Love and Duty

Chapter 1

Three years later

“Congratulations Major F.Z Suraj, you have once again made your country proud, you did very well on your last three missions to Afghanistan as well, well done soldier, the president sends his gratitude and many regards” general Milkha Singh said with a smile on his hard face,  

Fawwaz saluted and said “Thank you general”

“At ease soldier and have a seat please, there is an issue I have to discuss with you and I feel that I am obliged to have this talk with you, I do not only see you as a soldier under my command but also a son, I have known you since you were just a young cadet in the army” General Milkha said, a thoughtful expression on his face,

Fawwaz had a feeling he knew what this discussion will be about and he was already dreading it, but all the same he took a seat and said “Please go ahead General”

 The man pondered on how to begin for a while then finally he said “I was just hoping to offer some advice on a particular issue”

Fawwaz almost wanted to groan, the man was taking forever to say what he wanted but this was a man he could never disrespect in his entire life so he forced a smile on his face and said “On what issue exactly?”

“Fawwaz, it’s not like I mean to pry or anything but I can’t help noticing that ever since the incident with Shahid Zafar when you lost your mother, your wife and your team mate, you have not been the same ever since” General Milkha said,

At the mention of the past events, Fawwaz felt the memories he had been suppressing for the past three years, with the memories came the pain and with the pain came the anger and with the anger came the unbearable feeling of loss, her death was something that he could not understand, he had left her that day and the net thing he heard was that she was dead, he hadn’t believed it until he saw her lifeless body before him, she had still looked so beautiful that it was almost painful to look at her, he hadn’t known when the tears escaped his eyes, he couldn’t stay there, the doctors had said that her heart rate suddenly dropped and it had given up before they save her.

“So Fawwaz, I was thinking that it would be better if you took a break and used this time off to clear your head and get your thoughts in order, people usually refer to soldiers as robots but we both that is not true, so please listen to me, don’t see this as a request from your commander but see it as a request from a father” the general was saying,

His voice dragged Fawwaz out of his reverie, Fawwaz cleared his throat and said “With all due respect sir, I don’t think I am in need of a holiday that desperately, I understand your sentiments but don’t worry sir, I am very much in a state of mind that allows me to perform my duties perfectly”

The general smiled and said “You misunderstand me Fawwaz, I am not disputing your ability to perform your duties, you have proven your abilities time and time again, but in the last three years you have accepted the most deadly missions, missions that will make men worth their salt shrink back in fear, for the last three years, you have thrown yourself into nothing but work, you haven’t given yourself time to grieve, you are walking around with these pent up emotions inside you, you may seem okay now but I can assure you those emotions will eventually break you, they will break you in ways that no torture method ever could so don’t argue with me on this and take a break, leave everything behind and try to sort out your emotions, take my advice son and I promise you will not regret it”

Fawwaz was quiet for a while, his thoughts were going crazy in his head, he had not allowed himself a single moment to think about everything that happened, he had made sure that he was very busy, so busy that the thoughts were banished into the deepest parts of his mind, he had avoided his friends, he dealt mostly in solo missions and now the general wanted him to take a break,

“Take a break do the hell what?” he asked himself,

He looked at the general’s stern face, he saw the hopefulness in his eyes, this man had been like a father to him ever since he joined the army, he had a great amount of respect for this man, refusing his request when he had the power to simply order him was not something he could do,

“How many days am I expected to take Sir?” Fawwaz finally said,

A smile broke the general’s stern features “As long as you wish Fawwaz, there is no need to rush back to work anytime soon” the general said with a happy smile playing on his face,

Fawwaz almost pointed out that he didn’t want any day off in the first place but he wisely kept his mouth shut instead he said “Thank you sir, I will apply for a month if that’s okay with you”

“Splendid, it will be approved right away” the general said, the smile refused to leave his face,

Fawwaz smiled weakly before he stood up and saluted “Thank you sir, I will take my leave now”

The general nodded his head happily.

Fawwaz smiled and turned to leave, he had gotten to the door when the general called his name, Fawwaz turned to face him “Yes sir?” he said,

“Try to have fun and enjoy your holiday” the general said,

Fawwaz smiled and said “I will try my best Sir”

*************

Ahmad and the guys were seated in the recreational room, they were talking and laughing over food and drinks,

“Really Ahmad, your level of shame has dwindled considerably over the past few years” Mubarak said and took a swing from his bottle of soda, the rest of the guys chuckled,

Ahmad rolled his eyes and said “What has shame got to do with this? I was just simply stating a fact we are all aware of, so what’s the big deal?”

Subhan shook his head and laughed “Yeah, we are all aware of it but nobody asked you to point out that lieutenant Zarah is dating Jawad from secret service” he said,

“No, I mean just look how fine a lady lieutenant Zarah is and just look how…… well I don’t need to tell you what Jawad looks like, I am sure you guys can figure it out on your own” Ahmad said, a mischievous smile pulling at the corners of his lips, the guys roared with laughter.

It was at this point Fawwaz walked in, he watched them laughing and teasing each other for a while, a small smile crept into his face, he had missed these guys no matter how crazy they were, they were surely more than brothers to him, they hadn’t noticed his arrival yet, with a deep breath, he walked up to them, he cleared his throat,

They immediately turned in his direction, once their eyes fell on him, a hush fell over as they faced him, on their faces was a mixture of anger and relief,

“It’s been a while” Fawwaz said,

Team alpha quickly stood up and saluted at once “Major F.Z Suraj, Sir!” they said at once,

Fawwaz chuckled and said “Common guys, there is no need for that between us, no one is watching, we are brothers after all”

Ahmad scoffed “You are one to talk about brothers, we understood everything that happened was not easy, it was tough no doubt but that was no excuse for you to just leave without so much as a goodbye, you say we are brothers but like hell if this is how soldiers behave with one another” he said, anger flashed in his eyes,

Fawwaz remained quiet, there was nothing he could say, Ahmad was right,

“Calm down Ahmad, yelling will get us nowhere” Hussain said,

“And don’t forget we are still on army grounds, you have to speak to him with the respect he deserves” Mubarak said,

Ahmad shot them both death glares.

“It’s okay guys, I understand what I did was wrong, I had no right to cut you guys out like that, so for that I am sorry” Fawwaz said,

The guys smiled “Don’t worry captain, we were not really mad at you, we actually understand what you were going through, it sucked how you behaved but sometimes a man is got to do what man is got to do, we are just glad you returned safely from all those missions” Imran said with a smile and the rest nodded their heads in agreement, all except for Ahmad who scoffed and stormed out of the room,

The rest of them watched him leave the room, Fawwaz sighed and said “Still a drama queen it will seem”

The rest of them laughed, Fawwaz smiled and said “Excuse me guys, I will be back shortly” and went after Ahmad,

He found him standing outside, fuming and muttering words to himself, Fawwaz was able to catch “Annoying jerk” from all his mumblings,

“Quit acting like a drama queen Ahmad, storming out? Really? What, are you five?” Fawwaz said, a smile playing at the edge of his lips,

Ahmad turned around angrily and landed a solid punch on Fawwaz’s jaw, then stood there watching him with a scowl on his face,

Fawwaz stepped back massaging his jaw, a small smile crept into his face “You still hit like a girl but seriously I can’t believe you missed so damn much that my absence left such a huge hole in your heart, perhaps I should feel honored” he said,

The scowl on Ahmad’s face slowly broke into a cheeky grin “Arrogant bastard” he said,

Fawwaz chuckled and said “You always did love to result to violence and primitive words but I will forgive you and blame it on the trauma my absence has inflicted on your poor heart”

A deep chuckle escaped Ahmad’s lips and he shook his head “The next time you ghost us again, i will shoot you right between the eyes the moment I set my eyes on you and know you are gone for good, Am I clear soldier?” he said,

Fawwaz gave a mock salute and said “Crystal sir, crystal” the smile never leaving his handsome face,

Ahmad smiled and said “So are you back for good or are you leaving for another mission again?”

 Fawwaz smiled dryly and said “Not really I won’t be staying long, General Milkha requested I take a holiday for a whole month so that’s what I am going to do”

“I think it’s for the best Fawwaz, after everything that happened, taking some time off will do you a world of good” Ahmad said, a look that bordered between worry and pity was on his face,

Fawwaz hated such looks, he hated it when people worried about him, he hated when they gave him those pitiful looks, clearing his throat, a rueful smile on his lips, he said “I don’t want time off, I don’t want to think about anything, I just want to keep everything locked up inside, that’s what I want to do and nothing more”

“You are crazy Fawwaz, you know that right?” Ahmad said quietly,

“I thought we already settled that fact a long time ago?” Fawwaz said, a smile playing on his lips,

After that they lapsed into silence for a while before Ahmad cleared his throat and said “So what do you think really happened to Sister In-law? Her death was very sudden, don’t you think so?”

Fawwaz felt the blood drain from his face, he had asked himself that question countless times over the last three years, she had no history of heart issues, none that he knew of anyways and the doctors had been so sure that she was out of danger, when he had shot her on the stomach, he had not shot her in an area that could cause death, he was sure she would live and then suddenly he heard she was dead, he had driven like a madman to the hospital, he hadn’t believed it till he saw her lifeless body before him, he was angry and hurt by what she had done but seeing her like that before him, his world really did fall apart.

Puling himself from the memories, looking straight ahead and staring into the distance he simply said “That is a question I will never be able to answer I am afraid”