Together Forever

The Neo-Dutch Mansion

Waking from a restless sleep, he still felt the anger in him from last night. Sean was kept awake by all the possibilities that he wanted to try. How he wanted to remove that bastard from the picture, completely. It was two in the morning when he finally dozed off into a sleep. “f**k, if you can call it sleep” he thought. It was now only 4:30am. His body was in pain. His mind was tired. He tried to rub the burning from his eyes. “If I feel this bad, how much worse must Kyle feel?” He thought staring at the shadows on the celing. Dr. Connors said, yesterday, that there might be a possibility that Kyle could be home, next week this time, if he feels that he’s strong enough to recover here. “At least we won’t be alone” he thought. “Kelly would be here. I’ll be able to have Kyle with me, back where he belongs, safely; resting.”

The nagging anger was still present. The tension in his stomach made him feel sick, a torment between feeling hungry and not being able to eat. It’s a complete twist; one that left him feeling hopeless. A feeling that anggrivated the frustration; that comsuming hatered.

It’s only Tuesday now. Two days have passed since the accident, which felt more like two weeks. It’s been a crazy rush, but it’s not over yet. No, far from it. “I have to go down there today” he decided. “Must inform the Police of what had happened. For Kyle.” Sean hated a Police station. There was always a linguering atmosphere of danger, pain; depression. It’s supposed to be a symbol of support, lending a helping hand to suffering individuals, but in today’s world… is that really how it works?

“s**t!” he said, reluctantly leaving the warmth of his bed. Sean walked to the cabinet in the bathroom. The light switched on when he opened the mirrored door. He had always wanted such a fancy medicine cabinet. Checking to make sure that he has the right one, he gulped down a small little tablet. It left a strong bitter taste in his mouth. “Perfect, it’s fitting to my mood.” It was ironic that this small bitter tablet is supposed to silence the anxiety. He was back on his prescription for six months now, struggling to maintain a healty pshycy. Looking at the bottle’s content, it appeared that some pills were missing. Sean had a look of concern on his face, wondering if it was Kyle who took some, given that his was finished, or was it Jonothan? Between the three off them they could open up a pharmacy. “I hope that it wasn’t Kyle” he started to grow more concerned “these are too strong for him.”

Given that sleep was swept away from him, Sean travelled to the kitchen. These past few days, it has become a regular routine by now. No sleep. No rest. Anxiously watching the sunrise; waiting.

Cool air off the early morning sent a chill through him, taking a sip, he hoped the coffee would help to fight against it. Sean was desperate to calm this internal storm, he wanted to find relief; peace once more. His fingers pressed against the screen, feeling the cold touch on his fingertips as he started to flip through the images on his iPad; searching for a happy moment. A timeless picture that could help him to forget everything, even if it was only for a moment. He kept on scrolling, almost to the beginning; scrolling. “Ah, this is a perfect one” he spoke softly, his heart now a little warmer against the cold air.

Almost two weeks have passed since that wonderful evening at Kyle’s small apartment. Sean was completely destracted. Thinking about that night made him smile. He relived the feelings every moment throughout the day, every day. Waking up the next morning to a smile, to someone special, left a warm glow in his heart. Every relationship starts with a morning smile, before the love blossoms. “Or was it first the love, then the smile...?” he wondered, his fingers paused with the email he was typing. That Sunday was the first time, he could remember, waking up in the morning, feeling an overpowering happiness. He wanted to run up a hill and shout from the top, that everyone who was in ear shot could hear the extreme joy he felt. He wished to share that joy with the world. He ached to keep Kyle in his arms, hoping he could feel the enourmous love through only a touch.

All these emotions were bubbling within him, proving difficult to contain. Eagerly he shared the events from that weekend with Michelle, who was exstatic about it. Kenneth told her not to meddle with Sean’s affairs, yet containing her eagerness to help him find someone, was difficult. Over the past few years, she played puppet master, fixing a chance meeting or two, hoping that it would interest Sean. With his focus on the company and with what happened to Jessica, he did not bite. Sean’s heart was not in it. To him it felt like a uneccisary complication, one which he had no desire to undertake.

Now, he found himself in the midst of a love war. The strong and confusing emotions that he had for Kyle was a surprise that snuck up on. He noticed him and was curious, yet logic tried to convince him that it’s not worth it. Somehow his heart won that fight, leaving him unable to focus on anything else except seeing Kyle again. After every meeting; every chat, he wanted more. More time together, more stories, more kissing; he just wanted more off Kyle. Sean realised that it’s becoming a dangerous path. These feelings are crippeling him. He craved nothing else than Kyle. The smell off his hair. His strong aftershave. Staring into those eyes. Appreciating his smile. “Could this be love?” he wondered “or is it obsession?” Sean could not ignore the darker side to this excruciating pain off longing to be in someones prescense. But what could he do?

His phone made a sound and he ignored the email, which still wasn’t finished, eagerly grabbing for his phone. It’s been buzzing relentlessly everyday. It was Kyle.

“Auw, that’s so cute. You’re too cute…” the message read.

“Thanks. It made me think off you :-D. I’m almost finished for the day, one last email. Wanna grab a drink after work?” His reply read.

“Sounds good, same place as yesterday?”

“Yip” Sean responded.

Kyle was just three doors down from Sean’s office, but they’ve been texting back and forth the entire day, and yesterday and the day before… every day, as if they were oceans apart. Having a secret from everyone in the office was thrilling; was naughty.

“I have a surprise for you” was the only hint Sean gave Kyle on Monday, letting him know to keep the entire Saturday open.

Every day since, he nagged with Sean to tell him more. He was curiousely excited, yet concerned. Kyle was not one who appreaciated sudden surprises. He required a gentle nudge, leading up to a surprising event.

With Saturday, finally arriving, Kyle was excited when he received a text from Sean, informing him that he was waiting in front off his apartment building. Upon getting into Sean’s old Tazz, which he had orgininally bought for his mother when her car finally croaked; but decided to keep as a reminder off the hard times he overcame; Kyle smiled with some effort not to appear overly eager; waiting for the surprise.

With a ‘hello’ and a light peck on the cheek “where are we going”, Kyle asked.

Sean kept a straight face, with a sneaky grin “you’ll see” he replied as they started to drive off.

He sensed in Kyle’s conversation that the mystery was almost too much to handle. He, himself had to contain the need to tell Kyle. Sean had a wonderful day planned, one that took a few days to pull off, but what had him most anxious was not the excitement, it was not the event itself. No, it was the anticipation off how Kyle would react. Will Kyle appreciate his efforts?

Sean drove through the entrance, looking for a parking spot. It was unusually busy today. Kyle was staring at the beautiful lawns with the strange figures that were carefully spaced apart.

“Where are we?”

“It’s an art museum” Sean said.

“Oh, it’s looks interesting” Kyle responed.

Sean could here in his tone that he was making an effort, yet the disappointment was evident. “Perfect” he thought to himself. He wanted to disorient Kyle to heighten the excitement.

They got out off the car, walking around to the entrance off this massive Neo-Dutch style mansion. The breathtaking beauty of the architecture is something that Kyle could appreciate. It was a perfect atmosphere for inspiration. Kyle could see all the possibilities for a good picture opportunity. Upon entering the museum Kyle was happy to discover that his idea off a ’museum’ was not accurate, especially this one. It had a warm, inviting feel to it, with artwork carefully displayed on the walls. It was not the usual old and ‘dusty’ paintings. A number of comtemporary and pop artists’ work were on display with a strong cultural influence, portraying a diverse society. Sean was happy to see Kyle enjoying something new, something different than he was used to.

Taking it all in, Sean could not help but smile to see the joyful expression on Kyle’s face. He took Kyle to a staircase that disappeared underneath the building. There were not many people in that area. It’s dark, with lights up agaist the walls, illuminating the artwork. Two coloumns of tall strong pillars stood at attention in the middle of the room, carrying the heavy load of the concrete roof. The air was cold and the footsteps echoed through the large empty space.

“What is this place?” Kyle asked.

“It’s an underground Resevoir.” Sean replied. “They use it for photography exhibitions, mostly.”

“Wow, it’s unconventional.”

Sean smiled, noticing the amazement on Kyle’s expression “When they started to excavate for the garden above, they’ve discovered this. It contained half a meter off water. Aparently, it was a daunting task to renovate it for the purpouse of exhibitions. Often, they close it down for repairs. “

“This space is perfect” Kyle said “it only amplifies the focus on the artwork. Amazing photographer, this one” he pointed to a picture of a woman with messed up hair, torn clothes, blood red lips and a tear that clung onto her cheek. No make-up, her head was slightly turned away from the camera and bowed with her eyes closed. Her right hand rested on her pregnant belly and the left one just above the other, almost thouching her breasts.

“The emotion is sreaming at you through her silence. You can feel the conflict within her, don’t you agree?” Kyle said, just staring at the image on the wall.

“I must agree with you. It’s as if she is trying to protect her child from an unknown threat, while taking punishment for it.” Sean replied.

“Yes… Yes… I see what you mean.” Kyle was taken with this piece at the moment.

There were footsteps approaching on the cold floor.

“It really is a remarkable piece.” The man spoke behind them.

Kyle turned to look at the man “yes, it is” he replied.

“The artist wanted to portray the love which only a mother could express for a child. A timeless struggle to fight for survival, for happiness, for a hope.” The man commented.

“Kyle, this is Paul.” He introduced the man. “He’s the curator of the exhibition.” Sean said.

“Nice to meet you” he extended his hand for a greeting to Paul.

“Likewise.” Paul replied. “I notice that you have appreciation for true art.”

“Well, thank you.” Kyle modestly responed. “I’m also a photographer, so I can understand the emotional impact behind a great photo.”

“Wonderful” the man replied. “I’m busy working on an exhibition for August, Celebrating Woman’s Day, would you consider to participate?” Paul enquired.

Kyle was shocked at his invitation, struggling for a moment how to respond “I don’t know.”

“I think it’s a wonderful idea.” Sean excitedly said.

“Most definitely, I’m always looking for new talent. Think about it, won’t you. Come see me on Monday.” Paul said, handing him a card.

“Allright.” Kyle said, still not sure about the proposal.” Thank you.”

“I look forward to seeing you Monday.” Paul said, before leaving them to enjoy the rest of their day.

“Isn’t this wonderful?” Sean asked. “You will be able to exhibit your stunning work, letting that inner voice speak to the people.”

“I’m not sure about this.” Kyle said.

They continued the underground tour, before Sean suggested they grab something to eat that the lovely restaurant upstairs.

Sean ordered a light meal, given that he did not want to feel uncomfortably bloated. Kyle had a very healthy apitite and ordered a steak roll. Sean only smiled at this man who did not care about what he ate. It was obvious that he did not have any trouble maintaining his figure. He, on the other hand, could only look at a slice of cake before the weight would pile on.

A lovely conversation travelede between them and Kyle couldn’t stop saying that it was a wonderful outing thus far. It made Sean happy that Kyle enjoyed the day. It was important that he would. He wanted to make Kyle happy. Sean could see that Kyle is keeping something hidden. He appeared to have something on his mind, but Sean let it pass, for now.

“Do you want something to drink?” Sean asked before he would pay the bill.

“Yes, any juicy please.” Kyle replied.

He ordered them both a juice, to go, and paid the bill. “Let’s go for a walk.” Sean said.

It was the perfect sunny afternoon, with only a few clouds gathering at the far edge on the outskirts of town. The clouds were puffy, like he was used to as child, creating the illusions of whimsical characters in the sky. Some appeared to be angered, with their dark appearance; carrying with them a promise of rain. With the bright green colours hanging in the trees, it was a soothing atmosphere. They walked through the large garden where the statues were carefully installed on the very neat lawn. Looking for a place to sit and admire the scene in front off them.

Walking around on the grounds today, Sean could not ignore the diverse people that were on an excursion for the day. Families were together, having a relaxing day away from home, “hopefully teaching the children about art” he thought. Different cultures appreaciating the young new talent, announching a proud heritage. Old and young, different races and lovers; just making the most of the time which they have; jumping at the opportunity to share a moment together. Gay and straight, it did not matter. Black or white, was not what he saw. Young and old only shared the same, a connection with someone beside them. He could only see people. People whom belonged – happy people. Here he stood, walking next to an alluring man. Someone who made him feel things he never felt for anyone else. This man makes his heart race, his palms sweat and it scared Sean; it excited him.

Sean noticed a lot of couples there that day, even a few openly gay couples having a picnic out on the lawns. It made his heart ache. He was happy for them, for finding the love in one another. Somehow their prescense did not disturb the normal people, with a few looks of disgust from the elderly folk, which seemed to roll right off their backs, they enjoyed a pleasent moment. Cheerful conversation trailled off between the sweet laughter. “Those people understood the value of love” he kept thinking. “Is this a more common oucurrance with the younger generation? Are the s****l social boundaries being washed away by a more open-minded and casual generation? Or was this an exception to the norm?” Sean hoped that he could share this kind of love with Kyle one day.

Kyle sat down on a small white bench, stretching his legs out before him, letting his head fall backwards feeling the sun on his face. Sean was stading there, admiring the picture of this man letting the cares slip away in this moment. A moment that he knew would not last forever. Sean reached for his phone and secrectly captured this moment in time. The sound made Kyle jump to see what is going on.

“Hey, what are you doing?” Kyle looked at Sean, nerviously checking to see if anyone was around.

“Relax, there’s no one close to us.” Sean replied. “Besides, how could I pass up the opportunity to get a pic off you?”

“Sean…” Kyle started to speak with earnst in his eyes “you know that I’m not comfortable with that” looking down at Sean’s phone.

“I apologize” Sean said “it was not my intention. I only needed something to look at, when we’re not together. It felt safe here.” A soft smile formed on his mouth as he directed Kyle’s attention to the diverse scene of lovers across the garden.

“Sorry, for my sensitivity.” Kyle tried to explain “I just can’t handle this kind of pressure now.”

“I really do understand” lifting his hand to place it on Kyle’s knee, before he remembered that he could not.

A new feeling made its way into Sean’s heart. He felt uneasy. He could see the struggle within Kyle. It’s the same struggle that he had to endure for so many years. That feeling of being torn between your own happiness and the fear; the anxiety that the public created when two men tried to share something everyone else could share, a deep love connection. But, Sean sensed that there was something else too and it made him nervious. He was no fool, he only choose to ignore that fact. Sean did not want to think about the possibility that this won’t last, he despirately faught against it; against that thought that threatened his current status: happiness. In this moment, Sean played the fool to Kyle’s mood. He only tried his best to show Kyle that he meant a lot to him, allowing him to also enjoy this day.

“I have an idea” Kyle ubruptly stood from the bench with a slightly elevated tone of enxictement.

The shock on Sean’s face was visible from this sudden change in the quiet of the afternoon; in his mood.

“Let’s go over to that installation” he pointed to a huge abstract steel structure on the other side of the lawn. “It’ll make a perfect backdrop, for a photo opp. What do you say?” He looked at Sean.

“Um… Allright?” Sean was confused by this invitation and he hesitated for a second before agreeing.

Kyle is a wonderful man, but sometimes he could be complicated, making it difficult to fully get a feel on how to handle him. Sean looked at him as he followed Kyle’s shadow towards the other side, wondering, thinking, trying to understand, but it was difficult.

Even if Sean was still struggling with an ongoing emotional war, triggered by what he saw, how he felt and Kyle’s confusing temperament; it truly was a lovely afternoon. They took quite a lot of pictures at the end. His favourite one was where Kyle stood next to an enourmous statue of Madiba, with a smile of content plastered across his face. At least he had something as a keepsake off this wonderful day, even if it’s not exactly what he wanted. A picture off them together would be ideal, but he’ll take what Kyle was prepared to offer, for now.

Given that the sun began to disappear, not only for the day, but on their activities too, they drove back home. They stopped to get pizza first, then Sean changed direction.

“Aren’t we going home?” Kyle asked.

“Not yet” Sean replied. “The day is not over yet.” He smiled.

Kyle had no words, only an expression of wonder on his face.

“I want to show you something” Sean glanced over at Kyle while they made their way towards a quiet part of the City.

It was a quiet drive. The silence was heavy in the car. Sean’s heart was beating faster, his palms became sweaty again. With the setting sun right in his eyes, Sean managed to find the little dirt road that led up the hill, carefully trying to avoid the areas where the road was washed away by the rain.

Sean could feel that Kyle was growing nervious, giving him a reassuring smile to try and calm him. He pulled the car up to the edge off the cliff, careful not to get too close to the edge. A gorgeous view of the City framed the windshield of the car perfectly as the red, yellow and orange colours danced over it. He invited Kyle to step out and come with him. Sean removed a coolerbag from the backseat, taking the pizza too, as they walked up a small path through some bushes. Sean walked ahead, helping Kyle to find his way through the entangled branches.

He climbed onto a large boulder, extended his hand to help Kyle climb up to him. The view from there was absolutely breathtaking. They had a 180 degree unobstructed view of the sunset, covering the City in a blanket of calming colours, preparing it for a peaceful rest.

“Oh my goodness Sean!” Kyle’s eyes widened to appreciate the spectacular scene.

“I had to bring you here” Sean spoke. “It’s the best place in town to quietly sit and reflect, reminess about anything.”

“So…” Kyle began to ask “do you bring all your dates here?” with both a look of slight concern and a nauhty smile.

Sean chuckled at his question “nope, never dated before. You’re my first” he said.

“So, none off the other’s made it up here?” Kyle enquired.

“What others?” Sean teased “Oh you mean the other, others?” he laughed. “No, they were only interested in getting one thing from me.” he said, sounding a little angry.

Kyle looked over at Sean with a smile. “Thank you for sharing this with me.”

He could see that this meant a lot to Kyle. That glinstening eyes, never lied.

“It’s a pleasure. Come have a seat” he directed Kyle to sit on the blanket he had in the bag. “Here hold this” he said handing a plastic cup to him.

Kyle looked at Sean with a smile “you really planned everything today, havn’t you?”

“I only wanted to share a perfect day with you” Sean replied removing a botlle from the cooler.

Kyle started to laugh “wine! Off course.”

Sean looked into Kyle’s eyes, his heart was warm, he was happy. A smile locked around his mouth, staring at this beauty before him.

The night made a hastened appearance, the air cooled down for the day. The pizza was finished, the bottle half empty; their conversation turned into a silent comfort. Their breathing became visible against the cool October air. It was a perfect moment that Sean hoped never would end.

“Do you want to go home?” Sean aked.

“Not really” Kyle said “but I’m getting cold, so perhaps we should?”

“Yeah, it might be better.” Sean replied. “Let’s pack up, then I’ll take you home.”

Kyle grabbed the blanket and threw it around his shoulders. These cold air was not something that he was used to. Sean paved the way back towards the car with Kyle right behind him. He packed everything onto the backseat and walked over to Kyle who was standing in front of the car, swept away by the shimmering lights of the City.

“They truly are beautiful” Kyle spoke.

“I’m glad that you appreciate the view.” He said looking over to Kyle next to him.

“Thank you for an awesome day. It was the perfect day.” Kyle said, staring into Sean’s eyes.

Making sure that there were no one around them, he turned to face Sean, leaning in, as their lips briefly made contact. It was a moment that blew Sean’s mind, there under the moonlight, with the shimmering lights of the City in the distance.

“I am very happy that you enjoyed this day. As did I.” Sean said, before giving him another kiss.

“Kyle…” Sean spoke hesitantly

“Yes?” his reply came

“Kyle. I… I think that I’m falling for you” Sean’s words were carried off by the silence of the moonlit night.

The rising sun on this Tuesday morning left a feint and tired smile on Sean’s face as he was still flipping through the images of him and Kyle. “I must remember to add this one” he thought looking at that image where Kyle stood next to Madiba. “It’ll be perfect for the beginning of the book.” The kettle came to a boil. For a moment he was mindlessly stirring the coffee, before he snapped from that mezmerizing thought. Slowly he returned to his favourite spot on the patio for another cigarette, before this day was about to start.

“Busy day, yet again.” He thought. “Soon... We’re getting there my love.” He spoke with his lips over the edge of the cup, his breath blowing the steamy caffiene smell up, into his nose.

“I’ll have you here next to me. Soon…”