Burning Bridges

Chapter 4

This went on until we started making plans for the girls first birthday. We kept trying to include Tori in the plans and she would just say whatever we wanted to do was fine. Saying we were better at taking care of her kids than she was. It really got to the point that I couldn’t take it anymore. Mom got frustrated and went home taking the twins with her. As soon as she was out the door I went off.

“What the hell is wrong with you Tori?” I yelled. She just looked at me and the back at the tv. Didn’t even bother to respond. This was just the last straw. I walked over and ripped the cord to the television out of the wall and turned the light on. She just took her blanket and pulled it over her head. I ripped the blanket off her bed.

“No, no more of this. You are going to talk to me.” I shouted.

“Why? So you can tell me what a f**k up I am? You think I don’t already know? My own children don’t want to be around me. All they do is scream and cry. What’s the point anymore?” she said. But the lack of emotion was so crazy. Normally she would rage if I were to even turn the light on.

I sat down on the bed and took her hand and said, “I know things suck right now. Your kids dad is a grade A asshole and doesn’t deserve to be a part of their lives. However. they also have a mom and that mom is you and you need to get over yourself and be a mom. If you can’t do it alone or with mine and moms help, maybe you need to see a professional.” I know she heard me but she made no response or acknowledge what I said at all. I gave up and just left the room, turning the light off and shutting the door as I went. If she wanted the tv plugged back in, she was going to have to get out of bed and do it herself.

I didn’t see her again for a couple of days because I refuse to go in her room and she didn’t come out when I was home and awake. Mom and dad decided to go to the other side of the state and visit with her sister for the weekend and wanted to take the twins, so I was looking forward to having a free weekend. She finally came out on Saturday morning. She sat on the couch, you could tell she hadn’t had a shower or brushed her hair in a long time.

“ I have been thinking about what you said, but seeing a professional has never worked for me in the past. I don’t think it will work now. At least not the same way we tried before. Maybe its time I go away for awhile” she says quietly.

“What do you mean go away for awhile?” I asked concerned.

“To one of those impatient rehab places.” She said, “maybe I need to be completely focused on my mental health. Before I always had to try and live my regular life while trying to get better and I just don’t think I am strong enough.”

I thought about it and maybe she was right. If she was going to do it, now was the time. The girls were not yet a year old and mom and I have been their main caregivers for close to six months now. If she gets the help she needs to be the mom the girls need, they wont even remember her being this way. Maybe this was what she needed.

“Okay, what can I do to help you?” I asked.

We called mom and discussed it with her and she agreed it was the best thing to try and her and dad even offered to pay for it. We did a lot of research and found a place close that would allow her to have visits after the first thirty days. The told us that she could come immediately. However, we needed to do something about the girls because she was going to be gone for six months. Our dad was able to get a friend of his to get the paperwork together and signed by a judge on a Sunday giving me guardianship of the girls for one year.

Once everything was in order Tori started to freak out. She said she wasn’t sure she could do it. She was abandoning her babies. She changed her mind so many times before we got to the facility that I didn’t really think she would go in. But she did. We walked in and was directed to an office where we met with the director. He walked us through the process and I think that made at least me feel a lot better about my sister being there.

I was put as the contact person for the facility and the director was given permission to talk to me about anything and to call me at least once a week with updates. Our parents and I were the only people on the approved visitor list for once she can have visitors. But the facility didn’t allow children to visit. They did have a reward program that as long as Tori was doing what they asked of her and making progress, after the first 90 days she could get passes to leave for a few hours once a week to come home and spend with the girls. Also after the first week she was allow one hour video calls every week and after the first 30 days she could video call with the girls three times a week for a half hour each.

I was proud of Tori for making the decision. She also signed a paper that meant she was not allowed to leave on her own accord. I had to be the one to sign her out. I love my sister and just wanted her to get better. She hugged me and held back her tears as I walked away from her.