Nickels

The trial

The trialis set for the middle of November after Halloween so mom can’t dress me in a mask no candy this year the oatmeal lady says stay inside play games eat fresh caramel apples baked in the oven all drippy

nothing is what I say I liked mom to dress me in a mask send me outside to get sweet tarts in the dark No more of that young lady it’s dangerous to be outside needles n poison n sugar rots your teeth nuh huh is what I think but I don’t say anything to the oatmeal lady the sugar makes the bad taste go out of my mouth and I save the masks keep them under my bed tucked in tight with the dust so snake man can’t see my face if he can’t see my face he can’t kill me mom’s mask helps me live I don’t explain that or nothing else to oatmeal lady

the trial is set the date is in stone I can’t move it the kids in school think I’m creepy to be on trial the school lady crawls up my back she is sick the day we make Halloween masks I make my own red n black bat mask I tie it on with string wear it everywhere no one can see me

we all get deposed me the school lady the school man and oatmeal the suit man says I have to say yes or no can’t shrug shoulders he says Do you understand looking me in the face I say yes behind my red n black bat mask

suit man says: yes what

I say: yes your honor

the trial approaches wind blowing my hair I see a child psychologist who points her fingers at me Do you love your mother Yes Do you love your father look at shoes Little Miss So And So show me on the doll where the touching occurred point one two three slide creepy crawly fingers to the spot stick it in the child psychologist blinks behind her big glasses says she will be at the trial to help cope I look at her blank n case she tries to creepy crawly her way in through the eye holes

The child is non responsive she says the next visit behind a closed door non responsive is what she says because she can’t get in behind my red n black bat mask my head gets heavier than a boulder thinking about the trial is all I do

one day the trial comes creepy crawly spider up my back bone to visit me Hello trial I say to it n eat my oatmeal n get ready to go to the courthouse with oatmeal lady oatmeal colored hair lady dresses me up in new clothes a dancy girl with ribbons I pull out

oatmeal lady says: leave in hair

I say: rip them out throw them down

Oh oatmeal lady says I step on the ribbons under my shoe no more pretty ribbons for the honor to judge I decide not to like oatmeal lady set my mask on so tight my nose can’t barely breathe through the holes makes a whish whish breathing sound

Whish whish

Who did it

The head board did it

judge So And So presiding bam bam bam get down on your knees to pray all rise all sit I’m in the front row keep my skirt tucked tight so judge honorable won’t see down it

judge says: young lady what is your name

I say: my name is Little Miss So And So

Repeat that for the court I sit stare is what I do to make people think retard the judge says Contempt n suit man runs over says So And So say your full name so I do My name is Little Miss So And So mom says nothing sitting in her chair in the audience

the lady who points her fingers is next to her like they are friends I am a bad girl so I won’t talk no more be quiet like dad says I shake my head yes no the judge permisses it suit man is happy pulls me off the stand takes me out for ice cream then back to oatmeal get sleep don’t be tired for second day testing

get up eat oatmeal go to court with oatmeal lady second day questions sit on the stand look at mom shrug shoulders can’t shrug your shoulders have to nod yes no or say it yes no yes no the head board the suit man from dad’s side asks questions I sit stare retard adjourn court back at three

the suit man buys Burger King onion rings hamburger Pepsi tells me to talk on the stand it’s okay nod yes no yes no suit man drinks his pop says You have to talk I nod

suit man me oatmeal lady drive back to court sit in room until it’s time to take the stand mom is in the audience with her friend the child psychologist the suit men ask questions I nod yes no yes no squeeze the black pebble I found on oatmeal’s step keeps me from floating away mom cross her legs the creepy crawly school lady is in the audience next to the school man everyone listens to how bad I am

bad girl bad girl bam bam bam the honorable judge adjourns to tomorrow morning nine a m sharp

suit man says: tomorrow is important. I’m going to ask if your dad hurt you remember what to do

I say: nod yes

suit man says: you can tell the truth your dad can’t hurt you anymore

I say: nothing

nine a m comes to me in the night sharp as teeth smacked is what I get if my teeth touch dad’s snake nine a m sharp as teeth in the night hit upside the head dad says if you tell I’ll kill your mother I nod yes no yes no shrug shoulders squeeze pebble look at mom in the audience keep her alive

oatmeal lady pulls me out of bed feeds me oatmeal to be strong with oatmeal makes a muscle on her arm

she says: strong

I say: swallow

she says: what did your dad do you can tell me the truth

I say: stare at oatmeal cold lumpy bumpy tan oatmeal

she says: you have to tell the truth

I say: stare at oatmeal the color of carpet

ride car to court sit on top swing lasso Be strong oatmeal says smiles I’m a cowgirl swinging my rope not going to court I’m a cowgirl not going to court! not going to court! I catch people with my rope!

The dayhas finally arrived suit man child psychologist spider leg lady say: The day! shiny and bright I ride through the streets on the car chasing people with my rope suit man child psychologist spider leg lady sit in a room with me waiting for the honorable judge and his sharp nine a m

suit man says: this is it

child psychologist says: grab onto my hand

I say: pull it away

spider leg lady says: we’re going to do it Little Miss So And So

suit man says: I have a good feeling judge honorable will be on our side

spider leg lady says: then you can come back to our school

child psychologist says: and play with the other children

suit man says: fifteen minutes

child psychologist says: important you tell the truth Little Miss So And So

spider leg lady says: you are safe now

I pull my mask back tighter until the strings bleed skin n my eye lids flatten out like a China girl’s I creepy crawly off the chair under table on the floor out door

suit man says: where are you going Little Miss So And So

I say: into a hole

suit man child psychologist spider leg lady say: come back here! we have a lot invested in you!

invested I creepy crawly back wait for a m sharp to arrive in a black robe down to its knees It’s time! it’s time! suit man excites around the room we sit down in court honorable judge all rise all sit all pray child pointy finger psychologist whispers to suit man suit man turns slams fist down runs to the honorable judge’s table points and jumps in the air one two three times

bam bam bam sit down judge says suit man sits mad dad is at the table next to me suit man stands up sits down yells my client cannot testify intimidation judge honorable bam bam One more outburst and this court will be contempt says honorable judge honorable

my knees scrunch together suit man meets with pointy finger lady talks to honorable judge his sleeves crossed over his chest bam bam bam I sit on the stand stare at my shoes fancy dancy shoes squeeze the pebble in my pocket Little Miss So And So dad sits at the table hands together Little Miss So And So! I say nothing shrug shoulders suit man says show the court on the doll gives me a doll I drop it look at dad out of the tops of my eyes he looks mad mom sits in the audience saying nothing I sit on the stand saying nothing Show me on the doll where you were hurt who hurt you no answer just stare at shoes watch mad dad through my mask eye holes Who Hurt You stare Who Hurt You Little Miss So And So I stare and stare digging a hole a deep a far away Little Miss So And So! I stare Please Tell The Court Who Hurt You The head board is what I say the head board did it judge honor bams session over case dismissed the girl must be crazy

* * *

The ceilinghas goose bumps rock a bye baby rock a bye baby the ceiling has more goose bumps on it than the skin of a chicken without feathers stretched on the counter stretched like a mouth when fingers pull it open stretched on the counter skin peeled off the meat n bones mom doesn’t like the fat of the skin the bumpy bumpy skin

crazy girl! crazy girl! the headboard sung crazy girl the judge judged crazy girl the suit man shook his head the child psychologist looked out of her big glasses the oatmeal lady left crazy girl in court the spider leg lady won’t go up her back no more creepy crawly crazy girl all alone

crazy girl rides home in a car that’s me crazy girl rock a bye baby rock a bye baby That’s what you get mom says your dad’s mad he went out to cool down Whoo! whoo! steam whistle shooting through my brain cool down dad’s mad I don’t get no ice cream mom says Your dad said to have you in bed before he gets home

the snake’s back I don’t get no supper no food no fried chicken meat or mashed potatoes or long skinny green beans for crazy girl straight to bed mom pulls down the shades it’s still light out not time for bed mom leaves the door cracked

crack the back the headboard spat I don’t get no supper not the skin stretched out on the counter bumpy n pink or the meat in the pan sizzling hot or the bone poking out white n round no supper for crazy girl everyone knows she’s crazy

I sleep under the blanket listening for mad dad to come home slam the garage door like he always does like he always yells at mom Is supper ready Big Fat Stupid Miss So And So is it what I want made the way I want Big Fat Stupid Miss So And So I shut my eyes tight listen until my ears grow big as the room the biggest ears in the world listening for mad dad to come home slam bam the garage door yell at mom sneak his snake up the stairs to my room where I sleep waiting in my bed like a princess gone dead

my ears hear a creaking stair my ears are good the best ears in the world all alone crazy girl has the best ears in the world! creak creak creak someone is sneaking up the stairs I slit my eyes like a sneaky China Doll Girl slipping out her eyelids the door opens it’s mom Bad girl she says from the door with her face pointed like a knife to take the bumpy skin off the chicken meat white bone bird in the pan bad bad girl mom says her hand gripping on the door knuckles white as the bone in the pan don’t ever let anyone find out again

stupid crazy girl let someone find out! stupid crazy girl is going to burn in hell mom said so don’t do it again stupid crazy girl or mom will kill you in your sleep with her bumpy knife to peel the bumpy bumpy skin like the the bumpy bumpy ceiling

the birds chirp outside it’s still light out but crazy girl is in bed for being bad Chirp Chirp Peep Peep they sing and play and jump around while I wait I wait and wait and wait n my ears get heavy from waiting n so they need a rest n so they rest on the floor the biggest ears in all the world sit down on the floor in my room crazy crazy girl locked in her room

mad dad is home! mad dad is home! my ears tell me mad dad is home slam bam slam the biggest ears in all the world hear it all Where Is She Is She In Her Bed What’s This Why’s The Skin Off You’re So Fat You Should Skip The Whole Damn Meal bam bam bam my ears hear mad dad go downstairs to his bathroom Click goes the handle Flusssssshhhh goes the water Snap Snap Snap goes his pants Stomp Stomp Stomp go mad dad’s feet up the stairs my ears disappear they heard enough mad dad kicks open the door swooosh c***k the door slams into the wall

I sleep sleep sleep n sleep more n mad dad’s not here I can’t hear a thing my body’s dead gone buried sleep sleep sleep n more sleep n more sleep mad dad climbs into bed he gets on top of crazy girl the one without a body dead n gone I Told You Not To Tell Anyone mad dad puts his hands on my neck chicken neck buck buck bah buck I Told You Never To Tell Anyone Our Little Secret the snake swishes over me crazy girl dead body eyes closed sleeping sleeping sleeping Open Your Eyes my eyes don’t open they can’t I’m sleeping not here can’t hear Open Your Eyes fingers choke snake swishes Open Open Open can’t breathe can’t breathe can’t breathe

whish whish whish can’t breathe can’t breathe Open! Open! Open! can’t breathe can’t breathe the air sticks in my throat can’t breathe can’t breathe choke choke choke I open my eyes There That’s Better Good Little Miss So And So mad dad lets go of my chicken neck

I can breathe! I can breathe!

mad dad snake swings over my legs settles on my knee a squishy snake on a pile of rocks my body is rocks dead rocks on a bed a head rock a neck rock a knee rock a foot rock a toe rock a arm rock head arm neck leg knee touch your toes bend over one two three creepy crawly spiders slithering snakes tongue l*****g mouth

Pah! Pah! Spit the head rock at the headboard crazy girl’s mouth got two tongues in it

Keep Your Eyes Open mad dad grabs my chicken neck again Keep Your Eyes Open I Want You To See Everything From Here On Out No More Pretending You’re Asleep You Little b***h Ever Tell Anyone Again I’ll Kill You And Your Mother

Crazy girl! crazy girl! keep your eyes open!

mad dad sits up his snake poking out his pants unziiiiip! Kiss Em round things in my eyes nose face mad dad fingers stretch out my mouth streeetch round things in my mouth Kiss Em Kiss Em Kiss Em cant see cant breathe whish whish whish round things in my mouth

mad dad makes noises noises noises mother downstairs creaking around frying chicken meat hot sizzling smell round things in my mouth dog hairs on my lips noises noises noises chicken with no skin sizzling chicken no skin bumpy skin on the counter spread out flat fry it up crispy for dad’s supper noises noises noises Good Girl petting my hair Good Girl This Is Our Secret Don’t Ever Tell Anyone Again

Never tell again! Never tell again! The headboard sung sang sung

snake on my neck mouth eye nose face chicken face chest face stomach face down there face the gooey jelly face going to die me going to die me

Don’t talk baby talk! mom no like you talk baby talk!

ceiling. way up high above me all the ceiling bumpy n white I see it through the China girl slits in my bat mask bat mask bat mask come to save the day! bat mask! bat mask! mad dad’s snake slithers through the rocks the down there face slither slither show me on the doll poke it in stretch it out with mad dad’s fingers vaselined streeeetch the down there face is stretched open like a mouth slither slither for the snake slither. the ceiling!

there it is the ceiling bumpy white ceiling bumpy white ceiling bumpier than chicken skin frying in a pan the white knuckles spit spat grease on the floor the white knuckles clean it up before mad dad mad dad thump thump thump crazy girl’s head hits the board

Knock knock

Who’s there

The head board

Whose head board

Crazy girl’s head board that’s who

the ceiling is white n bumpy n I stare at it white bumpy ceiling sky over my head the rock head of the rock body lying on the bed with mad dad’s snake slithering through it mad dad eats the chicken skin bumpy n fried flat when he’s through with crazy girl n white knuckles creaks upstairs to clean up the grease spit in my face crazy girl’s face the face down there

rock a bye baby rock a bye baby the ceiling has more goose bumps on it than the skin of a chicken without feathers stretched on the counter stretched like a mouth skin peeled off the meat n bones rock a bye baby