BOUND TO HIM BY FORCE

37. A SPIRAL DOWN TO HELL

The best option I made that day was to set an alarm before I began working. Pages were swiped, notes written until I felt as if my hand would snap away. I adjusted in my seat a million times, getting up to make coffee when I felt sleep creep on me.

If I failed, I would fail knowing I tried my absolute best, knowing there had been nothing more I could have done beyond all I had given out.

The night turned to morning, the cold creeping from the gaps between the doors and the tiles, slowly making its way to me. It slipped through my pores to my bones as I shrunk as much as I could, yet I would not go back up to get a blanket or another sweater.

I had never been that concentrated in my life. If only I had been that determined at school, I probably would have always been at the top of my class. It seemed I had not been that bad at school, I just never pushed myself enough. I had not pushed hard enough because, no matter what, I had known I had a billion dollars in my name which I would claim when I was twenty-one. I knew I could own condos in every city and still never be broke. Why would I have been so hungry for success as I was at that point? I was reading to save my life, the timer ticking but it seemed I had gotten used to reading, my eyes moving fast through the screen, more pages swiped away.

Morning graced us, the house so quiet it would have been scary for anyone else. I felt as if there was someone behind me at times or that someone was watching, but I dared them to come for me. I actually needed something to blow off the steam that was building in me.

The last memory I had before passing out was reading through a spreadsheet of the Vanxer foundation and the time had been half past three.

The loud sound of the alarm blurred all through my ears as if to bleed them of all the blood they carried. My head shot up, groaning with confusion of what was happening, to realize I had fallen asleep on the iPad which the alarm was blurring from.

My back ached, my muscles crying out. My head, my eyes and my hands weren't better at all.

I sighed, stretching as best as I could, my spine as if it would break with no amount of stretching to kill the ache away. My legs as if to snap off.

My hands rubbed my eyes, staring at the time, with it stating that it was five o’clock and I had to be somewhere at eight. I stared at the document which I had slept on, reading to see where I ended, and I was at page hundred and two. It was not bad at all. Just two hundred pages to go and I would be done with it. I paged through to realize that most of the pages left were figure tables and graphs.

I nod my head, locking both my gadgets to then stand up.

Where was Azrail? I just knew he did not sleep all through the night. He was not the type to snooze off in sleep.

The living room was tidied up before I walked away to the bedroom. From that point, I was just being like him. I was ignoring his presence until I needed something from him or he asked me something important.

The bedroom door was opened to find the room empty. I walked on, placing my things on the perfectly made bed, but I could see that he had used it, which meant he was up. Light came through from the closet. I walked onto the bathroom without a word to take off all my clothes.

I stood in my underwear, deciding to do some exercises before taking a shower. A hundred press ups were done, just to keep my body fit. I did squats, planks and more before getting in the shower. Much time had been eaten but so worth it. My body ached even more, not even the hot water able to soothe it out.

Getting out, I brushed my teeth, then walked to the closet which was dark and empty. He was out. I oiled my skin then looked for something to wear. I picked a body hugging black formal dress then pulled on a red blazer over it and black heel pumps. I had a collection of jewellery in that house, yet still, I walked over to Azrail’s side.

I knew he would cut my hands for it, but it seemed it was my way of rebelling from him. He could control my whole life and I could take his expensive stuff without asking.

I picked up his gold watch that looked like a million dollars and a gold chain.

A bag from my side was taken, walking out of that closet. I went down, the house so quiet.

Where was he? I moved to the kitchen but it was clean and empty. I moved to the living room.

My head shook, staring at the clock to see that it was just ten past seven. Had my ride arrived? Since I came with him, would he be my ride out and if so, was he waiting in the car?

I hoped not.

My feet rushed to the door, opening it to stare out as I closed the door behind me.

No cars were there besides one, which meant Azrail was gone.

He was living his life.

I climbed down the steps and I did not even look at those that stood outside the car that waited. I just unlocked my iPad as I walked to them, then began reading where I left off. I could see two pairs of feet.

“ Good morning Ma’am.” A flat yet respectful voice came.

I did not even look up, I just slipped through the door that was opened for me. The door was closed after me, closing everyone away, closing the world away.

I buried my head deeper into my iPad, trying to concentrate.

Two doors opened and closed with the engine turned on again.

I could feel the tension but I did not care for it.

“ My name is Sail Ma’am and I am your new assistant.” The man continued and I tuned him out. I don’t know if he continued talking or not.

“ Get me pills for fatigue, a cup of coffee and airpods.” I said, then went back to what I was reading.

“ We have put the order, it will all be delivered in an hour.” My new assistant said, with me going back to my documents. So, they had their own pill dispensary? I would not be shocked. Why couldn’t we just stop at a*****e to get all I had listed.

True to the assistant’s words, when we reached the meeting place, all I had asked for had been waiting for me. The coffee was in a black glass container, piping hot.

Sleep was my enemy. If it was up to me, I would not sleep at all because I had much to do, but it was not up to me.

I would sleep as little as I could. I would work through two days, then I would sleep all the night hours on the third day. I would continue like that until my body got used to the hours I was letting it rest. I knew my body would catch up. The body adapted, you just had to teach it and I was teaching it that it did not need sleep to survive, that it needed the bare minimum I would give it.

The day went by, driving from place to place, doing a lot of things as the previous day. I had no time to second guess myself. I used my intuition to make all decisions. I did not guess like the previous day, I just went with my guard and stood ready to bare the consequences the next day.

To move along the reading, I opened the documents in the read-aloud app where I would not read but listen as a British lady read it all out for me as I sat in meetings, moved all through the day. I was multitasking, which seemed to be a skill I was getting good at.

The day went like that with the night just the same as the last, yet this time, Azrail never asked how I did. He just sat in his seat and when we got to one of his houses, he slipped out of his seat and I did the same.

We never slept in the same house twice, always on the move, as if we were running.

Ignoring him became something else I was good at. To me, he became another piece of furniture in the house, only being in the same space when sitting in the car. I noted that when I slept he never came to bed, he worked through the night. It was good for him since I only slept three times in all the seven days, giving him the four days to do whatever he wanted.

I was barely eating, always reading, always. There was so much information in my brain it had me want to just scream, yet each day I added more and more.

The days all turned to one. The weekend was the same as the week, nothing special about it as we went on with our business.

Slowly but surely he was turning me into him, but I was afraid that he would get rid of me sooner than I would have liked because the assistants kept on changing day by day and he would soon run out of his level six students.

It was a long spiral down to hell and I was losing my mind. It was a good thing I had no hair because surely I would have picked it all out at that point. Blood on my hands, blood on my soul and lives taken because of me day by day, because no matter how hard I tried I kept making mistakes and maybe he could just end me.