FRIEND OF MINE (2nd Generation HUGS)

Chapter 9 -Sort Of

Chapter 9 -Sort Of

'Let him in, Claudine.'

I didn't bother to check on myself physically because I already knew what I look like, but seconds before the door opened, I did a fragment checking on my heart status. I knew deep down inside of me that it is Ziggy whom I love and it will always be him. Yet, Troy and I had history together at hindi na mawawala yun sa buhay ko. He had been part of my life for four long years, it could have been longer kung hindi ako nakipaghiwalay sa kanya. My gaze went up the minute my office door opened. My secretary enters first before a tall, well-groomed and physically fit young man appears. A smile immediately plastered on his handsome face as he walked towards me. I, on the other hand, put a friendly smile on my face too when our eyes met.

'Hi Belle.' his voice was still the same as I remembered it.

'Hello. Please, have a seat. Coffee?'

'Yes please, thank you.'

'Two coffee please Claudine, less sugar on the other one.'

'Right away Mam.' She hurriedly left my office afterwards.

'So what can I do for you today Mr. Anderson?' I lean back comfortably to distance myself further from him. He is seated right in front of me.

'Too formal Belle. Lighten up please. It's just me.' He slightly chuckled and made me lift the corner of my lips.

'Anong atin Troy? Why this visit all of a sudden?' It was his turn to slacken from his seat and fold a leg. A custom of him that he often does every time he feels relaxed.

'I was just around the vicinity, had a photoshoot with a new brand I am endorsing when I remembered you. So here I am.'

'Hmm. Still into modelling huh.'

'Yup. And you are still gorgeous and prim as ever Belle.' His choice of words were not new to me, madalas niyang sabihin sa akin ang mga adjectives na yun kapag matagal kaming hindi nagkikita noon.

'Some things never change Troy.' We heard knocks before my secretary entered with our coffee. 'The one with less sugar is his. Thank you so much.'

'Still remember my taste in coffee huh?' He utters when Claudine leaves.

'Four years aren't easy to forget Troy.'

'It is, it is indeed.' He stares at me like how he usually stares at me before kapag nilalambing niya ako. I exhaled deeply before shaking my head and removing my eyes from him.

Ito ang isa sa mga ayokong mangyari, yung magtagpo kami ulit dahil hindi maiiwasan na maalala namin ulit ang past namin. Mabuti sana kung I still feel something for this man, pero hindi kasi ganun kadali na turuan ang puso. Kung sana ay pwede na lang diktahan ang heart ng tao at utusan ito na tumibok at mahalin ang taong gusto mo, wala sanang mahirap na situation. Dahil sa malalim na pag-iisip ko ay hindi ko napansin that my phone is ringing.

'Your phone is ringing Belle.' I quickly gaze at my phone, only to find out that Ziggy is calling me again. Napa buntong-hininga ulit ako before putting my phone on mute and placing it on top of my table. 'Unwanted calls? New suitor I presumed.'

'It's none of your business Troy.'

'Ang taray mo pa rin Belle. Hindi ka parin nagbabago towards me. I wonder why.' The ringing stops kaya napasandal ulit ako at my chair. 'Do you have any plans for the day?'

'Why ask?'

'I was wondering if I may ask you out today.' umangat ang isang kilay ko sa sinabi niya.

'Why?'

'Anong why Belle? Can't I ask my ex out for a friendly date? Bawal na bang maging friends sa mga exes ngayon?'

'Troy...'

'Relax Belle, it's just a friendly date. Unless...'

'Unless what?' He didn't answer me but he just shrug his shoulder and smile. Hindi ko magets kung bakit masyado akong defensive ngayon. Siguro dahil ex ko ang kausap ko now, ewan. Troy was a good boyfriend. He is caring and thoughtful at he always see to it na masaya ako and well kahit magkalayo kami noon. Kung nasa bansa ako noon, he always finds time to be with me kahit pa busy siya with his fashion shoots and events. Honestly, wala naman problem sa kanya talaga eh. Nasa akin ang problema kaya ko siya hiniwalayan, heart ko ang problem ko kaya kami nagbreak ni Troy. Although he was against it, kaso ay wala naman siyang nagawa dahil kagustuhan ko ang kumalas na sa kanya.

I watch him as he roams his eyes inside my office. It made me wonder if may bagong karelasyon na kaya siya. Maybe yes since masyadong exposed ang nature ng work nhiya so it is very impossible kung single pa siya until now.

'So. Sama ka sa akin Belle?' Wala naman sigurong masama if I accompany my ex today, tutal sabi naman niya ay friendly date lang. Naalala ko tuloy si Triton with that word.

'Saan naman tayo pupunta?' His famous drop-dead gorgeous smile reappears. A thing about him that I adored before.

'Kahit saan. Tour me at this place, ngayon lang ako nakapunta dito kaya wala akong alam sa lugar na ito.'

'Gawin ba akong tourist guide? Ang ganda ko naman na tourist guide.' I stood up and grabbed my bag. He did too after taking another sip.

'Kaya nga I feel honored dahil napakaganda ng tourist guide ko. I am such a lucky man.'

'Bolero.' I walk towards the door but before I can open it ay naramdaman ko ang kamay niya sa elbow ko. It suddenly gave me a goosebump na pinilit kong hindi ipahalata sa kanya.

'You know na hindi ako bolero Belle. I won't do that to you, ever.' He gently clips some strands of my loose hair behind my ear. 'Ang ganda-ganda mo pa rin Belle.'

'Tara na at bago pa magbago ang isip ko.' I open the door and walk ahead of him pero hindi nakaligtas sa akin ang mga salitang sinabi pa niya.

'Sana sa akin ka pa rin.' It made me stop for a while as my heart beat faster and I suddenly felt awkward. Hindi ko siya nilingon and continue my pace as if I didn't hear what he said.

The sun is glorious outside. Mataas na ang araw but it is not densely hot. The air is mildly cool as we head to a park na malapit lang sa building. We walk side by side habang pinanindigan ko na ang pagiging tourist guide sa kanya. The park has a marvelous proud bridge where it meets both ends at malawak na river that extends far north ng San Francisco Bay. Since maaraw ay hindi gaanong marami ang tao ngayon sa park. When we reach the other side of the bridge ay naupo kami sa isang wooden bench under a large oak tree. He started humming a tune that made me remember the past, our past.

'Stop that Troy.'

'What.'

'Stop humming.'

'Why?'

'Will you please stop doing that?' irritation fills me dahil ayoko nang balikan pa ang mga nakaraan namin. It is not painful for me pero nakaka-guilty lang kasi.

'Doing what?'

'That thing you are doing.' I exasperatedly exhaled and turned my gaze at him. 'Look. What we have has passed already and I don't intend to rekindle what we had.'

'I do.' that made my eyes pop out as my mouth forms an unbelieving O shape.

'Pardon me?'

'Belle.' He held my hand hastily and gripped it slightly. 'It had been a long time since that day you have left me broken. Honestly, I haven't moved on.' I saw sincerity in his beautiful brown eyes. 'It is still you Belle. I perfectly knew deep inside my heart that it was still you all along. Wala akong minahal na iba besides you, hindi nga ako nakipag-relasyon with other women although maraming nakapaligid sa akin. You still have my heart captive Belle.'

Hearing this from him made me pity him more. Paano ko ba sasabihin sa kanya na hindi na siya kilala ng puso ko? That it is already owned by someone way back noon pa? Seeing him now like this, at this state na alam ko na nagsasabi siya ng totoo, makes me feel bad for myself. Dahil alam kong it was my fault kung bakit siya ganito now. Kung sana ay hindi ako pumayag na makipag-relasyon noon sa kanya even if I already knew na si Ziggy na ang nasa heart ko, wala sanang ganito ngayon. Kung sana noon pa ay hindi ko na siya sinagot dahil mahal ko na si Ziggy kahit hindi naman yun nakikita ng bestfriend ko ay sana hindi siya nahihirapan ng ganito ngayon. It was all my fault, I am to be blamed for dahil tinakpan ko ang feelings ko for my best friend by making Troy as my boyfriend.

'Troy, I am not for you. I am not the perfect woman for you, and you know it.' He tightens his grip and places my hand near his heart. His tears are at bay na mas lalo akong na-guilty upon seeing those tears streaming down his cheeks.

'I still love you Belle. I don't need a perfect woman Belle, all I need is you. I need you in my life. You are my life Belle. I need you back, I beg you please. Tanggapin mo akong muli sa life mo dahil ikaw lang ang kailangan ko.'

'I don't know what to say Troy.'

'Don't answer me now Belle. I have confessed to you but that doesn't mean that you need to decide now. Think about it. I am not pressuring you, gusto ko lang malaman mo na ikaw pa rin ang laman ng puso ko. Hindi mo man sinabi sa akin ang real reason on why you have to leave me before, it doesn't matter anymore to me. All that matters to me is you Belle, only you. I hope we can start again.'

Those words linger in my mind kahit pa ngayon na nandito na ako sa bahay ko. Troy and I parted kanina with a smile on his face but I knew that behind his smiles are pains that he has kept for years. Agony of our break up na hindi ko nilinaw sa kanya kung bakit. His confession keeps on returning in my mind now and his appearance as he weeps keeps on flashing in my head. I grab my phone and press a number of the most ideal person I need to speak to right this very moment. My only confidant whom I knew is always there for me.

'Princess. What a pleasant surprise!'

'Have I called at the wrong time Daddy?'

'There is no such thing as wrong timing when it comes to you Princess. Wait, hold on.' I heard him talking to someone and dismissing whoever it was before returning to me. 'Alright, how are you Princess? Don't tell me you've missed your old man already.' narinig ko pa siyang humalakhak that made me miss him even more at napaiyak ako ng malakas that startled him. 'O what happened Pretty Bella! Are you alright there? What's wrong?'

'It's Troy Dad.'

'Bakit! Inano ka niya!' anger laced his words. 'Did he harm you!'

'No Daddy, he didn't.' narinig ko ang pagpapakawala niya ng heavy breath.

'Then what about him makes my princess burst into tears?'

'He is here in San Francisco Dad. We met a while ago, he went to my office. We talked.'

'And?'

'He said that he still loves me, Dad. That he hasn't moved on since we broke up. He wants me back in his life. That he needs me in his life. What must I do Daddy?' muli akong napaiyak after.

'Hush now Princess. Ang love nga naman, very unpredictable. Do you still care for him, Princess? I will not ask if you still love him because I know who is the man you have loved ever since.'

'Of course I still care for Troy Dad, we have history together.'

'Is that feeling enough for you to rekindle your relationship with him?' Hindi ako kaagad nakasagot. 'You see Princess, there are times in our lives that we don't understand why things happen. Just like now in your situation. Maybe you are wondering kung bakit bigla na lang siyang sumulpot out of nowhere at the least time that you are expecting. Coincidence? Well maybe. Fate? Well perhaps. You just have to figure it out kung alin dun ang reason why suddenly your ex appears Princess. I am not saying na makipagbalikan ka sa kanya, but maybe this is what fate wants. You can't just block everyone who wishes to enter your life, Princess. Just because you already love someone else who doesn't see your value.'

'What are you implying to Dad?'

'All I am saying is that, why not give it a try again. Malay mo this time, you will fall for Troy kung yun talaga ang gustong mangyari ng destiny for you. Huwag kang matali sa pag-ibig mo kay Ziggy, Princess. Don't wait for a man na hindi naman nakikita ang halaga mo. Yes you love Ziggy so much, that is not argumentative. But what I want you to comprehend is that, huwag mong ipilit ang isang bagay na hindi talaga para sayo. Yes we are hoping that someday maging kayo ni Ziggy, pero that doesn't mean that you will remain single until that time comes Princess. Huwag mong pahirapan ang sarili mo. I have met Troy already, maraming times na and he is a great man as well. He respects you and I can see that he loves you so much. Gusto ko lang ay ang lalaking mamahalin ka ng totoo Pretty Bella, that if the time comes na mawala na ako here on Earth ay alam kong you are in good hands. Same goes with your siblings, what all fathers want for their children.'

'Do you think I should reconsider Troy Daddy?'

'Ikaw lang ang makakasagot niyan Princess. I don't want to intrude with your decisions, you have to decide on that part. I am just here as your guide, but you get to decide on what you truly want in your life.'

'Thanks Dad. You're the best.' para tuloy gusto kong umuwi ulit ng Pilipinas to be with my family again.

'My daughter only deserves the best kaya dapat talaga the best ang Daddy mo. Hahahahaha!'

'Yeah right! Hahahaha!'

'So how have you and Ziggy been lately? I haven't been seeing him around these past couple of weeks.'

'Wala akong balita about him Dad. I seldom visit our group chat and wala akong communications with him also lately.'

'So talagang pina-panindigan mo na ang decision mo of distancing yourself from him huh?'

'Well, I made a choice already, right?'

'There you go. Tama yan Princess. Always remember that life is short so choose to be happy always. It may not be with the person you love, but at least always look at the silver linings of every situation you're in.'

'Thank you talaga Daddy. You always seem to have all the answers that I need.'

'Just remember to take a deep breath when tough times come. And that you will always have a family here that you can come home to anytime at all.'

'Thanks Dad. I love you so much.'

'And I love you as well, Pretty Bella.'

'Say my regards to Tita Coreen and to my siblings also.'

'Wala dito sila Core and Ezra. Your brother is in Sydney now while your sister is in France.'

'France? Ano naman ang ginagawa ni Ezra dun?'

'I don't know with your sister. Bigla na lang nag-decide that she'll stay there muna, dun narin daw niya itutuloy ang passion niya with fashion and arts.'

'Tawagan ko nga yun. I got to go Dad, thanks for your time. It really means a lot to me.'

'Para sa inyo ng mga kapatid mo Pretty Bella, I have all the time in the world. I Love you Princess, keep in touch always alright?'

'Yes daddy I will. I love you dearly. Bye.'

---

I am with my friends now, gents only without the counterparts. My girlfriend is with the ladies at the mall na malapit lang sa village dahil nagkayayaan sila since kakabalik lang ni Jane from abroad while I am here at a certain bar having some few shots. All are here except for Lightning and Core.

'Have you guys heard about the latest news?' Arzel loudly utters. Me, Thunder, Triton and JV simultaneously look at him.

'What news? About whom?' JV was the first to answer. Hindi ko naman pinansin ang tinanong ni Arzel dahil for sure ay tungkol na naman ito sa chick na madalas niyang i-topic.

'About Bella!' I immediately raise my head and stop tapping at my phone.

'What about her?' sabay pa kaming nagtanong ni Triton that made us glance at each other before looking again at Arzel.

'She and her ex Troy are dating again. It was tagged to her timeline the other night. Haven't you guys seen it yet?' dali-dali akong nagpunta sa social media account ko and check her timeline. There is a photo of them together tagged by Troy himself. They seem to be in a hotel having dinner.

'Nasa San Francisco rin pala si Troy ngayon? Ano yun sinundan niya si Bella dun?' Thunder asked but his eyes were fixed on me.

'None that I knew.'

'Wala ka bang balita kay Bella ngayon Ziggy? How about you Triton?' Arzel momentarily asks us.

'She isn't answering any of my calls to her. Ewan ko lang dito kay Triton.'

`We conversed last week but she hasn't mentioned anything to me about her and Troy. Do you think nagkabalikan na sila Ziggy?' there is a hint of dismay at his voice.

'I don't know. Kayo ang mas madalas na mag-usap dalawa since she have left the country.'

'I guess there's a possibility for a second chance between those two, knowing Bella. Hindi naman siya papayag na makipag-date sa ex niya if she doesn't have any feelings for him anymore.' napaisip ako sa sinabi ni Arzel. Although Bella once told me that she isn't a fan of second chances but people do change at hindi exemption dun ang best friend ko.

'What if they reconcile man, paano ka na niyan Triton?'

'Asshole ka JV! Of course I will be upset pero ganun talaga. The lady gets to choose whoever it is that she finds ideal for her. I just hope that she will be alright, ayos na sa akin yun.'

'Naks! Iba talaga kapag in love ano! Iba ka Triton! You're the man!' natatawang sabi pa ni Arzel as he taps Triton's shoulder and nods with agreement.

'How about you Ziggy? How do you feel about it?' nagtataka ako sa tanong ni Triton. Pansamantala akong nakatitig sa kanya as I empty my canned beer.

How do I feel about it nga ba? Well, I should be happy for her. That's the right thing to feel because I knew that she have loved Troy for years, hindi naman sila magtatagal kung hindi niya minahal yung tao right?

'I am happy for her.' All four of them stared at me with curiosity pero binalewala ko na lang ang mga tingin nila and focus on my next beer.

Right after our drinking session ay umuwi na ako sa mansion. I have received a message from Phoebe kanina na nakauwi na siya so for sure ay tulog na yun ngayon. But I still send her a message that I have just arrived before I head towards the bathroom. After freshening up ay humiga na ako para makatulog na. Bukas ay may usapan kami ni Phoebe that I will fetch her early at the hotel where she stays dahil we will buy stuffs na dadalhin niya pabalik sa mga friends niya in the States. An hour had passed by pero gising na gising pa rin ang diwa ko. I couldn't get myself to sleep kaya kinuha ko ang phone ko and browse at the social media. Nakita ko ulit ang picture nila Bella and Troy but this time ay tiningnan ko rin ang mga comments. Several comments were asking if nagkabalikan na nga daw ba sila but no replies from her. No reply except from one comment na kay Triton pa galing with his question, Second chance Bella? Her reply literally made me fall off my bed. She replied, Sort of.

'Oh what the f**k! Seriously Bella!' I felt my head literally ache as I viewed her response once again at Triton's question. 'Kaya ba ni hindi mo sagutin ang mga calls ko because you were busy with him? Oh freaking s**t!' I throw my phone harshly at the wall, it hits a solid base kaya nabasag ang phone ko and falls on the floor in shredded pieces. 'Damn it!' I quickly march outside my room and head to where my Dad's liquors are located. I think I need a hard drink right now. Hindi ako sigurado kung para saan ang galit na nararamdaman ko at para kanino, but I am deeply irritated at this very moment. The minute I downed two straight glasses was the minute I remembered what she had told me before while I was driving her home nang mang-galing kami sa music lounge. 'Sabi mo you weren't a fan of second chances! Bakit ngayon may "sort of" kang sagot sa tanong sayo ni Triton? Have you had a change of heart towards your ex? Kaya ba ngayon ay "sort of" na ang sagot mo instead of a firm "No"? Is that the real score now, huh Pretty Bella Smith? f**k! Sort of my face!'

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