Dreams and Wonders

Chapter 4

[Sydney Paralejo's POV]

On the first day of class, I managed to make it to school on time. New faces, new environment, new subjects, everything was new. I took up the Humanities and Social Sciences strand since I'm planning to take up law in college. If there's one thing that annoys me the most, it would be crowded places and this day wasn't an exception.

I walked across the corridors of the school, searching for my name on lists pinned on each door. I made sure not to make physical or eye contact with anyone. Don't get me wrong, I like socializing, but I only talk to those who talk to me first. I'm only friendly to those who are friendly to me.

Upon finding my name, I went inside the classroom and eyes immediately darted over me. I looked back at them and they eyed me from head to toe. Umiling na lamang ako at humakbang patungo sa pinakagilid na upuan, malapit sa bintana. Kitang kita ko kung paano sila bumulong na para bang isa akong kriminal.

"Alam mo ba, p*kpok ang mama niyan. Malamang nagmana rin 'yan."

"Diba siya ang valedictorian dati sa school na 'to?" tanong ng isang transferee.

"She doesn't even have friends. Paano kasi, ang pangit ng ugali, eh, hindi naman kagandahan. Pwe. Kaya walang lumalapit sa kanya," sabi ng kaklase ko last school year.

I decided not to mind them. Nandito ako para mag-aral at matuto, hindi para magdisiplina ng mga aso. Dumating na ang teacher namin at nag-briefing patungkol sa mga subjects and schedules. As always, we introduced ourselves at pinabayaan na kami para makipag-socialize sa mga kaklase namin.

This is one of those awkward moments where you just sit and wait for anyone to talk to you. I wasn't expecting anything, though. Alam ko namang walang may pake sa akin at wala rin akong pake sa kanila. They already have their small groups, and circle of friends, and I stayed silent in my chair. It's better to be off alone than be with toxic people. You'll just end up being backstabbed and I don't have time for that. I have been independent all my life so this isn't new to me.

Nang kumpletong nakapasok na kaming lahat ay nagsiupuan na ang mga kaklase kong kanina'y nagchichismisan. A teacher entered the room and put all of her things above the front desk.

"Good morning, class. Since it's the first day of class and we don't know each other yet, magpapakilala muna tayo this day at tsaka orientation sa subject ko," pangunguna niya.

I can't help but feel nervous as my anxiety was going wild. Isa ito sa pinakaayaw ko na mangyari dahil sigurado akong hindi pa ako makapagpakilala sa sarili ko ay alam na alam na nila ang buong pagkatao ko. Thanks to the gossips during my junior high school days, I guess.

Nagpatuloy sa pagsasalita ang aming guro. "Okay. When you introduce yourselves, please state your name and your expectation in this subject," our teacher said.

Para akong tanga na nakayuko lamang sa aking upuan. This is getting awkward as I can hear murmurs behind my back. Sana hindi na lang ako pumasok sa unang araw ng klase.

"I'll go first. I am Cara Esteban and you may call me Ma'am Cara. I'm expecting all of you to actively participate in class activities and recitations, hindi 'yong isa lang ang taga-sagot para sa buong klase niyo. Understood? Now, it's your turn. We'll start at the back,' pamamaalam niya.

Agad akong napaangat sa aking ulo at kitang kita kong nakatingin silang lahat sa kinaroroonan ko. Ang iba ay nagpipigil ng tawa at ang iba naman ay walang emosyon ang mukha. Habang nakatingin silang lahat sa akin, ang mga mata nila'y para akong hinuhusgahan mula ulo hanggang paa/.

'Yong tipong parang alam na nila ang sasabihin ko. I looked back at our teacher just to see her staring at me as well.

"Ako po, ma'am Clara?" I blurted out.

"Ikaw po. Kindly introduce yourself, please?" sagot naman niya.

I hesitantly stood up and acted as if I was not nervous at all. I don't want them to think that I'm a wimp by just even introducing myself.

"My name's Sydney Paralejo. My expectation in this class is that it won't be heavily loaded and that I will learn many things in this subject. Thank you." I sat back down in my chair and I could hear whispers all around the room. Ano pa bang pinagtatataka ko? I already expected this to happen and I can't do anything about it. Magchismisan sila hanggang sa maubos ang laway nila kakatalsik sa kanilang kausap.

"Thank you, Sydney," she said as she smiled sincerely. "Sige, next 'yang katabi mo. Please, introduce yourself."

I sat back down on my seat at para akong nabunutan ng tinik pagkatapos kong magpakilala. Tulala akong nakatuon ang pansin sa sahig dahil sa aking nararamdaman. I was relieved that it was done and that I don't have to introduce myself again. Hindi ko gustong maulit 'yong sitwasyon na 'yon. I didn't even bother to listen to the rest of my classmates since I don't really care. I'm not gonna make friends here either so I'll just focus on my grades.

Binaling ko na lamang ang aking atensyon sa labas ng bintana. I stared at the cloudless sky. Its emptiness suddenly calmed me down. I don't know why but I stared at it for what seemed like forever. Maybe it's because the sky being empty is the same as how I feel. There's a part of me that's empty, but I don't know where it is. There's a part of me that's lacking, but I don't know how to find it. Still, I stared at the sky. I realized that the sky is beautiful even without clouds. That the sky is still breathtaking even if plain blue is the only color I see. I can somehow relate to that. My life is bland, it's empty, and it doesn't have any clouds at all. If my life is like the cloudless sky, does that mean there's a chance it'll still turn out beautiful? Even without clouds? Maybe. Maybe not.

Tulala akong nakatingin sa langit nang narinig ko na mayroong tumatawa sa likod ko. I decided not to mind them. I really don't have time to argue.

"Psst!" rinig ko galing sa aking likuran. Hindi pa rin ako lumingon dahil alam ko na kung ano ang pakay nila.

After several attempts of trying to get my attention, tumigil sila saglit saka nagbulungan. Although, I already know that they want me to hear whatever they're gossiping about.

"Ay taray, hindi namamansin. Ganyan pala kapag mga anak ng pokp*k?" sabi nila sabay tumawa.

I flinched at the word. Pokp*k. Bigla kong naalala ang mga sinasabi ng mga tao sa akin dati pa. p****i, anak ni Magdalena, at mga iba pa. Sa bawat sambit nila sa mga katagang iyon ay parang naiiisip ko na kung pwede lang sumakal, ginawa ko na. Dahil alam kong kahit anong sabihin ko ay hindi pa rin magbabago ang nasa isip nila sa amin.

Bigla namang sumagot ang isa namang babae sa tabi ng nagsasalita. "Parang ganyan talaga, sis. Nasa lahi na ata nila 'yang pagkapokp*k," tumawa agad silang dalawa.

The moment they said those words, parang kumulo ang dugo ko. Pinigilan ko ang sarili ko na bugahan ng apoy ang babaeng nasa likod ko. Instead, I shifted my body and I glanced at them at the back with a stone-cold face. Tinignan ko sila gamit ang mga mata na para bang kinamumuhian ko ang buong pagkatao nila. Kung pwede lang magsabunutan kami dito ngayon din mismo ay hindi ko pipigilan ang sarili ko kasi alam kong hinding hindi ako magpapatalo sa mga babaeng ito.

Bigla naman silang natahimik nang nakita ang mukha ko. I remained silent and locked my gaze on each of their faces. Panic was evident in their eyes at hindi sila diretsong makatingin sa mga mata ko.

"A-Ano? May sasabihin ka?" utal na tanong ng isang babae sa kanila. Para akong matawa sa biglang pagkaduwag nilang dalawa.

I chuckled in response. "Wala. Hindi kasi ako pumapatol sa aso." I looked at them from head to toe saka nagsalita. "Sige, tahol lang kayo nang tahol."

Napangaga naman sila sa sinabi ko. "Ang kapal ng mukha mo, ha? Ikaw ang aso-"

She was suddenly cut off when my teacher called our attention. "That's it for our class today. We will see again each other tomorrow. Goodbye, everyone," she said.

Bumaling muna ako sa aming guro at ibinalik ang aking mata sa kanila. "Narinig niyo 'yon? Next time, mag-isip muna kayo bago buksan 'yang mga bibig niyo para hindi puro basura ang lumabas diyan at mapahiya pa kayo. Okay?" sabi ko naman na ikinatikom ng kanilang mga bibig. Serves them right.

Humarap na ako pabalik sa aking upuan at nag-impake sa aking mga gamit. Nagpaalam na kami kay Ma'am Clara para lumipat sa room ng next subject namin. I packed my things and made my way out of the classroom nang biglang may bumangga sa aking likuran na ikinatumba ko.

I landed on my knees at buti na lang at nakasuporta ang mga kamay ko sa sahig. I looked up and saw three girls, chuckling, each with lollipops inside their mouths.

"Hala, OMG. Hindi ka namin nakita, hays. Halika, kunin mo ang kamay ko," said the one in the middle.

I didn't want to reach her hand at first but ended up reaching it nang makitang maraming mga tao ang nakatingin sa amin.

I held her hand and was about to stand up nang biglang niya akong binitawan at tinulak pa lalo sa sahig, my back hitting the floor. Nagtwanan naman silang tatlo pati ang iba sa mga kaklase ko.

She exaggeratedly covered her mouth. "Oops! Sorry, my hand slipped. Ang dungis kasi ng kamay mo, hays."

Hindi ako makapaniwala sa nakita ko. If it weren't for the people around us, baka sinabunutan ko na 'to nang wala sa oras. Why did I even reach her hand in the first place? I should've expected that she'd do that. All of them are the same.

"Chloe, let's go. Ma-late na tayo sa next class," said the girl beside her.

"Yeah. Well, see you again, Sydney. Come on, girls. Let's go," sabi niya.

The three of them laughed while walking away from my sight. I was ready to teach her a lesson she deserves but I know it was not the right thing to do. I picked up my bag from the floor and suddenly a hand appeared right in front of my face. Because of what happened earlier, I ignored and even slapped the hand away from my face and didn't even bother looking whose hand it was. I stood up, pat the dirt on my skirt, and walked to my next class.

This is why I don't want to even get close to people. Kung makatingin sila sa akin kanina na nasa sahig ako ay para akong mikrobyo na kailangan nilang layuan. To the point that disgust was very much evident on their faces while they were looking at me. Do I look filthy? Do I look dirty? Minsan mapapaisip na lang ako kung bakit sa bawat galaw ko ay tingin nila ang baba kong tao.

What happened today will be the reason that I will not trust anyone in this school anymore. If ever that girl does something nasty to me like that again, I'll make sure she'll get a taste of her own medicine.