Rendezvous at Silver Lining

Divinity’s POV: Nightmares (Trigger warning!!)

thud… thud… THUD!!!

I was so groggily. I looked up at my alarm clock, and it was only 10 pm. I just went to sleep at 9. I heard a bunch of loud noises and yelling. They didn't sound like my parents.

What is going on??

I slowly lifted myself out of bed when I heard a scream and then a bang. I jumped and stopped in my tracks. Another loud thump, and I was out of bed and ran to my door. I flung it open and snuck down the stairs to where the loud noises were coming from. I crept and tried to stay as quiet as possible. I saw my daddy fighting two big men and my mommy fighting another two. I never knew mommy could fight like that.

“Ad, watch out.”

“s**t, Ni, move out the way.”

I watched as my parents fought for their lives.The big men were getting tossed left and right. I had no idea where to look. I was so into the fight that I didn't know someone else was watching me. A man came from around the corner and snatched me up. I screamed.

“DIVI!!!”

“DIVINITY!!!”

Both of my parents yelled out in shock and horror. I struggled against the man who held me tightly in his arms. My parents were fighting to get to me.

“Let me go, now! My daddy is gonna beat you up. Put me down!”

I shouted, screamed, and kicked, trying to get free of this big guy's grasp. I wound up kicking him in the nuts, and he yelled out, smacked me, then tossed me to the wall. My head hit the wall so hard that it made me see stars. I couldn't see straight, and my legs gave out when I tried to stand. My mom screamed out my name. I looked up in time to see her kick one guy in the stomach as she ran towards me. She was inches away when this really big guy came up behind her and stabbed her in the side. I was horrified. I screamed out as I watched my mom bleed out from her side, and some spilled over from her mouth.

“MOMMY!!!!”

…

Those words echoed out in my mind as I jumped awake. I panted and was drenched in a cold sweat. My tears joined the sweat that covered my face. I was gonna be 25 in a few months, and even after all these years, I still have these nightmares. I hugged myself and wept. I started going into full panic mode. My body trembled as I began to hyperventilate. I tried to calm myself, but flashes of my nightmare kept going through my head, causing me to panic more. I kicked my covers off and stood tryna get a hold of myself. My t-shirt clung to my sweaty skin as I paced back and forth. After what felt like forever, but was really 5 minutes, I snatched my phone off my side table and called Kris. My phone shook in my trembling hands as I waited for her to pick up.

Phone call:

“Uhhh. I swear D, you better be dying to be calling at 2 in the morning.”

I looked at the time on my phone. It was 1:55 am. I didn't even think about the time of night it was, I just called. My voice quaked as I spoke.

“K- Kris. Can you please come over?”

…

“I'm coming.”

With that, she hung up. All her sleepiness disappeared in her voice the moment she heard me. I sat on my bed and tried to breathe slowly. My tears never stopped. The streams only weakened. I was a mess. I got up and headed for the shower. I took my long shirt off and tossed it in the bin, and went into my shower. Fog covered the entirety of the bathroom, and steam escaped my shower. The water was boiling. It felt as though I could never get the water hot enough to scrub my mother's blood from my skin or at least burn the nightmares from my memory. I just stood underneath the water, trying to will away my pain. It is a pain that feels to be everlasting. I hopped out after cleaning myself and went to my room to moisturize. I put on another t-shirt and sat out on my balcony. The cacophony of city sounds helped to drown out my racing thoughts. I leaned against the banister and laid my head on my arms as the fall breeze lulled my broken heart. I closed my eyes, hoping not to catch a glimpse of the monsters that plagued my mind. Sometimes, it feels like I'm in the same place in time. That I'm still that 9 year old little girl, scared for her life… afraid that my boogie man wasn't as mythical as everyone claimed it to be, but is as real as day and will come back to destroy me as well. This feels like I'm forever living in uncertainty.

A buzz came from my door, and I went over, looked into the camera, and buzzed my friends up. I guess Kris called for back up with Robin because she came too. After a few minutes, there's a knock at the door, and I opened it. I see the worry on Kris and Binny's face. They have bags, and Robin had my favorite ice cream out in her hand, facing me with a big spoon. As soon as I see it, I smile.

“I know you love chocolate chip mint ice cream when you're upset. So I brought a gallon for emergencies just for you, Vinnie boo.”

I smiled at Robin, and Kris immediately opened her arms up to me. Once I saw that, the flood gates opened up, and my dam burst. Just like that night, I threw myself at my best friend, seeking her comfort. She held me and gently rubbed my back, shushing me softly. They walked me into my apartment and sat me down on my couch. I laid down on Kris’s lap as she ran her fingers through my hair, and Robin laid on me as she ran her hands up and down my leg. We sat like that for at least 15 minutes. I finally quieted down, and they helped me sit up. Binny got the emergency ice cream and shoved it into my hands. I smiled a teary smile, scooped a big spoonful out, and ate it.

“Thank you, Binny. You're the best.”

My mouth was half filled with ice cream when I spoke, and Kris and Binny laughed at me.

“Eww, Vin. Swallow it first.”

Kris laughed and shook her head.

“That's what she said.”

I sounded like I was in the middle of tears and laughter, which caused both of them to laugh harder. Kris grabbed some paper towels and wiped my tears away. Robin got both her and Kris a spoon, and they, too, dug into the ice cream. We sat in silence as we ate. Once we were all pretty much done with it, Kris put the ice cream away. I sat facing them with my back leaning against the back of the couch, and they sat close to me, looking in my direction.

“Whenever you're ready, D. No rush. Tell us what happened when you're ready.”

Binny smiled at me softly, and I returned the favor.

“It was a nightmare, wasn't it?”

I turned my attention to Kris. I didn't even have to say anything because she already knew. I shook my head.

“Yeah. It felt so visceral this time. I haven't had one in a while. I guess it decided to come back with a vengeance.”

My voice came out so weak and raspy. Robin stood up and sat next to me on my left, and Kris was to my right. They smashed me together between the two of them.

“Scooch over, woman.”

Robin shoved me and laughed. I laughed, too. Robin is the “keep it lite” kinda friend. When she feels as though there's too much heaviness going on, she jumps in with jokes. Both Binny and K held a hand. Neither pressed me to speak before I was ready to. They just waited for me. After a while, I was finally able to find my voice.

“I wish I could've only watched my mom die once, but since my parents were killed, I've watched her die over and over and over again. I've watched her tell me she loves me as she uses her body to shield mine. I've watched my mom bleed out slowly, losing a shade with every glance I took of her. I've watched… I've watched that same damn bullet fly through my mama's head over and over again until I was sick of it. I've seen that bastard of a man tower over me, again and again. I've watched my father shout my name for the last time as I ran away, over and over. I've seen the worst day of my life play out so many times. Close to 16 years of torture that I've had to endure these f*****g memories, and I don't know how much more of it I can take. Sometimes it feels like I'm going crazy.”

A silence fell over the room. I continued.

“I swear it's like the air gets sucked outta the room and it becomes hard to breathe. I'm so scared that I won't ever get over this. But what I fear most is forgetting them. Forgetting the amount of love they both showed me that night. I've never seen anyone fight the way they did, my mom especially. She's always been so gentle, but that night, she seemed like a warrior. She fought hard for her life and fought even harder for mine. It scares me to think that I'll forget that love, even through the pain of having to watch them die. It's such a twisted thing to say or feel, but I don't know how to change it. I just miss them so much. Honestly, sometimes I wish I'd died along with them… I'm just tired… tired of all of it.”

“Divinity.”

Robin whispered out my name in shock and sadness. No one can fathom what it's like to watch your world crumble and burn in front of you, especially at such a young age. My eyes mimicked streams once more, as I allowed my tears to flow. I put my hands up over my eyes and rested my elbow on my legs as I cried. I balled for everything I have lost and everything that could have been. I cried for the person I was that died that night and wishing to be buried now, as well. I hated this part of me. I'm full of fear now. I find comfort in my misery. I felt a hand touch mine, and it slowly lowered my hands from my eyes. I found eyes that were filled with worry and hurt but burned with love and determination.

“I know I can't tell you how you're supposed to feel, and I can't make you not feel the things you do. But do not ever wish to be dead. I can't ever imagine losing my parents, let alone in the way that you did. But I also can't imagine a life where you aren't in it. You have become just as much part of my family as my parents. We've been sisters our whole life, Divinity. Don't leave me in the dust to follow after ghosts. I knew your parents and I for sure know this is not what they would have wanted. They fought so their baby could live. Live, Divinity. Not just survive. YOU. ARE. NOT. WEAK. Not many could build a life like the life you have after your type of tragedy. You did. Have confidence and trust in that. You are far stronger than you think, and you are loved more than you know.”

I peered into Kris’s eyes as she spoke life into me. She allowed the tears to flow and fall as they may. Kris was never the crying type, so when she does, she means it. Robin placed a hand on mine, and my eyes searched for hers. There, too, did I find tears as well. Robin came into my life much later than Kris did, but I couldn't imagine a life without her in it. She's supported and pushed me to do more and be better than the mediocre I was pushing out. I squeezed her hand tightly.

“Divinity, what I am about to say is not to guilt you nor discourage you, but this is not what your parents had in mind. You just told me they fought for you, and in the same breath, you wish to die with them. You need to fight. Use that fire and vigor you saw your mama have that night. Don't focus on the death, but on the fight she had to the end. Use it. I know you have it in you. Otherwise, you would've given way to your emotions a long time ago. You have to continue to fight. Fight for your future. Fight for yourself. We got your back, Divi. I've had it since the day we met, and I don't plan on giving it up anytime soon. I will never allow you to give up on yourself, even if I have to drag you kicking and screaming. Their love for you didn't disappear when they died. I know this because you still feel it now. Robin's and I love aren't going anywhere either. We got you.”

Kris held my face in her hands as she told me what I didn't want but needed to hear. My mother's and father's faces flashed in front of my eyes. I could see nothing but determination and pure love. She was right. For the first time in a long time, I felt something burn within me. I won't allow my past to shadow my future. We all shared a big group hug and a heavy crying session. After we were all worn out. We laid silently with each other, just to enjoy each other's presence. It was my turn to break the heaviness. I felt better after having my emo moment.

“Lovebugs?”

“Yeah”

Both Kris and Binny said in unison, still snuggled up on me. I swear they both tried to get closer, although we were all attached to the hip, thigh, elbow, and toe already.

“Umm, I know it's kinda late to say, but I didn't want to mention it before. I was gonna tell y'all about it tomorrow… well, today, but s**t went left. So I figured I should just tell yall now.”

Binny lifted her head and narrowed her eyes at me.

“You kill someone, didn't you?”

Kris busted out laughing, and I elbowed Binny and smiled at her.

“Actually, I killed something.”

“Huh???”

Again, they both spoke at the same time.

“You're being serious right now, Divinity?”

Kris said, sitting up. I smiled at her and shook my head.

“Yep… I just killed this date I had last night with Damien.”

Their mouths dropped, and eyes popped. It took a minute for their motor functions to return, and when they did, I howled in laughter.

“WHAT!!!??”

At this point, they're siamese twins.