The Sentinels of Eden, Books 1-4

Chapter 35

As the river music filled my head with its poignant sorrow, I longed for him to hold me again, and promise me that he would try to be as nice as he could, but he stayed on his side of the dusty grotto, as far away from me as he could get. I had been sending him so many mixed signals lately, I was sure he was about to derail. Resolutely I disciplined my thoughts—I couldn’t have things both ways. I had already let things go way too far between us. It was time for me to wise up.

Scrunching down into my sleeping bag, I prodded at the bag of clothes I was using for a pillow until it wasn’t quite so lumpy. Above me I could just see the Southern Cross from beyond the overhang. Bits of gravel dust blew in with the breeze, peppering me as I tried to get comfortable, but I refused to turn my face away from the view of the sky. Was Harry watching the same stars I was? And my mother? Was the river music as sad there as it was here? Rather than try to block it out, I decided for once to just let the music fill me, riding its currents to see where they would lead me. Burning tears erupted as I knew they would and I was too tired to bother fighting them. The new approach didn’t help me sleep, but it did replace my confusion and anxiety with numb emotional exhaustion. Hours passed. Slower than a school speech night.

‘Lainie?’ The softest of whispers overlaid the backdrop of cicada and frog songs. Had he been awake the whole time too? Twitchy heartbeats had to be firmly disciplined. The two of us spending the night alone in the bush was dangerous enough without me giving him any more of the wrong reactions.

I kept my voice to a low whisper so it wouldn’t betray the longing I felt. Or the sadness. If he tried to console me again I was going to cave for sure. ‘Yeah?’ was all I managed to breathe.

‘Happy New Year.’

That was when I realised that it was the first New Year’s Eve I hadn’t spent with Noah.

The following morning over breakfast, we showed Aunt Lily the photos of the cave paintings Tessa had emailed me. She was appropriately awestruck, and kept glancing sideways at me as if trying to come to terms with the idea that I really was descended from an ancient Indigenous clan. And I wasn’t the pale-skinned green-eyed Cherub.

‘Harry said hi,’ I remembered. I had briefly outlined our meeting with him but found it difficult to give her any details. She was content to know that he was all right and understood why I couldn’t say more.

‘Do you think he’ll come home?’ she asked carefully.

‘He wants to but he really is stuck. We’re working on it, though. We just need to find …’ I struggled to spit out the words. All the specific details were getting tangled in my throat with my two-minute noodles.

Aunt Lily just shook her head. ‘It doesn’t matter. Just make sure you stay safe.’

It was so frustrating. She might have had a brilliant suggestion for getting into Eden but I couldn’t even talk about it. Bane was no use; he wasn’t likely to offer any ideas. Just as I decided I would have to go and see Noah, the phone rang. It was Sarah again. Apparently she’d called the night before and a couple of times that morning already. It made sense. She would have felt Harry suddenly turn up near Eden and then disappear again, so I told her I would come over and explain.

When I arrived, she led me to the far end of the backyard to talk, away from any prying ears.

‘Your aunt told me you and Bane set up a meeting with Harry. I felt him return briefly last night. How did you manage it? How did he get past the rock fall?’ she asked.

‘The rock fall is still there, right in front of the Event Horizon. Harry just managed to fit between them but it was very hot, so he couldn’t stay long,’ I explained. When I told her how we had managed to get a message to him, she snorted at the irony of Harry having to use a phone.

‘So is he going to come home? He never liked the idea of crossing over after what happened to your mother. I’m surprised he’s stayed there this long.’

That caught my attention. ‘What happened to my mother?’ I asked, trying to sound casual. Just how much did she know?

‘Oh, honey, sorry,’ she said, laying her hand on my arm. ‘I suppose no one has ever really told you the truth about that. It’s not right. You should know.’

‘It’s not Aunt Lily’s fault. She only knows bits and pieces about Eden. She’s told me everything she can.’ I felt a bit defensive. After all, Sarah could have filled me in at any time if she really believed it was important enough.

‘I know. I’m not blaming her. Harry should have told you more. Although I know Lily wanted us to wait until you were a bit more mature to find out about all this, so I guess it was right that he deferred to her judgment.’

We sat down on a rickety garden bench that had seen better days. At least it was in the shade.

‘Your mother fell into a severe depression when your dad died,’ she explained, moving along to give me a bit more space on the bench. ‘She started to cross over into Eden regularly. She said it made her feel better, and it worked … for a while, but there was something about the place that messed with her mind. She began to stay there for longer and longer periods of time. Each time she returned she would be a little bit more disconnected. She began to forget things and became … irresponsible. She just couldn’t seem to get her priorities straight. One minute she would be all over you, saying how much she’d missed you, and the next we would find her wandering by the river, having forgotten that she’d left you in the house alone. Lily did an amazing job of trying to keep her grounded, but eventually she … slipped away. The last time I saw her she was in tears, saying that you had died. She was holding you in her arms at the time and you were sleeping peacefully. We tried to explain to her that you were fine but she’d finally tipped over the edge. She left for Eden that day and I never saw her again. Harry went after her …’ Her olive eyes glazed over as she got lost in her memories. Then she gave herself a little shake. ‘When he returned he told us your mum had all but forgotten this world and didn’t … want to remember.’ She squeezed my hand. ‘Even though your aunt would never admit it, I think she was relieved. Watching what you went through each time your mother left you again … and having to pick up the pieces each time … I’m so sorry, Lainie. This can’t be easy for you to hear.’

It matched what Aunt Lily had said, but that didn’t make it any better. My mother had still left me alone. Suddenly the rickety bench I was sitting on felt a lot more stable than the rest of the planet. So many reactions fought for priority that I just squashed them all down to deal with later, and tried to focus on the questions I had instead. ‘So that’s why you and Harry avoid going into Eden? It sends you crazy?’

She shook her head. ‘Not so much crazy, it just makes you forget. You’re in another world, so this one just sort of fades away. I’ve never been there. I don’t want to risk losing my family.’

We sat silently for a while and I reflected on the way I had struggled to pay attention to what I was doing as soon as I had crossed over the boundary. It was easy to see how quickly memories could slip away. Perhaps it was a good thing though—I wouldn’t miss Bane and Aunt Lily so much if I couldn’t remember them. That was the moment I realised that I was actually contemplating what it would be like to live there. Another world. A whole other life. In Paradise. And it was calling to me louder and louder every day. There had to be a way in.

‘Sarah, is it really possible to resist these compulsions? If it protects the ones we love?’ If she was able to avoid going into Eden then perhaps I could go in and avoid the temptation to return, despite my ties to this world. My attachment to Bane wasn’t necessarily compulsive, but it felt awfully close.

‘I would do anything to protect the people I love. I believe we always have a choice, even when it comes to Eden.’ She was on the verge of tears and I could see how conflicted she was between following her role as a Cherub and doing what was best for her family. Her words echoed Harry’s so closely that I wondered how many more ‘choices’ they had both been forced to make. I tried to shift the subject to a less painful topic.

‘I think Harry would like to come home if we can find a way, and I think there might be one. Bane and I found another cave. There was an Event Horizon there, but it was a dead end on the other side—in both worlds.’

She looked up at me, a fascinated expression brightening her serene face.

‘Bane couldn’t cross it,’ I continued. ‘He walked through it but nothing changed for him. He just couldn’t sense me at all when I crossed.’

‘So presumably there is still only the one place humans can get in to Eden?’

A shiver of revulsion went down my spine at the thought; it was the same feeling I got when people tried to lie to me. Humans. Crossing over the Event Horizon. The mere idea of it made my teeth ache. ‘But they’re not allowed.’ The bleak flatness of my rebuke seemed to startle her almost as much as it did me.

She was quiet for a moment, and then asked in a subdued voice, ‘So if we can find another place for Cherubim to cross, would you go?’ Her gaze was as piercing as my answer was quick.

‘Of course. I want to find her, and I want to know why the river music is so sad. And I want to help Harry to get home, somehow.’

‘No,’ she said, fiddling with her silver bangle. ‘I mean, if you want to go, that’s up to you, but Harry …’ She breathed in very deeply, and there were emotions swirling around her that I couldn’t decipher. When she relaxed again, her voice was steady. ‘If Harry wants to stay there, then please don’t try to talk him out of it.’