S.M.S(Save My Soul)

Chapter 9:True Terror

I didn't know what came over me or why I even lost control like that and attacked Eve. Something came over me, something dark and terrifying. One moment I was in my room fearing what my dad would do to me and the next thing I was back in that ally with those men towering over me with my life in their hands and I guess I just snapped, I was sick and tired of them having control over my life twenty-four seven and angry at the fact that they got off scot-free and for sure with our police being so corrupted they aren't doing anything to find them.

That's what angered me the most no one was doing anything to find those criminals no matter how much I complained who knows they might be doing the same thing to some poor girl who might not get as lucky as me and survive.

I guess after days of holding everything in this is what happens, I exploded like a volcano on the wrong person. Now my dad stared at me flabbergasted with no clue what to do or say, that for sure sobered him up.

"Belle," he softly said still in shock, he never called me Belle never called me that. He thought the name was ridiculous and I should use my full name so to hear him call me that was like a dagger to the heart along with that disappointed and ashamed look he was giving me. He was ashamed of me that stung more than the fear of those men ever returning to finish me off.

Maybe I should start attending my sessions with James or was that too late and considering what I just did maybe my dad was going to send me to a mental hospital to hopefully 'fix' me.

"Don't," I said swallowing down a sob as I stood up on shaky legs like a calf trying to walk for the first time in its life. I sat on my bed and sighed covering my face with my hands in shame,

What have I done?

I gently heard my dad sit next to me with a heavy sigh trying to think of something to say to his unpredictable daughter careful not to trigger her like walking on eggshells. I hated it when people did that if you had something to say, say it don't beat around the bush about it I'm not a baby I know I'm a failure, I know I'm damaged, I know I'm unwanted and I sure as hell know I'm not worth a ten-cent coin.

"Nickolai Thando Khule if you have something to say please say it now and leave me alone," I said through gritted teeth using his first name for the first time in my life, I wasn't sure who was more shocked to hear that me or him.

"What happened to you may give you a pass to do and say certain things but being disrespectful to your elders isn't and that cannot go unpunished," he lowly said clearly trying to change the suffocating atmosphere.

"What do you want from me?" I asked him straightforward lifting my head from my hands to stare him dead in the eyes, a lone tear fell down my cheek but I quickly wiped it away and looked back down at my feet.

"I want your phone and laptop and there will be strict rules in this house from now on, this kind of attitude will not be tolerated if it continues, find somewhere else to act out," he steadily said with a knot in his jaw.

"Please take them not like I f*****g need them anyway," I practically yelled getting up abruptly to fetch my laptop and phone before dumping it on his lap, "What else do you want my books, clothes, my life? Please take them all cause I sure as hell don't f*****g want them," I yelled feeling all my anger come to the surface, anger towards everyone and everything.

"Belle that's enough" dad warned getting up slowly to tower over me with a stern look.

"Oh is that so, weren't you the one who wanted me to get angry to let my emotions out? Well, now they are out now so f**k you and go f**k miss all perfect American girl because-" I didn't get the chance to finish my rant as I got the biggest shock of my life, a harsh tingling sensation rang across my left cheek throbbing painfully where for the first time since mom died dad had hit me. The sensible side of my brain agreed that I deserved that, that I needed that wake-up call but the less sensible side felt hurt and deceived but most of all unwanted.

Tears fell freely down my cheeks as I stared at my dad wide-eyed at what he has just done, he was shocked by his actions.

"I know what I said but that does not justify your unjust behaviour, there are other means on how to express your emotions without disrespecting anyone," he said with a locked jaw disappointed," This isn't you Belle you've changed and not because of what happened that night nor changed for the better," he said before leaving with my phone and laptop, slamming the door behind him. I fell to my knees before a blood-curdling scream left my lungs, every emotion I felt could be heard in that scream, a scream of pure hurt, anger and most of all helplessness, a scream that could be heard by the nearby neighbours, a scream even a banshee would be jealous of.

God did it feel phenomenal to let all that pain and anger out, I felt exhausted to the bone that I passed out on my bedroom floor. Turned out when I woke up I was still on the floor so no one even cared to check up on me or wake me, so it seems my dad took that scream as a plea of seeking attention but what if there was someone in this room perhaps a murderer would he think I was doing what the boy who cried wolf did, to know that chilled me to the core, I couldn't trust anyone, not even my blood.

Amid getting off the floor and soothing my aching bones I decided to head somewhere far away from home somewhere where people are honest no matter the circumstance, where people don't beat around the bush. I took a well-deserved shower before packing a few things for the road everyone needed space from me and the house was way too suffocating for me to stick around so when the lights in the hallway went off and Dad went to bed I sneaked out of my room and left out the front door locking it behind me. The night air was cold but woke me up a bit, I walked to the bus station and only had to wait for about ten minutes before the next bus arrived for my destination.

"Belle, what on earth are you doing here this late?" Lila said once she opened up for me

"Oh you know just visiting little ole grandma she doesn't have that long to live mind you," I shrugged my shoulders and got inside escaping the chilly night air outside.

"Why so late?" She asked wrapping her gown tightly around herself

"Doesn't matter I'm here ain't here," I said with a lopsided grin glad to be out of my toxic house.

"Alright fair enough we can talk about this more tomorrow, you can sleep in the other guest room if you don't mind sharing he's already asleep," that last sentence alone brightened my foul mood.

"Thank you," I said meaning every word as I surprised her in a tight bear hug.

"Alright off to bed you go," she chuckled lightly patting my head gently before I pulled away and rushed to the guest room with my bag. I could not fathom the unorthodox emotions I felt when I entered the guest room to find the bed occupied by a small figure sleeping soundlessly with the blankets pulled above their head. I practically squealed in joy, all the anger and resentment leaving my body as I closed the door behind me and crawled into the bed, from another perspective I probably looked like a creep but I swear it wasn't what it looked like.

A silent sigh left my slightly parted lips, I wondered what he might be dreaming off or was he having a pleasant dreamless sleep that I've graved and wished for, for years now. I didn't pull much of the covers as most days I prefer to sleep with no covers and let the painstaking sharp icy cold air help me realize I'm alive, so I laid on my back with my arms folded across my stomach staring at the pitch-black abyss that was the ceiling probably looking like the psychopath I was. I didn't sleep that night who could, the events of earlier replayed in my mind like a broken recorder unable to work properly no matter what.

I was a b***h put blankly, what I said to my father was uncalled for and I was just mad and pissed off that I was so broken and I didn't like what those men made me become, this shallow, petrified girl who needed to be saved. Most of all I was pissed off at my dad for the sudden change just because of that night, to this day I still think it's all just an act and it will only be a matter of time before he reverted to his old ways which I was fine with because that was what I was used to, whenever someone was kind to me I always felt they had ulterior motive so I'm always sceptical around people that are way too nice to me, explains why I don't have any friends I just push those close to me away in fear of being hurt so I save myself from that pain.

My mind took me down a dark path and before I knew it the darkness was replaced with light from the morning sun even scaring away some of my demons.

A new day

Where did the time go but then again I'd rather be spending my time doing something than laying in bed restless in the dark where I'm vulnerable to my demons, who torture me until the light of day. I sighed rubbing my aching eyes and slowly sat up before I had I fright of my life,

"Aaahhh," Devontae screamed when he saw me which automatically made me scream at being screamed at so early in the morning but mainly because I forgot I was sleeping next to someone.

"Jesus Christ, what the hell are you doing here?" He asked in shock breathing heavily before sitting up with messy bed hair and tired bags under his eyes.

"I came to visit Grandma but it seems you're settling in just fine," I said now noticing his new set of pj's and how much better he looked than the last time I saw him.

"Oh ya I have you to thank for that," he shyly said looking down on the bed.

"Don't mention it I'm just glad you're under a roof with trustworthy people though I don't particularly mean grandma she is a bit of a wild card as you already know," I chuckled lightly.

"Ya trust me I know what you mean but she can be pretty fun sometimes," he chuckled with a shrug of his shoulders.

"So how do you like staying here?" I asked staring down at his messy mop of hair since he didn't want to look me in the eyes perhaps he was shyer than I anticipated.

"It's amazing and beats sleeping in the streets or foster care I feel like I'm treated like loyalty," he animatedly spoke finally staring me dead in the eyes, his adorable doe eyes shone with so much appreciation and excitement I just wanted to cry and hug him to death.

"I'm glad you're enjoying it here, personally if I could afford it I'd find a way to get you in school but as you can tell my hands are full," I sadly said feeling ashamed for not being more helpful towards him.

"Why the hell are you sad? This is more than I could ask for and I don't need to go to school now or anytime soon Lila said they will sort things out so don't worry and thank you again," he beamed surprising me by hugging me with his arms around my neck.

"You're welcome," I said in shock not feeling like wherever his skin touched mine didnt burst into flames, I felt fine no I felt better than fine. My heart filled with joy as I wrapped my arms around his frail back careful not to hug him too tight in case I hurt him in some way.

"You guys ok?" Lila came barging into the room way too late if we were in actual danger

"Ya just got a fright is all," Devontae chuckled shyly

"Alright then, since everyone's up get ready for breakfast," Lila said closing the door behind her.

"Lila makes the best breakfast ever," Dev excitedly said getting out of bed quickly before rushing to the bathroom, I couldn't help but chuckle and let him get in the shower first. I pulled the covers over my shoulders and snuggled back on the bed, day time was the only time I could get even a few minutes of sleep because I know the sun was up and no darkness surrounded me.

Whenever I slept during the night, I would imagine shadows of creatures emerge from the darkness to torment me and I always woke up screaming for my life but recently it just got worse, those creatures turned into humans until they manifested into those men from that night, they would chant foul words and run their cold rough hands all over my body and I always woke up in pools of my sweat my heart beating through the roof. The dreams felt more real than I'd like to admit to myself that's why I never slept at night anymore I'd prefer to take naps during the day and have less chance of dreaming of that night over and over until I woke myself up by screaming and waking my dad up and as much as I didnt have the best relationship with him I also didnt want to deprive him of sleep.

As for not eating much, I just lost my appetite the day my mom died I just ate to live so I declined when Lila asked me if I wanted breakfast, after all, all I wanted to do was sleep for the afternoon and into the late evening. I was tired physically and emotionally that the moment I took a deep breath and exhaled my worries away letting my mind rest for the first time in days.