Phoenix

2 - I'm only using him

Phoenix

Nitro slams me back against the wall as I hit out at him. He smirks when I slap him hard enough to turn his head. My chest heaves with adrenaline, anger, and arousal. I hate this man with every fiber of my being, but I can’t stay away from him. He does something to my body that no one else does.

“What have I told you about touching me without permission?” I hiss.

“Why do you pretend you don’t want me, Phoenix? You know it always ends the same way.”

With us fuckin.g violently, and that’s no exaggeration. I hit Nitro, and he throws me around before beating my ass until I can’t sit down. I fight him deliberately so that he’ll punish me, and I get off so hard when he binds my body and fuck.s me six ways to Sunday. I shouldn’t want it that way, but I’m not your average woman.

Nitro and I have a history that goes back years. He was once the love of my life, but then he broke my heart. I swore that I’d never go near him again. I can’t stand him outside of the bedroom, but inside, we’re electric. That never changed.

I don’t know how we ended up like this. He left me, then returned years later, and I remember wanting to kill him for thinking he could walk back into my life as though nothing had happened.

It took me months to come to terms with him being back from wherever the hell he went all those years ago. I ignored him as much as I could. I didn’t want anything to do with him.

I avoided Nitro for over a year before he finally snapped and cornered me one night. I smashed him in the mouth, and he dragged me down an alleyway like he had the right!

The next thing I know, Nitro had my pants down, was spanking the hell out of me, and I was cumming like never before. Since that day, I haven’t been able to find anyone who could make me feel the way Nitro did that day. No one but Nitro himself, and I fuckin.g hate that fact! Okay, Eagle could make me cu.m hard, and we had a fantastic time in bed. But there was never anything more between us, and we parted as best friends. Same with Dray.

I also hate that Nitro thinks I’m too weak to resist him. I might love the way he makes me feel in bed, but no man has that power over me!

“You really believe I’m not strong enough to walk away right now?”

I’m stronger than Nitro can possibly imagine. He knows that I’m physically strong; he’s seen me beat a man twice my size. I’m talking mentally. If I were to walk away now, I’d keep going, and deep down, Nitro knows it.

“Walk away from me and into someone else’s bed?” I smirk because he’s right. “You’re a slut, Phoenix, and you know it.”

I wouldn’t class myself as a slut, but most probably would. Not that I give a flying fuc.k what anyone else thinks of me.

I haven’t been a saint in the time Nitro has been gone, or even while he’s been back. I’ve had my fun. I don’t owe this man anything; he left me, not the other way around. I won’t stand here and tell Nitro that I haven’t slept with anyone in the years he’s been gone. If nothing else, I’m an honest person. I lie only when necessary, and right now, it isn’t.

If Nitro believing that I’ve slept with every man and woman I come into contact with makes him angry enough to give me what I want, I’ll let him believe anything.

Just to make it clear, I haven’t slept with all that many since Nitro has been gone. Though he knows that I like men and women, I wouldn’t label myself as bisexual. I like people, no matter their gender, color, religion- hell, I’ll sleep with anyone. However, when Nitro and I were together, he was the only person I saw, the only one I wanted.

Okay, I like se.x, and I’ll sleep with whoever I damn well please. But the truth is, since Nitro dragged me down that alley, I haven’t slept with anyone but him because no one else gets my heart racing like this bastard. Not that I’ll tell this prick that.

“Yeah?” I push away from the wall and walk toward him.

He shakes his head while walking backward. He should have seen my fist coming towards him, but Nitro is stupid and didn’t.

I laugh as he curses loudly. Fuckin.g prick, he should know by now not to piss me off because it always ends the same way. I wouldn’t say that I enjoy physically hurting Nitro, but I sure as shi.t like making him angry.

Nitro grabs me and flings me onto the bed. I twist onto my stomach, trying to scramble away from him. He grabs my legs and yanks me toward him. I scream as Nitro grabs my ponytail and forcefully pulls my head back. “You sick bitc.h! You love this, don’t you? Huh? Pinned down and fucke.d like a dirty little whor.e.” I’m not quick enough in answering him, so he chokes me while yelling, “Answer me!”

My eyes roll to the back of my head, and I groan. “Yes.” I gasp out. I couldn’t speak if I wanted to; his hand is wrapped too tightly around my throat. The feeling of it sends tingles to my c**t.

While Nitro tears my clothes from my body, leaving my leather pants around my ankles, I let my mind clear of everything else. I shouldn’t like the things Nitro does to me. I shouldn’t seek him out so that he can abuse my body the way he does. However, since the first time we fucke.d at the age of sixteen, I haven’t been able to stop myself.

When Nitro left, I was heartbroken for a very long time. I didn’t let it stop me from being me, but I’ll admit that it made me a very angry woman. I wouldn’t say I became a liability to my club, but I became dangerous in more ways than one.

I slept with others, trying to find someone who could give me what Nitro once did. But the truth is, the only other men who ever came close were Eagle and Dray. I used to wish I could fall in love with Eagle because we could have been magic together. We often were, but neither of us felt that kind of love for each other. Eagle is one of my best friends, and he always will be, and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for that man. Falling in love with Dray Vidal would have been lethal.

Could you imagine the two of us in love?

To completely insane motherfuckers?

Nah, nobody would have wanted that.

But the sad fact is, the piece of shi.t chocking me is the only man I want.

And don’t that just make you a pathetic bitc.h?

“Are you wet, slut?” He hisses in my ear.

“Fuc.k you!” I grind out between clenched teeth.

“I intend to,” Nitro growls in my ear, right before slamming his coc.k into me in one push. I don’t scream, but my eyes roll and my puss.y clenches.

Nitro fuck.s me hard, fast, deep, and raw, all the while I’m cumming over and over, and over again. That’s what Nitro does to me, the power he has over me.

How can you detest someone so much yet be so goddamned sexuall.y attracted to them?

I can’t even say it’s sexua.l attraction because I don’t find the motherfucke.r attractive whatsoever. Passion overtakes me sometimes, and I need Nitro to fuc.k me like this.

You’re such a damn liar, Phoenix. You know you’re sexuall.y attracted to Nitro on a level you never have been with anyone else.

That’s because I’m a sick fucke.d up bitc.h. I wish I knew how to quit the man who broke my heart, but I just don’t. This asshole is my weakness, and I hate myself for it.

I know that I’m Nitro’s weakness. But then I fully believe the man has a screw loose for wanting me the way he does, knowing what he knows about me. I’m not a good girl, and I don’t have a job every parent would be proud of. I’m a biker like my father before me, and my job is whatever Jett gives me. My job is also to do whatever Dray Vidal tells me to, in the killing sense, at least.

What man would want a killer as his girl?

And what is Nitro exactly?

A biker belonging to a fucke.d-up club, and not mine. Which makes me sleeping with him a very bad idea.

If Jett finds out, no matter who Nitro used to be to me, he’d kill me. Well, he’d kill Nitro to teach me a lesson. He’d also throw me out of the club.

All I ever wanted was to be a member of Snakes Henchmen MC. Shepard and my father, BlackJack, promised it would happen, that I would be the first official female member of the MC. I made that dream come true when I was eighteen, though it’s not always easy being the only woman among all those men. Not that they treat me differently, but sometimes in battle, they rush to my defense instead of leaving me to my thing. They know I can take care of myself; I don’t need a man to protect me, yet it doesn’t stop them.

Nitro was supposed to join Snakes Henchmen with me. He was supposed to be my forever; the two of us together forever. But he left, and I couldn’t forgive him. When he returned, I didn’t want anything to do with him. He joined Shadow Falcons, and I hated him for it!

Why the hell can’t I stay away from him?

“Wanna tell me what this was all about?”

I pull up my pants, then sit on the edge of Nitro’s bed and yank my boots on.

“Why do you care?” It’s not really a question because I don’t care for the answer.

“Phoenix, any other time and I wouldn’t give a shi.t. But I can see that something is bothering you.”

I finish zipping my boot and stand up. “We’re not friends, Nitro. So don’t try to be one right now.”

“Don’t do that, Phoenix. Don’t pretend that you don’t feel anything for me because I know that you do.”

I laugh and shake my head. I’m not going to answer him. I’ve told Nitro many times that he’s nothing to me. Nitro - Gage Adams will never be anything to me ever again.

He opens his mouth to say something, but I turn and walk away. I won’t be pulled into an argument; we’re not a couple and never will be again. The sooner he gets that through his thick skull, the better.