Dreams and Wonders

Chapter 2

[Sydney Paralejo's POV]

"If there's anything I want all of you to remember, it is the fact that paying attention to unsolicited opinions from other people about you will only break you down. Live your life the way you want as long as you are not stepping on other people's lives and they will notice how futile or useless it is to even get your attention," pagpapatuloy ko.

Nakikita ko sa baba ang aking ibang mga kaklase na hindi makatingin diretso sa aking mga mata. Some of them were fiddling with their fingers and some pretended that some dirt were stuck on their shoes. It's so fun making them realize the impact of their own doings.

"Ladies and gentlemen, as we end our junior high school journey here at this very moment, we will be going to embark on a new journey ahead of us. I believe that whenever a door closes, a new door opens. Let us all remember that we are the author of our lives and as we leave this gymnasium, we will be starting to write a new chapter as well. It is going to be a long journey but everything begins with a single step," patnubay ko sa kanila.

It's true, though. We may be graduating from junior high school, but senior high school is still going to be one long journey. Hindi natatapos dito ang paghihirap natin, kasi mas mahirap pa kapag nakatungtong na tayo doon. And I hate the fact that I will have to face new classmates, new personalities, and a new environment.

"I promise you that senior high school is one step away and I encourage you all to be brave enough to take that step. Education is like a race. All of us have our own pace and that doesn't matter whether other people are far ahead of you or some are still behind you. What matters is that you are still running, trying to finish the race," I pointed out.

People always think that they have to be at the same pace with everyone. Lagi nilang iniisip na dapat maaabot nila rin ang isang bagay sa ganitong edad kasi nagawa rin ng ibang tao. And if they can't achieve that, they will be disappointed with themselves and start losing motivation to continue with their life. Gusto kong mataga sa puso't isipan nila na iba-iba tayo lahat ng timeline. There are times when we are at the peak of the summit, and there are also times when were are at the bottom of the mountain.

The lesson here is to not always compare your progress with other people. Small progress is still progress and if you're not doing as well as them, that is fine since your effort is still valid. When it comes to education, I believe that age is just a number. Everyone can go and finish their studies, even if they're old or young because education has no age limit.

I think everyone wants to be successful at a young age because I do aspire to become someone like them as well. But I have learned to accept everything that will happen in my life and just let everything unfold on its own. I think that is the reason why I won't be disappointed if ever I don't achieve my goals right away. As long as I keep myself on the right track, everything I want, everything I wish, and everything I dream will make its way toward me.

"Because even if there are times when you stumble down during the race, as long as you get up and still get on your pace, you will reach the finish line, and you will reach your desired destination. Once again, good morning to everyone." I bowed my head down as another round of applause echoed around the whole gymnasium.

I glanced at my adviser once more only to be greeted with tears in her eyes. Tumalikod na ako sa harap ng maraming tao at naglakad patungo sa hagdan. I walked down the stairs with pride habang bitbit ang mga certificates ng mga extracurricular activities na aking napanalunan at mga medalya na parang mga baryang nagbabanggaan sa bawat hakbang ko.

Kitang kita ko kung paano umawang ang mga bibig ng nga kaklase ko and I smirked internally. "Panuorin niyo ako. Ayan. Tama yan. Mainggit kayo sa tinatamasa ko ngayon," sigaw ng utak ko.

For me, completing junior high school is just a stepping stone because I know that out there, is the real world. Not in senior high school nor in college, but rather after that wherein work will be involved. It's more about survival than just living and I have to prepare for it.

I want to show the world how this burden I carried my whole life is not a hindrance to achieving success. I want to prove to every single person who threw malicious words and treated us like sh*t that they are wrong and that they must take back all that they have said.

"Just wait and see." I smiled at the thought.

I sat on my chair for a couple more hours before our principal gave his closing remarks. It was time for picture-taking and all of the people from the bleachers came down and went to the stage to take pictures of their children. Ang iba sinasabitan ng mga garland, ang iba ay binigyan ng mga bouquet ng mga bulaklak, and others were busy taking pictures while tossing their head caps up in the air just like what we see in movies. I can hear them all laughing with each other, enjoying the success that they achieved. Me? I received none. No garlands, no flowers, and no parents present. It's not like I'm expecting anything, though, so I made my way out of the gymnasium right after natapos ang ceremony.

I walked my way home since it was already sunset and I like the cold breeze touching my face. While holding my head cap in my right hand and my diploma in my left, I looked up at the peach sky with pride. I have achieved another milestone in my life and I hope I will achieve more in the future. Napaisip ako sa speech ko kaninang umaga. Everything that I said on that podium was from the bottom of my heart and I want them all to realize that.

Nakarating na ako sa bahay at agad nagsaing. Bandang alas singko na ng hapon at mag-iisip na naman ako kung ano ang uulamin namin. Just as I was washing the dishes, bigla akong napaisip ng maraming bagay. Pansin ko lang na ang daming pumapasok sa utak ko sa tuwing maghuhugas ako ng plato at hindi ko rin alam kung bakit.

Napaisip ako sa kung anong strand ang kukunin ko para sa senior high school. Hindi ko na inisip kung saang paaralan ako mag-aaral since may senior high school program naman doon sa dati naming paaralan at HUMSS pati ABM ang ino-offer nila na mga academic strands. Another reason is because it is the only school near us and I'm fine with it being a public school para less ang gastusin sa school requirements.

Naisip ko tuloy kung ano ang dapat kong piliin sa dalawa since the strand that I will choose will serve as a preparatory phase para pagdating ko ng college. So basically, ang pipiliin ko na strand ay dapat inclined sa gusto ko na course in college, and at this point, I still do not know what to pursue in college. Education is not for me since I can't see myself teaching in front of the room in the future. I want to be in a workplace where there is less interaction with people. Also, considering our situation right now, I cannot enter big universities unless I become a full scholar and that's another reason why I have to maintain having good grades. Kailangan kong manatili sa itaas if I want to pursue a course of my own choice.

I continued washing the dishes when there was a knock on the door.

"Tuloy lang," I said nonchalantly, not bothering to even look at who it was kasi alam ko naman na si Mama ang dumating. It's just me and her in this house after all. No relatives, no extended families. Just me and her.

"Anak, kumusta 'yong completion?" I looked up at her and saw lots sweat dripping down her forehead. "Pasenya na kung hindi ako nakapunta, ha. Alam mo naman na naghahanap ako ng raket sa umaga tapos no'ng meron na, natyempuhan na ngayon 'yon." I can see the sincerity in her eyes.

I went back to the dishes and replied, "Okay lang 'yon, Ma. Valedictorian po ako. Naiintindihan naman kita at tsaka wala tayong makakain ngayon kung hindi ka naghanap ng raket." I reassured a smile para hindi na siya mag-alala pa.

She smiled and pat my back before going to the bedroom. Life has been very unfair to Mom and I'm really trying my best to make it fair for her. Seeing how she struggled for years is too much to bear. Kailangan kong punan ang mga panahon na dapat ay hindi siya nabibilad sa araw dahil sa labada, mga panahon na dapat ay hindi siya nagbebenta ng sigarilyo sa daan, at ang mga panahon na dapat ay hindi siya nagsasayaw sa harap ng mga malalaswang lalaki. Alam ko naman na hindi kailanman siya nagalaw ng kahit sinong lalaki sa club dahil pagsasayaw lamang ang pinagkikitaan niya doon. Sinabi rin naman niya sa 'kin na sinisigurado ng manager niya na poprotektahan siya ng mga bouncer kung sakaling may mambastos sa kanya.

There are times na nandidiri ako sa kanya, pero kapag tinitingnan ko ang mga mata niya, naaawa ako. Our eyes are the windows to our souls at kitang kita ko sa mga mata niya na mismong siya ay hindi ginustong gawin 'to. Na kung nakapagtapos lamang siya ay sana hindi ganito ang trabaho niya. Na wala na siyang choice kundi pasukin ang ganitong sitwasyon para lang may makain kami, para may pang-gastos sa pag-aaral ko.

Lumabas siya sa kwarto nang nakabihis pambahay na at bitbit ang isang supot. "Ayan, anak. Nakabili ako ng karne ngayon kasi madami-dami rin 'yong nabenta kong mga sigarilyo kanina." Ngumiti siya at nasiyahan sa sarili niyang pagsisikap.

"Magkano pala binigay sa 'yo ng amo mo, Ma?" sabi ko habang hinahalungkat ang loob ng supot. Inilabas ko ang karneng manok at mga de lata.

"Ah, mga 1000 siguro, anak. Pagkasyahin na lamang natin 'to sa isang linggo, ha?" Napakamot siya sa batok niya.

"Ma, 'wag ka mag-alala. Kasyang kasya 'to sa isang linggo. Maghahanap na rin ako ng summer job kasi tapos na ang school year. Tutulong ako sa gastusin natin ngayong summer para naman may ipon para sa pasukan."

Wala akong pinalipas na summer na hindi nagtatrabaho. Kung hindi magwawalis sa harap ng municipal hall ay doon ako naa-assign sa pagpapanatiling malinis ng public bathroom sa parke.

"Ang sipag talaga ng anak ko!" she hugged me tightly and I hugged her even tighter.

She then let go of me at saka nagsalita. "Tamang tama kasi may karne tayo ngayon ay...." She pointed a finger on the side of her head sabay kamot sa baba niya at kunwaring nag-iisip. I laughed at her gesture at parang batang naghihintay sa dugtong nito.

"Mag-a-adobo tayo. Gusto mo ba 'yon, anak?" My face lit up the moment she said Adobo because it's my favorite dish. Plus, si Mama ang magluluto kaya alam kong masarap talaga.

"Kasi naman, alam kong paborito mo 'yon tsaka matagal-tagal na rin na hindi tayo nakapag-Adobo. Kasama na rin 'yong pagka-valedictorian mo, anak. Mas totodo ako ng paghahanapbuhay tuloy kasi alam kong hindi nasasayang ang pagod ko," dagdag niya.

"Oo naman, Ma. Lahat ng pagod mo, nasosolihan ko ng magagandang marka sa eskwelahan kasi bilang estudyante, gano'n naman dapat ang ginagawa ko," tugon ko.

"Salamat, Sydney. Napakabait mong bata ka." Kinurot niya ang pisngi ko. "O sige na. Ipagluluto ko na ang paborito mong putahe kasi alas siyete na at alam kong gutom ka na. Magrelax ka na muna do'n habang naghihintay," sabi niya at kumaripas na sa kusina.

"Sige, Ma." Sinunod ko na lamang siya at nanood ng TV.