Catastrophic

Heartbroken 2 *Trigger Warning*

Trigger Warning! *** This chapter depicts violence and will be upsetting to some. Skip this chapter if you are sensitive to these things. I put this in its own chapter so you could skip if need be. ***

James had picked me up from the local feed store the next town over from where I was staying. I enjoyed the small town vibe and the stillness that came with living in the middle of nowhere. We got back to my travel trailer and he immediately started drinking. I was annoyed by this because I did not condone drinking and driving but I kept my mouth shut for the sake of not wanting to fight. I made us a quick dinner in the microwave as domestic skills were never my forte. I wanted nothing that night but peace and quiet. I just wanted a good night's sleep as my insomnia at the time was hit or miss and I had long stopped medicating myself. I didn't even have anything to spare as I was trying to fight through it on my own. By the time I was ready for bed James was drunk. He could barely walk and when he mentioned driving to the gas station a few miles down the road I was livid. I was at my wits end with the alcohol and it's control over him. I simply consoled him and when he wasn't looking I hid his keys, hoping he would forget about getting behind the wheel in his current state. He did forget for a while.

He remembered and grew frustrated when he couldn't find his keys. When I thought he wasn't I slipped them in to the back pocket of my jeans. He caught me and firmly asked for them back and I simply told him no. That was his trigger and he snapped. He pushed me down on the bed and straddled me trying to get to my pockets and recover his keys. I was startled but I fought back the best I could with out measurable size difference. He quickly went to my bedside drawer and pulled out my weapon. The weapon I kept for my own self defense and protection was now being aimed straight between my eyes. James had the high ground and had me in a very vulnerable position. He knew it to because the drunken fool quickly became a conniving monster with a smirk on his face. We both stilled and even with a gun pointed at my face I called his bluff. I still would not allow him to get what he wanted and he was mad about it. For a moment things were still and I decided I needed to escape. I took a deep breath and made a deal with him. If he would get off of me then I would give him the keys. Surprisingly he did just that and I walked calmly towards the door. my escape. All of this time he still held me a gunpoint. As soon as I had a clear opening I ran for it towards the door. For being drunk James's reflexes were amazing but he would of had tons of practice in his life. I had just opened the door when two strong hands pushed me. Between my momentum and James pushing me I fell hard to the ground. The gravel lot my travel trailer was parked on was unforgiving. Sharp rocks scraped my skin and the sudden stop and pain knocked my wind out of me. I was stunned. James mocked me. He was feeling the power of his rage. I reached up and felt the blood dripping down my face. I don't know why I didn't scream for help in that moment. Before I had much time to think James grabbed a fistful of my long brown hair. I quickly reached for his hand to get him to let go or give my scalp some relief but he would knock my hands away with the butt of my own gun he still firmly held in his hands. He started dragging me slowly as I wasn't (nor have I ever been) a small woman. The gravel stung as ripped at my flesh. The pain made it almost impossible to get enough air in my lungs and for the first time I felt fear for my life. James was quiet as he dragged me. Being a true crime fan, a million different scenarios played in my head. He was still running under the adrenaline of his rage and I wasn't sure what he was capable of. When he found the place he wanted me he quickly gripped my arm forcing me to my feet. I tensed under his touch and winced at the pain of his hands on my broken skin. I looked in to his eyes hoping he came to his senses but I saw nothing. We stood there in silence for a minute until he saw what he wanted. I was dazed and disoriented with tears clouding my eyes making it hard to get my bearings. As soon as headlights rushed by me I knew where we were and James shoving me closer to them made me realize what his plan was. He waited for another set of headlights to come by before he hurdled me in front of them. It happened fast but the cat made it to a complete stop just a foot away from taking my life. I laid on the pavement with blood and sweat pouring out of me. I gripped James's chain necklace in my hand. It was the only thing I helplessly grabbed for on my way to my death. I just laid there breathing heavily, like if I moved I would surely die. It seemed like I laid there for an hour but I'm sure it was no more than a minute. As soon as I saw those unmistakable red and blues light up on the top of that car I cried. Of any car that was moving along that rural state highway James had picked a cop car to end my life. An officer, a young woman, quickly walked to my side as a male officer went to James to find out what was going on. We each told them our sides of things and they sat us down separately. The young officer followed me inside my travel trailer and helped me clean up my wounds. She listened intently to what I had to say and offered to call an ambulance for me which I quickly refused. I just wanted sleep. She rejoined her partner and I walked outside. They briefly talked among themselves and approached us. James was just being himself. You could tell he was still drunk but he was doing his best to maintain his composure and win the sympathy of the officers. He was still mad but tried to make small talk with me and give the officers the appearance that this was just a misunderstanding. The officers approached us and made a big deal out of them not wanting to take anyone to jail that night and pressed the need for both of us to get couples counseling. I just nodded as the numbness was creeping back. The male officer handed me the keys to James's truck and sternly told me I needed to find somewhere else to stay that night as James was to intoxicated to drive. I was not happy. That was my home with my things and I had zero trust that I wouldnt come back to everything being gone. I wanted to sleep in my bed. I wanted to forget this night ever happened. James began to protest but was quickly shot down by both officers. They bluntly told them that if he got behind the wheel then he would be arrested. I grabbed a jacked and jumped in the driver's seat. The police followed me out of the driveway as James glared at me. I didn't know where I could go so I drove to a dirt road and found a quiet place to park. I started to heave and cry as the events of the night sunk in. I blamed myself. I was stupid and the situation didn't have to happen like that. I could of just let him leave then I would be asleep in my own bed right now. I was crying hard when my phones text notification resounded. I picked it up and stared at the message. James had wrote; "Come home baby. I'm lonely here without you. I'm sorry if you are upset. Let's just get some sleep."

I don't really know how long I stated at that message. I contemplated just laying down in his truck and closing my eyes but I eventually went back against my better judgement. When I got back to my little home on wheels James was fast asleep like nothing ever happened. I laid down gently on the bed and closed my eyes. I tensed as pulled me closer to him, unable to forget and forgive. Sleep overcame me even though it was sparse. Every time James moved I would wake up reliving the night before.

Morning came fast and I was unbelievably sore. The side of my face that impacted the ground was swollen and bruised. The pain made it hard to forget that the previous night happened. James slept like a baby and when he woke up he cuddled me very close. His hands explored my body and he showed shallow concern with the cuts and bruises. It was obvious he craved intimacy and was pushing to get it but I was still reeling and my mind wouldn't allow me to even think about it at that moment. He looked deep in to my eyes and simply gave him the look that said, really? He wasn't pleased with my lack of responsiveness and silently got up. He put himself together and left without saying a word. As he shut the door behind him I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I felt myself relax and I let the tears come again. I felt sick and everything felt heavy. I called work and told them I couldn't come in that day. Luckily they didn't question me. I slowly got up, fighting through the pain and stated at myself in the small mirror. Both of my eyes were puffy and the swelling in my cheek stretched down past my collarbone to my shoulder. Dried blood and dirt was littered all the way down the left side of my body. The tears were quick to come, very quick. At that moment I felt completely worthless. My parents were gone and my husband hated me. I craved happiness and peace.

I walked through my travel trailer careful to lock every door and window and I laid down. I could not handle the day. I just laid there wishing away the pain from my body and that I would relax enough to sleep. I knew my marriage was over at that point. There was absolutely no way I could go back after the night before. In that moment I mourned what I dreamed my marriage would be and faced the reality of what it actually was. I made the decision that I would leave James in my past. From that moment forward James and I only saw each other briefly. I sense that both of us knew what was done was done. I wouldn't file for divorce until much later in life but we did end up divorced and I came to learn of his infidelity and the reason he married me, to make my mother happy before her death and my inheritance.