A Little Bit Of Your Smile

CHAPTER 2: A LEAP OF FAITH TO SERVE

“Welcome home.”

After almost 9 years of being alone, I went back home. Finally, I got the courage to be home. Imagining me, an only child who wants to stay away from home and try to live on my own. It was a hard journey. While I was travelling back and passing in different places, I was imagining what it can be like to stay back home with the family. Will I really stay for a long period of time? God made a way for me to have no choice but to depend on Him and His plans.

The feeling was really different. I was nervous at the same time excited. When I arrived in our province, I was directed to the Health Center for assigning of the quarantine due to the protocol from the government. I was advised to just be home quarantined but it should be 15 meters away from the people. I didn’t know where because there are lots of people in the family. I sent a message to my mentor in United States about it and she advised me to go in a silent place and pray. So, I went to the comfort room and prayed so hard that God will give me a place to stay while I will undergo a 14-day quarantine.

True enough when I went back on when I was sitting, the husband of my cousin recommended their empty space quite farther away to their new house. It is being secured by gates so I knew I was safe. From time to time, the nurse will check me and my family just left my food outside of the door’s house. I was isolated for 14 days without wifi connection. I was thinking of what to do for the whole home quarantine days.

“I saw Your hands holding me,

This year is tough as everyone can see.

But thank You Lord for You are the key,

Of everything that I can be.”

My father loaded my phone day after day for me to have something I was busy with and also for my distance learning. I was enrolled in a university in California that campaigns for distance learning so Ineeded to pass all my activities weekly. It was a struggle because the laptop given to me stopped functioning so I was just using my phone.

Aside from this, my mentors followed me up from time to time to make sure that I was okay. When I felt afraid, they prayed for me. One day, one of my mentors who I call “tatay” started an organization for the youth. He was asking for someone who can volunteer to lead the youth virtually. All of a sudden, I agreed. Even before, I had the heart to volunteer and to serve so I never hesitated when I was asked.

At first, I didn’t know how to start because I stopped volunteering for how many years. Thankfully, God poured out the wisdom I needed to continue this mission given to me. For those days I was in quarantine, I encountered different personalities of teens from different places. I listened to their diversified stories. It was not me teaching them and sharing with them but they gave me a lot of realizations and learning as well. From those young precious souls, they innocently teaching me how they are being transformed and opened my eyes into the reality that young hearts are also teaching us without them realizing it.

“Each sunrise and sunset offers something new,

Each waking up and sleeping is an image of what God drew.

I pray that everyone will be a vessel of His goodness,

And everyone will see His greatness.”

I was so happy doing this kind of task. I don’t want to call it a work or a job. This is the passion that I long of doing. My heart was filled with gratitude and it just overflowed as He is filling my cup unlimitedly. This excites me everyday. I was always looking forward of what new learning I will get from the wisdom given by God. This gives me the indescribable joy I was feeling.

Our hearts can be a vessel of healing to someone else’s wounds. I learned to listen without any judgment and journey with people until their breakthrough. It was such an overwhelming feeling watching people grow and transforming. It’s like watching how a caterpillar becomes a beautiful butterfly. I am so much blessed to see how God works in the lives of people and pour out the blessings He prepared for each and everyone.

While I was within that 14 days quarantine, I still have fears though. I was really afraid of the dark. It was funny how I asked one of my close friends for a video call at night and guarded me until midnight. I was grateful because he didn’t hesitate to do it for how many days. So if you are one of the people who read this, you already know one of my biggest fears. It’s really evident in my life that there are still people who will not hesitate to help me out even to the weirdest favors that I had. So I am trying to share it with others as well.

“Let us be the instrument of faith, hope, and love,

The world will never be fair but it’s controlled from above.

Hold My Hand and don’t let go,

I love you until the end that I already saw.”

The character of love is really selfless that we cannot even understand on our own. It’s hard to act on it because at some point, we want to live something for ourselves. It is not just a mere emotion like feeling the butterflies in our stomach. It is in the spirit. When we think about it, love is an amazing fruit and the perfect reason why we are existing. It sounds great, right? A love that never lessened even though how much it hurts. How about us, can we love when it hurts?

Leading people means serving them with our whole heart. Serving them without any what ifs and lifting them up without any hesitation. I learned to take initiative to let them grow and included them in my prayers. It feels good to not just pray for yourself but praying for everyone and every Nation. I knew that the responsibility was big because it is not just a property that I am having accountability with. Those are the lives worth more than any gemstones on earth. These are the most priceless treasure of God. This taught me how to really become a good steward of the seeds that He entrusted to me.

When God says yes, it is considered done. He never breaks what He promised. What is happening this year is just a preparation of the big things that God already planned. We are being trained to become a warrior not just here on earth but in heaven. This is how a Commander trains His soldier. A brave and strong soldier with a heart that is willing to serve without any doubts. We let our yes to be yes.

“I found healing in serving,

In just a leap of faith I was driven to giving

I trusted because I that nothing will go wrong,

When He moves where we belong.”

When we love, we act in service but it doesn’t mean that when we serve, we already love. This is the reason why we always need to have a heart check. Check the motives of why we do what we do. Are we just serving because we are bored or we choose to serve because of the burning passion that we have in serving? Everything that we do boils down in the motives that we have. Let’s make a habit of assessing ourselves and asking God what He wants us to do.

God fixed us when we were broken. He is so much close to us and healing the wounds that we had. He did it to us personally so He will do it to others as well. And my heart wants to stay and journey with the brokenhearted souls as I experienced it as well. I was in that position and I might encounter it again in the coming future. The only difference is that when we encounter the same scenario again, we become wiser. The wisdom that God unveiled to us is something of worth sharing. This is something that we should invest to people bringing impact all their lives.

Maybe the question that we have in our heart is, “Why did you choose me?”

And I think, what God will answer is, “Because I love you.”

Sometimes, the reason why God is entrusting to us the things that we cannot even handle ourselves. This is what I believe in, “When God invests to us, He knows that we deserve it and He knows our capability to develop it. When He gives a mustard seed, it doesn’t ought to be kept but to be invested.”

Because He loves us, He is giving everything that we need and I hope you will see the value of everything that He gives. God is all out in giving.

“Breakthrough comes in obedience,

Blessings pour out in patience.

Service comes naturally in passion,

And what does in your heart will give you the vision.”

Where I am right now is because someone invested time to me. Those people became a vessel of healing to me and discover myself. They reminded me of my identity. They never stopped praying for me. I remembered what one of my mentors told me, “I can train others and let you go but God wants me to stay with you.”

I felt the love of God through them. They reminded me that God sees my heart, my pain, my journey, and my mistakes and yet He is always there.

It’s a different thing to know that someone is always there for you. There is a transformation in the life of someone when they know that someone is not giving up on them. It’s very touching to know that someone is investing time and effort for us. Accountability is also a commitment. We commit to be there with people and pray for them no matter what. We will be with them in happy and heartbreaking moments. It is what the world needs right now. This is what every soul is longing.

No one can live alone. I also thought that I can be a strong independent woman. That’s what people around me know me as well. But when I was in a big testing, I realized that no one can be independent. We depend on God. And when we depend on Him, He leads a vessel where we can lean on. We are weak but He is strong. So when we are leaning on in a strong foundation, nothing can destroy us. Nothing can wreck what God has protected.

“We are protected because you are a strong tower,

I will not doubt Your highest power.

Despite of the storms and strong waves we encounter,

You stayed with taught us to be a fighter.”

The whole home quarantine days without any physical contact with people was really bombarded with missions, schedules, wisdom, responsibilities, and learning. It was a very tight schedule but full of passion. This really drives me everyday because God empowers us to empower others. I’m still a work in progress though but I believe that God is doing something great inside me that even those people that see me and talk with me virtually can attest with the transformation that happened to me- the transformation of mindset and perspectives in life.

I learned to break the mindset of getting back on what exactly I did and not limiting what God can do in my life. When we serve, serve without thinking of something in return. I started to stop the thinking of getting the return of investment. God knows what He is doing. This taught me to listen to Him, obey Him, and lead people.

Reaching out people is something that will leave an impact in our lives. When we reach out, it is not something that we sugarcoat. We become real, authentic, and honest. I learned to not hide my hardships, my pains, and tried my best to be transparent as I can be. The sincerity of everything that we do is being felt when we show authenticity. Shame and hiding ourselves will never have a room to a person who is willing to serve wholeheartedly.

“This is my heart of worship,

I want to love you so deep

That even if I will fail,

Your greatness always prevails.”

I encountered teens telling their insecurity stories that lowered their self-esteem. Because of this, their worth as a person was blurry. They can’t absorb the fact that they are valued and loved. So, it was impressed in my heart to always remind them of their worth and let them know that they are worth fighting for. It is not an overnight process to accept and love all your flaws. It takes patience, endurance and encouragement each day. I saw and witnessed how they bloomed, transformed, and became a leader as well of so many souls out there who were waiting to be seen.

I heard stories that reflect the path I had before. It was as looking at the mirror and you saw yourself through that person. This made me realized about the big transformation I gone through. The changes are really evident after all those challenges I faced. I can really tell that, “I am Irish, a daughter that once was lost but now found, imperfect but loved who gives glory to the Most High. This is me, my identity and my value found in Him.”

It took a leap of faith for me to realize the heart of service that I had. I might not stay in the organization forever but I will continue to serve in a way that I could. I might still have my flaws and imperfections but these will never stop me from the things that I am passionate about. I might not be the best in the eyes of people but as long as I know my worth as a person, I will not stop empowering and reach out people. This is now my life, this is my heart.

“If there are still times that I will be silent out of the blue,

Please know that I am still doing what I want to do.

Nothing can separate my from the callings you gave,

Because of You, my life has been saved.”

I still have a lot of plan in life. I also have my own blueprint, my timeline, and my goal but I still allow God to interrupt those things that I already planned. There are possibilities that He will redirect me if those plans that I had are not for me. He still has the greater plan so it is fine. Yeah, we can’t deny that it’s painful or it’s hard to let go but if loosen the grip to receive something new is only the key to walk into that big plan and purpose then so be it. We cannot runaway from it.

During the sharing sessions in one of the organizations where I was volunteering, I shared a lot of goals I have this 2020. Some of them became my habit and some are still in the process to achieve. We had this 6-month goal physically, emotionally, socially, spiritually, career and family. For the record, I didn’t achieve any goal for my physical body for the last 6 months. These are some easy goals but these are what I were struggling.

What does this situation show? It actually reflects that even the easiest things we can do if we overlook them and take them for granted, it will leave a mark in the biggest goal that we have. Starting from simple and short-term goals can lead us into the long-term goal that we are praying for. It takes self-discipline to do the things that we set in a span of time. I learned from it in a hard way. Let’s conquer the international pageants someday to spread the Word by starting in a single step.

“You impressed a lot of dreams in my heart,

Through this, you made sure that I am set apart,

To glorify Your Name in every part,

And I know that I need to start.”

“If this is not from you Lord, please take it away from me.” This is the prayer I always have that needs courage to say. It is the hardest prayer that I prayed. I have a sensitive personality when it comes to the things I am passionate about. I want to confess something to you. I am not that person who will say goodbye when leaving. I knew that it was not the right thing to do so when I experienced it, I can really say that it hurts the most.

I still have lots of people whom I owe a proper goodbye. Maybe in this section I want to say sorry for not saying a farewell.

****

To the kids, my mentors, my workmates, to the organizations were I volunteered who helped me unleashed the passionate heart and discovered what I have within,

Sorry for not saying a proper goodbye. Sorry for not sharing everything I was struggling through. Sorry for leaving the responsibilities I had. I know that it is painful because you invested a lot of time, effort, and everything to me. You believed on the things that I can do and you taught me without any judgment.

Thank you for being part of my life. I appreciate everything that you taught me and the realizations I have. You impacted my life in a way that I became braver to face the challenge of everyday and humble to face the mistakes I had from the past.

To my spiritual father whom I call my “tatay” and mentor, I still remember when you asked me if I wanted you to become my mentor. You said that all I need to do is to open my secret place. I still remember how you served me food and that day when we volunteered in Bilibid prison. You showed me the situation of the people and encouraged me to do my part as a child of God. That was the unforgettable moment that I had with you. You even told me that you were hearing a lot of things about me and you were praying for me.

To my spiritual mentors who never got tired of calling me everyday for training and helping me out to realize the roots of what I went through. Thank you so much for staying. I knew that you also felt tired whenever I am not answering your call and worried of me. Before you went travelled in United States, you helped me out to understand why I want to join a certain pageant. You believed in what I can do and up until now you still chat me and talk to me. Sorry for being so stubborn at times.

I still have a lot to say but rest assured that I will not stop serving and I will continue to do the things that God wants me to do. I appreciate you and I love you.

Irish

***