Spaces in Between

Chapter One: Adrianna

Humans don’t always accept the truth as easily as expected. We go through stages that confuse others around us, stages that even confuse us. In coping with death, we go through five stages that are coined as the Kubler-Ross model but is more popularly known as DABDA.

Denial.

Anger.

Bargaining.

Depression.

Acceptance.

But the thing is, I don’t think that it’s only for coping with death. I think it’s also part of heartbreak. When you’ve been led to believe that someone is helplessly in love with you the way you are in love with them too and then they raise you up so high and when you’re ready to fall, you realize that they left you hanging. I don’t know which is more painful, believing that someone is in love with you when they’re not or having someone leave you.

To a heartbroken, it’s the same thing.

“Aide!”

I looked up from the coffee that I’ve been stirring for the past couple of minutes, or was it hours? “Yea?”

Lily sighed and sat in front of me, her own steaming mug of tea in her hands. She looked at me, her blue eyes boring into my brown ones, “You were thinking about him again, weren’t you?”

I looked away, “He’s coming back. I’m sure of that, Lil.”

I heard the faint thud of the mug set on the table. I felt her stop my hands from stirring and she gently wrapped her pale hands around mine, “Adrianna, it’s been two months.”

The tears were threatening to fall again, “He’s gonna come back. He just can’t leave me like that.”

“Sweetie,” Lily murmured and then scooted closer to me. I allowed her to wrap her arms around me, “You just have to accept the fact that he’s a douchebag who left you hanging.”

I closed my eyes, finally allowing the tears to fall. They will still fall even if I tried to stop them. I haven’t always been able to control them, “It’s not that easy.”

She didn’t say anything. She just allowed me to cry. Two months ago, my boyfriend Adam told me that he had to go to a business meeting in Tokyo. He never called me when he arrived there, didn’t even send a text and when the day of his supposed arrival came, I didn’t hear from him either. I even went to his apartment and to his office and they told me that he had resigned and had probably moved to a different city.

I was devastated.

But I couldn’t believe that he would just up and leave. We were happy in our relationship. We had fun. We had a lot of things in common. It was like we were a match made in heaven and then, and then one day he just wasn’t there anymore. One day, he just decided that I wasn’t meant to have a part of his life anymore and he discarded me like I was some file in his computer that he could just delete when his storage memory was full.

When I looked at Lily, she wiped my tears away. I wondered how I managed to snag a best friend like her. We weren’t friends in high school. I wasn’t exactly popular but I wasn’t a wallflower either. I had a different spunk in me that made me likeable and the fact that I was Adrianna Stewart and my face graced magazines as a pre-teen and teen, it upped my popularity to the kids at school but it didn’t mean that I liked the popularity I held. As much as possible, I tried to steer clear from dramas and stereotypes.

Lily, on the other hand, was one half of the power twins in school. She loved being the center of attention and had practically jumped on every opportunity that was given to her. She was in every club in high school and had managed to get a position out of all of them. If she wasn’t president, she was either vice. She had a lot of fire in her and she knew just what to do with that flame.

During college, we ended up as roommates. That’s when everything changed between the two of us. I guess there was something about living with someone for years that changes the dynamic of relationship you have with them. We knew each other relatively well, we couldn’t even lie to each other. It was nice to have someone who was bluntly honest with you, who didn’t sugarcoat anything, who is willing to hurt you with the truth and then gives you ice cream while you’re trying to comprehend it.

“Listen, sweetie,” Lily said holding my chin with her hand and tilting it up, “I know that this isn’t gonna be the last time that you’re gonna cry about Adam Grayson but please, bear in mind that you can’t waste your tears away for someone who wouldn’t do the same. Didn’t we agree that our tears are reserved for our heartbreaks in our TV shows? Or in joyous occasions like when I win a case or when you finally get your work published?”

She sighed, “I really miss that smile of yours, Aide. I hope I see it again real soon. It brightens my day when my work makes me think of crazy s**t and turns me into a crazy rampaging Bitchzilla.”

A giggle escaped my mouth, “You’re not the B word.”

She rolled her eyes, “I will always wonder how you managed to live with me for all these years and still not cuss like a sailor.”

“Can we have girl’s night, later? You’ve always been busy with your work and stuff and I really think that horrible movies would cheer me up,” I said lightly, “I’ll even go get our favorite tubs of Ben and Jerry’s.”

“Sweetheart,” Lily said shaking her head, “I’m supposed to say those things because you’re the one who needs to cheer up.”

“But you need to de-stress.”

“I do,” she mused, “And you need to get to work. My twin is having a fit because of your constant absence. I plugged out our answering machine so you wouldn’t hear his colorful vocabulary because you’ve been absent without permission.”

I groaned. It wasn’t that I purposely missed work for a week but it’s that time of the month when we celebrated the day that we got together. I had ended up holing myself in my room and watching reruns of Gossip Girl and crying because Blair and Serena got their happy ending while I had my heart broken by a guy that resembled Carter.

“Don’t worry. I do plan on going today and now I have to add buying Logan his favorite Starbucks blend,” I said. I glanced at the clock and realized that I was keeping Lily late, “You better get going, Lil. And thank you. I’m looking forward for tonight.”

“I have your back, chica,” Lily said with a wink and then kissed my cheek, “Through thick thighs and thinning hair, remember?”

I gave her a tight hug and she went out of our apartment and to her work. I sighed and washed the dishes that once held our breakfast, Lily’s rather, I only had coffee since up until now, I couldn’t seem to have much of an appetite. I’ll wait for someone to explain to me how my emotional state is also connected to my stomach.

With sluggish movements, I changed into casual clothes to go to work. I wasn’t much of a fashionista, that was still Lily’s department, but I had my own style. Putting on a pair of clean black leggings and an oversized grey sweatshirt and my boots, I grabbed my black beanie and headed off to work to face another impending doom from Logan Wesley.

“Adrianna!” Logan barked once I entered the studio. He didn’t look particularly happy to see me. Somehow, his angry demeanor was a relief from all the pity I was getting, “What star did you look up to last night that you finally decided to show up today?”

“Your sister,” I answered simply, “Look, I’m sorry, Logan.”

He sighed and tousled his blonde hair, “I know you’re hurt, Aide. But please don’t compromise our work because of your broken heart.”

Logan and I ran an agency. I was a part time model there too since it was always my job, I’ve been modelling since I could walk. Shifting through the paper work and answering the emails from magazines demanding models, I momentarily forgot about the ache in my heart and the hole in my life.

“Knock, knock.”

I looked up and met eyes identical to mine, “Justin.”

My twin brother smiled and sauntered over to me, “Did you get my text?”

I furrowed my eyebrows and ruffled through my drawers, looking for my phone. I read the message he sent earlier and I looked at him with wonder, “Why do they want to have lunch?”

“Dad said he wanted to talk to you,” he replied simply, “I don’t know what it’s about but it seemed important.”

“Why didn’t he just call me?” I asked and then, knowing the answer, I sighed, “He’s still mad at me.”

“You tried to kill yourself,” Justin said quietly, “You can’t expect us to be okay with that.”

I looked away, remembering the day I woke up at the hospital with my family and best friend in hysterics. If Lily didn’t find me at the bathtub, I would’ve been dead now. I rubbed my wrists, closing my eyes, “I’m sorry.”

“No amount of apology could ever change what happened,” Justin stated softly, “Pack your things, you’re riding with me to the restaurant.”

The ride to the restaurant was quiet. I didn’t know what to say to my brother. I knew that they were all mad at me, but they were more hurt. I tried to take away my own life because I couldn’t bear the thought of accepting that Adam has left me. It stung, the pain consistently present in my system. And it was something that I couldn’t just let go, afraid that letting go would mean that it was real, that Adam left me and ended the relationship without even saying so.

“Adrianna,” my father greeted me as soon as Justin and I joined them. I moved forward and gave him and my mother a kiss, “It’s good to see that you have finally decided to go to work.”

I nodded, “Logan was beginning to get piss at my absence.”

“And I see that Lily has been true to her words and is protecting you from yourself.”

I closed my eyes, having enough of his curt tone, “Dad. Please, don’t talk to me that way.”

“Like what?”

“Like I’m a client and this is a business deal,” I responded with a sigh, “I’m your daughter and I know you’re mad at me but please, just support me on this. Adam’s coming back, he’ll come back for me.”

When my father’s hand slapped the hard table, I flinched, “I didn’t raise you to go gaga over some stupid guy, Adrianna! This has got to stop! And if you’re not willing to accept this on your own accord, then it’s about time that I put matters in my own hands.”

“Collin,” Mom scolded him. She looked at me, “Adrianna, I’m sure you remember the Parkers? They sometimes go to our parties at home.”

I had a vague remembrance of a tall dark haired man and a blonde woman who always looked like Hollywood starlets. They also owned the Parker airlines which was second in line to us. But whatever reason that my mother mentioned them, I couldn’t put a finger on, “Yes. I do.”

“He has a son,” Mom started, “His name is James. He’s a handsome young man, an eligible bachelor and he’s single-,”

“You’re not gonna force me to date him, are you?” I snapped, feeling a sense of dread coming over me.

Dad let out a humorless laugh, “We’re not. We’re gonna force you to marry him.”

I stared at him horror-stricken, “You can’t be that cruel.”

“Adrianna,” Mom said softly, “It’s not as cruel as your father implies and you think.”

“How is marrying a guy I don’t even know not cruel in your book?” I said, my voice raising in higher octaves.

Dad shook his head lightly at me, “Don’t raise your tone at your mother, and allow me to explain what’s going on.”

I looked at my father, feeling the anger surging in my veins but I let him have his say, “Will is one of my closest friends. I was hurt over what you did to yourself and I sought comfort for him, asking him if he was willing to have James go on a date with you, thinking that that was what you needed, a different guy to see.”

He cleared his throat as he continued, “When he told me that he had slipped up on the press and had said that James was engaged, I had told him that we could have you as his fiancé. It would only be pretend but you two would be exclusively dating.”

“Our conversation continued until he finally told me that their business was degrading. The Wilsons were coming after them and pretty soon, they would lose everything that they gained. We joked that if you two came through with a marriage, we could merge the companies. It would help theirs and it would expand ours.”

“And then you decided to just go through with it,” I said through gritted teeth, “So this isn’t because you’re concerned about your daughter’s wellbeing, you’re more concerned with expanding your empire.”

“Which you would eventually rule,” he answered simply.

“I’m not gonna go through with this,” I said roughly, standing up, “My heart belongs to someone else and you can’t force me to marry someone I haven’t even met!”

Dad stood up too and when our eyes met, I was held victim of his serious gaze, “You have no choice on this, Adrianna. You will marry James. It was your actions that led me to go to this length and since you don’t want to heal your broken heart on your own, I will heal it for you.”

My head was spinning. Dad couldn’t force me to marry James, whoever he was. What if he was just putting up a front about being a good guy but he was too evil in reality? What if he’ll hurt me physically? I shuddered, remembering a past experience that I chose to bury.

“What if he’s like Tom?”

Dad’s eyes softened. He gently cupped my face and wiped away the angry tears, “I’ve seen James a lot and I’ve seen him grow up. He won’t hurt you, Aide. He’s not like that. He’s not like Tom.”

I let the tears flow as the memories of my past came hurtling to me, sucker punching itself back into my soul, and finally, my Dad said the words that I refused to hear, “He won’t hurt you like Adam did.”