Together Forever

The Lifeless Room

The room was dark. Shadows slowly moved against the walls. Hollow sounds travelled through the air; footsteps on the wet floor tried to scream for attention. Cold air breathed trought the room. Angry voices echoed. The startling noises off pigeons taking flight fluttered in the distance. Someone appeared to be out of breath. The moans off pain screetched at the windows. Anger was present.

“Tell me… How does it feel?!” a voice shouted for an answer. “Do you like to feel pain?! C’mon, you’re a tough guy, don’t tell me you can’t handle it!”

There was blood dripping onto the wet floor dissolving, altering the colour from clear to a delluted red. He was breathing heavily. This laborious excersise was ongoing for more that an hour. Looking at the bloody face bound in the lone chair in the middle off the room, he resumed swinging the baseball bat. Striking his target everytime. Landing a crushing blow again, and again, and again.

“Confess!” the man shouted. “Confess, you f*****g coward!!”

Sean jerked awake in a heavy sweat. His chest was heaving, struggling for air. His heart was racing and he could feel a dark, cold grip in his chest. His legs felt weak and his body was shaking with anxiety. He laid there in bed for a moment, trying to search the room through the darkness. He rolled over to the side.

“s**t!” he sighed, out off breath. It was only 4am according to the clock. “What the hell was that?” he thought, still gasping for air. “Why can’t I have a peaceful sleep for once?” he felt tired. All this stress has taken its toll on him. With Kyle in the hospital, their fight, these emotions, Vicky and the accident, it was all too much. He was so tired off all this s**t.

“Just a little peace and quiet, is that too much to ask?” he mumbled as he got out off bed, walking towards the bathroom.

Stading before the mirror, light drifted through the small window. It was a full-moon and even at four in the morning it offered the hope of calm, but the emotions did not allow for that. Staring at the moon, feeling the light fall on his face, always calmed him. Not this morning. There was nothing that could calm the storm in his mind. Nothing could soothe his struggle. Nothing, except Kyle.

“f**k!” he thought. “What the hell is wrong with you man?” he asked himself, searching for an answer in his own eyes. Searching to find a light within his darkened mood.

Knowing that he will not be able to fall asleep again, he searched for the way to the kitchen. “Might as well…” the thought came to him, putting the kettle on.

Coffee in hand he pulled a chair out from the table on the patio. Reaching for the lighter, he lit a cigarette. Taking a sip of coffee his gaze trailed over the bright cityscape before him as the moon covered it in a white blanket of peace. There was no noise coming from the streets. Everything was quiet. A quiet he wished he could have.

“Is all this s**t Karma? Is this hell my punishment?” he thought, taking another pull on his cigarette.

Yesterday was Sunday. It was a quiet and peaceful day. Sean spent most part of the day drifting through his flat. After the interesting date on Saturday, he could not keep his focussed on anything else. His emotions was heightened, for once he felt something strange; he felt an overpowering happiness taking hold within him. It was a first for him; that feeling of floating on a cloud. That stirring off butterflies in his stomach. The entire day went by in a haze. Today was Monday again. He went in to the office early as usual. With the start off each week he needed to prepare for the normal meeting where everyone received their schedule. Sean was almost done, his mind kept wandering back to that night.

“Is this what it feels like to fall in love?” he thought to himself. “Hell, it’s not possible after just one date, or is it?”

They did not know each other that well, yet. Three weeks they’ve worked together and he was already taken with Kyle. He enjoyed his company and Kyle was a really interesting guy. He kept thinking about the possiblilities this relationship could have, cathing himself dreaming. Dreaming of finally having found happiness.

It was just after seven when Michelle arrived; a little later than he was used to. Sean didn’t notice her, until she came into his office.

“Morning.” She said with a smile. He noticed that she looked a little tired.

“Morning” he replied. “How are you?” nowing full well, something must have happened.

“Just a little tired, but well. Thanks.” She replied.

“Busy weekend?”

“Yes. Kenny took me to a concert on Saturday. We arrived early Sunday morning back from Jo-burg.” She said with a feint smile.

“That sounds like fun.”

“It really was. I wanted to rest, but his brother came to visit yesterday, so we spent the whole day at his parent’s house.”

He could hear in her voice that her energy was drained.

“How about you? Did you work, as usual?” she asked.

“No.” he said, trying to contain his excitement.

“Really?” she asked with shock in her expression. “Wait a minute…” she looked at him. “There’s something different about you this morning.”

“What makes you say that?” he worried about her remark.

“Yes… I know that look.” She said taking a seat on one of the chairs. “You met someone.” She sounded excited. “Tell me...”

“No, you are mistaken…” he tried to diffuse her intruge.

“Don’t lie to me Sean. I know you well by now. Tell me” she kept at it.

“Allright… I was on a date.” He gave into her prying. “But, before you get too excited” he tried to manage her reaction “he is shy about it so do not over react.”

“Tell me, I want to know.” Looking at him she noticed a familiar expression on his face as he tried to figure out what to say. She quickly put two and two together and gasped for air. “It’s Kyle, isn’t it?”

“Shh..” he tried to calm her “Yes, it is” he said. “But we’re keeping it quiet.”

“Oh, I’m so happy for you.” Moving to the edge of her seat. “And… is there something happening?”

“We’ll see what will happen. He wants to cook dinner this coming weekend.” He replied, not being able to contain his own excitement anymore. “I really feel that there is something between us.”

“Oh, sweety! I hope that you can find what you are looking for. He really is a lovely man.”

“I agree. Please just keep this between us. I do not want to make him uncomfortable.” Sean pleaded with her.

“It’s like you don’t know me.” She shook her head. “Just let me know how things are going, I want to know everything.” She smiled at him. Getting up from her seat, she walked towards the door. “I really am happy for you. It’s time that you find someone, Sean.”

“I appreciate it, Michelle. Thanks.” He replied, watching her walk away, turning his attention back to his work; not able to keep a wicked smile from presenting itself once more while thinking about Kyle. His heart raced at the thought of seeing him, shortly.

That week was busy as usual with a lot of meetings, events, shoots and working to uphold the utmost quality service to the clients. With a packed schedule, it was supposed to go by fast, but no, the suspense; the excitement was too much. Saturday did not want to arrive. Seeing Kyle in the office every day was thrilling. He could feel the electricity between the back and forth glances. It made him feel as if time came to a complete halt. Frozen.

Saturday finally arrived! Sean could barely sleep last night, knowing that in a few hours he will have Kyle all to himself. He wanted to have a perfect day with him. Kyle changed the plans and said he must come in the late afternoon to watch a movie, before having dinner. This made Sean very happy, that only meant that Kyle wanted to spend more time with him, which was a good sign.

Sean was walking down the isle, looking for a bottle of wine. After removing his favourite wine from the shelf, he thought to himself “I want to bring him something, but what?” he made his way to the front of the store, noticing the flower section. “s**t, do you bring flowers for a guy? That’s a girly thing to do.” He struggled with this dilemma. “Should I? Would he like flowers? Isn’t that too gay?” he argued with himself, walking up and down the large display of colourful flowers. “Dammit, I don’t want to give him the impression of weakness. f**k! I hate not knowing what to do!” he thought, still trying to figure out this social complication. “I hate Hollywood and their romantic enterprise! They f**k with reality.” For a moment he thought about what he would like. He was the sort that enjoyed the smell of fresh flowers on a table. It created a sense of calm with the promise of hope through their beauty. “f**k this s**t! I will bring him something just as a token of thanks” he finally decided, lifting a small bunch of Proteas from the water. “Yes, this will do fine. Neutral in colour and a symbol of strength. Not girly at all.” Saticefied with his final choice he made his way to the checkpoint.

Walking up the stairs to Kyle’s little apartment, Sean could feel the anxiety again. His stomach was in a twist. Knocking on the door he felt the sweat in the palm of his hands which he tried to wipe down on his jeans. His heart pounded in his chest, fighting to be released from its cage.

“Why do I feel like this? It’s not like I don’t see him every day.” He tried to calm his mind.

He was startled as the door opened in front of him.

Sean was happily greeted with a smile and Kyle invited him into the room. He noticed that the place was small. The furniture looked like it came from the 1980’s. It was dull and lifeless. It was devoied off colour, making it feel depressing. A small seating area with an old tv, two chairs at the wooden table, a tiny kitchen and the bed in the corner at the back. It reminded him about his first little place, only this apartment was filled with furniture more than he had, starting out. The whole place screamed for a little attention, which evidently, never happened.

“I know it’s not much.” Kyle said. “It’s all that I need for now.” He smiled.

“I understand. It makes sense.” Sean replied turning around to face Kyle. “Here” he extended the Protea towards him. “I just wanted to bring you a token of thanks.”

“Auw, thanks, but it wasn’t nessisary.” Kyle said taking the flower. “I don’t know if you give flowers to a guy.” He continued with a smile of confusion.

“I know!” Sean answered. “I struggled with that in the store.” He tried to explain. “Please don’t think anything off it, I just wanted to bring you something; anything.” He smiled.

“Don’t sweat it. I do appreciate it all the same.” Smilling at Sean. “I’ll place it on the table.”

“Oh, I brought wine too.” Sean said, lifting the plastic bag. At the end he decided to get two bottles instead of one.

“Lovely.” He said, moving towards Sean. “I am sorry for last weekend.” He said.

“I do understand, please it’s not nessicary….” Sean started to talk before being interrupted.

“I’ve been wainting to do this all week.” Kyle said as he moved in closer and gave Sean a tight hug, which didn’t last very long.

“Oh, if this is your way of apologizing, then you can do it anytime.” Sean said with a chuckle.

“I’ll get some glasses.” Kyle said, walking into the tiny kitchen, Sean following him.

“What movie did you get?” He asked as he poured the wine.

“It’s called ‘Last Vegas. My brother said it was a good one.”

“I’m not familiar with it.” Sean replied.

“Me too. Aparently it’s about these three old men going on a trip to Vegas...?”

“Okay…” Sean responded, sounding a little hesitant.

“We don’t have to watch it, if you don’t want to.” He was quick to speak.

“No, if they say it’s good, we can find out what the fuss is all about.” Sean said not really mind what they did, as long as it was together. “So tell me, what are your plans for dinner?” he was a little curious.

“I know that I promised to cook for you. But…” he explained “I thought it better to order food and spend more time chatting?” he looked at Sean for a reaction.

“Well…” he replied “I was looking forward to see you in action in the kitchen” he paused “but take-aways is perfect.” He smiled a Kyle.

“Are you sure?”

Sean just laughed a little “I do not care about the food, Kyle. I just want to enjoy your company.”

“I feel the same way. Come, let’s have a seat.” He directed towards the old dusty couch.

Cheerful conversation filled an otherwise lifeless room where both were still on the couch talking for what must have been a few hours now. Entertaining each other with tales from their life. Discussing topics that influenced the world. Asking questions to understand one another better. Mapping out their journey, thus far, to this moment where they had the privellage to enjoy each other’s delightful company. Sean didn’t think it was possible to talk for so long. He did not mind listening to Kyle’s stories. The more he listened, the more he felt a stronger connection between them. Understanding the joy, the pain, the struggle, the fear and the dreams, confirmed his feelings for this man. This very intelligent and compassionate man. This unique man.

Do not forget, a very handsome man. Sean could identify with him. He recognized a lot of himself in Kyle. Most people flock after the s*x appeal or they get hung up on the beauty of someone, but for Sean it did not matter. He knew that old age will eventually take all of that away, but the person behind what you see on the outside, will always be there. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. He found that most perceived that to mean vanity. To him, it meant something completely different. Something deeper within. It meant a beautiful soul.

It only dawned upon them after the third glass of wine was finished. They haven’t ordered food yet.

“Wow, the time sure went by quickly.” Kyle said. “I’m really hungry now.”

Sean chuckled “it’s a testament to the quality of the conversation.”

“What are you in the mood for?” Kyle looked at him. “We should probably order something and have it delivered?”

“I agree. I don’t want to go out for food.” Sean responded. “How about pizza?”

“Hell, why not? I do enjoy a good pizza.” Kyle said as he searched for his phone. “Any preference?”

“No, I’m good with anything.” Sean replied. “No, pineapple though.” He said, making his way to the compact bathroom.

While they waited for the pizza to arrive, Kyle suggested starting the movie in the mean time. With another glass off wine in hand they made their way to the couch. In the beginning Sean tried to focus on the screen, but his mind was elsewhere. He kept looking over to Kyle, next to him, observing his reaction to what is happening in front of him. He wanted to close the small gap between them. He wanted to take Kyle into his arms, but hesitated. Sean was not sure how he would react. Inbetween, Kyle commented on a scene and he responded, making eye contact with each other while doing so. The air was heavy and the possibility of what could happen next, made Sean’s hands sweat. His legs trembled at that thought.

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. Kyle jumped up to answer. A deliscous smell entered the room, while he heard them talk in the hallway. Kyle paid for the pizza, thanked the man and returned to the couch. Sean got up and brought the last bottle of wine with him as they both reclined back on the couch, watching the movie, having a deliscous meal and drinking wine. Sean could only eat two slices, as the anxiety and excitement left him feeling nauseated. Kyle on the onther hand looked if he was starving. He enjoyed four slices. Feeling satisfied with the meal Kyle laid back into the couch. A tension-filled scene was obviously gripping Kyle’s attention, but Sean could not care less in that moment about what happened on the small tv. He could not move his eyes from Kyle’s face. Feeling content, Kyle looked at Sean and in this moment he knew. He knew no words were nessicary.

Sean moved a little closer, without an invitation Kyle came to rest his body in Sean’s eager arms as they continued to watch the movie. Feeling the warmth from his body laying against him, feeling his heartbeat, Sean was happy. They laid there for a while before he heard Kyle speak softly.

“When are you going to kiss me?”

Sean was caught off guard by his blunt question. He paused. He tried to think of a response, but none came to mind. He reached over with his left hand, turning Kyle’s head towards him. Slowly he moved. Kyle’s breath fell on his face as their lips made contact. It was a soft kiss. Sean was delighted to discover how soft Kyle’s lips felt against his. He did not want to stop. Their lips grew impatient as the continued exploration left them aching for more. Sean moved his hand onto Kyle’s cheek, his fingers trailing off into the hair behind his ear. A tender touch to reassure him off the growing passion between them. Their lips engulfed one another. The struggle for air was not a concern. Sean pressed his toung against Kyle’s lips, which was happily received, as the two separate spaces became one. He was surprised to discover a sweet taste on his lips. A taste that they both now shared. The passion got heavy. Their breathing became hastened. It was a warm evening, but the heat between them was greater.

Momentarily breaking the kiss “Shall we…” Kyle asked, looking over to the bed in the corner of the room, not too far from the couch.

Without speaking a word they started to move across the small room. Climbing onto the bed, they could not wait anymore. Sean carefully hovered over Kyle. He found his way to those soft lips once more, it’s as if the passion wasn’t interrupted at all. Lightly pressing his body against Kyle, Sean kept kissing him intently. Moving his hand through Kyle’s hair, feeling the softness, he could smell a fruity flavour. He shifted to lie next to him, without breaking the kisses. Their hands explored each other. Rubbing over the chest. Gently caressing his pecks. Slowly moving down along the side to touch his ass, squeezing it tenderly. Returning his hand to his chest, Sean briefly brushed over Kyle’s groin, triggering an intense sense off pleasure as he gasped to his touch.

Assisting Kyle to sit upright, Sean carefully lifted his shirt over his head, taking a moment to admire his body, before removing his own shirt. Kyle was eager to help Sean get rid of his shirt as it tangled over his head. Both chuckled. Grabbing Kyle’s face with both hands they kissed while slowly reclining backwards. There was a passionate struggle for dominance in their kissing. Kyle rolled over ontop of Sean as their bare chests came into contact. Skin on skin. The heat from skin being pressed against skin was electrifying. Kyle lowered himself completely onto Sean, pushing their bulges against one another, heightening the pleasure between them. Leaving both craving for more. More contact, more kisses, more pleasure.

Sean placed his hand around Kyle’s chest, pusing him reluctantly off. Their kissing stopped. Staring in Kyle’s eyes, they both new what was coming. Kyle lifted himself to sit on Sean’s lap. Still staring into those pale blue eyes, Sean undid his belt and unbuttoned Kyle’s jeans, slowly moving them down, to expose his gorgeous butt; giving it a tight squeeze. Kyle unbuttoned Sean’s pants as well, rubbing over the bulge in his pants, before pulling them down. Both layed next to one another on the bed as they kicked their pants to the bottom of the bed. Pausing for a moment, Sean wanted to appreciate the beauty of Kyle’s naked body as his eyes wandered from his head, down to his toes, before staring back into that waiting eyes of his lover; before returning to those waiting lips. Shifting over to place his body against Kyle, the warmth between them was soothing. Being pressed flesh angainst flesh made them both grunt in a heaving bliss off pleasure.

Fighting to catch there breath after mind blowing orgasms, Sean turned to face Kyle who was lying next to him. Sean thought that the smile on his face appeared to be big, but Kyle’s smile was just as big as he imagined his own. Shuffling closer, he took Kyle in his arms as they rested, not saying a word, struggling to recover the air in their lungs.

“Wow.” Sean was the one to speak. “That was amazing.” He said between breaths.

“I know, right?” Kyle confirmed. “I’ve never had a wonderful time like this before. You are a really good kisser.”

“Thanks.” Sean responded modestly. He was surprised that he had previous encounters, which entriuged him. “Did you have s*x before?”

“Yes” he replied. “Only twice, but that was just plain s*x, nothing more.”

“Allright.” Sean said. “I’ve had s*x with four guys. It varied in activities, but this was the first time that I really enjoyed it.”

Kyle turned and lifted his head, looking up into Sean’s eyes “so it’s not just me. There was something special between us?”

“Oh, definitely. I felt it.” Sean replied, brushing over Kyle’s eyebrows with his thumb.

Kyle just closed his eyes to Sean’s touch. Letting a soft moan of appreciation escape from his mouth.

“I’d like to take a shower.” Kyle said. “Join me, won’t you.” He invited Sean.

“I did not come prepared for this.”

“No worries. I have everthing, besides, all you need is soap.” Kyle said with a grin on his face.

“Well then. What are we waiting for?” Sean replied, before giving him another kiss.

The warm shower was wonderful. It helped to relax all the tired muscles from their amorous activities. They were at it for more that an hour, which was a first for Sean. Now he felt tired. He needed to sleep. After rinsing his mouth, he returned to the bed where Kyle was already waiting for him. He put the black boxer briefs back on, lifted the sheet and climbed into bed. Shuffling his body he snuck up behind Kyle, letting his left arm move over Kyle’s chest, pulling him closer.

“Sean…” Kyle almost whispered “thank you for a wonderful evening.” He turned around to look over his shoulder at him.

Giving him a peck on the lips Sean replied “it’s my pleasure, besides I have to thank you as well.”

Even they were both spent, not one was ready to sleep. Instead, a deeper conversation started. Sean felt so close to Kyle. He felt safe with him in his arms. He wanted this moment never to end. It is exactly what he has wanted for so many years. It was perfect.

“Sean…” he started to speak with a quiver in his voice.

“Yes?” Sean replied.

“I wish to tell you something.”

“You can tell me anything.” Sean said, lifting his head, peaking over Kyle’s shoulder.

“You know that both my parents died whem I was young?”

“Yeah, you mentioned it briefly.” He replied. Gently caressing Kyle’s chest with this thumb.

“It happened thirteen years ago” he began his story. “They were driving back from a social event at the University where my dad worked, one evening.”

Sean was silent. Only rubbing Kyle’s chest as he listened to this man pouring out his heart.

“We had an argument over my grades that slipped a little bit. Looking back now, it seems so meaningless.” Kyle said with a tremble. “That was the last we spoke. It was the last time I ever saw them alive.” Kyle started to choke back a few tears.

“Shh… Shh..” Sean tried to comfort him.

“It’s been years now and I can’t forget that last moments.”

“I know.” Sean pulled him closer. “I know how you’re feeling. It’s hard to live with something like that. I’m sorry that you had to endure such pain” He replied. “I’m going to tell you something, that I normally do not speak about.” He tried to keep his composure. “My sister died five years ago. The last day I spoke with her was on my birthday. Twenty days after that day, she was dead. The Police ruled it a suicide, just because they couldn’t find any viable suspects to persue.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” Kyle replied, touching Sean’s arm as a sign of support. “What is it with this life?” he asked, not expecting a reply.

“It’s just the way things are. Good or bad, it doesn’t matter, but we’ll always have hardships.” Sean said, without really understanding why he responded so abscent-mindedly.

“I’m just glad that I’ve met you.”

“That makes two off us.” Sean wispered into his ear, gently planting a kiss in his neck.

A heavy silence dawned upon the room as they were steadily starting to drift off to sleep. Sean did not want to shut his eyes. He was staring at Kyle’s body, his chest heaving with each breath he took. The sounds that emerged from this sleeping figure kept him awake.

“Kyle…?” he softly wispered.

“Hmm…?

“Are you familiar with ‘Casper’ the movie?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“Do you remember that scene where Casper spoke to Kat in her room? Where he wispered into her ear?” Sean waited for a response.

“I do recall that scene, yes?”

“Well, I know it’s tacky, but it’s what I feel now.” Sean said as he leaned over. “Kyle…” he wispered ito his ear “can I keep you?” Rubbing his finger over Kyle’s cheek.

“Auww, that’s actually so sweet.” Kyle replied. “For tonight, you may.” He said as he drifted off to sleep.

Sean’s heart felt as if stopped beating for a second as he heard Kyle’s response. Feeling excited, as if anything was possible, feeling happy, he reluctantly closed his eyes to be swept away into a peaceful sleep. A sleep where nothing else mattered. Nothing, except Kyle.

With the rising sun, the City was starting to awake from a peaceful sleep. Sean already had his third cup of coffee in his hand amd a cigarette in the other, while listening to the sounds drifting in the air. It was time. Everyone was waking up as the new light slowly rose over the city. A new day has begun. For some it’s a promise of renewed hope. Perhaps it’s a dread for those who did not rest. That peaceful shimmer of the full-moon has completely vanished now. None the less, the new day has arrived, chasing away the deamons of the night. Shattering the dark nightmares, offering light to an otherwise tormented soul.

“Well, let this day begin.” Sean announced as he rose from the chair to get ready.

He wanted to visit Kyle, before he had to go to the office. No matter what tradegy befalls you, life keeps moving forward. Time does not stand still just because your life is falling apart. Everyting continues as usual, making this entire existence of us, often feeling usesless.

He didn’t see Dr. Connors anywhere. Sean wanted to speak with him regarding Kyle’s recovery, but he’ll just phone him later from the office. Approaching the bed where Kyle laid, everthing was quiet, he was sleeping. Sean thought it best to let him rest, not to disturb him now. He left the room and walked over to the nurses desk, asking for a piece of paper. He wrote a little note to Kyle, letting him know that he was here, but left to allow for him to rest. He placed the note inside Kyle’s overnight back, which he still haven’t given to him. Informing the nurse that he brought something from home for Kyle, he walked back to his room and placed the bag in the cubbord next to his bed. He stood there for a moment, frozen, as he looked at Kyle quietly breathing. Quietly fighting to recover. He gave him a gentle kiss on the forehead, turned around to leave for the office.

Halfway towards his car, the phone rang. He was surprised to see who it was.

“Hello, Vicky.” He spoke with a delightful, yet almost sarcastic tone. “I’ve been wondering what happened to you.”

“Hi honey” she replied with a weary voice. “Kelly informed me last night what happened to Kyle.”

“Yes, I’ve been trying to get a hold of you. Even went by your house yesterday.” He said, not sounding happy, but not angry at all.

“Sorry honey. I’m out off town for the next two weeks. It’s been a crazy weekend.” She offered an explination.

“Why, what’s going on?” He sounded worried.

“Don’t worry. I came to visit my sister. She’s been nagging me for a while now.” She replied. “I just had a crises to handle on this side, that’s why I couldn’t talk to you. I apologize for that.”

“Is everything under control now?”

“Yes, it is thanks. How’s Kyle doing?” she asked him.

“I’m coming from his room now. He’s stable now, which I’m thankful for, but there’s a long road off recovery waiting on him.”

“I’m sorry for what happened. I hope that he’ll make a full recovery. Know that I’m here for you.” She assured him.

“Thanks” Sean responded, not ignoring the irony in this statement.

“Look, I have to go now, but I’ll contact you later this evening. Then we can chat a bit.” she said.

“No problem. Thanks for the call. Speak later then.” He replied.

“Okay, bye.”

“Bye.”

He could not help it, but there was something not right with her. No matter what she said, he could hear the fear in her voice. The only reason what he could think off, was her husband, Eric. That slippery laywer; that abusive f*****g prick. What happened after Saturday night? What the f**k is going on?

“f**k!”