Cursed

Restless

Cursed - A.B. Lemmiwinks

Lana Greystone

Mandatory therapy sucks, huh? Someone they tell you is more qualified than you to tell you how you're feeling. As if you don't already know it yourself. Imagine years of it. You sit there in a stifling office, on a sticky pleather couch. Maybe it's a jolly rancher from the kid that was in a few sessions before. Forgotten about, melting slightly into the cracked cushion. A small desk fan on the desk, gently lifting the corners of the papers on his desk. Little crinkled paper... God what were they... They remind me of those piñatas the next door neighbor had for their six year old's birthday. Ridiculous sun-bleached rainbow colored ruffles with crinkly paper tassels hanging off of them.

They lazily drifted in the subtle breeze. So out of place. The old man's face was tomato red, sweat beading against his nose, threatening to slide to the tip and get flung off in any direction if he suddenly moved.

He wasn't doing a very good job of masking his frustration at the heat. Made even more so from the drilling and pounding echoing down the halls of the building.

It was a hot summer, for sure; unfortunately the A/C had gone out. I re-adjusted my sticky thighs (for the umpteenth time) and flattened out my modest black dress, cringing at the sound they made as they squelched from being de-suctioned. Sweaty brown baby hairs clung to the edges of my face.

"Do I need to repeat myself?" The man's voice burst into my little daydream and brought me back to the task at hand.

"Sorry." I smiled sheepishly. He cleared his throat, coarsely, and repeated himself kind of briskly. Geez, chill out.

"Journals, write them. Get whatever's in your head out. Might help. I get it that it's hard for you to stay committed to any task, but it might help you learn to get whatever's been bothering you out." Sure he was gruff, uptight even, but I could tell that he cared somewhat about my situation. Even then, I still couldn't get myself to care about it at all. I didn't wanna do this.

"Whatever." I parroted back, with a hint of a grin on my face. "Chill out, Dr. Stevens. Aren't I your last session?"

He was about to grunt out a reply when suddenly the air kicked off in the vent above us, instantaneously, the cold air rushed through and alleviated the sweltering room. He cursed under his breath, then cleared his throat again, stacking the papers on his clipboard and tapping it on the desk. "Of course."

"Maybe it's the curse." I laughed without humor. He didn't even respond. "See you next month."

I swung my bag over my shoulder and left the room, taking care not to look when the whispering receptionists suddenly stopped talking amongst themselves and appeared to be busy doing whatever office work they needed to file. I could feel them peering into the back of my head as I left the room.

I know already, I'm not even marked. I don't know when I stopped caring. Maybe a while ago, when I was still switching foster homes. That is until I learned I actually did have a family, and for some reason, I was kept from a semi-permanent place by the system. Or at least that would be how my inward not so serious conspiracies tell me. An aunt from my mother's side ended up taking me in. The Lux's.

Susan's actually pretty cool; so is her husband John. They already have a kid, Noah. Basically a total social recluse (of course he could never outshine me in the outcast department, I'm a walking, wolfy social pariah) who favored dark hoodies and listening to heavy metal in his room in the dark and playing awfully on the electric guitar.

I got in the backseat of John's old '97 goldenrod Caddy. He was annoyingly proud of it, kept it running almost stellar. It's not even that great of a car, he's just extremely frugal. Not that he needed to be, the man was some genius lawyer, a close advisor to the Beta. He nodded at me, politely through the rearview mirror. He was balding slightly up top on the crown of his head, the rest of his sandy blonde hair buzzed short.

"Therapy go okay?" He asked. I shrugged.

"He wanted me to keep a journal." His grimace mirrored my own, we both knew I had no patience to actually sit down with one thing for too long. I peered at the dark blue sapphire crescent that decorated his slightly wrinkled forehead with intricate swirls that reached his ears. When a wolf reaches the ripe age of twenty, they can fully shift into their wolves and were blessed with the rest of their goddess given swirls, an affirmation of their maturity. The crescent moons themselves filled in with intricate swirls once their mate's have been found.. Every wolf is born with an outline of the crescent on their forehead, swirls upon finishing the transformation and filled in once they found their mate. I would never get to experience that.

And you know what? f**k it. I'm perfectly fine with it. I only ever had distaste for my pack, for treating me the way they did. It's not even my real pack. When they found each other, Susan moved to the Crimson Moon's territory to be with John. Either way, no matter what pack I'm around, they all look at me the same. Many question why they didn't cast me out to live with humans, I won't ever develop my own wolf, as that happens when we go through puberty. I might as well be a mere human. I don't fit in.

Not that I would still be entirely human either, I still possess a few traits that only wolves have, just less powerful. I still am stronger and sturdier than an average human. I still heal at an unprecedented rate, and I'm definitely a lot speedier. Not like the rest of my pack, just what would be considered better than human standards. Vision, hearing, lah-dee-dah.

"Do you need stuff for school tomorrow?" I was about to put in my headphones, but sighed. "I have enough clothes, thank you though." He grunted and drove off.

First day of school.... Yippee. I rolled my window down a little bit, just so the breeze from the highway would batter my face, cooling my head, even the sweaty clumps of hair unstuck and flew stiffly with the wind. I turned on my favorite song and shut my eyes. I was grateful for one thing. I would be going to a regular high school in our district, as a senior, and not one from our pack. That means I would fit in with others at least. No-one to gawk at my forehead. John had argued with the higher ups to let me go to a regular high school, after being homeschooled basically my whole life. To save face from shame probably. Sure, he liked me enough, but I can't really blame him for still being somewhat embarrassed for me.

Felt like sooner than later, but we pulled up the long winding driveway. The house situated about a mile and a half into pack territory in a hidden wooded area. Still highly protected, because John was a very respected member of the pack. Not an Alpha or a Beta, but he was still up there. The bright white, modern house stood pristine and stark against the trees. We pulled into the little garage enclave and made our ways inside.

The house was refreshingly cool from the harsh end-of-summer heat, the savory smell of spaghetti sauce wafted in the air. My stomach grumbled it's complaint as I drifted towards the source of the smell to the kitchen where Susan mumbled frantically under her breath, darting to and fro, chopping onions, garlic. She patted her apron down anxiously, when I entered.

"We're having extra company tonight, so go clean yourself up. The Beta is coming over to discuss business with John." She commanded me sternly, returning to her swift and decisive slices on the cutting board. I knew she wasn't trying to be mean, she just doesn't handle stress well. She's a very neat and organized person, borderline OCD about the way she plans things. I envied her slightly but at the same time, I'm too comfortable in my chaotic lifestyle.

I grabbed a green apple from the fruit basket on the kitchen island and made my way down towards my room. Opening the door, I threw my backpack down on my desk and fell stiffly onto my bed with a thud. My head hurt a little bit, my breath hot against my face trapped by the comforter. I felt like I could lay there for an eternity. My mind was blank, surprisingly. I preferred it that way. Just smelling the lavender scented comfort of my blanket.

"I DON'T HEAR THAT SHOWER GOING!" Susan's voice echoed down the hall.

Groaning, I sat up, head pounding a little heavier with the sudden turn in gravity. I kinda hoped I wasn't getting sick as I made my way to the shower and turned it on. The room filled nicely with steam not long after and I peeled off my sweaty dress and undergarments and tossed them to the ground. I definitely didn't feel up to the judging eyes of the Beta at dinner.

Why couldn't it have been another day? It was already hard enough. Dark thoughts threatened to leak into my mind but i sealed them shut. It's been years, but the pain still lingers. Today was the anniversary of when my family was slaughtered by a rogue vampire. No reason for it. Just hatred for our kind. A hate killing. Needless.

I was sick that day and my family decided to go on an outing to catch a movie and get some ice cream with my baby brother. I remember when my mother shut my door talking to my babysitter about the medicine I needed to be taking. I remembered sleeping not too long after that, maybe it was sometime in the evening but the medicine made me so drowsy.

I slept that entire night and into the next day. I had woken up to get my morning cereal to find my sitter still there, not my parents and my brother's high chair was empty. Her hands were shaking so bad and she could barely look at me when I came down the stairs. Two men dressed in suits were sitting at the kitchen table. The shame I felt prickled as their eyes swept coldly on my markless forehead. Another lady had walked in the room. She was introduced as a social worker that worked closely with the pack.

They barely regarded me as they talked around me about deaths and investigations. At the time, I could barely comprehend what they were saying. My ears perked up when they mentioned my family by name and 'arrangements'.

The sitter sat there in shock. After that, the lady took me by my arm and escorted me out of the house. I kept asking where I was going. All she could do was look me with that same coldness the men had and in the cruelest way possible she said:

"You're an orphan now, I'm taking you to the pack orphanage."

I chuckled grimly, chiding myself softly for letting my toxic thoughts take over as I turned around to rinse the conditioner out of my hair. After I finished rinsing off, I turned the water off and dried myself slowly, still somewhat lost in thought.

My eyes grazed the long floor length mirror that hung on my closet door. My long dark brown hair was drenched still as I worked the towel through it. My almond shaped eyes were bright.

I can say, I can at least appreciate my eyes. I have heterochromia. My left eye is emerald green with amber rays shooting from my pupils. My right, half sapphire blue and half emerald green with the same amber rays decorating the pupil. My lashes were long and thickly framed. My lips were full, soft and pink.

I slid into my white puffy bathrobe that hung on the bathroom door and tried to figure out what I was going to wear. Cycling through the clothes, with a small frown on my face I settled on a black dress. Putting it on, the flowy skirt grazed the bottom of my knees.

The neckline was square shaped and the shoulder straps were at least an inch thick. I chose a simple gold necklace with a small zirconium quartz pendant. I blew dry my hair, which hung in waves down my back before styling it with a flat iron. I looked pretty decent at least, my eyes had subtle circles under them, I was still exhausted. Nothing a little light makeup couldn't fix.

I peeked at the clock on my bedside table. It was 7:29. As if on queue, I heard the front door open; my aunt was welcoming someone in. The food smelled as if it were done. I slid into simple black ballet slippers and left my room, heading for the dining area where I could hear people gathering.

I kept my eyes averted, as to avoid any unpleasant looks that my presence typically caused, and went to the kitchen to grab a coke from the fridge.

Unfortunately, it appeared three men, John, and Susan were already clamoring in the kitchen. My aunt poured everyone a generous glass of a deep red she keeps reserved for special occasions. I felt her eyes trail my outfit, she nodded a silent approval when I peeked at her and returned to the conversation at hand. I opened the fridge looking around for my prize.

"We will go over the negotiations with the Grey Moon clan next time we go in office. The contract needs updating." A deep voice said. His voice rang with authority. Sounds like a Beta to me. I wondered if the other men were his bodyguards. Not that it was necessary, anyone in a position of authority in the pack was freakishly strong. Extensive training and what not. Their strengths are usually reserved for war.

I had realized that it was silent in the room and couldn't help but glance around only to find that he was staring right at me. I had assumed the Beta would be generally older, but the man in front of me was still young. Maybe mid 20's. Ink black hair, honey colored eyes, his hair grazed his eyebrows . Parted, slightly revealing his own mark. Interesting enough, just an outline on his forehead, yet still with the telltale swirls of maturation. He hadn't found his mate yet.

"Uh..." I trailed off awkwardly, before giving a small wave. "Hello Beta." s**t, what's his name... Seeing the look of confusion cross my face, John piped up.

"Beta Alexander, of course, is joining us for dinner tonight, Lana." I blushed and dipped my head in reverence, the Beta's own look of irritation furrowed his brow as he eyed my forehead. Nervously, I draped my hair behind my ear.

"Lovely to meet you." I said, my voice cracking in a way that made me cringe inwardly. He nodded curtly and turned back to my uncle.

"Where is Noah?" Susan mouthed to me. I shrugged and turned back to the fridge, opening the bottom drawer to pick up a can. "Glass." She mouthed again.

I had to stop from rolling my eyes as I grabbed one from the cabinet. I took both to the dining room, finding my usual spot when we have important guests.

I cracked open the can and poured it into the cup, the carbonation popping excitedly. Soon after, everyone filtered into the room settling down into their appropriate seats, the Beta taking the head of the table, and John at his right hand. Noah still hadn't shown up, and I could see the growing anxiety in my aunt reaching a fervor.

Soon, everyone had filled plates and began digging in. I tuned out the droll talk between the Beta and my uncle, and instead thought about school the next day. I wondered if I would fit in. Surely, it couldn't be so bad. I mean if I went to a pack school, I'd probably get bullied relentlessly. Naw, not probably, I'd definitely get bullied. Went through enough of it at the orphanage, all the other kids had marks. Even if they were pre-maturation, they were still wildly stronger than me. That's when I realized everyone was staring at me expectantly. Ah, hell.

"I, uh..." I started, when John spoke up.

"I'm sure there will be no issue with it." He looked at me knowingly.

"After all, discretion about our pack will be of the utmost importance. I need not remind you of all the legal trouble we had to go through with the mayor of the city for the last threat of exposure." My heart thudded as he glared into my eyes. A chill shivered down my spine. I don't even wanna know what happened. I get it now, however.

"Of course, Beta Alexander. My lips are sealed." I made a half hearted gesture of locking my lips and throwing away the key. I blushed and looked down at my plate, twirling some spaghetti on my fork. I hated the way he looked at me. Like I was dirt. I felt dirty. I haven't allowed myself to feel those feelings in a long time, but the power behind him was so obvious, and his displeasure toward me all the more palpable.

They continued on with their conversation though, and soon I was able to let my thoughts drift off again. Before I knew it, everyone was done, and John was escorting them to his office library for a glass of brandy. I helped Susan clean everything up. Noah never even made an appearance.

"Did you text him?" I asked her.

"His phone is off."

"I bet he's just with his friends." She didn't say anything back and I was dismissed back to my room where I took off my clothes and got settled into a t-shirt and cozy shorts. I tied my hair back into a messy half bun and laid in bed, my back propped up with pillows and a notebook and mechanical pencil on my lap.

I had to try, right? I wondered what I should write down. Frowning down at the lined paper, I sighed and tossed the lot on the side table.

I still felt like crap, I really didn't have the motivation to write anything down. It felt lame and forced.

I had turned out the lamp, and let my eyes settle on my window. It was pretty windy, there was a tree outside of my room with low overhanging branches that scraped against the frame. The shadows were visible through the sheer white curtain and hypnotic enough to lull me under where I drifted into a dizzy darkness. The dark was a blanket that held me suspended in a whirling pool.

Soft whispers made my nerve endings tingle. Gentle, crooning whispers... Satisfied, I sighed deeply, letting them cradle me. I have felt these before, ever so often, they would come. I never understood what they said, but they soothed my very core.

As if someone hit a switch, the voices became agitated, I tensed up with the sudden change of tone. They spoke faster, and faster and faster, until they were screaming inside of my head.

"Slow down... You're going too fast..." I murmured, but all of a sudden a white hot searing pain penetrated my forehead, before everything went eerily silent. Suddenly, an ear splitting wolf's howl thundered around me, jolting me awake from my heavy sleep. Cold sweat drenched my entire body, my heart hammering in my chest from the sudden change of stimulation to the humming silence of my room. The branches were scratching fervently at my window. Probably the howling wind...

As I willed my body to calm down from the adrenaline, I laid back down exhaustedly. The movement caused a feeling of nausea to rise up, but not bad enough to act on it. I settled into a restless sleep, dreamless, but I felt the dread of watchful shadows creeping around me in the unknown.