THE PASSIONATE EGO

9: HEART VS HEAD

Nandini POV

Question for the day: What do i really want?

I know i am being abrupt so let's clarify first what are we talking about!

My heart has already agreed but my brain, its not ready to accept the changes ,it always alerts me , warns me to stay away from him and here i am going at his place only to live don't know for how many days.

Well you heard me right i did call him Manik. The last few days on the trip have changed things alot for me and the foremost of it is me calling him by him name, "Manik", rather than calling him a jerk or moron or at times a p*****t too. Well this change took place suddenly because of his split personality.

Trust me i do belive he needs a psychiatruist.

After dawn he used to behave all decent and comfortable that I just wanted to stay with him as long as I can but as soon as the sun rose up the jerk Manik would be back. But I liked the night Manik a lot, a calm and understanding man who used to take away my tensions , insecurities and gave me peace and satisfaction.

Well I agree he behaved extremely well but that does not mean that he is a gentleman now. Hell no. He's still the same guy who's not ready to let me have my peace even for a nanosecond. He's still after me in a feeling that we nowadays term as 'lust'.

Some of you might say otherwise but trust me i know. Been there, felt that.

As much as I have heard about him or known him, he has no soul for love and honestly speaking neither do i but it's just that whenever i am around him I feel different. A strange warm feeling.

Getting back to the vacation, well it was preferably good and we had fun. It was like a blink that the days went in and the best part was the togetherness and friendship we had. Yes even him. Even though he was a big rash on my butt, irritating the s**t out of me but there is one thing i won't deny i did experience a different him. 

A new Manik, who at times is a big flirt but a caring friend too and in these few days I have observed that Abhi and Manik share a dark bond like best friends or even brothers from another mother. 

Whatever these stupid guys call these days.

Infact Cabir looks like a really important person to him. Even though i hate to admit, he is a good friend, a friend anyone would be lucky to have.

OK back to the point. I WILL HAVE TO STAY AT MANIK'S PLACE. 

I mean literally stay, the 24*7 kinds stay at his place. How do i get myself into such amazing situations?

Well the answer is very clear. If you have friends like mine, your life is bound to be a rollercoaster kinda ride. Cabir and Abhi had  a project together and Navya accompanied her pretty pretty boyfriend. Private space they said. Let's just hope for no babies.

And to my dismay Mukti had a family emergency. Apart from us the only family she has is her aunt who lives like states away from us. My buddies think that i can't handle myself alone. Well I won't deny them , I was kind of scared too because I have never been alone before. I always had either Mukti or Navya with me. And have I ever told you how much I hate darkness? So to some extent staying with someone when Mukti and Navya are not here wasn't a bad idea until Abhi suggested, Manik.

Manik's POV

Holy s**t i need a psychiatrist. This is the first time I am feeling all such things just because of a girl. The more I think about her ,the more time I spend with her ,the more I am forgetting my motive, my need and i don't know why but the feeling i had for her before are being replaced by something else. Some other feeling that had no place in my life. I feel happy when I am with her , I feel joyous , I fell contented , I feel excited , I feel different.

Unfortunately what my head wants and what my heart wants are two different far away things.

And i don't have a heart to be honest. The soul and heart that i used to have, has never done any good to me. The empire required my brain and not some shitty feelings.

But who am I lying to, now a days there's only Nandini everywhere whether it's my brain or the place that people call heart.

***********************

Flashback

" We'll go for shopping today "  The girls chirped excitedly and in an instant the boys face fell and horror was clearly visible.

" No Navya, we've already planned it. Today we have to go for adventure sports and then we can go for shopping on the last day " Cabir suggested explaining the girls while Abhi and manik nodded their head in a yes.

" No Cabir today we'll go for shopping and thats final. Abhi you guys can do your adventure sports tomorrow please." Mukti said the last part of the sentence to Abhi cutely trapping him.

While Navya followed Mukti's trick and trapped Cabir but Manik was adamant.

"Okay guys you go. I definitely won't come for this stupid thing " Manik said as a matter of fact.

"No bro you have to come with us. We need as much support we can get. " Abhi replied and after a lot of pleadings by boys Manik was finally convinced and Nandini smiled looking at the explicit bond.

******************

" Try this " Manik held out a cloth to her.

"No Manik I am not going to try anymore. I have already tried so many outfits and you haven't liked one" Nandini spoke getting tired with all the in and out of clothes.

" Please this one, it's last. Just try this. It's perfect for you" Manik replied excitedly seeing the dress he got for Nandini.

Nanz POV

Cabir took off to shop with his love and i helped Abhi elope with Mukti, remember my plan, while I was left with this i***t. But a secret between us, i do like his company. He's of good help and in the last few minutes i have tried atleast 15 dresses chosen by him and honestly all were great but he denied still looking for the perfect dress for me.

" Nandini! Nandini out of your world. Just please go and try this " Manik said shaking me.

" Okay you wait here and no peeking in" I said having no clear option and dashed inside to try out the material. 

If i am not being judgemental this dress is actually flawless. I wore the dress instead of being tired as I was f*****g excited after seeing it that finally I'll be buying one dress.  

I twirled around showing him my dress and I could see his eyes twinkling. It was surely fine until i see a few other guys staring right through my soul.

Well you know the creepy ones.

And the next thing i know, i was thrashed inside the changing room with Mr. Manik Malhotra inches away from me.

"What is wrong with you?" I questioned being annoyed by his act. This is not a way sir to drag anyone.

" What is wrong with you Nandini! Cant you zip up your dress properly, the guys kept staring at you. Trying to peak through. Don't you have a sense. " Manik shouted at me. I was astonished seeing that emotion in his eyes. Was it care or jealousy? But my inner ego clashed with my thoughts and rage filled me, i mean how can he shout at me!

" What the hell manik? Why the f**k are you shouting at me. It was a mistake, i never did that on purpose and there's no need to show your fake concern. " the moment I said the last word he moved out of the dressing room banging the door aggressively. I changed quickly my dress and ran out to clear the talk with him when i saw those creepy men still oogling me and i realized that he was correct. 

A huge pang of guilt in my heart i moved out towards the food court where i met the others and an angry him.

" Nanz you have'nt gotten anything?" Mukti asked me.

 " No i just couldn't find anything nice " I replied looking towards Manik with guilt filled eyes.

Maybe he can understand.

 " You didn't find anything nice here. That's strange " Navya spoke in astonishment.

 I was not in a  mood to reply anything so I just gave a small nod and sat down chugging the soda they ordered. 

" Nanz are you okay? You've always loved buying new things and this place has so many options " Navya asked clearly being worried for her friend. 

I didn't cared about the rest, all i cared about was the person sitting opposite to me glued to him phone so i replied in low syllabols " Navya i am fine. I am just tired, can we eat something and get back to our hotel ". 

Taking the hint they all nodded and left me alone to my thoughts

****************

"Manik i am really sorry. How should I make you believe about that. I know that i shouldn't have said those words. I can do anything please accept my apology " after coming back to our hotel the first thing I did was to change and move into Manik's room to apologise. Yes i was apologizing. This is was my first I guess. Well leave all that, this guy is no less. I mean how can someone be so stubborn.

 " You can do anything right ? .. " he asked me. Finally a word from his mouth.

I nodded my head in affirmation.

" How about 20 sit-ups?" He asked casually. 

" what !" I shot back in horror. " No manik please. I can't " I pleaded.

" Fine then kiss me " he threw another bomb over me. Again is he in the army?

 I went and touched his forhead with my small palms but he pushed them back and asked, " What are you doing Nandini? " getting annoyed by my act. 

" Manik you are fine right? I thought you lost your mind or something " I replied sarcastically.

 " Nandini. " he roared."Do you want me to accept your appology ?" he raised his brows

I nodded.

 " good then you have to do one of the above options and do it fast please. I really am sleepy" he said faking a yawn.

 I huffed loudly knowing there's no other chance to back off so I started with my sit-ups.

One

Two

Three

Four

Fiv- 

Wait why is he laughing but for an instance the world stopped for me. He looked so sincere while laughing and after a while I realise the reason for his laugh. Did he just play me? I ran annoyed by his stupid prank towards him jumping on him making him lie on the bed and started beating him with a pillow. 

" Nandini no please. I am sorry. Stop it now. Damn your face, you looked so funny and so cute. Hahaaa. Stop beating me now please. " Manik begged but I continued my act.

The world turned upside down. Wait no, I turned upside down. I was stuck between him and the bed. He rolled me down and came above me and stared directly into my eyes with such intensity that I might drown.

A minute passed away and i tried to grab a pillow laying beside me 

"Manik you are a dead cat now." I warned him while he laughed. 

 " I swear I won't leave you " i tried another one still aiming for the pillow. 

 " who asked you to even leave me? " he smirked back.

 " I'll kill you" another faint warning. I know.

 " You already did twice in like 15 minutes" he laughed back hitting me with the pillow i was aiming for. 

" Manik. How dare you hit me? " i asked him with a red angry face.

But in a few seconds we both bursted out  into a bubble of laughtere and a couple minutes later layed down right beside each other.

"Nandini why did the apology meant so much to you?" Manik asked me the only question i wanted to avoid. 

I actually had no answer.

***********************

A new day but with the memories of last night. I smiled brightly thinking about yesterday and woke up with a mug of coffee kept on the side table with a note

I took the note and read

 "Good morning Nandu. Drink this coffee and i am sure you'll feel refreshing. You were really tired yesterday so get your lazy ass up and get dressed in the outfit I have kept for you in your cupboard.

Your i***t

I quickly went and checked the dress he kept for me, the same dress he selected for me while we were fighting. I smiled remembering about him and quickly got ready.

***********************

Its already 1 at night and we all were sitting in my room watching a movie. They all (except manik) are aware of my hatred for horror movies. Scary witches everywhere. 

Navya and cabir were sitting on the couch with me and Manik asjacent to each other. Abhi occupied the floor area beside me while Mukti sat beside him.

Manik's POV 

Everything was going fine until Abhi came and sat beside her. Can't he leave her even for a second ?

I know I might be thinking, Abhi is my brother and I guess he has more rights on her than me. But wait a second ' rights ' , What rights do I have on her ? I was questioned myself. Well the answer you stupid man is "0". I have zero rights on her.

But why Abhi has to do it. My brain is so messed up , even my heart is so messed up.

Right now everyone is watching the movie. Navya is just glued to Cabir, typical girls  scared of horror movies while Mukti is unaffected, i think she's cool. And the moment I turned my head towards Nandini, I couldn't stop my lips from forming a smile. 

Nandini is sweating and biting her nails, one can easily tell by seeing her that she's scared as hell. I wanted to laugh out loud but however I controlled it and giggled a bit. I think she heard me, she turned towards me passing me a death glare but have i ever cared. Nope.

In about 5 minutes or so when I turned towards her I found Abhi's hand over her thighs, may be to comfort her. And again a question rose in my head

Why Abhi? 

Mukti and Navya could have comforted her but why him. Damn Abhi and now I remember she had to tell me what Abhi is to her.

But wait why am I getting affected ? Am I jealous? Hell no. I shrugged all those thoughts and turned back to the movie. Focus.

After about an hour I saw Mukti and Abhi fell asleep while Navya and Cabir went out of the room and what about Nandini? Good question. 

Well her condition was worse. She was shivering hard so I kept my hand on hers and the moment she felt my hand she relaxed a bit and  held it tightly.

I took the remote and turned off the TV, picked her up in my arms and carefully kept her on her bed. She fell asleep. 

I tucked her in a comforter and turned to go to my room but couldn't .

I looked down to her holding me.

*****************

Nandini POV

I woke up with the sunlight falling on my face and found myself on my bed. I looked around to see the surroundings and found Abhi and Mukti still sleeping in my room on the floor.

But wait the last I remember is we all watching a horror movie so how am i here sleepign calmly, like i haven't before.

I turned my head towards the otherside feeling someone and found Manik sleeping on the floor in a sitting position holding my hand.

He looks adorable but why is he sleeping on the floor? s**t. Is it because of me ?. Well I guess so. I smiled and moved towards the bathroom to freshen up

When I came out Manik was gone, I think he went back to his room. I woke up Abhi and Mukti so they too can lay down properly and then moved towards Manik's room to find him all ready setting his hairs .

Feeling someone's presence he turned towards me 

" you ? like my balcony way too much" he questioned me. 

" I am here to just say that- " I was stammering as he kept coming closer to me. 

" You are here becaue? " he was enjoying watching me get affected .

 " i was-" i whispered, he was already so close to me that i know he can hear me well.

" you were?" He replied after me.

 " I wanted to say Thank you" I spoke with great difficulty 

" for? " he questioned agin. Why does he interview me so much.

 " for yesterday. I was scared and because of me you. You slept on the floor. " I replied stammering finding hi so close to me.

" Oh! But don't you think you should thank me properly. I mean for you The Manik Malhotra slept on floor " He said grinning 

"What do you mean by properly ? " I know he's playing with me but right now my head is so blocked because of our closeness that I can't think anything else. 

" something with utmost love " he said stretching the word 'Love' 

" Manik thanks a lot for yesterday night. " I said sweetly and calmly and he nodded his head in a no indicating that it wasn't enough. I was trying to think something but nope. No use this closeness, his hot breaths on my face, his scent everything was doing no good but driving me crazy. Finding no other way I raised my heels a bit and quickly kissed his cheeks and he quickly took a step back. 

He was actually shocked by my bold step and finding a way I quickly ran out of his room shouting " thank you ".

Stepping back into my room, my phone recieved a text

"Best thank you i ever experiences."

************************************

Present

I was standing in my room's balcony remembering few happy times spent at the trip and constantly smiling remembering all of my favourite people that made it so memorable.

" What are you thinking that you are smiling so much?" I heard someone speak standing beside me and who can it be other than the devil as no one lives in The Malhotra mansion other than him. 

I turned towards him and smiled to my fullest as all the times he has helped me, stood my be, our funny moments, fighting moments flashed in front of me and now he got more confused and curious seeing me happy laughing like this, anyone would be as few moments back when I arrived at his mansion I was angry as I was not happy with the plan of staying at his home and now all suddenly i am all happy and laughing.

I am wierd. I know. You'll experience a lot of this here.

" Who is it that made you smile so much?" he asked curiously

" Abhi " I replied. 

Can't satisfy the devil's ego.