) someone said from the crowd and I can feel all the attention was focused on me.

“What happened?” (Korean) I heard a girl’s voice approaching and I felt her bend her knees in front of me.

“She can’t breathe. Help me please.” (Korean) Jay pleaded and he continued to hold my hair in place and fan my face with his hands.

“Miss, lift your head.” (Korean)

“Sowon, lift your head.” Jay said and I immediately followed.

“Mister, please take off her shoes and unbutton her pants.” (Korean) the girl said once again.

“What?” (Korean)

“Just do it!!” (Korean) and by that, Jay released my hair and went to my bottom, stretched my legs before taking off my shoes and I felt my pants unbuttoned.

“Wh-what are you—!” the girl stopped me before I could even protest.

“Don’t worry, it will make you breathe properly and for your blood to circulate. Your hands are already cold and pale.” (Korean) she said in another language again and I can’t understand what she said. But I trust whatever she was saying so I stayed still.

She opened the top button of my blouse and was shouting to everyone else while I was busy making my breath even.

Then I felt someone massage my toes, fingers and I felt air.

They are all helping me out, thank God.

I don’t remember the rest, just a blurry vision and hearing but I remembered able to breathe well after that. And the pain in my chest slowly disappeared.

“Sowon-ah.. are you okay?” I heard his voice say and I nod. Reassuring him.

I heard him sigh in relief, and pulled me by my shoulder and leaned me on him, and kissed the top of my head.

“Miss, the next time you feel a pain in your chest, just get my attention okay?” (Korean) I looked at her confused before turning to Jay.

“She said just call her if you feel in pain again.” He translates. I turned back to her and smiled. “Thank you so much. I owe you a lot.”

“My name is Yerin by the way.” This time, she said it in English though it’s a bit on the edge but I didn’t say anything.

“Sojung. But call me Sowon.” I said before lifting my hand for a handshake and she took it gladly before walking away.

The atmosphere was heavy, it was already quiet. Based on my wristwatch, we stayed her for 3 hours already.

Everyone has scattered everywhere. They’re either sitting, or walking back and forth. Some of us are still crying, but silently now.

Me and Jay are sitting side by side on a cemented-tiled-chair from the platform of the tunnel, hand in hand. He didn’t let go of my hand after what happened to me earlier.

And since then, I don’t know if what I’m feeling right now is because of the situation we’re facing or brought by the guy who refused to untangle our weaved fingers.

Seriously, we’re holding hands for three straight hours. And I tell you, my hands are already sweating, it’s kind of disgusting.

I can’t sleep, I’m not even sleepy. Maybe because my reflexes are still alert that I can’t keep my insides still. Just a little noise and I already snap. I’m suddenly sensitive about everything around me.

I looked at Jay and found him drawing circles on the tile with his fingers.

“What are you thinking?” maybe I pushed myself too much to speak that my throat suddenly hurts with the effort.

He was silent for a while and lost in his thoughts.

“SinB.” He quietly confessed. “And my dad.”

Hearing that, I held his hand tightly.

“C-can we promise each o-other?” I whispered.

He didn’t say anything and just turned his head to look at me, waiting for my next words.

“That w-we’ll go out of here..” I tried myself to smile though it hurts knowing that I can’t trust my own words. “Together.”

He smiled back, and held my hand tightly than before.