Assuagement

Chapter 8:Going back to Uni

I don't know what outcome this will bring, but I guess I'll be going to uni tomorrow.

I couldn't sleep the whole night thinking if I really will meet Joe if I go tomorrow. What will I talk about when I see him?? Will he talk to me ?? If he does talk, what will he say to me??

The alarm signalled it's morning already. I don't wanna get up I don't wanna go. Should I go to the uni? I think I should take a rain check because I totally don't wanna be in this situation right now, it's already hard enough to cope without seeing him. I can't face him. But, I wanna know what he wants and why he did that. Maybe I'll be better off without knowing?? But, what if I'll come to regret this day when I could have gone and talked with him. He'll come right?? Jane was so determined, she surely will make him come but what if she won't be able to make him come and I'll just be waiting for him like a fool.

"Argggggggghhhhhh" I screamed loudly, I can't take this anymore.

Let it be.

I just got up and decided to take a shower, maybe it'll help me clear my head.

I looked in the mirror, the tried looking hazel eyes looked right back at me, my eyes look so puffy and red. It even burns when I stare at something for too long. So much for not sleeping all night, its taking a toll on my f*****g eyes!!! I look like I've lost some weight, my cheeks look a bit hollow and my brown hair which was a bit wavy at the end which usually looked good now looked like the end of the broom. I can't do anything about my hair, maybe I should just put it in a bun and I think I should put some concealer to hide those viscous dark circles. I applied some make up, now at least I look somewhat presentable.

I haven't gone to uni for 2 weeks... it's been so long. What will I tell people when they ask me about my absence? I am not that much of a social butterfly, I have limited friends which include friends I share with Joe and Jane and some of her friends. On my own, I'll just keep quiet and be as if I know no one, I guess I am good at being invisible around people.

If it had been a normal day, Joe would been here by 7 telling me "to get my a*s out of the bed" and setting the breakfast he had brought from the café we loved. We would then ride to the university in his car. It has always been like that, we choose the same uni so that we could be together and spend more time with each other. I didn't know that this day would come when he would not be at my doorstep to pick me up. Gosh!!! I was so dependent on him and now that he's gone, I don't know where to start and what to do anymore. I just skipped breakfast because I don't have much appetite thinking about what is gonna happen today. Also, since I don't have my own car, I'm pretty late and if I want to reach for my first class, I really need to run. Jane is not going to give me a ride, so, running it is.

She didn't even come back home after she left telling me to come to uni. What was that girl doing out all night, only that girl knows.

I ran to catch the bus that goes to the uni and I made it in time. Everyone around me in the bus were on their own hustle.

The world is one but every one of us carry our own world, don't we?? While I locked myself in the room thinking it was the end of my world, someone was trying to make new beginning in their own world, someone was getting back on their feet. The world keeps moving on doesn't it? All of us think our world is the most important one among all the people.

Maybe no one had time to care about my absence. My existence isn't as big for people to notice it. We are so crazy busy with our own life that we don't have a moment to glance back to what is going on round us. I wouldn't even be thinking about this if Joe was with me right now. I would have been too happy to think about the existence of any other person except us.

I went and took the 3 classes I have in the morning hour and some people did ask me about my absence and most of them were the professors, my morning went quite well. After that, I went to the cafeteria to our usual place where me, Jane, Joe and his friend sat. Joe won't be here in this time even if he is in uni as he has classes in this hour. I got a can of soda and called Jane. She didn't picked the first time so I called her again, at the third try she picked up.

" Hey grill"

" Why didn't you pick up my first two calls? And where are you? Come to cafeteria at our usual place!!"

"Right round the corner, be there in 2 minutes. Can you get me a bag of chips till then?"

" Yeah!! okay. Just hurry up." I then cut the call and went to get her a bag of chips. When I returned to the seat, she rushed through the door and took the chips packet from my hand.

"What took you so long to come here ?? Your class finished like 30 minutes ago. Andddddd....Where.. did you change your dress, you didn't come home last night as far as I know." I asked as I realized she wasn't wearing what she was wearing when she left the house.

" I hadn't taken out the clothes from the car the other day and it was still there and the one I was wearing got dirty so thought it was cleaver to change since I don't want people looking at my bust all day." she winked at me and had a smirk on her face. We are best friends and we mostly do some brainless thing together but this girl is crazy when she's on her own. I just shook my head.

" I really don't wanna hear what you did to get your clothes dirty okay." She has a bizarre night life after Tan. With all the one night stands she has and when V and I try to talk her about that she just has an old saying for it "The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone..." and we can never have the talk we intend to.

" You sure you don't want to?" She said with the smirk on her face.

"Jane! I'm warning you." I just made a stern face and Jane backed off.

"Okay! oh yeah, I went and talked to Joe before my little adventure. I'm happy that V punched him so hard that he still has the bruise so I did spare him." she said munching on the chips.

I felt the blood draining from my face, and I suddenly feel anxious and hard to breath and my voice came out squeaky when I asked if he wanted to meet me.

" Yes, he did say he wanted to meet you at the 3rd room on the left of the second floor after his class ends... when his class ends is what I forgot."

" I know when it ends. Thanks Jane. I'll go now." I hurriedly packed my bag and scurried from the cafeteria to the room she mentioned.

I strolled in the class for god knows how long when I finally heard the door open. I snapped my head back and saw Joe entering.

As he walked in the classroom I just wanted to run towards him and embrace him. I just miss him, his touch the way he linked his fingers with mine, the way he kissed me, and the way he looks at me right after we kiss. I missed him so bad.

The first thing I noticed when I looked at his face was some nasty looking purple bruise under his eyes and some cuts in his face. Oh my god!! what has Marvin done to him ?? While I was observing what V had done to Joe, I felt a gaze on me and I looked at his brown eyes. The eyes that used to comfort me, the eyes which were always full of love when he looked at me just glazed back at me with no recognition, his jaw was also clenched. I started to feel shivers running down my body and there was goosebumps all over my body. I am just getting the deja vu sensation.

I just remembered the nightmare i had when he struck me with a knife. he has same expression right now. He isn't the Joe I used to adore, know and love right now, at least not the eyes. Does he hate me that much?? What had I done to make him go like this?? I really wanna go and embrace him right now and so I tried to get a little closer to him.

As I get closer to him, the familiarity of his body started to make me feel comfortable. But he backed off and raised his hands . he just don't want me near him. I just stopped and looked at him not being able to say anything. I can sense nothing good is gonna come from the talk we are going to have from this point onwards.

"Hey Joe." I said trying to give a little wave and scratched my head. This is really really awkward.

He just stared at me bluntly and didn't say anything. He looked at me from top to bottom. I hadn't combed my hair and with all the scratching, I don't know how it looks right now. I am starting to get more conscious about what i really look like right now. Messy is the right term to explain I guess.

"So what do you want to talk about?" he asked bluntly. Wait no greetings? What is happening why is he so cold to me.

"Do you hate me?" With all the things happening right now I felt like this is the first thing I should ask so I asked trying to hold the tears back.

" Maybe, but I sure as hell don't like you right now." he said looking right into my eyes.

"B..bU..Buut why? What have I done to make you feel like that?" I just wanna curl up like a ball and cry my eyes out but I need to know what made him hate me.

"You really wanna know? "he asked arching his eyebrows.

"Yes !! Just tell me what made you hate me so much?" I asked with shaky breath.

"Coz you are so goddamn toxic that I can't keep up with you."

A/N: So it's june 13th and it's BTS 7th anniversiarry i got motivated because of them. Any ARMY reading, borahe and keep loving BTS those 7 boys should get all the happiness in their lives coz it's them who inspires us. I only finished this chapter coz of them so #7toeternitywithBTS .