God Knows

Prologue: From me to you



"ⁱᶠ ʸᵒᵘ ˢᵖⁱᵗ ᵒⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ᵍᵒᵈˢ, ᵗʰᵉʸ'ˡˡ ʳᵃⁱⁿ ᵒⁿ ʸᵒᵘ ˡᵃᵗᵉʳ."

-??????????

~ו×~ ~ו×~

|| From me to you ||

☠︎︎Castiel☠︎︎

On that night, the night I'm dreading had came. The very moment I've been avoiding for so long had finally caught on me. It's painful yet I felt so numb. It felt like I'm in a void, dim light, no sound, I can't feel anything yet my mind is screaming pain.

One more time, one more slice, just one more drag across my pale b****y wrist. One more wound and the pain will go away. All of it, it'll be gone, it'll be done. Blurry vision from the waterworks, pale cheeks drenched with my salty tears and sticky sweat.

Sat on the bed, blood dripping down the floor, the only light in the room is the moon and some street lights outside. Panting heavily while silently encouraging myself to end this agonizing pain. The blood soaked cold metal of the pocket knife came contact with my b****y wrist once again just above my pulse. Determined to end my suffering, I dragged the sharp metal across my skin once more and immense pain shot through me. It's painful until I can't fell anything anymore. No sound, no light, nothing.

"I love you so damn much ×××××" I breath out.

"I'm free now..."

• • •

Smiling nonchalantly in front of her, almost lifeless eyes stared down three particular set of cemented blocks with three sets of names engraved on it. The two of the tombstones looked fairly new as if it was putted in there just a few months ago. Wind blew pass the motionless figure of a female standing by the graves. The nonchalant smile turned into a sarcastic smirk and low chuckle escaped her soft pink lips. Clenching her palm into fist as shadow cast above her eyes, smirk still plastered in her face.

"If you spit on the gods, they'll rain on you later, huh... What a bunch of bullshit."

• • •

I wordlessly walked through the hallways, evading each and every gaze casted upon my form. Headphones in and hands tucked inside my pockets with my eyes fixed on the path I'm striding in and my mind set on getting to the school's rooftop. Coming across a set of stairs that leads to my destination, reaching the top of it, I opened the metal bars and walked through the door frame.

Cool breeze greeted me and warm heat of the sun caressed my pale skin. Not uttering a word, I walk up to the edge where a perfect view of the town can be seen. This school I'm attending to is built on top of a mountain, just by the edge of the town. You can see the sea on the side where the rooftop is facing while on the other side, you'll see some houses, farm fields and more mountains. It's peaceful, if you ask other people yet I find this things irrelevant. It's too bright for my liking and it sickens me.

I pulled myself up into the thick banister, standing expressionlessly while looking at the ground below this four story building. Sighing encouragingly, I pulled my right foot up, ready to take a leap to end this sickening nightmare. Pushing all of my doubts and second thoughts, I gradually shifted my weight to my lifted foot while sucking a breath in.

"Do you know what happens when angels flap their wings?" A feminine voice from behind asked in almost mocking manner. Abruptly stopping from my intent, I turned my head where the voice came from. There stood a girl with waist length jet black hair and normal pale skin tone. Eyes closed and a cigarette placed between her pink lips, taking a drag on it and puffing out the smoke after a second. Opening her eyes, I see a perfect shade of silver that was cold as steel and as sharp as a knife. A smirk made its way on her features and eyes piercing through my soul with a cold glare.

"God Knows." She uttered.

• • •

Jolted awake from my not so peaceful slumber, with a nightmare that's been haunting me for a while now but every time I woke up, I can't seems to remember what is it all about. Sighing, I got up from my bed and fix it up. Walking to my dresser and pulled out a grey shirt and a black shorts with the addition of the undergarment. I enter my bathroom and took a shower to shake the uncomfortable feeling my previous nightmare had left.

'Another f*****g day... Yeesh.' I thought to myself as I walk out of the bathroom fully dressed with a towel on top of my head. Drying it up and head downstairs where my father is slump on the couch with a bottle of beer in hand. Mess is all around the living room and most of the furnitures are out of their places. Bottles of beer and wrappers scattered on the floor. Saying the room is a trash is putting it lightly. My mother is probably in their room, crying her eyeballs out. She often do it whenever my asshole of a father slept with another s**t that he probably picked up from the street. It's always like this, if the house turned into a dumpster in the morning and if my mother isn't on the kitchen being a good little house wife, that manwhore surely stick his d**k into random holes again. Disgusting.

There's nothing really new in here. It started two years ago when I was still seven, and now I'm nine years old. Since then, I hated-- no I despise my father's guts and so does my older brother but he got so sick of it, so he packed his things up and walked out of the door without an intent of coming back. Well, that's just how things works for me. I'm Castiel Grimm and welcome to my shitty life.

I walk into the kitchen and start to make myself some breakfast. Once done, I take a seat and start eating. Moments later, I hear footsteps coming from upstairs and walk up to the kitchen's door. There, stood my mother with a puffy red eyes and tired features obviously from her crying session.

"Good morning, son." She greeted ever so sweetly that it makes me want to throw up all the food I just ate. Forcing myself to smile and greet her back "happily". She walk to the counter and prepare something to eat for herself.

"I see you already ate breakfast. Excited for your first day of school?" She ask playfully and wink at me teasing. Yes, today is my first day of school as a fourth grader. I hum in response and gather my used utensils then put it in the sink. Washing it clean and putting it back in the dish rack. She set the table for herself and smile at me as if inviting me to eat with her which is obviously useless since I just finished eating.

"I'll get myself ready before I get late." I said politely and lead myself back upstairs. Slipping on my uniform and my black shoes with my white socks underneath it after I brushed my teeth. Walking back downstairs with my school bag, I immediately went out without saying goodbye.

Wordlessly walking down the street of the current town I live in, Agoo, towards my new school, AECS. It is a public school where mother enrolled me in after we moved here in the Philippines from California. Both my parents met in Cali, my father is an American who works in a shoe making industry while my mother is half American, half Filipino/Filipina who also works in Cali on a small designing company. I was born in states but unlike my brother who grew up I there, we moved here last year because of my father's unfaithfulness which is practically useless since a manwhore will always be a manwhore.

Since the school is just a few blocks away from our house, I just walk to it to exercise a bit. Getting in front of the school gate, I was greeted by a man, seems like in his late thirties with bulk body built and the usual brown skin tone of Filipinos. I once heard it's called "Kayumanggi."

"Good morning!" He greeted with a grin, I only nod and walk pass through the two large metal gates. Faced by a long walkway with a shed, I walk for a bit until I get to the corner end of the school where a long set of classrooms for Fourth graders are. Unlike the school back in Cali where you're to go to the principal's office to get your schedule and locker combination, this school doesn't have locker at all and you have to walk around and seek for your name in the list in each and every classroom. If your name is on the list then your section is the room where the list is pasted on...wonder...

After a while, found my name listed on one of the papers. Walking in, I notice that there's more students in just one classroom than in California. Not sparing them all a glance, I take a seat on the last wooden desk. Not long after, the teacher came. She's tall with fair skin, straight black hair and dark brown eyes, already in her late twenties. She introduced herself as Annie De Vera and she'll be our advisory teacher.

Mach to my dismay, we are to do an introduction I front as well. I'm in the last seat which means I'll be the last one to introduce but that fact doesn't make me feel any better. Mrs. De Vera called the names one by one until she uttered my name.

"Castiel Grimm." I gulp nervously and I feel my heart beat accelerates. My palms start to sweat as I stood up from my seat and walk up in front, beside Mrs. De Vera. I can feel my fingers are trembling with heat rushing to my cheeks, leaving me all flushed.

"Oh~We have a shy one in here. Oh, kayong lahat, kaibiganin niyo siya para Hindi naman siya ma-out of place." Mrs. De Vera said with a chuckle, though I could barely understand her last sentence then she turn to me with a knowing look.

"I-I-I'M Cas-tiel G-Grim-m-m f-from Ca-lifor-nia. It-it's a p-plea-sure to m-meet you-u all." I said stuttering while panting a bit. Red hue dusted my cheeks and my heart felt like it's about to burst out of my chest. My thoughts start to race and i can't think of anything other than I want to go back to my seat and never talk in front ever again. Mrs. De Vera notices my discomfort and had me take my seat.

Time flies by so fast that I didn't notice that it's already break time. I took out my book and start to read rather than getting myself something to eat. I was about to turn the page when a noise interrupt me from doing so. At the middle row in front, stood five girls around someone I couldn't clearly see. Pens, pencils and papers start to fly across the room as three of the girls throw it everywhere while the other two hold back the girl they're picking on by her arms and hair. Cries of pain, desperation and help can be heard from the bullied girl but I just look at them with disinterest and went back reading my book.

"No wonder I hate humans."

• • •

Four O'clock came and it's time to go home. The sun is burning orange and on its way to shine light to the other side of the world. Walking back home just like this morning and see my father, walking with some random hoe down the street, sighing in annoyance, I continue my way home. When I got there, Mother's on the living room-- balling her eyes out again. I put my bag down on one of the couches and start picking up the beer bottles that's scattered around the room.

"Oh, you're home. How's school?" My mother said while wiping her tears. I stayed silent and just continue what I'm doing. After cleaning up the room, I turn to my mother with a stoic expression.

"Why won't you just leave him?" I ask monotonously. She look at me with pained, betrayed, and angered expression with her eyes start to burn with flare. Furrowing her brows in frustration and anger.

"Are you even listening to yourself, Castiel? He's your god-damned father! How could you easily say something such as leaving him?" She hysterically yelled at me. I can only sigh at the stubbornness and stupidity of my mother. Poor woman, sure a martyr.

" Are you seeing yourself then, Mother? He clearly doesn't want anything to do with us anymore. Are you just going to turn blind eye on his infidelity?" I ask or more like stated. She cry once again and didn't answer any of my questions. I stayed silent and walk up to my room. Changing out of my uniform and into a plain black and a khaki shorts. Striding out of the house and into the mango tree in the backyard where I putted a ladder when we first got here. The tree has a thick branch outstretched to the roof and I climb through it. Hopping off the branch, I on my usual spot where I can clearly see the starry night sky. Watching the stars dance in the dark with the moonlight complimenting their glow. This calms me down and make me feel warm like I'm engulf in a loving hug despite the cold breeze of the night.

"The sky... How does it felt like being there?... Above this worthless pathetic creatures..." I muttered to myself, not tearing my gaze from the dark beautiful night sky.

• • •

The next day, it's quite the same but I notice an empty lawn on my way home. I walk up to it with second thoughts but did it anyways. It's quiet, not even a single three planted in it. Added the fact that its next to an old abandoned crackhead house which gives out an aerie atmosphere. I shook my head and turn to resume my way back home.

"Quite a sight, huh?" A female childish voice said from behind. I turn my head to the direction of the voice and see a girl, around the same age as me with jet black shoulder length hair and piercing silver eyes. A lollipop in her mouth and a soccer ball in her arms.

"Huh?"

"This lawn...it's always empty." She exclaimed after pulling out the lollipop off her mouth.

"Who're you?" She only shrugged at my question and walk into the lawn pass the ruined fences. She start kicking the ball around as of playing football. I only watch her do her thing for a bit before she kick the ball to me. I look at the ball and glance back at her, only to receive a provoking smirk. I smiled lightly and join her in the lawn, passing the ball back and forth for about a half an hour.

• • •

After kicking the ball around and spending half an hour with the girl, I walk back home really late. It's already dark but thankfully our house is only a few blocks away from the lawn near the school. As I walk silently, a painful truth hit me hard like a brick.

"I never got her name..." I groan at my idiocy but return home anyways. Once I got near our house, I can already hear my parents shouting profanities at each other.

"I'M A MAN! I HAVE MY OWN NEEDS!" I heard my father shouted. Disgusting.

"THAT DOESN'T GIVE YOU ANY f*****g CREDIT TO CHEAT MULTIPLE TIMES THAT I CAN'T EVEN COUNT!" Shouted back by my mother.

"IF YOU'RE SICK AND TIRED OF BEING CHEATED ON, WELL I'M SICK AND TIRED OF PUTTING UP WITH YOU AND YOUR STUPID DREAMS FOR THIS SO-CALLED FAMILY!" My father shouted once more and stormed off with a couple of bags in hand, leaving my mother pleading and crying by the door frame.

After minutes of contemplating whether or not going in the house I walk in and unsurprisingly seeing it trashed, like a hurricane came through it. I turn to my mother who uncharacteristically holding a bottle of beer and chugging it down like a madwoman. Once empty, she threw it in the corner of the room. Getting another one and do the same.

"Mom,stop. That's unhealthy." I said and walk up to her, about to grab the bottle off her hand. But to my demise, she threw the bottle to the wall then turn to me angrily, not minding the shattered glass.

"You!" She hiss and slap me across the face-- hard, causing me to stumbled backwards from the strong impact.

"You're the reason why he left! It's your fault my husband left me, you little s**t!. I wish you were never been born, you worthless gutter rat!" She yell contineously to her kicking me as I stayed on the floor. Silent tears streaming down my face. She didn't stop on just kicking me and grab me by my arm, dragging me to their room. Once there, she push me across the floor and grab one of my father's belt. She start wimping me with it all over my frail body, still screaming in anger.

" On that night, the night I'm dreading had came. The very moment I've been avoiding for so long had caught up on me. It's painful yet I felt so numb. It felt like I'm in a void, dim light, no sound, I can't feel anything yet my mind is screaming pain.... That moment I know...as cliche as it sounds.. it's never gonna be the way it was before. "