The Alpha's Regret

Chapter 4

{Ellie's POV}

I saw Rhys throw his hands in the air in so much frustration before walking away. He looked really angry for some reason, and I have no idea why. Dad who was left alone in the garden shook his head and sighed as if he was both disappointed and sad with whether they had fought about. Then, he looked up at the room—specifically, the room I was in! So in a quick manner, I ducked down to hide, then crawled my way towards the cabinets and hid the small red box on one of the drawers.

I don't want to accidentally lose it, so I just decided to hide it. It would be safer that way.

I just lay myself on the bed after that and stared at the ceiling, letting my thoughts process in my head.

I wonder what Dad and Rhys were fighting about. Dad looked like he was very frustrated while Rhys on the other hand looked very mad. He kept on shaking his head, speaking loudly as if stating a point. But what is it? Thinking about it, I realized that I didn't even see them speak to each other on our way here. Rhys was very silent even to me. He seemed so cold.

Was he really like that?

Dad says so, but I don't think someone could be 'naturally' cold as if it was their own skin. Surely, there's something that made him act that way.

Was it me?

I feel like Rhys doesn't want me here, or maybe it was just my thoughts. But still, the thought of someone disliking me without even a proper reason just feel so…unfair. Like—he doesn’t even know me yet to hate me this way. Why is it always like this?

My mother's cousin hated me, my own cousin hated me, and now, that man hates me. What if Dad secretly hate me as well and was just doing these things for the sake of his conscience? I thought blood was thicker than water but why do I find more solitude and love in the hands of other people than my own family?

Is it really that hard to love me? Or even at least like me?

I didn't realize that I dozed off while thinking about those things and when I opened my eyes, I was surprised to see that it was already morning. The ray of the sun from the glass wall was hitting my face, causing me to frown.

Wow, I must be really tired to have slept for that long. It was probably the longest and most comfortable sleep I have ever had for years.

I was even more surprised when I noticed that a blanket was already covering me. Did someone entered my room when I was asleep? Was it Dad?

I stood up and did my morning routine. It took me longer because I was trying to get accustomed to my room and all the essential things that were put to God knows where, so I had to find them first.

I wore a high waist denim jeans and a beige oversized sweatshirt, then paired it with a converse. There was a lot of fancier, more stylist, and trendy clothes I saw inside the walk-in closet but I prefer these ones I was wearing. Those were not my things anyway.

After I was done, I contemplated whether to leave the room or not. I still didn't know my way around and I was afraid of getting lost or more like bumping in with Rhys on the way, so I was kind of hesitant.

But thankfully, God decided to help me out of my misery because before I could even decide, the door opened and Dad walked into the room in the most silent way I could possibly think of. But then, his whole demeanor relaxed when he saw me.

"Oh, thank God you're finally awake. I was afraid that you might still be sleeping and woke you up. You seemed very tired." He sounded relieved.

Well, who wouldn't be tired?

A whole day at school, then I spent hours working in the cafe without even a minute of rest, and then I went home and saw him and another man. Then, we flew here for so many hours, so yeah, I was not surprised that I slept in for that long.

"Anyway, since you're awake, let's go and have breakfast downstairs so you can finally meet the rest of the family." Dad smiled.

I stilled and blinked at him.

The rest of the family? But I thought it was just him and Rhys?

Now, I was really starting to think that I was indeed missing something. A big something.

The first thought that came into my mind when Dad said that was, he has a wife?

That’s the only thing I could think of because if there’s one thing I know about him, it’s the fact that he has no siblings nor any other family whatsoever.

I don’t know what I would feel about that. I mean, if he indeed has a wife, then that means she was going to be my stepmother now. That never entered my mind before nor did I ever entertain that thought. Of course, it was inevitable. Dad still looked young, and he could be with whoever he wanted, but…

I don’t think I could accept anyone that would have the role of mom. My mom is the only mother I would ever consider, and I would never replace her with anyone else.

Dad must’ve noticed my hesitation because he stopped and looked at me.

“What’s wrong, Ellie?” Concern was evident in his eyes. I don’t want him to think that I complain too much or question things, so I just shook my head. He stared at me for a couple of seconds before sighing. “Come here.”

He walked towards my bed and sat on the edge of it. I followed suit and sat down beside him.

Silence fell around us as I fidget with my fingers awkwardly. It feels like a thick big wall was between the two of us, and I have no idea how to break or climb over that wall to finally feel that certain ‘connection’ with him.

After a few seconds of complete silence, he finally spoke.

“I’m sorry for putting you in this situation.” He started. I didn’t say anything and just looked down at my lap. He continued. “I know you felt overwhelmed, confused, and maybe even angry, but let me tell you this,” I slowly looked up at him. “I never meant to leave you and your mother. I promise, I didn’t want for that to happen, but sh/t gets in the way, and we couldn’t do anything about it anymore. All I can do now is make up all the things I missed about you. I’m not a perfect father, Ellie. I’m far from it, but I promise you that I will do everything I can to be deserving of your love.”

I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say.

“I know that everything I did—leaving you and your mom alone and letting you suffer in the hands of Rebecca wouldn’t be remove by just a single apology and every fancy things I could offer you, but I promise that I will spend my whole life making it up to you, Ellie. I want to be your father, and I wanted to start by earning your forgiveness and trust.”

I could feel his sincerity, his emotions, and vulnerability, and I couldn’t help but be emotional as well. I’ve been keeping these emotions inside me for so long. I’ve been acting so strong for so long when all I want to do was cry and lean on someone. But I always remind myself that I have no one but myself, so I need to carry everything by myself, and now, I finally feel like I have someone.

Would it last though?

“You’ve been gone for so long…” I finally uttered. I wanted to say everything I’ve been keeping inside me without holding back. My chest felt so heavy, and I want nothing more than to be heard. “I’ve been so miserable ever since I lived with Aunt Rebecca. I carry on with everything a-all alone.” A lone tear fell from my eyes. “The man who was supposed to be my shield, my warrior, the man who would protect me l-left, and I never felt so alone.” Dad looked down in shame, regret, and pain. “But I acted strong, not because I want to, but because I have to, because I have no other choice, because I have no one but myself, so I survived. I fought…hard.”

He shook his head. “I’m glad that you were strong enough to do that, but you don’t have to do it anymore. You have me now. I’m going to be your shield, your warrior, I’m going to protect you, my daughter. I’m so sorry for being gone for so long, but I promise, you will never be alone anymore. I promise.”

I closed my eyes.

It wasn’t going to be easy. It would take a lot than just this talk for me to give him what he want, but I…I’m willing to try. Because I could feel that he wanted to earn back what he had lost. I wanted to see him making it up to me. I wanted to give him a chance. A shot to prove himself to be my father.

With that thought, I feel like I don’t have to hold back myself anymore. I don’t have to think if he was going to like me or not because it wasn’t me who was trying to prove myself, it was him, and I wanted to know what I was missing. It was my right to know.

I pursed my lips before speaking.

“Uhm…d-do you have a…wife?”

He looked surprised for a second, but then, he looked down with a heavy sigh.

“Yeah…” I didn’t know why but my heart tightened. What if she turned out just like Rebecca? Do I have a step-sister as well? Who am I? Cinderella? “I had a wife but she passed away two years after you were born.”

It was like a bomb had been dropped and a silent explosion exploded next. My head quickly snapped towards his direction. It was certainly not my mom. Mom passed away when I was seven, so that means…

“You cheated on your wife with mom?” Mom and Dad had me while he had a wife. Am I an illegitimate child? Now, I wouldn’t be surprised if anyone in this house would hate me. “H-how could…Does mom know that she was…” I couldn’t even finish my sentence.

He immediately became defensive. “It wasn’t what you think, Ellie.”

“Then what?! What could be the valid reason you could possibly had? God, you have a wife and you still had me.” I feel like I was a mistake. The guilt was on me.

Dad looked like he wanted to explain so bad but didn’t know how. “It’s complicated, Ellie. You wouldn’t understand, but please, know that I loved your mom so much.” Yeah, enough to cheat on your wife.

I shook my head and sighed, forcing myself to calm down. After a moment of silence, I spoke again.

“Is that why you left us? Because your wife died?” My heart tightened with the thought. Was he guilty for cheating on her and decided to clear his conscience by leaving me and mom?

Well, I wouldn’t be surprised if that really turned out to be his reason.

“I wanted to be as honest as possible to you, Ellie. I did leave you and your mom partly because of that. But I didn’t have any other choice. My wife died and our son was left all alone. I had to take care of him. He was only five at that time.”

My eyes widened.

What?

“I have a brother?” Half-brother to be precise. I have an older brother.

Dad nodded. “You’ve met him yesterday, didn’t you remember? It was Rhys.”