Phoenix

4 - Days like this

Phoenix

I hate days like this; I never know what to say.

Who the hell does at a funeral?

My mom is a mess, but she has BlackJack to hold her up. Roman is trying to be strong, but he doesn’t have to be. His mother died; no one expects him not to cry today. Still, Roman is stubborn, and he’ll save his tears for when he’s alone with his wife.

Ava is a mess. My aunt was my best friend’s great-grandmother because Ava’s mom is Roman’s daughter. Ava loved Leona, and they were close. Losing her is heartbreaking for everyone. I’ll be here for Ava as long as she needs me, and I’m glad she knows that.

It isn’t just Ava who needs support; her brothers, Scotty and Reed, do, not to mention Fallon, their mother. At least they have Trace. Then there’s Romany and Colt, Roman’s kids; they’ll need support. My brothers, their children, Leah, Roman’s autistic sister—the list goes on.

Roman and Leah lost their father six months ago, and now their mother. I don’t know what will happen to Leah now. She’s in her early fifties, but she has the mental age of a ten-year-old. My aunt and uncle took care of her her whole life, but now they’re both gone, and I worry about what might happen to her. I know Roman would never let her down, and she’s been staying with him since their mother died.

Who knows, maybe he’ll keep her with him.

The Snakes are a big family, Phoenix, and they’ll support each other no matter what. During this sad time, they’ll be there for each other when they’re needed. You don’t need to worry.

The whole ceremony was sad, and I cried a little. I’m not completely dead inside. It hurt to see Mom so sad; I don’t remember ever seeing her so upset. Maybe when she lost her parents and older brother, but she and Leona were so close, even with a fifteen-year age gap, and losing her has shattered my mother. Everyone came back to the clubhouse for the wake, but I haven’t set foot inside yet.

Losing my Aunt Leona made me realize that my parents are getting older, and that I could lose them at any moment: Dad’s seventy-two, and Mom’s seventy. I’m twenty-six and haven’t had them nearly long enough. They were young when my brothers were born, but they were in their mid-forties when I came along.

My parents gave me a wonderful childhood, and I wanted for nothing. I learned so much from Taylor and Jack, and I am who I am because of them. Still, no matter how fantastic my life has been, the fear of losing them has always been in the back of my mind.

I wouldn’t know who I am without Mom and Dad. Sure, I have Stryker, Hawk, and Wrench, but it’s not the same thing. My brothers are years older than I am, already in their twenties and thirties when I was born. Christ, I’m the same age, or thereabouts, as my nephews!

“Don’t you know those things will kill you?”

I take a drag of my cigarette and blow the smoke in Bandit’s direction. “Don’t you know I couldn’t give a fuc.k, Bandit? Why are you bothering me?”

“I’m just checking on you. People are asking where you are.”

I roll my eyes, throw my cigarette butt to the floor, and stomp it out with my boot. I stare Bandit down for a moment before walking away from him.

I don’t have a problem with Bandit as such; he’s an okay guy, but he drives me up the wall. He’s my age but treats me like a little kid. I haven’t been a little girl for a very long time. Bandit needs to step back and realize that I am not weak, and I never shy away from a fight. They all should know that by now.

“There you are.”

“Here I am,” I answer Hawk as I reach my family’s table. I lean down and hug my mother tightly. She holds on for a moment. “I’m here, Mom. I know your heart’s broken, but I’m here if you need to talk.”

“Thank you, baby girl.” She whispers.

I kiss her cheek and pull away.

“I know now isn’t exactly a great time to do this, but we need to see you in the office.”

Now really isn’t the time for this, but I can’t say no to Jett. I follow him and the others to the office, leaving Mom with the woman for a while. Dad hasn’t followed us, and I’m glad. He should be with Mom right now.

I take my allotted seat at the table just as Jett calls church. “What’s this about on a day like today?” I ask.

Everyone looks at each other. Wrench’s eyes catch mine, and my eyes narrow. Something is going on, and I know I’m not going to like it one little bit.

“I’ll get right to the point.” I look at Jett. “You’re getting married next week.”

I can’t help myself, and I burst out laughing to the point I’m choking on it.

Getting married next week?

He’s insane!

I finally manage to stop laughing when I notice the look on Jett’s face. He isn’t joking.

“Are you being serious?”

“Deadly.” Jett nods. “We’re gonna align with the Shadow Falcons.”

“What the hell for?” I snap.

We’re a massive club; we don’t need anyone else! Especially not those fucker.s!

“The Falcons are a decent club, Phoenix,” Jett says. “Yes, we’re much bigger, but that don’t mean nothin’ these days. With the Falcons on our side, they’ll always answer the call should we need them. I know what you’re going to say: we rarely need help, and when we do, we call our own. That’s true, but it doesn’t hurt to be prepared. The two clubs need a union, and that’s where you come in.”

“Wait. Hold up,” I hold my hand up to Jett. “You want to align with a small, pissy club that pushes drugs and women for no real reason.” I nod my head because there’s more to this; there always is. “But why me? Why the fuc.k do I need to be married off to one of those assholes?”

Those men are vile; not one of them is even nice-looking!

“Because as our only female member, it’s down to you,” Jett says casually.

“What the fuc.k?” I clench my fists, almost breaking my fingers. I am not getting married! “Why can’t one of this lot marry one of the Falcons women?”

This is madness!

Jett sighs. “Because they don’t have any female members, Phoenix. I already pointed out that one of our men would marry one of their women, but Bono wouldn’t go for it. He said it had to be you.”

Heat rises in my eyes, and I feel the burn and sting. I’m not doing this, no matter what Jett says! There’s more to this than wanting their help whenever needed. Jett would never join forces with any club in this manner. No, there’s something else going on, but he won’t tell me. I know that without even asking.

“I’m not doing this, Jett.” I shake my head. “This is the twenty-first century, not the nineteenth!”

He looks me in the eye. “You are doing this, Phoenix. I’m not giving you the choice.”

“I will not let you pimp me out like this!” I look at my brothers. “Y’all are just gonna sit back and watch as he does this to me?”

Both Stryker and Hawk say nothing, their sons looking anywhere but at me. It’s Wrench who speaks.

“You know I would never let anybody hurt you, Phoenix,” Wrench says. “I also know you’re more than capable of taking care of yourself. I would never ask you to do this if it wasn’t extremely important.”

I grit my teeth behind my lips. “What’s so damn important? You tell me because I know it’s more than wanting them on our side.” I look at Jett. “You would never do something like this for something so simple. So, what is it?”

“Phoenix,” I look at Wrench with a snarl on my face. “Just trust me this once. Please?”

It doesn’t matter what Wrench or anyone else says; nothing will make this better. I could throw a fit and tell Jett that I’ll never do what he wants me to do, but I know I’ll lose in the end. He’ll take my patch, and I don’t want that. Nothing I can say will change his mind, and that makes this worse.

I could point out that any one of these men could give up their daughters and have them marry a stranger. But I wouldn’t put my friends in this situation. I would never stand back and watch them fear their new lives. I know myself; I would have put myself forward for any one of them, so they wouldn’t have to go through this.

I know that I’m strong and I can deal with anything life throws at me. What I can’t deal with is not having the choice to make this decision myself. If Jett had come to me privately and told me about this, maybe I wouldn’t be about to lose my shi.t and kill someone. As it is, I’ve been put on the spot and don’t know what to say.

I shift in my seat. “Who the hell is it that I’m supposed to be marrying?”

“I don’t know,” Jett shrugs.

He doesn’t fuckin.g know?

What the hell is that about?

“How could you not know, Jett?” I huff a laugh. “What kind of arrangement have you made that you don’t know who the fuc.k you’re pimping me out to?”

“I’m not pimping you out, Phoenix!”

That’s exactly what he’s doing. I didn’t think my President was so stupid he wouldn’t know the damn difference!

“You could be forcing me to marry an old man who wants to share me with his friends. Did you think about that? He could be a woman-beating son of a bitc.h for all you know!” I slam my hand down on the table, but no one so much as blinks. They’re used to me being angry.

“Phoenix?” I look at Hawk. “Of all the women who ever belonged to this MC, Nova aside, you are the strongest we have ever known. No man on this earth would get away with so much as slapping you. You’d kick his ass before killing him.”

True.

“Mentally, you are without a doubt the strongest woman here.” He continues. “Don’t think, for one second, Jett made this decision lightly. He didn’t. We all know you can handle yourself, and this isn’t a forever thing. One year is all we’re asking; then you can divorce the man and move on.”

A year?

This just gets worse and worse! Don’t these people, my family, care that a marriage means more than just pretending to... Wait. Pretending. I can pretend in front of people. Whoever I’m forced to marry will soon understand that he’s never touching me, and that I will fuc.k who I want, when I want. I will not change for him, and I will not let anyone else change me.

“And what?” I ask. “Am I meant to move MC’s and become one of them? Because I’m telling you now, I will not do it!”

Moving clubs and being around Nitro all the damn time is not happening! Christ, of all the clubs they want to marry me off to, it had to be my ex’s club!

Jett sighs. “No, you don’t have to leave Snakes Henchmen. I already told Bono that will never happen. Your husband won’t be joining us either.”

Good!

“Will you do this, Phoenix?” He asks.

I look at Jett while getting out of my seat. “I don’t have a choice, remember? I’m not moving in with whoever the piece of shi.t is. And I’ll tell you one thing: I will never forgive any of you for making me do this. Don’t expect me to be a doting or obedient wife; I won’t be. Nor will I be faithful, and I will smash his face in if he thinks about touching me just once.”

I don’t let anyone get a word in; I’m already out the door. I need to get to the gym before I do something I’ll regret.