CHAPTER 17: JAMES STARTS PRESCHOOL
1096 Words
*September 2028 - James is 4 Years. Grace is 14 Months.*
The day your first baby goes to school
is the day you realize time is a thief.
It steals the baby years.
It steals the small hands.
It steals the "mama carry me" moments.
And it gives you back a big kid with a backpack
who still wants you to cut his sandwiches into dinosaurs.
Today James started preschool.
Today Adrian and I cried in the car like we were the ones starting.
Today our boy became a student.
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*3 WEEKS BEFORE - THE TOUR*
Adrian did not want to do this.
"I can hire a tutor," he said.
"This isn't about tutoring," I said. "This is about him."
The preschool was bright. Small chairs. Finger paint on the walls.
Ms. Lily knelt down to James' level.
"Hi James! Are you excited for school?"
James looked at Adrian. Then at me.
"Will Mama and Dada stay with me?"
"Just for a little bit," I said.
Adrian put his hand on James' shoulder. "You got this, buddy."
*1 WEEK BEFORE - SHOPPING DAY*
Backpacks. Lunchboxes. Crayons. 40 glue sticks.
James wanted the T-Rex backpack. Adrian wanted the $300 leather one.
We compromised. T-Rex backpack. Leather shoes.
"For my big boy," Adrian said, helping him try it on.
James spun in circles. "I'm a big boy! I'm a big boy!"
*THE NIGHT BEFORE - 10 PM*
I was folding clothes for the 5th time.
Adrian was pacing. "What if he hates it?"
"What if he loves it more than us?" I said.
Adrian stopped. "Don't even joke about that."
James was asleep with his new backpack.
Grace was asleep in her crib.
Adrian and I sat on the couch.
"Our baby is growing up," Adrian said.
"I know," I whispered.
*DAY 1 - 6:30 AM - GETTING READY*
James woke up before his alarm.
"Is it school day?"
"Yes, buddy."
He dressed himself. Shirt backwards. Shoes on wrong feet.
Adrian fixed it. "There. Perfect."
James: "Dada, take pictures!"
We took 60 pictures. Adrian's phone was full.
*DAY 1 - 8:30 AM - DROP OFF*
The parking lot was chaos. Parents. Kids. Tears.
James held both our hands.
"I'm scared," he whispered.
"Me too," Adrian said.
"Me three," I said.
Ms. Lily came out. "James! We have dinosaurs today!"
James looked up. "Really?"
"Really."
Adrian knelt down. "Be good, okay? We'll be right here at 12."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
James hugged us. Tight.
Then he let go. And walked in.
Without looking back.
*DAY 1 - 8:31 AM - THE CAR*
Neither of us started the car.
"He's okay," I said.
"He's okay," Adrian repeated.
Then Adrian put his head on the steering wheel.
"That was the hardest thing I've ever done."
"I know," I said. And we both cried.
*DAY 1 - 12:00 PM - PICK UP*
Adrian left a board meeting.
I left the grocery store.
We met in the parking lot.
James came running out. "MAMA! DADA!"
Paint on his face. Dinosaur hat in hand.
"How was it?" Adrian asked.
"GOOD! I made a friend! Max! And we built a tower! And I had apple juice!"
Adrian picked him up. "That's my boy."
*DAY 1 - 3:00 PM - THE ARTWORK*
James brought home 3 papers.
1. Handprint. "That's me!"
2. Circle. "That's the sun!"
3. Scribbles. "That's Dada!"
Adrian framed the "Dada" one that day.
*WEEK 1 - THE ROUTINE*
Mornings: Chaos.
"Where's my shoe!" "I don't want eggs!" "I need water!"
But James loved it.
Every night: "Can I go tomorrow?"
*WEEK 2 - THE BEST FRIEND*
Max.
James talked about Max every day.
"Max and me are best friends. Max likes dinosaurs. Max's dad is funny."
Adrian: "We should have Max over."
Me: "You're inviting a 4 year old over?"
Adrian: "I'm inviting James' best friend over."
*WEEK 3 - THE FIRST HARD DAY*
James didn't want to go.
"I miss you," he said in the car.
Adrian turned around. "Hey. It's okay to miss us. We miss you too. That's why we made a plan."
He showed James a calendar. Stars on every school day.
"5 stars = movie night with Dada."
James thought. "Deal."
*MONTH 1 - THE PROGRESS*
He was writing his name. J-A-M-E-S.
Counting to 20.
Sharing toys.
At parent-teacher night Ms. Lily said: "James is a leader. The other kids look up to him."
Adrian's chest puffed out. "Takes after his dad."
Ms. Lily: "Takes after his mom too."
*THE HARD PARTS:*
1. Drop-offs. Every single one.
2. Sick days. "I can't go, Mama."
3. When he made a best friend and forgot to tell us for 2 days.
*THE GOOD PARTS:*
1. "I love school!"
2. Artwork on the fridge.
3. Watching him run in without looking back.
*ADRIAN AT WORK:*
Board meeting. Someone asked about his weekend.
"I took my son to preschool," Adrian said.
Silence.
"And it was the best thing I did all week."
*ME AT HOME:*
I cleaned during school hours.
And then I missed him.
So I picked him up 10 minutes early.
*GRACE'S ROLE:*
Grace didn't understand why James left.
"Mama. Brother?"
"School," I'd say.
Grace would wave at the door. "Bye bye!"
*JAMES TODAY:*
He comes home and talks for 45 minutes straight.
"And then Max and me... and then we..."
ADRIAN LAST NIGHT:
James was asleep. Adrian was looking at day 1 pictures.
"He's so little," Adrian said.
"He's so big," I said.
"Both," Adrian said. "He's both."
*ME LAST NIGHT:*
I packed his lunch.
Dinosaur sandwich. Goldfish. Apple.
Note: "I love you. - Mama & Dada"
*TODAY:*
James ran into school. No hesitation.
"Bye Mama! Bye Dada! Love you!"
And we watched him go.
And we were proud.
And we were sad.
And we were okay.
*THE TRUTH:*
Sending your kid to school isn't about them.
It's about you.
Learning to let go.
Learning to trust.
Learning that they will be okay without you for 4 hours.
And they will.
ADRIAN TO ME THIS MORNING:
He kissed me in the drop-off line.
"We did good," he said.
"We did," I said.
"Let's do it again tomorrow."
"Deal."
LAST THOUGHT:
James started preschool.
And somehow, Adrian and I started trusting again.
Trusting that we raised a good kid.
Trusting that the world would be kind to him.
Trusting that we could handle watching him grow.
Because he will grow.
With or without us watching.
So we watch.
And we cheer.
And we wait in the parking lot at 12:00.
James.
Preschooler.
Our big boy.
END OF CHAPTER 17
- Writer
