D-Day
629 Words
*present day*
Michelle’s POV:
I’ve been at my job for 3 months now. I work nights because my husband, Jeremy, won’t let me put our kids in daycare and it honestly kills me. Staying up all night and then trying to sleep while 2 toddlers run amuck around me. Getting in my face, touching me, climbing on me. And then of course they need things because they are little, so I have to get up every 10 minutes to change a diaper or get them out of things they shouldn’t be in, or stop them from fighting with each other, or to get them a snack or refill their waters. It’s never ending and it doesn’t provide me with nearly enough sleep.
I will say even with the challenges I am much happier now that I am working and I have some autonomy. Jeremy still complains every night about having to watch the kids at night and keeps wanting me to quit again. However, I put my food down and have so far stood my ground against him and his typical reactions and pushy behavior.
Tonight as I’m sitting here alone at work, my thoughts drift back to Zane. As they have almost every day since I last saw him. God, I think it’s been 4 or 5 years now. I don’t understand why I continue to think about him and I can’t let him go, but here I am. Suddenly I decide that I am going to message him.
“Hey” Followed by a poop emoji since that’s kind of our thing for some reason. I almost don’t expect a response. He used to leave me on read constantly. One of the many reasons I don’t think he ever felt the same about me. But to my surprise his message comes back within minutes. We ended up talking over text for hours. I told him that I miss him and that I never really got over him. I told him that Jeremy is abusive and I feel trapped. This man, offered to drive to me and personally help me pack and keep me safe while I do and let me move in with him with my kids in his spare room. I laughed at that because, I mean, how absurd! As the conversation continued it somehow turned s****l like it always does with us. Eventually we started talking about kinks and it turns out the s*x we were having 6 years ago was super vanilla. I know I am moving into dangerous territory. No matter how bad Jeremy is to me, I’m not a cheater and I should end the marriage before talking to someone else like this, but at the end of the day, I love Zane. And I’m tired of being hurt. I guess the only problem with that logic is that Zane has hurt me before as well.
During the year we were in a “situationship” I guess you could call it, he was hot and cold, pushing me towards the friend zone, he left me on read and would sometimes tease me in ways that didn’t really feel like jokes and hurt my feelings. But during our texts tonight Zane said he’s been going to therapy and he’s been working on his physical and mental health and he’s in a much healthier place now all around. He seems to have really put effort into working on himself. We made plans for me to come see him next week when I’m off for the night. I’m nervous and I’m also scared since I haven’t ended things with Jeremy. However in this moment all I can feel is happy that Zane is back in my life in any capacity. It’s been too long.
- Writer
