Chasing waves

My nightmare

Charlotte pov

Starring at my body I feel like I am having an out of body experience as I feel fine but as I look at my body I look like I am barely hanging on, I don't know what is happening to me but I just want to know how to get back in my body and be ok. As I look at my body I see a doctor come into my room followed by my family, my family but my parents and I am shouting at them telling them I am here but as I walk to my grandad I walk straight though him don't know what to believe.

Am I dead? Is this my after life?

"Charlotte is in a medical coma right now to let her body heal, we have done everything that we can do and now its up to Charlotte to fight" I hear the doctor say and I try to remember what happened but nothing is coming to my mind its like I'm blank. Looking at my family I look for my parents but I don't see them, where are my parents? Moving around my room I try to leave but I can't, I am stuck in the hospital room with my body in a coma and I am seeing everything. My family crowed around my body as I watch on, my grandad is the first to hold my hand as he sits beside me looking at me tears rolling down his cheek.

I don't know how long I have been in a coma but I know the hospital staff tried to reverse the coma but I am still clinging on between life and death, it feels like it has only been a minute since I woke up and having an out of body experience but from the date on my board its been four months and I just want to wake up and tell the family I am ok. I couldn't say how many people I have seen in those four months come in and out of my room, all telling me to fight but the second I heard about my parents it all went south, my parents didn't make it and I was involved in a car crash where a lorry driver took my parents. Spotting my grandad I watch him as he comes in my room and takes his usual seat beside me holding my hand once again, my grandad has been by my side every since I arrived at the hospital.

"I know you can hear me right now Lottie and I wish I was telling you to fight but I know it be hard without your parents so I am telling you its ok, its ok to be with your parents. I wont hold it against you if you want to be with them, no one sweetie, I will never ask you to choice" I hear my grandad say and I don't know what to do, yes I'll be lost without them and god knows what will happen to me but I see the way my life Is affecting everyone, no one is sleeping or eating.

I am lost.

"Code blue, code blue" I hear being shouted and when I look up I see myself flatlining and I just want to walk into the light and be with my parents, I miss them more then anything but I know my parents will want to me live and enjoy the rest of my life but how can I do that when my parents are my everything. Looking around the room I see my grandad kicking and screaming to be next to me telling me its ok but I cant, my grandma is running down the halls to be next to grandad followed by everyone else. Everyone is screaming telling me to fight begging me to hold on but the look on my grandad face is warm, he's leaving it up to me and I have to choice, the white light or the door.

My parents or my grandparents?

Opening my eyes I stare at the ceiling hoping I made the right choice by choosing the door and when I turn my head my eyes connect to my granddad who barges his way though everyone and is beside me holding onto my hand. I see the look on his face that he's happy to see me but I see the fear in his eyes and I know its about my parents. Tears run down my cheek as I look at my family knowing I will never see my parents again and a part of me wish I chose the white light and was with them as honestly a part of me died with them and my heart will always remain broken.

"Its ok, one step at a time" I hear grandmother say to me kissing me on my cheek before wiping around the fallen tears and she isn't wrong, I don't know how I am going to do it without thinking about my parents every minute of the day. Turning my head I look out the window knowing I should be thankful I am still alive but I cant help but think about how much happier I would be with my parents. I choose to carry on living for my parents but how I do that when all I want is my parents, I just want to be left alone right now.

"Hi, I am your doctor this evening and I would like to run a couple of tests today at some point, they are just your average tests" the doctor ask and I nod my head as he walks closer to me pointing a flash light in my eyes before asking me to follow it. I wish I could just tell everyone I wanted to be left alone but I know they wont leave me. Following the light as asked I watch the doctor pick up my hands and I give them a little squeeze before he goes to the bottom of the bed running a pen on my sole and I almost want to kick him for it but I hold back and move my foot from him.

"Once all your x-rays and mri come back clear and we have watched for you for a couple of days to see how you are, we will organise the discharge papers. I will keep you updated thought out everything" I nod my head just wanting to get out of here but I know that isn't happened any time soon after being in a coma for months, head trauma doesn't just happen and can take a while.

Looking at the ceiling I just want the darkness to swallow me hole but instead I let my family smile with each other as they see that I am still alive, I know I should be happier but I am not and maybe over some time I will come to terms with everything but that isn't happening over night.