The separation
1774 Words
After the tattoo, the world stopped feeling safe.
Not just for Arka.
For Fabrizio too.
Fear followed him everywhere now. It sat inside his chest while he worked. Rode beside him through fields. Slept beside him at night. Even ordinary sounds began feeling threatening — unfamiliar motorbikes near the farm, strangers lingering too long near the village market, unknown numbers calling his phone and hanging up without speaking.
And worst of all, Arka began disappearing again.
Not fully.
Not like before.
But pieces of him kept vanishing.
The easy laughter disappeared first.
Then the constant joking.
Then the softness.
It was like watching someone slowly build walls around themselves brick by brick while pretending everything was still normal.
But nothing was normal anymore.
One afternoon Fabrizio waited nearly three hours beside the river where they always met.
The heat that day felt unbearable. Cicadas screamed endlessly through the trees while muddy water moved lazily across dark rocks below.
Arka never came.
Fabrizio smoked cigarette after cigarette while checking his phone obsessively.
No messages.
No explanation.
By sunset anger had started replacing fear.
Not because Arka missed meeting him.
Because Fabrizio knew why.
The gang.
Always the gang now.
Everything in their lives suddenly revolved around invisible men neither of them could escape.
Finally, close to dark, Fabrizio heard a motorbike approaching through the trees.
Arka.
But even from a distance something looked wrong.
His movements seemed slower than usual as he climbed off the bike. Tired. Drained.
Then Fabrizio noticed the bruise near his jaw.
Rage exploded instantly.
“What happened?”
Arka touched the bruise automatically before realizing what Fabrizio meant.
“Nothing.”
“Don’t lie to me.”
“It’s fine.”
“Who hit you?”
Arka avoided eye contact while lighting a cigarette with visibly shaking hands.
“Nobody.”
Fabrizio stepped closer immediately.
“You think I’m stupid?”
“No.”
“Then stop acting like I am.”
The silence afterward said everything.
Fabrizio stared at him in disbelief.
“You’re letting them do this to you?”
Arka suddenly snapped.
“You think I have a choice?”
The words echoed violently through the trees.
Birds scattered somewhere overhead.
For a moment both of them stood frozen.
Then Arka rubbed his face tiredly and looked away.
“I’m trying to keep things under control.”
“THIS is under control?”
“It’s complicated.”
“No,” Fabrizio said sharply. “It’s dangerous.”
Arka laughed bitterly at that.
“You think I don’t know that?”
The bruise on his face looked dark purple beneath fading sunlight.
Fabrizio wanted to touch it gently.
Instead he clenched his fists so hard his nails cut into his palms.
Because underneath the fear now lived anger too.
Anger at the gang.
At the situation.
At himself for being unable to fix any of it.
And maybe, secretly, anger at Arka for allowing himself to become trapped in something neither of them could survive.
“You need to leave with me,” Fabrizio said again.
Arka closed his eyes briefly.
“Fabrizio—”
“I’m serious.”
“So am I.”
“We can go somewhere else.”
“With what money?”
“I don’t care.”
“That’s because you’re still thinking emotionally.”
The sentence hurt immediately.
Fabrizio stared at him coldly.
“And what are YOU thinking with?”
“Reality.”
“No,” Fabrizio snapped. “Fear.”
Arka’s expression changed instantly after hearing that.
Something wounded flickered across his face.
Then vanished.
“You don’t understand what they’re capable of.”
“Then tell me.”
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because the less you know, the safer you are.”
Fabrizio laughed angrily.
“Safe? You think I feel SAFE right now?”
Arka looked at him finally then.
Really looked at him.
And suddenly his expression softened.
God, that almost made it worse.
Because Fabrizio could still see the boy he loved trapped underneath all this damage.
Still see traces of moonlight and rivers and laughter buried beneath fear.
Arka stepped closer slowly.
“You should hate me.”
The sentence hit Fabrizio like a slap.
“What?”
“You should.”
“Why would I hate you?”
“Because I’m ruining your life.”
Fabrizio’s throat tightened painfully.
“You are my life.”
The words slipped out before he could stop them.
Raw.
Honest.
Terrifying.
Arka looked destroyed hearing them.
For a second Fabrizio thought he might cry.
Instead he grabbed Fabrizio suddenly and kissed him hard beneath the trees.
Desperate.
Messy.
Painful.
Like someone trying to hold onto the last good thing left in the world.
Fabrizio kissed him back instantly.
Because no matter how frightened he became, he could never refuse him.
Never.
But even while kissing him, Fabrizio felt something terrible growing between them now.
Distance.
Not physical distance.
Emotional distance.
The kind created when two people want the same thing but no longer believe it’s possible.
When they finally pulled apart, both of them were breathing unevenly.
Arka rested his forehead briefly against Fabrizio’s shoulder.
“I miss us,” he whispered.
That sentence nearly shattered him.
Because they were still standing right there together.
And somehow they already sounded like a memory.
The weeks afterward became unbearable.
Arka started spending more time in Surabaya handling “work” he refused to explain. Sometimes he disappeared overnight. Sometimes for multiple days.
Whenever he returned, he looked worse.
More exhausted.
More paranoid.
New bruises appeared occasionally.
Cuts on his knuckles.
Sleeplessness beneath his eyes.
Meanwhile rumors spread through the village quietly.
People had started noticing the tattoo.
Started whispering.
Started asking questions.
One older man at the market even grabbed Fabrizio’s shoulder one afternoon and muttered:
“Stay away from boys who attract darkness.”
The comment made his blood run cold.
Because suddenly secrecy no longer protected them.
People were beginning to see pieces of the truth.
One night Arka showed up unexpectedly outside the stable after midnight.
Fabrizio nearly ran to him.
Then stopped.
Because Arka looked terrified.
Not anxious.
Terrified.
“What happened?”
Arka kept glancing toward the road behind him.
“We can’t keep doing this.”
Fabrizio frowned immediately.
“What?”
“They’re asking too many questions.”
“Who?”
“You know who.”
Fabrizio’s stomach dropped.
“What questions?”
Arka hesitated.
“About us.”
The word us hung heavily between them.
Cold wind moved through the stable while horses shifted restlessly nearby.
“And what did you say?”
“That there is no us.”
Fabrizio physically flinched hearing it.
Arka noticed immediately.
“You know I had to.”
“Did I?”
“Yes.”
“No,” Fabrizio snapped. “You WANTED to.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Nothing about this is fair.”
Arka grabbed both sides of his head frustrated.
“You think this is easy for me?”
“I think you’re giving up.”
That sentence landed hard.
Because deep down both of them feared it might be true.
Arka stared at him silently for several seconds before finally whispering:
“If they find out about us, they’ll hurt you.”
“I don’t care.”
“I do.”
Fabrizio felt tears burning behind his eyes immediately.
Not from weakness.
From frustration.
From helplessness.
From loving someone so deeply while feeling them slowly slip away anyway.
“We can leave,” he whispered again desperately. “Please.”
Arka looked at him with unbearable sadness.
“You still don’t understand.”
“Then MAKE me understand!”
Silence.
Long.
Heavy silence.
Then Arka finally spoke.
“One of them saw us together near the river.”
Fabrizio went completely still.
“They asked questions after.”
Cold fear flooded every part of his body.
“What kind of questions?”
Arka swallowed hard.
“If you were just my friend.”
“And?”
“And whether I was stupid enough to risk distracting myself over somebody.”
The stable suddenly felt too small to breathe inside.
Fabrizio’s pulse pounded violently in his ears.
“What did you tell them?”
“That you mean nothing to me.”
The words hit like a knife directly through his chest.
Even though he understood why Arka said them.
Even though he knew it was survival.
It still hurt.
Because some tiny part of him needed reassurance right now.
Needed softness.
Needed hope.
Instead all he saw in Arka’s face was fear.
Pure fear.
Arka stepped closer carefully.
“You know that isn’t true.”
Fabrizio looked away.
“Do I?”
“Fabrizio.”
“You said I meant nothing.”
“I had to.”
“And now what?”
Arka’s voice cracked slightly.
“Now you stay away from me.”
The sentence destroyed the remaining air inside Fabrizio’s lungs.
“No.”
“Yes.”
“I’m not leaving you alone with them.”
“You don’t have a choice.”
“Yes I do.”
“No,” Arka whispered painfully. “You don’t.”
Fabrizio shook his head immediately.
“No. No, we figure this out together like always.”
Arka looked like he might cry again.
But instead he stepped backward.
Away from him.
And suddenly Fabrizio realized this conversation had already been decided before it started.
Arka came there to say goodbye.
Panic exploded inside his chest.
“I love you.”
The words came out broken.
Desperate.
Arka froze instantly.
The stable fell silent except for distant rain beginning outside again.
Fabrizio had never said it aloud before.
Not fully.
Not directly.
But now that it existed between them, neither could escape it.
Arka’s eyes filled immediately.
And for one horrible second hope returned.
Then Arka whispered the words that haunted Fabrizio for the rest of his life.
“If you stay near me,” he said shakily, “they’ll ruin you too.”
Then he turned and walked away into the rain.
Fabrizio stood frozen inside the stable unable to breathe properly.
He wanted to chase after him.
Wanted to scream.
Wanted to drag him back and refuse to let go.
But his body wouldn’t move.
So all he could do was listen helplessly as the sound of Arka’s footsteps faded into darkness.
And for the first time since falling in love, Fabrizio realized something far more painful than heartbreak:
Sometimes loving someone is not enough to save them.
Sometimes the world reaches them first.
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