Caught in his chain

Victoria

I had a glass of wine , my kids were asleep in their room .I was drowning in deep thoughts. My marriage is at a standstill ,I don't know what is happening or where my marriage us heading all I know is it's not heading in the right direction.

Travis walked into the house , quiet as usual with a friend on his face, I can't say he had a bad day at work since he just landed a million dollar deal, his career is taking on greater heights , he's doing well financially but at home he's just another stranger I don't know .

Why did he change ? All those times he said he loves me were all lies ? I believed him because I love him .

" Travis we need to talk " I said .

He looked at me , and threw his hands in the air .

" what now ? Need more money? I will wire it to your account tommorow you can buy as many clothes and diamonds as you want ", he replied .

It's always about luxury to him , he thinks money is what makes me fulfilled and happy well he's wrong . Very wrong .

" How long have you been keeping this from me ?"I asked .

" Victoria am not in the mood"he said .

"I don't care if you are or not , I want answers now !" I replied .

He growled.

"What do you want me to say? That am sorry , you want me on my knees to beg for your forgiveness? keep dreaming , I have to get up early for work "he said .

" Are you gay ?" I asked .

" Victoria please, am not discussing this with you "he remarked . I need to know ,how hard is it for him to just admit he's cheating on me with another man,men , whatever .

" All those times you went to a business trip was all a lie , you lied to me this whole time , what do they do that I don't?"I asked .

"argh, Victoria , Victoria , Victoria , you are irritating and nagging me , what do you want from me ? money ? another house? cars? Goodness aren't you satisfied . A lot of women would kill to be in your shoes and here you are playing nagging betty "he said .

Travis had no remorse to how much pain I felt , he broke my heart into a billion pieces .

Money and luxury is not happiness, I miss being loved and shown affection . I miss the feeling so much . We used to be so close and happy , he was the most romantic guy I ever met , maybe fame changed him ,but he was was famous by then so I don't know what shifted , something went south in him . It breaks my heart to learn he kept his sexuality from me after all this time we have been together.I wasn't against him being gay ,I just wish he would have told me earlier then we would have figured out what to go about it especially with my children I try as much as I can to shield them from social media and the media itself. The internet is very toxic .

What if people found out about his sexuality, all this time he has denied being gay ,even when gay rumors were circulating around him he denied it all and as his wife I came to his defense .The rumor settled down and eventually left him .

But now they are not just rumours but facts , he is gay.Its only a matter of time before the media or some blogger gets wind of it .

" Travis don't turn it on me , you think its all happiness when you hardly even help your kids with homework, I have covered up for you a thousand times lying to my babies you are busy working yet you stabbed me in the back with your homies ? Seriously , banging in a suite. while your children need you , we miss you . I don't know this version of you , I didn't marry this . The Travis I used to know is long gone . "I said .

I took my glass of wine and went to the kitchen . I poured the leftover wine and rinsed off the glass returning it to it's cabinet.

Travis went to the gaming room , no apology of any sign of wanting we talk things .He was so ignorant .

I had a shower and changed into my nightdress.

Sleeping will be hard but I need to .I am having thoughts of separation or divorce .

How long will I stay in this marriage ?

As much as I love my kids I don't think I can stay in an unhappy marriage all in tbe name of "doing it for my kids " it's toxic for them and they don't deserve a toxic home.

I will make a point of going to a lawyer in the course of the week , just to hear what is at stake if I file for divorce and how to get full custody of my children .

He walked into the room , none of us speaking to each other . He went to the bathroom banging the door behind him , shortly after he came back.

He rubbed his nose .

Is he sniffing coke!

" Travis you can't bring that to the house we have kids " I stated.

" this isn't their room " He replied , he shook his head , the coke was getting into his system..

" that isn't you speaking ", I replied .

"whatever", he replied .

Is this what my marriage is coming down to from puppy love to living like enemies. To a point he is now doing coke , what if the children find those stripes of coke in the bathroom? I don't want to even imagine of what would happen if they did .

"Undress "he barked .

"what?"I asked .

"I said undress, get naked , I want to f**k you , do it now !"he said .

" Am not a prostitute to order around , tell that to your bitches . "I uttered .

He pulled be by my arm and tightened his grip.

"I said get undressed , "he said .

"you can't force me Travis , I said no period, besides you could get arrested for rape ."I said.

He let out a laughter .

" You are my wife, there is no such thing as rape in marriage you must fulfill your responsibilities one being granting your husband his conjugal rights , don't be disobedient , do as I say . "He said .

That made me think of the number of women that get sexually abused in marriages all because its a conjugal right must be so many , explains why a lot of women don't like speaking about their marriage s*x life .

"No "I said .

He frowned .

"Did you just say no to me ? Your husband?" he said.

"Yes I did , I will not have s*x with you especially after what I have seen in the suite I prefer to sort myself elsewhere or get another man out there "I said .

He stared at me with fascination .He never imagined I would stand up for myself .

He signed .

"Victoria , do you now see why I go outside? You , my wife denying me s*x and you expect me to stay put ?goodness! "he said.

Hes doing it again , turning it all against me and making it seem like am thw problem once again .I don't debt him s*x ,hes barely at home ,I have had to fend for myself , from taking care of Phoenix and Dhalia including being all by myself while pregnant .I owe I to Jamie for always bring there for me .

" You had s*x with a man , he is not your wife , you were his b***h, don't come at me acting like am a problem , Travis own up to your mistakes and stop blaming it on everyone " I affirmed .

Anger mounted on his face ., he clenched his fist .

" That's how I felt Travis , all that anger inside me is not close to how terrible you act right now . "I said .

" You want to know why I went out? Your v****a is sick, looks like a rotten cabbage that's why I don't lick you and smash you like a w***e , you are sick woman !"he said.

I was dumbfounded well he doesn't act like am sick when he's moaning how addictive and juicy it is .

"says the same man that wanted to rape me a few minutes ago , when we had our first night you said how hot it was , you loved every bit of me, don't play with me"I said .

He let out a devious smirk .

"You had two kids, you foolishly think it still feels the same , I just hit it because I want to get some juice out , I mean look at you ? You are fat , slow , your t**s are dropping , spots all over your face, your hair is ugly , you look ugly , I have to pay papparazis to edit your photos before the public eye sees it . If I leave you no man will take you. You look so wasted"he said .

His words were hurtful , like vinegar on a wound.

" You are lying "I said tears balancing on my eyes .I hated to show him I am weak but I couldn't , since I had Dhalia and Phoenix I felt so insecure about my body .I feel so stretched out and a slob so those comments he made pretty much got to me .

" Victoria , look at yourself , you turned me gay . I loved you but you look so terrible and ugly , I lost interest in you way back before you had kids . You were beautiful , fresh and amazing . Now ,you just look old , fat all over you , I do you a favour having your pictures edited otherwise you could have been some viral cheesy meme, . "he said.

"Travis , stop " I said , tears building on my eyes.

" The truth hurts I know , I wouldn't want to be in your shoes though . A flappy looking v****a , fat , slow and ugly , all in one gosh I pity you, I am disgusted to sleep next to you , do you hear what people say about you , my friends say how worn out you look , the media hates you and they say I should have married Gisele instead of you .I agree with them , you are a waste of time "he said and walked out of the room loudly banging the door ,I feared Dhalia would wake up.

His words kept ringing in my head, did I lose my beauty after having my children? I love my kids to death , I would never blame them for my body changes. I eat healthy, I work out , I jog , I drink plenty of water. What if Travis is right? That I turned him gay, I made him lose interest in me ? He's an actor , he has won so many awards , so definately he is very good at what he does best ... pretending .