Sleeping with a Friend

Meeting Up With Mom

Mother's are always a handful, and my mother is no exception. She always wanted the best for me, and was one of my biggest supporters in everything I had ever done. She is such a big part of my life. We were there for one another when Dad had passed away. She was my rock and I was hers. Over the years though, I have realized that technology was not her biggest fan.

The vibration of my phone was constant. I wasn't sure which one was going off. I have two, yes! One for work and the other is personal. Like clockwork, every week day morning I would get my call from mom. But today was different, we were meeting for lunch. "Hey mom." I was worried when there was a slight pause on the other end. I could hear her adjusting herself in a position for a long conversation. "Hi sweetie. Did you just get up?" She said in a cheerful manner. "Nope Mom, I've been cleaning the apartment all morning." She laughed and was ready to call me out on it. "I call bullshit. You keep the dust and the cobwebs in the corners just so you can say they are decorations for Halloween." Now you can see where I get my quick wit and sarcasm from. She loves to inform me that it was from her side of the family. And my grandmother was the queen of sarcasm and quick quips.

"So, let me guess. You really did just wake up, your not dressed, and you're not on your way to meet us up for brunch. So... lunch it is!" She must have had me on speaker phone in the car, because I was getting a faint echo. I couldn't believe she was in the car and driving already. Lunch wouldn't take place for another two hours. Never was she late for anything. Her motto was "If your on time, that means your late". Driving on the other hand was an event. My mom tended to be a closeted aggressive driver. Don't let her sweet demeanor fool you she was brutal. And by closeted aggressive I mean, if you were in the car with her, you would be the one slightly deaf upon exiting. She never rolled down the window, she would just scream obscenities at the other drivers while you sat front passenger seat. "These damn assholes don't know how to drive. The damn speed limit is forty five. FORTY FIVE!!! Half twit!" There was a pause. I heard my mom's boyfriend Danny's deep laughter echo thoughout the car. He called me out by calling me "sunshine", that was his pet name for me. If not it was "Tell-A-Lee", since, to him I could never keep a secret.

I'll be honest, it took thirteen years after my dad had passed away before my mom started dating. And Danny wasa blast from her past. He dated my mom's youngest sister when my Mom and Dad were married, but he told my mom he always had a thing for her, but never wanted to be disrespectful towards my Dad. And when he and my mom started dating, I was "iffy" about him. All I knew was that he dated my aunt, had been married three times prior, and was currently going through a very heated divorce from his third wife, while dating my mom. But, I saw how happy he mad her, and I couldn't argue with her happiness. I would tell her, "There are three things in this world that I am concerned about. That's your health, your well being, and your happiness. And if anyone f***s with any of those, I have no problem going to jail". My mom chimed in and continued the conversation like she had put me on hold. I figured it would be best to end the conversation with her, because I was going to be meeting up with her in an hour or so anyway, but it was a hassle.

"Hey, mom! I'm going to go so I can start getting ready okay?"And this is how it starts. You would tell her that you needed to get off the phone, but the story continued even though a majority of the time she never finishes her sentences and told you the same thing once or twice. You have to entertain yourself and help her out from time to time. I scrambled to go through my clothes and put myself together while she talked. She would call me a smart ass if I added inappropriate material to the chat.

"Your Aunt Becky called me yesterday. Your turn signal!! TURN SIGNAL!!! Asshole! She was telling me the kids came over the other night." Another awkward moment of silence."Okay. And...?" This could go on for hours, but I'm trying to get ready. I was almost half tempted to tell her that the call was dropped just so I could hang up on her and shower and dress. But it's like speaking on deaf ears. She continued to scream expletives as I started my shower to freshen up. "Nice stop FUCKER!! It's a stop sign and he's not stopping, He just rolled through the damn thing. I stopped, why the hell didn't he stop? Dumb ass." Sometimes I would wonder if she knew I was still on the phone. I couldn't be rude and just hang up on her, could I?" That awkward silence hits once more. "Okay sweetie. We love you too, and see you soon." With the powers that be, I didn't know what part of the "I've got to go" she actually heard. I was grateful though, now I could speedily get ready to go.