When We Return

Chapter 20

Day 11

“Wet the shirt and press it on her nose.” (Korean) Namjoon ordered.

“B-but hyung, we don’t have enough water. I-it was.. spilled earlier.” (Korean) Taehyung said bitterly, his gaze turning grim.

“Just get it!” (Korean) Hoseok demanded and Taehyung immediately complied.

“N-no, I’m okay. You don’t have to—” (Korean)

“It’s not okay, Yerin, we should stop the bleeding.” (Korean) Yerin tried to protest but the others seconded Namjoon’s side.

Yerin’s nose crooked slightly in the bridge and her nose bleed won’t stop. Her eyes are red from the tears but it just kept on falling, her voice didn’t waver and she didn’t even sob.

How strong is she, honestly?

As soon as Taehyung arrived with a wet cloth in hand, Namjoon carefully placed it under Yerin’s nose and forced her to look up.

My heart is beating erratically from the incident, I really tried to calm myself and even my breathing but I kept on panicking. Pacing back and forth and crying.

Jimin’s arm is in deep pain because he used his injured arm to punch Yoongi. Yoongi’s face is beat with blood and bruises but only Hoseok was able to clean him up even though he’s also upset with the guy.

We all are upset, mad at the least, no, those are understatement. We are burning with such intensity of emotion we can’t even figure out what we’re feeling right now.

We’re mad, hurt, hopeless, sad, alone. All at the same time. We tried so hard to be strong until this point but right we just.. break. I.. I just don’t know until when we’re going to strive hard and survive. All the hope just shattered into bits and is hard to piece it together again.

I’m very certain that this point onwards, we’ll now focus ourselves on how to die.

“Unnie..” I want to comfort Eunha, and Umji, and also Yuju. But I’m exactly the same as them, I need someone to comfort me too.

“Ouch!” (Korean) Yerin yelped.

“Sorry.” (Korean) Namjoon said urgently.

“How is Jimin’s arm?” (Korean)

“He can’t control his arm, hyung. Can’t even move it. It’s too painful for him.” (Korean)

“How much food do we still have?” (Korean)

“Not enough to feed us all.” (Korean)

Their voices came through and out my hearing range, then suddenly, it became muffled. Their blurry voices are distant until all I can hear is a faint line similar to a heart machine. The indication of death..

When we return..

There’s no return anymore. Everything is going to end here. 

“Sowon.” Someone’s calling my name but still a distant voice.

“Sowon!” I turned to look at Jin’s worried face. The moment he held my shoulders and shook me a little, I felt sudden dizziness and witnessed my surroundings swirling in front of me. I held unto Jin’s arms when my knees give in and then darkness enveloped me.

Everything hurts.

It’s like I’m stamped with mountains of brick. I can’t move even a muscle, it literally pains..

I can’t even open my eyes.

“J.. J-jin”

“Hmm?”

 “Jin.”

“Sowon-ah, can you open your eyes?” I made a careful shake of my head. I want to move my body so badly but I can’t turn.

“Hmm, it’s okay.” He whispered. The hand I didn’t know he was holding all this time was gripped firmly by him. “Just continue to rest then.”

I groaned and tried my best to open my eyes, and when I did, I almost cry when I only saw darkness.

“Hey..” only my eyes moved to where the voice was. And sitting beside my lying form, facing my direction, is Jin.

“I… I t-thought I had go-ne bl-blind for a… moment.” I coughed, feeling the dryness in my throat.

“Don’t speak, we don’t have water anymore for you to drink.” I saw him cringe at what he said and I momentarily spaced out, looking at the dark ceiling.

Right.. I remember.

How could I even forget?

Yoongi, and Yerin, and Jin. The food..

My insides start to bubble with mixed emotions.

How..?

How can we survive now?

 Ha, who am I fooling? Ever since the accident happened, there will be no way out. Help is not coming. We are all bound to suffer here like this until there’s nothing left of us. Our family will lose a member, but they can move on, and we.. we are meant to be forgotten for the rest of their lives.

I didn’t know I was gripping his hand very tight when he suddenly yelped and retrieve it away.

“You’re supposed to be weak! Gods, look at my fingers. They’re all cramped!” he cried and clutching his fingers. He’s so good in overreacting. Psh.

“Maynhey..” I barely whispered, but I guess he heard it because he starts to snort.

“What did you even say? Maynhey? What language is that, Sowon?” he teased but in a low voice.

I just rolled my eyes before closing it. “I said sorry!”

“Maynhey.” He mimicked. “Pfft! It’s mianhae, Sowon-ah.” I didn’t answer and just continued to close my eyes.

“Aish, don’t close your eyes! I’ve been waiting here only to see you awake.”

“Then stop teasing me.”

“I won’t promise.” He answered with a little laugh. I clicked my tongue but a smile still escaped my lips. When I opened my eyes again, I tried to move my legs and bend on the knees to sit up but I heard a c***k on my bones.

“Omo!!” Jin gasped and covered his mouth with his hands to suppress a laugh. He points at my knees. “Your bones just cracked!!” he teased.

“Because I was lying on my back the whole time without moving?” I replied mockingly. But Gods, that was so embarrassing! I almost look like an old granny.

“Just help me up!!” I commanded and tried to get up. Even though he’s still laughing, he managed to lift me and let me sit on my butt.

“Ahhh!” I moaned as I stretched my body, then there’s more of bone cracking much to Jin’s entertainment, and then crouched almost immediately after. I literally have no strength.

“Oppa.” I whined and my forehead collided with the side of his shoulder. “I feel so drained.”

He heaved a heavy sigh before tapping my head like a puppy. “We all are.” He said in a soft tone.

“And your biceps are long gone.” I said absentmindedly before poking his now skinny arms.

“So, you just admitted that you have a fetish on it, huh?” I nodded that made him chuckle.

“I guess it’s safe to say it right now. We won’t be living after this anyways.” I said without pause, then he stopped chuckling. I didn’t lift my head from leaning on his shoulders. I don’t want to see his face, I don’t want him to say that we’ll get through this.

I don’t want to hear his encouragements.

Because we will never be..

“Sowon—”

“Can I go to Yerin?” I whispered and I felt him move to face me but I stopped him by the arm. “Please.”

There was no movement after. He stayed very still, and I waited for him to respond. I can tell he was contemplating on what to do or say to me, but he’s being careful on his words.

“O-okay. Let’s get you up.” I pushed myself away from him and he got up first before helping me stand. He looped my arm on his and we walked to where Yerin and the other ladies are, not even far from where we left.

When we reached them, Jin carefully let me sit on the ground before he told me he’ll be with the guys. I nodded in confirmation.

“How’s your nose, Yerin-ah?” I asked and pointed at my own nose. Yerin smiled at me and formed a half smile. The bridge of her nose is swollen with a small cut, and it’s slightly crooked too.

“You?”

“I guess I’m fine. Just a little drained.” I muttered weakly. I turned to the other three and my heart almost sank. The rim under their eyes are so dark and their faces are so pale too. I wonder how I look now, since I wasn’t able to check myself since.

I gathered my s**t together and really forced myself not to cry.

I badly want to live, I so badly want to get over this and go on with my life like I didn’t even experience this s**t but this situation, their faces..

It scarred me, and it will continue to scar me for the rest of my life, even when I’m on the other side of the world, I’d still carry this burden with me.

“Yerin-ah..” I looked behind Yerin and saw Hoseok coming towards us. “Oppa.” Yerin called out with a little pout.

“It still hurts?” (Korean) he pointed at his nose and Yerin nodded.

“But I can handle the pain, oppa. How is Yoongi-oppa?” (Korean) though I couldn’t understand what she said, she still whispered the words to Hoseok while stealing glances on my way. What’s the point of whispering though?

“I can’t talk to him right now, I’m still pissed at what he did. But I’m sorry in behalf of him.” (Korean) Yerin looked back towards the direction of the boys. I tried to search for the thing or person she’s looking at but I couldn’t figure out who or what.

“It’s okay, oppa. I’m angry too, but please, don’t leave him alone.” (Korean) Hoseok smiled at her weakly before patting her head.

“Say what.” His face suddenly lit up with excitement despite the devastating look. We all turned to him as he smiled brightly as if he just thought of something brilliant.

“My baby is now 4 months old, and you’re all going to be her godparents, understand?!” (Korean) he said while clapping enthusiastically. Then everyone gasped, even the boys who heard it approached us, asking something from him while I’m left alone again.

Suddenly, the dark room lit up with all smiles and laughter, and my heart aches with all the celebration.

“Waaa, why did I just think of it just now?” (Korean) Hoseok added and laughed along with others. Umji transferred to my side and carefully translated Hoseok’s words to me.

Tears threatened to escape my eyes after she said the word.

Baby.. He has a baby. Oh my god.

I stared at Hoseok again, his face once full of sorrow, now became so happy. I’ve never thought of him as a father. But I know that he’s a great one.

And here I am thinking the death of my own.

How can I be so cruel?

I want to be happy, because maybe there’s still hope. Looking at Hoseok, looking how excited he is to go home, made me want to live again too.

My gaze traveled all the way to where Jin was standing, and saw the seriousness etched on his face while looking at me.

A tear escaped my eyes and his face softened.

“I’m sorry.” I mouthed those words and he smiled in understanding.

There’s still hope, and we’re going back.

We have to go back. I can’t imagine the baby growing up without a father. I’m not going to let that happen.

I retrieve my eyes from Jin and met Hoseok’s. He smiled at me, his usual bright smile, I could even imagine a spark of light from his teeth.

And I voice out the words in my head.

“Thank you, oppa.”

“Are you feeling alright?” Jin asked me as I feel dizzy once again.

“No, but I can manage.” I replied in labored breath. He moved my hair away from my face and tried to fan me with his hand.

“Are you okay?” I asked him back as I watched his face with worry.

“No, but I need to. For you.” He whispered before looking down and arranged the clothes placed on my lap.

“Aren’t you such a wanker?” I giggled a little when he shot me a hard look.

“I’m a wanker for you though.” I let out a laugh this time because of his cheesiness. Like my God, seriously, Jin?

“Did I flutter you?” he smirk and tried to catch my eyes but I was laughing so much.

“Not enough, Jin. Not enough.” I joked and tried to calm myself. “Wow, I actually felt ten times better now.” I said and wiped away the tears because of my laughter earlier.

“Well, I’m gonna spoil you when we get home.”

Home? When did he start referring our apartment as a home?

I tried to cover my face because I’m actually blushing right now.

“Still not enough?” Gods, I hate that smirk!

“Shut up.” And that’s where I started to cough. Ugh, too much laughter. I forgot my throat is suffering from drought.

“AHH! s**t! WHAT THE—” (Korean) Jin rolled his eyes at the sound of the voice while my heart thumped rapidly inside my chest. Here he goes again.

“Don’t be too hard on me, Yoongi. Don’t you see I’m so sad?” (Korean) Hoseok chased Yoongi around. The man didn’t reply but Hoseok kept on making weird noises.

Hoseok tried to talk to him many times after the incident but Yoongi kept on pushing him away. We told Hoseok to just let him be if he doesn’t want to. But Hoseok is so persistent he turned deaf.

“Stop it!!” (Korean) Yoongi’s booming voice made me flinch, I bet everyone else is. Jin became alert beside me. We watched the both argue in front of us.

“Why do you keep on trailing behind me when all of you clearly doesn’t want to be around me?!” (Korean)

“Why are you even trying so hard?!!” (Korean)

Hoseok stopped on his tracks when Yoongi suddenly made an outburst. I fear another fight will happen so I held on Jin’s arm to stop him if ever he moves to interfere.

“We’re not pushing you, Yoongi. You are the one pushing yourself away!” (Korean) Hoseok argued that released a mocking snort from Yoongi.

“Oh really?” (Korean) he turned, trying to look for something until his gaze fell on our direction. When he did, he flashed that evil smirk that never failed to scare me, and pointed at us, specifically at Jin.

“So, who’s going to tell him? Not pushing me away? HA!” (Korean) he turned to look at everyone else.

“I’m the unwanted one here! While all of you are laughing and enjoying together.” (Korean) he pointed at a far distance. “I sat there, alone.” (Korean)

“You chose to isolate yourself from the very start, Yoongi. So, don’t put the blame on us.” (Korean) Namjoon spoke behind him and Hoseok shut him off by waving his hands in Namjoon’s face.

“Yeah right, I forgot I’m actually at fault about everything here. Well, sorry perfect man!” (Korean) Yoongi shot back. Jin tried to stand up but I held his arm tighter.

“Please, Jin.” I pleaded and shake my head, he breathed heavily.

“It’s going to be fine. I promise.” He said before releasing my grip on his arm and stood up.

I saw Yerin approaching too but Hoseok just waved her off. They argued for a moment while Namjoon and Yoongi continued to exchange words.

“At least don’t be an asshole right now.” (Korean) Jin interrupt the both and I could see Hoseok harshly rubbing his face with his hands in frustration.

He was trying to make peace in both parties but everyone else is not going with his plan.

I panicked the moment Yoongi threw a hard look on Jin and noticed how he curl his fist. I’m not going to witness another exchange of punches today so I quickly stood up to stop the commotion.

“Hyung please, stop making matters worse.” (Korean) Jungkook and Jimin rushed immediately and tried to talk it out to Jin but urgh, this guy is just so freaking annoying.

I tapped Jungkook’s shoulder to let him know that I’ll handle it. “Jin..” I whispered softly but he grabbed my arm and placed me behind him so fast that I almost trip because of the speed.

That’s where I realize Yoongi had reached out to grabbed his collar. Hoseok was trying to get him off.

“Stop getting into my nerves, you motherfucker!” (Korean)

“Hyung please!” (Korean) Hoseok almost kneel just to get rid of Jin. I quickly hug his torso from the back to prevent him from advancing forward.

Yoongi let go of him harshly, not forgetting to push him hard that made us stumble but luckily, I back up with my left foot backward preventing us from falling to the ground.

“Jin, just let them be, please.” I whispered from his back. “Just let Hoseok settle this. You don’t have to interfere.” I continued just to calm him down. What happened with the food and Yerin’s nose, his blood instantly coils up with the thought of him.

And he prefers Yoongi to be away from us as much as possible.

I took the advantage when Jin is still hazy from being pushed and pulled him away with all my might, good thing he didn’t fight off. Or else there will be a series of push and pull here.

“Hoseok, get him away from here. We can’t afford to stop another fight.” (Korean) Namjoon ordered making Yoongi face him.

“That. That! That’s what exactly!” (Korean) he kept on pointing at Namjoon and Hoseok grabbed his arm but hastily retrieved it, now looking again at Hoseok.

“And you’re telling me no one’s pushing me away? You piece of s**t. I hope you die! Liar!!” (Korean) he screamed that made everyone gasped, Hoseok was dumbfounded and stared at Yoongi with a hurt expression.

Umji started crying at what Yoongi said.

His lips were curled downwards, he seems so upset.

“How could you say that to me?” (Korean) his voice wavered and he gulped several times as his adam’s apple bobbed several times too.

“Out of all of them, I was the only one who approached you! I endured your attitude and still chose to spend my time with you but you wished me to die?” (Korean) it was the very first time I saw Hoseok cried, and it was the most heartbreaking thing to watch.

His eyes were begging and tired, and the way he speak is piercing as I can feel how much pain he showed with words. I almost understand what he was saying.

Everyone was quiet. Hoseok stopped talking, but his labored breathing and sob never escaped our hearing. Everyone was waiting for Yoongi to speak.

“I.. I didn’t ask you to.” (Korean) He simply said and walked away, almost trip when he turned.

“That jerk..” Jin said through gritted teeth and was about to march towards Yoongi when I suddenly felt so dizzy I fell butt first on the ground.

“What—”

“Sowon!”

“Oh my god!”

I felt it. I felt it with trembling hands.

“f**k!!! Everyone! Gather around!!” (Korean) series of screams echoed the dark.

The ground. It wakes again. The sound of the ground shaking sent chills on my spine.

The ground is shaking..

Earthquake..

“Sowon, get up!” Jin pulled me up but I can’t feel my legs anymore. I felt vibrations all over my body and my mind momentarily became numb.

“Hoseok where are you going?!” (Korean) Hoseok dash off without looking back.

“Everyone to the wall! Drop and cover!!” (Korean) Yerin yell against the noise made from the ground. Jin literally carried me over. I can’t get enough air as my lungs constricts along with the rapid beat of my heart.

We’re going to die.

We won’t be able to live through this.

I could hear my own voice filling my mind. I watched Umji, Eunha and Yuju cover their heads while kneeling on the ground, crying.

The voices, it won’t stop.

“Get down, Sowon!” Jin forcefully hold me down when I didn’t curl up like others. We were facing each other, but with our faces to the ground. He’s holding my trembling hand while the other is covering his head. I followed him.

The ground continues to shake. And I could feel small rocks hitting my back.

Oh my god, this is going to collapse!

I cried at out when I realize it, the rocks are falling from the ceiling.

“Jin! It’s falling!” I screamed, still head on the ground and Jin held my hand tighter.

“Hoseok-hyung!!”

“Faster, hyung!!” (Korean)

Everyone screamed so I gaze up with tear stained cheeks to look. Hoseok was carrying Yoongi with an arm sling on his shoulder. Yoongi’s left arm is covered with blood. 

They rushed to our side when I heard a rumbling of falling rocks crashed to the ground, along with it was the sound of Yoongi’s scream as he was pushed away and he dropped with his injured hand.

“AHHH! ANDUWE!!”

“HOSEOK!!”

“HYUNG/OPPA!!!”

I let out a bloody scream as I watch Hoseok’s body suddenly disappeared underneath a series of big rocks.

I screamed knowing my throat is already wounded, knowing that I might not be able to speak after this.

But Hoseok..

Oh my God Hoseok!!

“s**t!!” Jin let go of my hand and ran to where Hoseok disappeared.

“Jin!!” I called out knowing that the ground is still shaking. But all of the guys are already crowding the rocks covering Hoseok’s body.

I trembled as I recall how it happened.

No.

This can’t be happening.

Please, God. No!!

My heart was aching to the possibilities.

I can’t—

“Help me pull this off!” (Korean)

“Hoseok, wait there!” (Korean)

“Hurry, pull him out!!” (Korean)

The voices are buzzing in and out my mind, it hurts.

Hoseok, he can’t be dead. Please don’t let him, please.

It’s late for me to realize that the shaking already stopped, everyone is surrounding the fallen rocks, digging up while crying and screaming for his name.

I stood up with my knees jelly, I’m going to help searching for him. I’m going to—

“Unnie, help me. Please.” Yerin suddenly appeared in front of me, her eyes are already swollen with tears, her crooked nose is reddening.

She pulled me towards where Yoongi is, he’s clutching his injured arm while tears are streaming down his face. I don’t know if its from the pain or to what happened with Hoseok.

Either way, I don’t care. He’s the reason why Hoseok is probably dead by now.

The idea of it brings indescribable pain in my chest.

“Please unnie.” I stared at Yerin, she’s crying with me, and that’s where everything clicked. My eyes transferred to Yoongi.

She cares.

“Tell me what to do.” I said in broken voice. Yerin nodded in understanding and we move in action.

“I could see his arms! He’s here! Come help me dig up!!” (Korean) Taehyung’s voice made me look back and everyone else is rushing towards his side. Namjoon is throwing some instructions and they followed.

I got up, even though we’re not done with treating Yoongi. I approached where they are to help but the guys are already there.

“Oppa!!!”

I grabbed on my knees the moment I saw Hoseok’s state. I only saw his head but I know.

I definitely know.

He’s covered with blood.

His head is crushed due to the impact.

I know.

And I cried because I know.

He’s no longer with us.