So Confused

Chapter 16

I decided to stop reviewing dahil sabado naman ngayon. I think I should relax myself by watching a movie. Besides, kanina pa ako nagaaral. Chemistry was my favorite subject kaya medyo ganado ako mag-aral sa subject na ito.

Lumabas ako ng kwarto to get my self a cup of ice cream. It is good that my father paid for this apartment, kumpleto ang gamit sa loob. My favorite is the mini ref where I can store lot of ice creams. Halos kalahati nga ng laman ng ref ko ay ice cream lang.

I was about to go back inside when I heard some knocking on my door. I looked at the wall clock and see that it is already 9pm. Who would visit me at this type of hour?

I picked my yantok under the mini table, mahirap na at baka magnanakaw to.

I slowly opened the door and peeked. Nagulat ako ng makita ko si Karlwin. I opened the door widely and looked at him cofused.

“Why are you here? Gabi na”

“Well, may Lyrid meteor shower ngayon.”

Karlwin has a fetish with the night sky I guess. Lagi siya saaking nagkwekwento na lagi siyang nagaabang ng mga meteor showers, nagpasadya pa daw siya ng rooftop para doon. Plus, he always wants to talk about it.

“Oh? Bakit hindi ka nanuod?”

“We’ll watch it” he said and entered my apartment.

Komportableng naupo siya sa sofa ko at kinuha ang ice cream ko at nilantakan.

Wow ha. I rolled my eyes at umupo sa tapat niya.

“hindi ka ba hahanapin sainyo? Gabi na”

He smirked “Bata ba ako?”

“Karlwin!”

He chuckled and go back to eating ice cream

“They won’t look after me. Saka malapit lang naman”

“Sabagay, lagi nga lang nilalakad ng kuya mo.”

He looked at me and rolled his eyes.

“He is not living there”

I looked at him shocked

“Let’s not talk about him” he added.

So may sariling bahay na si Levi? That’s cool.

“So, what about the meteor shower?” I asked

He finished the cup of ice cream before pulling me outside again. Sa pinto sa kusina kami dumaan, may malawak doon na space para makita ang night sky.

“Mabuti at maganda ang panahon” he said and look up in the sky while still holding my hand. He was smiling, but his eyes where telling otherwise. I am always wondering kung bakit ganto na lang ang lungkot niya kapag nanunuod siya ng night sky.

“Are you fine?” I asked him

His smile fades and looks down at me. He grinned.

“Of course.” He said and look up again.

“Most of them will appear in the constellation Lyra, so…” he said frowning as he points whatever it is. I’m not really interested with astronomy.

“It will be viewed in the northern hemisphere” he said and smiled at me.

He asked me kung mayroon akong available na mat na pwede naming maupuan. Kinuha ko yun sa loob at inilatag sa pwestong itinuro niya.

“Peak time is 10:00 kaya medyo wala pa sila ngayon.” He told me as he lied down on the mat. He tapped the space beside him, telling me na mahiga rin ako.

Fck. Why do I feel like a sixteen year old girl? I mean, Karlwin’s presence stirs up something in me. Hindi naman sa hindi komportable, I just feel nervous everytime.

He smirked at me “Look Amelie, I won’t do anything not according to your will.”

I exhaled and keep my cool. I lay down and make it look possible na hindi ako kinakabahan. My god, Karlwin and his presence.

Napakalawak ng view namin, ang daming stars na kita. Buti at hindi sila masyadong natatakpan ng mga ulap kasi hindi magiging maganda ang view kung ganon.

I looked at him. Nakahiga siya sa mga braso niya at nakatingin sa mga bituin. The first time I ever talked to him seriously, he was also looking at the night sky. His eyes are still sad as I had seen them before.

“Do you believe that whenever you wish to a shooting star, it’ll come true?” he said and looked at me

I averted my gaze and look up to the sky. Sht, ang awkward naman ng distanya na to.

“I don’t know, I haven’t tried”

“Sabi nila, kapag may nakita kang shooting star, you should make a wish and it’ll be granted.”

I’m not really that fictional. I am a Science major student, I don’t really just believe in something especially if it doesn’t have its proof. Though I don’t like astronomy, I don’t really believe in astrology either.

“I think hindi naman totoo. Kasi ang layo naman niyan para marinig ka.”

“Hmm. Hindi ko rin alam, sabi lang nila.”

“Marami talaga silang superstitions, ang iba naging part na ng beliefs ng tao kahit hindi naman totoo.”

“But there’s no shame on trying.” He said at tumagilid paharap sa akin. “Let’s make some wish everytime may makikita tayo” he added

I looked at him and chuckled “Okay, let’s see kung matutupad”

Muli siyang nahiga sa braso niya at tumingin sa mga bituin.

“Lola Mira once told me that the stars are the people’s life line. Sabi niya lahat tayo may kanya kanyang bituin, the brighter it shines, the younger is the person, but as the person gets old, the stars lose its brightness, until it dies, so as the person.”

“You really like astronomy don’t you?”

“Not the whole astronomy, I just like looking at the stars.”

“You like it, but you always seem sad everytime I saw you looking at it.” I said.

He stared at me and stays silent for a few second. “I told you, I love watching something I can’t have though it frustrates me.” He said.

I again averted my gaze, sometim-- most of the time, I do find Karlwin’s eyes hypnotizing. I can’t really look straight into his eyes for a very long time.

“Alin sa tingin mo jan ang star mo?” I asked

He pointed a bright red star “Yan”

“How do you say so?”

“Wala lang, I just feel like yan ako.” He replied.

I chuckled and look at the sky. I pointed another star “Yan ka”

“Why?”

I chuckled again and shrugged my shoulder “Wala, trip ko lang.”

He sighed and looks up again in the sky. “I saw a meteor” he gleefully said.

“What’s your wish?” I asked him

“Hmm…”

He didn’t reply for a few seconds, siguro nag iisip. What else would he wish for? I think he got almost the things a person needs. He got good looks, though mas gwapo sakanya ang kuya niya,there are a lot of girls going crazy about him, pansin ko yun sa f*******: account niya, ang daming nagcocomment sa profile niya. He is rich; he got cars, nakakapag aral siya at nakakain ng masarap. He is smart. Akala ko nung una go with the flow lang ang buhay niya, easy go lucky, but when I got to peek on his grades, I was surprised he got 1.4 as his lowest grade.

“I wish I got to eat more ice cream with you” He said and chuckled.

“Parang nagugustuhan mo na ata ang ice cream ah.”

“I’d like everything my favorite person likes”

I bit my lower lip to prevent my self from smilling, damn Amelie, those are just a simple pick up line! Why do I need do blush?

“It’s okay to get cheeky and all” he said smirking.

“Yabang. I think that wish would come true kasi palagi kang talo sa sparring”

He came closer to me until the tip of our nose touches each other.

“Theres no one that I can’t outwin Amelie, it’s in my name” he said directly looking into my eyes.

There is it again, yung hindi nanaman ako makagalaw kapag kailangan kong gumalaw.

I gulped to remove the tension and flash the fakest smirk I had ever done.

“You lost to me a couple of times already karlWIN ACE” I said emphasizing words of gain attach to his name.

“I told you I’m not serious”

I frowned after hearing those, ako na mismo ang lumayo sakanya at tumingin sa ulap.

“I’m never playing with you again” I seriously said.

I have been tolerating this reasons so many times, Im so done with it. He is always telling me that he is not serious, while I’m f*****g fighting him with all of my strength and wit.

“Galit ka?”

“Ano sa tingin mo?” I said and stared at him.

Nanlaki ang mata niya at lumunok ng isang beses.

“Look, I’m sorry, next time promise seryoso na”

“You’re making me feel like ang hina kong player, I want to win because I can win Rivarez, not because you like me, or you are giving me chances”

He come closer to me and touches my creased forehead with his hands. I looked at him and rolled my eyes.

“I’m sorry, next time, I promise, we’ll fight and I’ll take it seriously.”

“I will never play with you again” I firmly said.

I see him pouted for a moment, kamukha niya si Levi sa moment na yun.

Bumalik siya sa pagkakahiga niya at bumuntong hinga.

“I’m not angry; I’m just pissed of, but its fine. Let’s just watch this meteor shower” I said

He smiled thriftly and reach for my hand. Nahigit ko ang hininga ko for the first second, and when I relaxed, napakasarap sa pakiramdam. Karlwin holding my hands felt like a safe haven, so humawak na rin ako and look up in the sky.

After a few minutes, may nakita nanaman siyang shooting star. Naiinggit na ako dahil wala pa akong nakikita. Sabi 15 per hour daw, hindi ko Makita kapag tinuturo ni Karlwin, masyadong mabilis.

“What will you wish this time?” I asked him

“I wish that I could still play with you” he said and smirked at me.

Nginiwian ko siya. Wow, he is really a smart guy.

Not a minute after he wishes may nakita na rin ako, dalawa pang magkasunod.

“Nakita mo yun?” I asked him

“Hindi. Sayo ako nakatingin eh. So what’s your wish?”

I think for something. Actually wala naman talaga, masyadong mabigat yung gusto ko para i-wish, Im afraid it won’t be granted and I’ll be dead for waiting.

“I wish dad would be kinder”

“Bakit? Leon ba ang tatay mo”

“He HeHis frustrating, scary and violent”

“Pareho pala tayo.”

“Ganon din ang papa mo?”

“Yes, but more than that.”

I looked at him and gripped his hand tighter.

“What does he do? Is he beating you up?”

“He raises best children”

I frowned at him. Yun naman pala, and looking at karlwin, his dad has raised him good.

“I guess, that’s good.”

He smiled sadly. Lumamlam ang mga mata niya at lumuwag ang hawak niya sa kamay ko.

“The best diamond undergoes a lot of pressure and polishing. He raises best children but we are physically, mentally, emotionally beaten up.” He said

“Everytime, we need to top everything, we need to win everything.”

“And everytime na matatalo kami, we’ll be scolded and beaten up till we pass out.” He continued

I was rendered speechless. Kaya pala, they are both excelling in their field. They are both making their own names, a good one. Now I understand why they grow smart in all aspects, because they were polished the hard way.

“So if you’ll ask me if I do believe in wishing in a star, I don’t. Because I grew up getting everything through my perseverance, and everytime I wished for something to them, they never came true.”

He looks up in the sky with those pairs of lonely eyes. I can’t help but to get sad. So that’s the reason why he loves something that makes him sad. He looks up upon the star to get a help on having something and then get disappointed. A night sky is not the description of possibilities for him, but a wide aray of things he can’t get.

I cupped his face with my free hand and smiled at him.

“I’ll make your first wish come true” I said smiling.

He was just looking at me like he was memorizing everything I had on my face. His brows weren’t creased but he looks really sad.

“I don’t like you becoming a star Amelie, because stars are resemblance of things I can’t have.”

“You know you have me” I replied still with my smile. I want to make him feel better. I don’t want seeing him sad. I want to see him smirking, I want to see him grinning, just like how I first saw him. I want him that way, because whenever he look so sad, I feel so sad. And for now I know, he is the only thing I care about.

He looked at me once more and closed the distance between us by kissing my lips.

I feel like I was electrocuted by thousands of volts. This really isn’t my first kiss but fck, this feels brandnew. I felt all my senses being numb and my eyes widening.

He just stayed there, not moving. And I was like a frozen meet na inilabas palang sa freezer. I can’t push him, I got all the strenght I need to push him away, but I didn’t. I knew deep inside me that I like it.

After a few seconds he moved away and caressed my face.

“I wish I could have you for real.” He said and I promise, I saw a shooting star in my peripheral vision.

‘So do I karlwin, because I know, I like you very much now’