Lethal Attachment

Prologue

I was in full awe while watching him dribble the ball using his left and right hand alternately, making the ball bounce in a striking v-formation. I was sure that he had a fast hand skill when dribbling the ball, but suddenly, it slowed down as my eyes drifted into his captivating eyes that were filled with fierceness as he stared at his opponent.

I never knew that someone who looked like danger could be so attractive to me. His eyes were like a poison that looking at it can be so lethal.

Bigla naman akong nagulantang nang bigla siyang gumalaw upang mabilis na makakawala sa kalaban na nakabantay sa kanyang harapan. Sa sobrang bilis ng pangyayari ay hindi ko na nasundan ang bawat galaw niya. Ang tanging nasundan ko na lang ay ang pagpasok ng bola sa ring galing sa kanyang mga kamay kasabay ng pagtunog ng buzzer at sigawan ng mga taong nanonood sa gym.

Habang nagsisiyahan at nagdidiwang ang ibang mga kamag-aral ko ay nanatili akong nakaupo at pinoproseso ang nangyari.

I wasn't even aware that my jaw had dropped already when someone closed it for me.

Nilingon ko naman si Walter na siyang nagpatikom sa aking bibig. Nakasimangot siya sa akin kaya naman ngumiti ako sa kanya.

"Mukha kang tanga," seryosong sabi niya sa akin.

Agad naman akong napasimangot saka mabilis siyang inirapan bago inilipat ang tingin pabalik sa court kung saan pinagkukumpulan na ang lalaki nasiyang nakakuha ng aking buong atensyon.

Napahawak ako sa aking dibdib nang biglang nagharumentado ang aking puso nang makitang sumilay ang kanyang ngiti habang tinatapik ng mga ka-team mates ang kanyang balikat.

I smiled watching him smile.

I suddenly wanted to thank our PE teacher for watching the championship game of our institute against another institute as a part of our grade, making it mandatory for the whole class. Kung hindi naman kami ni-required na manood ay hindi naman ako mapapadpad dito.

May lumapit sa kanila upang ibigay ang championship trophy sa kanya ngunit agad niya naman itong pinasa sa katabing may nakasabit na pito sa leeg. Paniguradong ito ang kanilang coach.

Bumulong naman siya sa ibang kasamahan at pati na rin sa kanilang coach bago tumalikod at umalis sa pagkukumpulan.

"Sarmiento..." bulong ko sa apelyidong nakatatak sa likuran ng kanyang jersey kasama ang numerong dalawang zero.

May mga ilang huamaharang sa kanya upang batiin sa pagkapanalo ngunit tinatanguan niya lamang ang mga ito at saka ngumingiti.

Nakakapanlinlang ang ipinapakita niyang awra kapag nasa gitna siya ng paglalaro. Taliwas sa maaliwalas niyang personalidad na ipinapakita sa mga nakakasalubong na bumabati.

"Hindi ka mapapansin niyan..."

Muli ko namang binalingan ng tingin ang panirang si Walter. Simula pa noong bata pa lamang kami ay napalaking panira niya na sa buhay. Ngayon na nasa Maynila na kami at nasa kolehiyo ay hindi pa rin siya nagbabago.

"Alam ko," sabi ko na lang at saka umismid bago kinuha ang bag na nilapag ko sa aking harapan.

"Sobrang yaman at maimpluwensya ang pamilya niyan," pagpapatuloy niya. "Alam mo ba na ang hotel na pinagganapan ng acquaintance party ng department natin ay pagmamay-ari ng mommy niya? Pagkatapos ay may ibang kompanya pa ang daddy niya."

"Hindi ko alam," simpleng sabi ko at saka tumayo.

"Oh, saan ka pupunta?" tanong niya at umambang tatayo na rin nang pigilan ko siya.

"Bibili lang ako ng tubig. Nauuhaw ako. Saka mainit dito sa gym," sabi ko sa kanya. "Naalala ko rin na may kailangan pa akong gawin na assignment sa Accounting. Mauuna na ako."

"Sasamahan na kita," pagp-prisinta niya.

Maagap naman akong umiling. "Diyan ka na lang muna. Ite-text na lang kita mamaya."

"Kriesh―"

"Sige na, Walter. Alam mo namang mas nakakapagfocus ako kapag mag-isa lang ako," sabi ko.

Bumuntong hininga naman siya at saka umayos ng pagkakaupo. "Itext mo ako mamaya kapag pauwi ka na para maihatid kita sa apartment mo."

Ngumiti naman ako at saka tumango. "Sige. See you later!"

Hindi na ako nag-aksaya ng oras at saka bumaba na ng bleachers para makalabas na sa gym. Kailangan ko pang pumunta sa kabilang building upang kuhanin sa locker ang libro ko sa Accounting bago ako bumili ng tubig sa cafeteria at dumiretso sa gazeebo para roon gumawa ng assignment dahil bawal ang inumin sa library.

Medyo nahirapan pa ako sa paglabas ng gym dahil sa dami ng taong nanood ng championship game. Hindi ko na alam kung paanong pagsisingit baa ng ginawa ko upang makalabas sa kabila ng mga taong nanggigitgit.

I let out a deep breath when I finally escaped the chaotic realm. Ibang klase ang naramdaman kong ginhawa nang makahinga ng maluwag.

Inayos ko naman ang buhok kong paniguradong nagulo sa pagsingit nang biglang may nagtatakbuhang kababaihan na naghaharutan ang nakabunggo sa akin.

Nalaglag ang aking bag sa lapag at napadaing ako sa gulat at sakit ngunit parang wala silang nabunggo. Nagpatuloy lamang sila sa paghaharutan.

"Won't you two even say sorry to her?"

The two girls stopped from fooling around and turned back. They were both in a panic state, the moment they turned around.

Nilingon ko naman ang lalaking nagsalita at muntik na akong mapaatras dahil sa sobrang lapit niya sa akin. Konting-konti na lang ay bubunggo na ako sa kanyang matipunong pangangatawan.

Tiningala ko siya upang makita ang hitsura at hindi ko na napigilan ang pag-awang ng aking bibig.

Sarmiento!

"Uh... Sorry, Rojan!" Dinig kong nag-aalangang sabi ng isa sa mga babae.

I saw his jaw clenched before he heaved. "Not to me," he said. "But to her..."

Halos pigilan ko ang aking paghinga ng sinulyapan niya ako ng tingin. Napalunok na lamang ako at saka yumuko.

"Uh... Ano... We're sorry," paghingi nila ng tawad sa akin kaya naman nilingon ko sila.

I knew that they were not sincere with apologizing but it was okay instead of nothing.

I smiled at them. "Okay lang."

Nagkukumahog naman sila paalis nang nakapagsalita na ako. Kinagat ko ang aking pang-ibabang labi bago yumuko upang damputin ang aking bag nang naunahan ako ni Sarmiento.

Napatigil ako sa pagkilos at pinanood lamang siya na kuhanin iyon para sa akin. Pinagpag niya pa ang aking bag bago siya humarap sa akin ng maayos upang iabot ang aking bag.

"Are you okay?" he asked me as his concerned eyes laid on me.

Maagap naman akong tumango at saka kinuha sa kanya ang aking bag. "S-Salamat..." nauutal kong pagpapasalamat.

His eyebrows rose when I thanked him.

Pilit akong naghahagilap ng salita na pwedeng gamitin upang maayos kong mailarawan ang kanyang hitsura ngunit wala akong mahanap na tamang salita upang magamit. Words like handsome or gorgeous were an understatement.

I've seen handsome faces from my hometown, in Bela Isla. Even my friends were good looking. Sina Drew, Walter at pati na rin ang mga pinsang lalaki ng kaibigan kong si Emma ay biniyayaan ng magandang hitsura, pero walang katulad itong lalaking kaharap ko. Masyado siyang pinagpala.

"Rojan, congrats!"

Nahatak naman akong muli sa realidad nang may lumapit sa kanya at nakipag-apir.

"Thanks!" He smiled.

"May victory party raw later?" tanong ng kaibigan niya.

Tumango naman siya. "Valkyrie."

"You'll be there, right?" His friend asked.

I slowly pulled myself away from them as they were already having a conversation. May kailangan pa rin kasi akong kailangang gawin.

"Uh... Not sure..." I saw him take a glance at me when I took a step back, and another step back.

"Come on, Rojan! You should be there. You're the team's ace," sabi ng kaibigan.

"I'll think of it..." he said. "We might have a family dinner later."

Tumalikod naman na ako upang sa iba na lang dumaan para makaalis na at hindi ko sila maistorbo sa pag-uusap nilang dalawa.

"Hmm... Jake, I need to go first." Dinig kong paalam niya sa kaibigan.

"Uh... Okay. I'm really hoping to see you tonight, Rojan."

Napanguso naman ako nang marinig ng klaro ang kanyang pangalan.

Siya si Rojan...

Rojan Sarmiento.

I smiled. I'll probably stalk him tonight for sure.

"Krieshana?"

Napatigil naman ako sa paghakbang. Tinagilid ko ang aking ulo dahil baka nagkamali lang ako ng pagkakadinig na mayroong tumatawag sa akin.

Sandaling tumahimik ang paligid at napatango na lang ako sa aking sarili. Iniisip ko lang siguro na may tumatawag sa akin.

Akamang hahakbang na sana ako para umalis nang biglang may humawak sa aking palapulsuhan upang mapigilan. I was struck when Rojan made me turn to him while holding my wrist.

Sobrang init ng kanyang kamay na kayang-kayang balutin ang aking pulsuhan.

Napaawang ang aking bibig sa sobrang pagkabigla. Pakiramdam ko'y sasabog na ang puso ko sa paghaharumentado nito.

"Krieshana, right?" paninigurado niya bago sumulyap sa aking ID na suot. "Nabasa ko sa ID mo ang panagalan mo."

Tinikom ko naman ang aking bibig at saka nahihiyang ngumiti. "Uh... Bakit po?"

Bahagyang napakunot ang kanyang noo. "I believe that we're just on the same age," sabi niya bago iniabot ang keychain na mukhang natanggal sa aking bag. "No need to say 'po'. I'm Rojan, by the way."

Mas lalo naman akong napangiti kahit na punong-puno rin ng hiya ang aking pakiramdam habang inaabot ang keychain.

"Salamat ulit, Rojan," pasasalamat ko.

He smiled at me before nodding. "Take care."

Tumango-tango naman ako saka mabilis nang tumalikod para makaalis upang hindi niya makita kong gaano ako kinikilig dahil sa simpleng interaksyon naming dalawa.

That was how it all started. A simple interaction that made my heart fluttered so bad; that made it fly like how the butterflies in my stomach did.

I thought that I was already fine with just spending my time with him. I thought that when I'm with him, no more insecurity can overlap the happiness and contentment that I was feeling. I thought I could cope up with how fast the world revolved around him.

But that was just what I thought...

"You don't have to worry about anything..." he whispered and smiled at me before he tucked the loose strands of hair behind my ear. "You have me..."

He never failed to assure me that I own him. He told me that I didn't have to worry or be afraid of anything because he was mine. He promised to give me his world because I was the reason why it kept on spinning and revolving. He loved me more than anyone else had made me feel loved.

It was what I wanted, but I also didn't want to dwell too much on him. I didn't want to be dependent. I didn't want his world because it was his and it would be too much for me to handle.

Sobrang hirap sumabay sa takbo ng buhay niya. Kahit paghirapan ko ang makasunod at makasabay sa pagyapak niya ay naiiwan pa rin ako. Iyon na siguro ang sinasabi ng mga tao sa paligid namin na masyado kong ipinagpipilitan ang aking sarili sa kanya kahit na kitang-kita namang hindi kami para sa isa't isa. Natuto lang akong magbulag-bulagan dahil mahal ko siya.

Someone like me can never have his world. I might be able to touch it, but I can never hold it. Moreover, keep it.

I let my eyes wander around the biggest function hall in a hotel owned by his mother. Reputable guests were clapping their hands as the man that I love stood in front of them with his father.

I turned to look at his mother just beside me, clapping her hands as well, while staring proudly at her son with a heartwarming smile on her face.

Nang mapansin niya ang aking pagtitig sa kanya ay ngumiti siya sa akin. Mas lumapit siya at hinawakan ako sa aking braso bago muling lumingon sa harapan kung nasaan ang kanyang mag-ama.

My heart's breaking as I think of what I was about to do. His family was so good to me. If only everyone was like them. It wouldn't be so hard for me...

"My son will finally graduate in less than a month and join Sarto Corporations as the CEO in training to take my place in the company that was started by my great grandfather," Vini Sarmiento, his dad, said. "He will be the one to continue the legacy of Sarmiento. Now, here's my son for a short speech. Ladies and gentlemen, Rojan Sarmiento!"

Tito Vini gave the microphone to Rojan who wasn't even faltered by a hundred of guests looking at him. His confidence was unimaginable. It was one of the things that made me fall in love with him.

"Good evening, everyone..." His low voice enveloped the whole function hall.

He turned to where I was and a smile appeared on his face. I felt his mother's grip on me get tight for a few seconds when her son smiled at me.

"Ever since I was a child, dad already made me envision myself as a leader when I grow up," he started his speech. "At first, I thought that I wasn't fit enough to be the heir of Sarto. The only thing that I'm good at is playing ball. But when I entered college, I started to view myself as someone who will become my father someday. A great leader, a loyal husband, and a good father. In the eyes of my Mom, he was completely perfect. I also wanted to be viewed by the woman I love as someone like him..." He, then, turned to look at me again. "That's why I'll do my best to become a great leader of Sarto. And also, a loyal husband and a good father to my future wife and children."

I bit my lower lip as he didn't look away while saying those words. His eyes remained staring at mine like his words were really meant for me.

You are perfect, Rojan. Loving me was your only flaw.

I bowed my head down as I felt tears were starting to form inside my eyes. Napaangat na lamang ako muli ng tingin ng marinig ko ang pagbati nila kay Rojan na mukhang papalapit na sa kinaroroonan namin ng kanyang ina at kapatid.

"I'm so proud of you, son!"

Binitiwan ako ni Tita Bella upang daluhan ang anak at yakapin.

"Hindi ko akalain na ang makulit kong anak noon ay magiging ganito karesponsable ngayon," naiiyak na sabi ni Tita.

"Mom..." Rojan smiled at his Mom and kissed her head.

He also kissed his older sister who congratulated him before he turned to me. Lumawak ang kanyang ngiti habang papalapit sa akin at sinalubong ako ng mahigpit na yakap.

"Thank you for being here with me..." he whispered, thanking me for my presence. "I love you, Kriesha... so much. I'm gonna marry you after graduation. I swear to God... Ikaw ang babaeng ihaharap ko sa kanya."

Pinikit ko ang aking mga mata habang inaalala ang gabi kung kailang pinakanaramdaman ko ang pagmamahal niya para sa akin. Walang pahintulot na rumagasa ang luha sa aking pisngi. Tuloy-tuloy at parang walang balak na magpapigil.

I loved him but being with him was very lethal. It may not kill me physically, but it was killing me emotionally. Our relationship was a lethal attachment. And so, I detached myself from him to keep on living.