8. Online Dating
1312 Words
“Okay, all set!” Charlotte grinned, practically buzzing with excitement. “Come check out your profile.”
Samantha sprawled dramatically across the sofa, as if weighed down by the burden of online dating. “I don’t get a say in this, do I?”
“Nope,” Charlotte replied, popping the ‘p’ for emphasis.
Samantha sighed, tossing the pillow onto the sofa as she dragged herself toward the armchair, where Charlotte was busy playing matchmaker.
“Voilà!” Charlotte spun the laptop around with a theatrical flourish.
Samantha squinted at the screen. “Where did you even get these photos of me?”
“I never delete anything. Smart, huh? I’m like your personal archivist.”
Sam’s brow arched as she scanned through the images. “Is that… me? With a random cat?”
“It’s strategic,” Charlotte explained, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “Cat equals soft-hearted, nurturing vibes. People love that. And here,” she pointed to a photo of them at a café, “group pic – shows you’re social. Look at this one! Us at the beach. Carefree but grounded. Your profile tells a story. It’s marketing 101.”
Samantha’s lips tugged upward. “You’re ridiculous… but weirdly impressive.”
“It’s all in the details,” Charlotte said, her smirk triumphant.
“Gosh, this already feels like too much effort,” Sam said, rubbing her forehead.
“That’s why I’m doing all the hard stuff – you just get the fun part.”
“And what is the fun part exactly?”
“Dating, of course…” Charlie rolled her eyes.
“I think dating is overrated.”
“Of course you do. When was your last date? Ten years ago, with Eric.”
“Yeah, yeah. Rub it in.”
Charlotte had a point. As a serial dater, she knew the ropes. While Samantha stayed home with Eric, Charlotte was out meeting people, picking up new hobbies, and building a career in marketing and PR. For Sam, this was all uncharted territory.
“I don’t know, Charlie. It sounds like more work than fun.”
“It’s all in how you see it. If you treat it like an adventure – meet people, have fun, try new things – you’ll have a blast. If you think of it too seriously, you’ll be taking all the fun out of it. So just relax. See it as an opportunity for growth.”
“What if I just want to binge-watch movies and rest this season?”
“Then it’s tough luck, girl. You’ve had ten years of rest – time to live a little.” Charlotte wrapped an arm around Sam’s shoulder, giving her a playful squeeze. “And now, you officially have zero excuses to let me go out solo. Speaking of which… ooo, you’ve got a message from Mr. Right.” She rolled her eyes. “How original.”
“Why?” Sam squinted, already guessing the answer wouldn’t be good.
Charlotte clicked her tongue. “Anyone with a name like Mr. Right, Your Prince, or anything remotely cheesy? Trust me, it’s never good. Oh look—he started with ‘hello princess.’ Automatic delete.”
Sam leaned in, peeking at the screen. “Maybe he’s just… enthusiastic?”
Charlotte gave her a seriously? look. “He’s one bad Photoshop filter away from catfishing, Sam. Trust me.”
“Just like that? Isn’t that a little harsh?”
Charlotte laughed. “Oh, you’ll see. These messages pile up fast. Half of them aren’t even worth your time.”
Sam raised a brow. “Sounds more exhausting than exciting.”
“Well, you know what they say—kiss a few frogs, find a prince.” Charlotte smirked.
“Touche.”
“Whoa—eleven messages already! See, the online world wastes no time,” Charlotte said, grinning wider.
“Wow, already?” Sam blinked at the screen, unsure if she felt nervous or oddly excited.
“Yep. The online world moves fast. Let’s see… ah, just ‘Hi.’” Charlotte squinted and hit delete. “Yeah, no effort? No date.”
“Wait – why? I mean, isn’t that jumping the gun a little?”
“You know I’ve been doing this for years, right?” Charlotte arched a brow.
“Well, yeah… but it feels kinda cold.”
“Let’s just test it. I bet the convo dies in less than five messages.”
“Seriously? A one-word greeting is a dealbreaker? That’s a little extreme.”
“Go on, test it. Prove me wrong,” Charlotte said, spinning the laptop toward her.
“I will.” Sam moved the laptop closer and started typing.
Sam: Hi, how are you?
Someone named Josh: I am good. How are you?
S: Good, spending time with my girlfriend.
J: Whatcha doing with her?
S: Just chatting. What about you?
J: Your turn.
“Oh my God, Charlotte! What the hell?”
Charlie leaned in to look, while Sam’s face burned bright red.
Ah, your first d**k pic,” Charlotte teased. “Welcome to online dating! Time-wasters or collectibles—your choice.”
“Stop trolling me. I got the point. I think this whole online dating scene isn’t for me.”
“Oh, c'mon, Sam. It’s just a penis.” Charlotte was clearly having fun, “Oh wait—you’ve only seen one. Well, congrats—you’ve doubled your count.” Charlotte burst out laughing.
“This isn’t funny.” Samantha’s face twisted in frustration. “If this is what it’s like, forget about it.”
“See? Next time, just listen to me.” Charlotte took the laptop back, scanning quickly. “Most of these are useless—probably fake pics. And even if they’re real, who needs a six-pack if there’s no brain behind it? Unless you’re up for experimenting.”
“No, thanks. Do your thing – just let me know what to watch out for. Actually, since this is your idea, why don’t you handle it while I eat more pizza.”
“Don’t be such a drama queen, Sam. It’s one d**k pic—you just got unlucky on your first try. But hey, I did warn you.”
“That you did…” Sam grabbed another slice. “So, how do I dodge this next time? Delete the ‘hi’ guys?”
Charlie chuckled. “I wish it was that simple. Definitely avoid the ‘hi’ guys. Also, ditch anyone who asks for photos or gets flirty too quickly. You’ll catch on fast – especially if you follow my lead. Like this guy.” She spun the laptop back toward Sam.
“What’s wrong with him? He looks good. Clearly works out.”
“Yes, and every photo is shirtless. Wonder why?”
“Well… maybe he works out a lot and feels hot all the time?” Sam giggled. “Or he’s showing off… or trying to meet someone who likes the gym also?”
Charlie laughed. “Oh, Sam – you’re too cute. He’s clearly just trying to get laid. The shirtless pics? Classic hook-up bait.”
“I guess it makes sense…”
“You’ll see tons of those guys. If you’re not into casual hook-ups, steer clear.”
“Noted. Thanks. You’re really good at this… you should be a dating coach or something.”
“Maybe I will – after I fix your love life.” Charlotte winked. “Look at this one. He’s fit but doesn’t flaunt it – no gym selfies. And he’s got a dog. Pets are a good sign. Works in accounting too. What do you think?”
“He does look and sound nice, yes.”
“And look—he messaged you first!” Charlotte beamed, clearly more excited than Sam.
- Writer
