Addicted

Chapter 10.

I walked into the bookstore across the chemist. Emmet gave me instructions of where to go, so all I needed to do was walk there. 

As soon as Zac and I drove back to the house, we went our separate ways. We were silent in the car for the rest of the trip, his voice replayed over and over inside my head. 

‘Don’t, Ali.’

It was like a potent drug. His voice in my head and the thought of his hands on mine. I knew that if we went into his car and continued what we’re doing, I wouldn’t stop. I wouldn’t let him stop. 

I dressed appropriately, but casually. I needed to add a little extra makeup at the corner of my eye, as it was bruised from when my dad hit me. It wasn’t as bad as what I’ve had before, but the bruise was still visible. 

When I go to the front of the bookstore I laughed. The sign at the front of the door read ‘Last Words’. Across the street was the chemist where Zac works. I wondered if he was there now. His car wasn’t in the driveway, then again, neither was Burney’s or Emmet’s. 

I opened the door and a bell chimed, signally my arrival. 

The lady at the front desk greeted me. Her skin was dark, and her curly hair was up in a tight bun. Her lips were thick and painted in a dark purple that complemented her skin tone. 

“Hey, I’m Ali,” I smiled. 

“Zari,” She smiled back at me.

“Is the manager here? I’m here for a job interview.” I watched her face contorting. “Uh, Zac organised it for me.”

“Yes! I’m so glad you came. Come with me.” 

The Last Word was a beautiful place. Everything in the store was basically wood. The register was at the front and behind it was columns of bookshelves. On the side of the registers were stairs leading up to a balcony that wrapped around the store. It looked larger than what it did on the outside. 

“There is our manager- Owen!” She shouts at him. “I’ll be back downstairs if you need anything,” Zari said and went back downstairs. 

A tall guy was putting away a couple books on the balcony shelves and he turned when Zari yelled at him. 

“Hello, I’m Owen, the bookstore owner.” 

“It’s beautiful in here,” I said in complete awe. 

“Thank you. It took a while to get up and running.”

“But it was totally worth it,” I nodded my head.

“Indeed, it was,” he laughed. He looked all over my face. “So how often do you read?” he asked, I felt like he was starting the interview already. 

“As much as I can, whenever I can,” I responded honestly. 

“What genre do you like the most?” He was staring at me over his dark blue rimmed cat eyeglasses. 

“Honestly, I’m a sucker for fiction, from all published dates.”

“Describe your favourite book,” He commanded. 

“I don’t need to,” I answered.

“Why not?” he chuckled. 

“Because it speaks for itself.” 

“How can I hire someone who doesn’t describe their favourite book for me?”

“The book will speak for itself. I can give any book I read a review and I can recommend it to someone, but at the end of the day I cannot convince someone to fall in love with a book.” He looked at me werily and wondered whether I had crossed a line. Why couldn’t I just answer his stupid f*****g question properly? I should have done a review. 

“I suppose, I’ll hold you to that. What are your days and hours that you can work?” I couldn’t help my eyes from popping out of my head and the wide grin that spread across my face. He was serious. He was about to hire me for this position. I kept my eagerness to a minimum and tried to act coy as I answered his question.

“Any day.” I kept quiet about the fact that I had a second job and needed to be out by five. 

“Can you start tomorrow?” He asked. 

“Yes, I can,” I smiled. I resisted the urge to hug him.

“Good. You’ll work Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday. You’ll basically be serving the customers and putting away the books. Zari can give you a full tour of the place. Sound good?” 

“Sounds amazing,” I said, unable to control my large smile.

“Good, you’ll start at eight tomorrow. Zari’s downstairs and she’ll give you a tour of the place.” 

“Thank you so much,” I shook Owens hand and began walking down the stairs to Zari to get my tour of the place, practically leaping down each step, filled with glee. 

I left Last Words and as I stepped outside my phone pinged. It was a message from James. My heart sunk and it felt as if the blood had drained from my face. f**k. I am a shitty person. Here is this perfectly nice guy who wants to know me. This perfectly nice guy who kissed me the other night and here I am a day later kissing someone else. 

I remembered Zac’s lips on me. How his hands were gripping my hips and the sound of his harsh breath. How I could feel him growing against me and how he moaned when he grinded his hips against me. I shiver ran over me, leaving goose bumps all over my skin. I needed to stop thinking about Zac like that. All it was is a kiss. Everyone kisses. But like that? I wasn’t sure. I needed to focus on James right now, not Zac, so I opened his message. 

Hey, how are you? 

I’m good, you?

Yeah good. Will I be seeing you tonight at the Bar?

Yes :) 

Good.

C U then x

I felt sick. I felt like I was cheating. Never have I ever had someone like James be interested in someone like me. Sure, I attracted some attention from men in high school from my slightly above average looks and my natural ability to flirt and lead men on, but none of them I ever considered actually dating… or just having a casual fling with. I’ve hooked up with a couple men when I was drunk at parties but other than that, one of us would always stop before we could go any further. 

It’s not cheating. I knew I was trying to reassure myself now but it’s true. I’m not dating either of the boys I kissed, so technically it wasn’t cheating… 

So, why did I still feel so bad?

By the time I got back home, Burney was there with multiple shopping bags spread out on the kitchen table. Majority of them looked as if they were filled with decorating items. 

“Buy anything for me,” I joked and went over to Burney to look into one of the bags. 

“I bought everything for me,” He smiled at me. 

“How old are you?” I searched his face, surely he wasn’t much older than us. His hair was slightly balding, but other than that he looked young. “If you don’t mind me asking,” I added and waited with a smile. 

“I’m turning twenty-five.”

I was shocked. I knew he was eldest in the house, but he didn’t seem like he was that much older. 

“Huh, I thought you were way older,” I joked again and nudged him with my shoulder. He gave out a loud laugh and then looked up at me through his black rimmed glasses. 

“Beotch!” 

I watched Burney take a couple decorations out. 

“Is there anything I can help you with before I need to get ready for work?” 

“Maybe help me set up the room tomorrow? There’s going to be plenty of single men there and as it’s my birthday, I intend to try and at least get a birthday kiss from one of them, so this place needs to look perfect.” 

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Sounds good,” I said nodding and chuckling. Soo after I helped Burney, I went into my room and got ready for work. 

I dressed in my leather harness top again, taking a little extra time to make sure my hair and makeup looked great, especially if I was going to be seeing James. 

All I had to do was wait for Emmet… Wait s**t. Emmet couldn’t take me anymore. Zac was taking me now. 

If it weren’t for my makeup, I would have slapped my forehead but settled for putting my fingers through my curled hair. 

I was ready to leave my room, but I needed a plan. If Zac forgot that he was taking me and wasn’t outside my room, then I’ll walk. Walking will be fine. But what if he’s there and forgets about taking me? Do I remind him? Maybe I could even borrow his car. He didn’t let me borrow it when I needed to go to my parents’ house, so why the hell would he now. 

I stepped out of my room and Zac was leaning against the purple couch. f**k, he looked good. Dark jeans and a light top seemed to be his style. I could smell him, even from where I stood, the smell of mint and something that smelt like rain made me feel lightheaded.

“Ready?” Zac asked. His eyes looking anywhere but at me. 

“You remembered,” I said to no one in particular. I probably said it to reassure myself that he was actually there waiting for me. 

“Yep,” He said and went to the front door. 

I followed him out the door and we were driving to the Bar.

His smell was all around me and I felt like I couldn’t sit still. There was a charge in the air around us, but I didn’t dare look at him like last time. Instead, I slowly suffered in my seat while he was only an arm’s length away. 

That was until he put his hand on his gearshift. I looked at his beautiful hand gipping tightly around the leather until his fingers stretched out. His fingers touched the side of my leg, but it felt it like it was all over my body. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. I watched, fascinated by his fingers on the side of my leg.

I dared a peak to Zac next to me. He looked like he was in pain, his eyebrows were pulled together and his jaw was bouncing. I think he thought that this contact would make the electricity in the car easier, but it didn’t, if anything it made it worse. It was teasing me, dangling something in front of me that I desired, tempting me into submission. 

He pulled over into a small parking lot that I now recognise to be the Bar employee parking. His contact on my leg stopped and he took his hand away. He looked out of the window, not once looking at me. 

“Thank you,” I said, but I wasn’t sure what I was thankful for. For driving me, or for giving me a little of his touch?

He didn’t respond, so I gathered my things, left the car and went to the employee entrance. 

I got straight into work when I got behind the bar. People were already filtering in. Maddie and I were at the Large Bar and we served quickly together. We were comfortable around each other. People shouted out the orders and we served them quickly. I tossed a bottle behind my back and caught it with my other hand, really giving the people a show tonight. 

I forgot about Zac. I forgot about how my heart rate picks up when I’m around him. I forgot about the electricity I fill when his smell fills my head and all I want to do is to be close to him. I want him to touch me like no one has before, but I didn’t at the same time. 

I turned my head to the left and saw James sitting in his usual seat. 

“Shitty person,” I said under my breath to myself. 

I’m thinking too much about Zac, and I needed to stop. 

“I’m going on a break,” I said to Maddie. It was good he came now, the bar began to die down and everyone was settling in their seats with their drinks in hand. 

I leaned on the counter in front of him giving him a smile and swallowing my guilt. 

“Hey, Good Looking,” I said, making him laugh. 

“Hey,” he responded back. 

“I had a great time the other night,” I said. 

“Me too. We need to do it again soon.” It wasn’t a question itself, but there was something in his eyes that made it a question. Like he was wondering if I wanted to do it again. 

“Definitely!” I said, maybe a little too enthusiastically. We smiled at each other for a moment, saying nothing. 

“Can I get you anything to drink?” 

“A beer, please.”

“Coming up.” I quickly grabbed a beer, popped the top and handed it back to him. He took a sip of it and held it between his fingers on the counter. 

“So, Burney, my housemate is having a party the day after tomorrow. Did you want to come?” I asked it a little too quickly and he asked me to repeat myself. 

“Sure,” he said. “What time?”

“Come over to mine at six.”

“Who else is going?”

“Me, Maddie over there is.” I turned my head to show James who I meant, but I think he already knew. 

“Sweet, a four-person party.” 

“There will be more people there,” I laughed. “Please come.” 

“Okay,” He smiled a goofy smile which made me laugh. 

“I need to take her away, sorry. It’s getting busy again,” Maddie said, her head resting on my shoulder. 

“Got to go,” I said to James, but before I could leave, he got up and gave me a peck on the lips. 

“What was that for?” I asked. I wasn’t angry that he did it, but it fuelled the guilt fire within me. 

“Felt like it,” he shrugged, and I laughed, because I didn’t know what else to do. 

Hours passed and my feet were killing me in my thigh high boots. We were ready to close, walking as many people out as we could and wiping down any surface. 

“I like it when you get your t**s out,” Maddie said. 

I pulled my eyebrows together unsure of what she means by that. 

“We get more tips when you do,” She said, and I laughed. 

“I don’t have a lot to get out,” I noted. 

“You have more than me,” she stated back. She was right of course. Besides a slight little bump, her chest would be considered flat. 

“Can I ask you something,” I said to Maddie.

“Sure,” she said and waited. 

“There’s this guy I like-”

“James?” She interrupted. 

“Well yes, but…” I took a deep breath in. “There’s this other guy as well and they both kissed me and-”

“At the same time?” She asked appalled. I through my rag at her.

“No! let me finish.” 

She laughed. 

“One of them kissed me one day and the other kissed me the next and I don’t know what to do.”

“Are you asking me for advice?” Maddie said and leaned against the bar. 

“Please.”

“Which kiss did you feel more?”

“What do you mean?”

“Which one really made your insides burn?”

I looked at her. I knew the answer, but I didn’t want to say it. 

“So, not James.” 

“Not James,” I confirmed. 

“Ouch, Ali.”

“I know, but he’s so kind and sweet and I’ve never had someone like him interested in me…”

“But he’s not the one.”

“He’s not for me,” I confirmed. 

“I think you’re going to have to let him go, Ali.”

“But how?”

“I don’t know, but you should.” 

We continued cleaning up and putting the chairs on the table. We put the last of the glasses away and the bottles back on the shelves. 

“You’re still coming to Burney’s party right?” 

“Absolutely, are both the guys going to be there?”

I just looked at her. 

“Oh, I’m definitely going,” she laughed. 

“It’s a dress up theme, right?” she asked.

“Yes, dress up as a favourite character from a book or movie.”

“Sound sweet,” she said but was distracted by getting her keys out of her bag. 

Koby walked us both to our cars. I thanked Koby when I got inside of Zac’s car, but took a quick breath before I did, preparing myself for the journey home. 

“I’m sorry,” Zac said. 

I looked at him. His eyes were focused on the road. 

“Sorry for what?” I asked. 

“For the way I’ve been treating you.” He swallowed. “Sorry for giving you the silent treatment since…”

Since he kissed me. He didn’t need to continue. I knew what he meant. 

I nodded my head. I wasn’t going to say ‘It’s fine’ because it wasn’t. 

I could feel that pull that felt towards him again. For reasons I don’t understand, I was drawn to him and I wanted him more than ever. The electricity in the car charged again and it was like I could feel him all around me. 

“Alison,” He said. I love the way he says my full name. I don’t think he’s ever used my full name before, but I loved it. The way his mouth expresses every syllable. The sound sent a wave across my body. 

“Isaac,” I responded, but it sounded to breathy. 

“Can I hold your hand?” He asks, and it’s the last thing I was expecting. 

I nodded by head again, unable to speak. 

I held out my hand in the middle of us and he took it, his fingers intertwining my own. Both Zac and I sighed when our hands touched. 

We drove the rest of the way home, hand in hand and I felt at peace with just the two of us.